Children and Med School

[MomOfTwo]

I'm married with two boys ages 5 and 18 months and I want to apply to med school for next year.

I'm wondering for those of you that also have children... How do you do it? Do you find you have enough time for your family?

[ToHellInAHandbasket]

I'm only a pre-med, and I don't have children...as of yet. But I do know that there are many successful MDs and med students who have children.

 

You might be able to find answers to your questions by asking on this forum:

 

http://www.mommd.com/

 

Sorry I can't be of more help. Maybe ask me again in a few years (cross fingers!).

[Cnussey]

I have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, so I'll be in the same boat as you *if* and when I get accepted. I had my children during my UG (my youngest was born during finals! He screeched at me and so I ended up writing one exam standing and "dancing" with him at the same time...lol) and don't plan to have anymore until after I finish all my schooling (which hopefully ends with an MD). I really enjoyed nursing my babies and would want that entire first year home with any new babies--in my opinion, it's easier to have older babies going into a professional degree rather than having them during, but it's done! I know of one 3rd year who had her baby on a Wednesday and went and wrote her exams on a Friday (no stitches? Lol).

[kylamonkey]

My partner of 6 years is the child of a single mum MD. She had 3 boys, and then got divorced.

 

Everyone in the family is OK, but my partner feels like he was pretty much ignored by her for the whole time he was growing up.

 

I will choose not to have children as an MD if I don't have someone who will help raise them more than 50%, which will make me sad. I realise you don't have much choice though!

 

SO- if you are trying to get into medicine for yourself, great. But if you are doing it to provide a better life for them, it may not be worth it in the end.

 

I'm reminded of a story I read a couple of years ago. It was written by a woman in 4th yr at UBC, who was just finishing up, but was realising that she was never going to practice because she didn't want to miss her kids growing up. It was no fun "doing it all".

 

I wish I had that article. If someone has the link, I would love to read it again.

 

Anyways, I sympathise with her, but I felt a little jilted too. We're competing so hard for these spots, and someone is going to throw it away. That's a really unfair way for me to feel I know, but I did feel that way. Just a little.

[avenir001]

i believe this is the article u're referring to...

http://www.premed101.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22709

 

and here's another more recent article by her...sounds like she's happy! http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/article965493.ece

[mrsceejoy]

I have the same concerns......I have a 10 month old and I have full intentions of completing my BSc and applying to med school. Thankfully by the time I do apply my daughter will be 4 and a bit......I personally could not imagine going to med school with a child any younger than that (Im only working on a BSc which is not nearly as demanding as med school and most days I find with a nursing infant in my lap, a textbook in one hand and and notebook in the other.) At least by the time she is 4, she will be enrolled in full day kindergarten and I am incredibly thankfull that I have two wonderful retired parents who have decided that they will provide all childcare for my daughter while I am pursuing my education (my husband works nights so seldom is he around).

 

Sometimes the thought that I am going to have to devote so much time to something other than my daughter absolutely terrifies me and to be honest is kind of depressing, but I keep reminding myself that nothing worth having comes easy. My daughter will sacrifice time with her mother for a few years to ultimately reap the reawards of having two parents with good jobs...its the difference between buying her a car at sixteen, taking her on annual family summer vacations or not. Im sure someday she will look back, and appreciate me and what Ive done/am doing to improve the overall quality of her life. She will likely realise this after having her own children and realising how much of a challenge it is.

 

I wish I could have another child, Id hate for my children to be 10 or so years apart, but at this point, the thought of having more children before completion of med school is absolutely out of the question. Who knows, it ight be in my familys best interest to just stick with one child.....

[Cnussey]

I have the same concerns......I have a 10 month old and I have full intentions of completing my BSc and applying to med school. Thankfully by the time I do apply my daughter will be 4 and a bit......I personally could not imagine going to med school with a child any younger than that (Im only working on a BSc which is not nearly as demanding as med school and most days I find with a nursing infant in my lap, a textbook in one hand and and notebook in the other.) At least by the time she is 4, she will be enrolled in full day kindergarten and I am incredibly thankfull that I have two wonderful retired parents who have decided that they will provide all childcare for my daughter while I am pursuing my education (my husband works nights so seldom is he around).

 

Sometimes the thought that I am going to have to devote so much time to something other than my daughter absolutely terrifies me and to be honest is kind of depressing, but I keep reminding myself that nothing worth having comes easy. My daughter will sacrifice time with her mother for a few years to ultimately reap the reawards of having two parents with good jobs...its the difference between buying her a car at sixteen, taking her on annual family summer vacations or not. Im sure someday she will look back, and appreciate me and what Ive done/am doing to improve the overall quality of her life. She will likely realise this after having her own children and realising how much of a challenge it is.

 

I wish I could have another child, Id hate for my children to be 10 or so years apart, but at this point, the thought of having more children before completion of med school is absolutely out of the question. Who knows, it ight be in my familys best interest to just stick with one child.....

 

That's my fear--the next child I have will be much younger than the youngest I have now. It's really wonderful having them 2yrs apart--they are best friends (and having another child is soooo different than having the one--the personalities, how they care for each other, how similar and different they are! It's amazing), so when I have the next one (if! It's my hope!) we intend to adopt a fourth shortly afterwards....that'll be two sets of kids close together.

 

He, he...I remember sitting here with a text book in front of me and one of my babies in my lap. I miss it

[kylamonkey]

i believe this is the article u're referring to...

http://www.premed101.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22709

 

and here's another more recent article by her...sounds like she's happy! http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/article965493.ece

 

Thank you SO much. It's not exactly as I remember, but there can't be too many articles like that! That has to be it.

 

Again, thanks!

[Jukie]

Thanks so much for starting this post! I just completed my undergrad and am waiting for the U of C med school app to open. I'm 30 and have a 12 year old stepson and a 7 month old son. My littlest monkey will be a year and half if I'm accepted first time around.

 

I was worried about the quality of care I would be able to provide my kids during med school, then residency, then in my practice.... and I have two sets of advice.

 

The first comes from my Mom who had to go back to work when we were just a few months old. She said when she came home after work, she gave us the most love she could and spent as much time as was feasible. She feels some stay at home moms, or even some with less demanding careers, tend to take the time they have with their kids for granted. They don't enjoy their time with their kids to the fullest. So in a nutshell...quality over quantity.

 

The second nugget comes from my own painful experience. I'm very active in university life and volunteerism. I ended having a bit o' burnout a few years ago after a pretty intense series of positions. I was also newly married at the time. Basically, you HAVE to make time for your family and for yourself. Even if you take a week or two twice a year for family vacation and GET AWAY. Life is busy, especially if you're in medicine. You can keep saying 'ya ya I'll get home for supper next week' but you know as well as I do it won't happen unless you make it happen. Thoughts, words, deeds

 

And of course its easier said then done. So good luck and wish me luck too!!!!

[Jukie]

Also a note on having kids far apart...

 

My two sons (12 years and 7 mos) have already built themselves a special bond. The oldest can still play with the younger, and he can also change dipaers! lol - he hates that. You just have to find a different way for them to connect, while making sure you encourage them to spend ENJOYABLE quality time together. My oldest is an armpit fart master and my youngest thinks thats the most amazing thing ever...

 

It also makes having a baby feel more like the first time since you forget so much (note: my oldest is my stepson but I've been in his life since he was 3 mos). I want kids closer together but if I have another, they'll have to wait til after med school

[123coco]

there's a book by Joan Cassell that discusses women's experiences as surgeons and how some fields in medicine are being feminized. Part of it discusses how women surgeon manage to juggle motherhood, medical school and residency. One re-occurring theme was the support they received from their partner and immediate family.Furthermore, the women in medical school treated their education as a 9-5 job. When exams would approach they would do some overtime but still managed to make it home on time for diner, soccer practice etc. I really think it's doable as long as there is a proper support network in place.

________

California Medical Marijuana Dispensary

[Cnussey]

I dragged my newborns to my meetings, or left them with my hubby...we always manage to work it out--I'm not in med school, but I am still up to my eyeballs in work!

[Godiva]

My son was 7 months when I started med school. There have been difficult moments but I think almost any medical student would say the same thing. I am just about to enter clerkship so I can't really comment on what it will be like with call and the longer hours but preclerkship was definitely doable. The hardest things were finding time for extracurriculars and a social life (let's be honest here - I didn't really have a social life and my main EC was my family). But I do have an extremely rewarding family life and I love what I'm learning. In my opinion - if you have a support circle and the passion-go for it! You won't regret it

[shannn]

Sorry to hijack, but this question relates to the original topic.

 

How difficult would it be to have children during residency? It seems like it would be difficult to find time for your kids (especially new borns).

 

I know there is maternity leave, and I guess I could take vacation time, but can I take some time off as paternity leave (say a couple weeks) while my wife would take her 1 year maternity leave? I'm not sure about the labour laws involved.

[Lactic Folly]

Each province has their own contract - here is an example from Ontario:

http://www.pairo.org/Content/Files/Parentalleave.pdf

[RadioStar]

Hello Moms and Dads and Future Moms and Dads!!

 

Thought I'd pitch in here. I'm a single mom of a three year old boy. It wasn't until after leaving my husband who, by the way, lives across the country with his high school sweetheart and their new baby (the reason we're no longer together!) that I decided to go back to school... phew, run on sentence! My first degree was a bachelor of fine art in photography and at the time I had been out of school for two years and ran my own business. I felt like I had to go back to school for something because being a single mom owning a business can at times be unstable and I wasn't wholly satisfied with my career.

 

I first started university with the intentions of completing BSc. and applying to med school, but somewhere along the way I followed a different path that led me to the arts and I'll never regret that. While the thought of starting back at a BSc. after 8 years out was nerve wracking I decided that even if my circumstances were more difficult than what many of my classmates would face, there's no reason I should deny myself the opportunity to follow my dreams. (this is sounding like a cheesy inspirational story!!)

 

It took me a year and a half to finish my pre-reqs and now I'm off to U of A to work towards a career I dreamed about so long ago. I know full well that it's going to be difficult and I wont have much of a social life but as long as my son knows he's loved and feels secure and happy, then I'll be satisfied (stressed, but satisfied!).

 

This is going to sound like a pitch but I'm turning my blog originally designed to showcase my photography into a bit of a diary about what it's like being a single mom in med school. I don't start until september but if you're a parent in med school or thinking about med school - hopefully there'll be something you can relate to there. (blog.katiedawn.com)

 

Best wishes to all you mommies and daddies!

[JTG]

Hi,

 

Little late on this topic, I don't check here often. I went to medical school as a second career. I have a wife, a 5yr old, 4yr old and 15 month old. I just finished 1st year meds.

 

So far things have been okay. I treat medicine as my job, I work hard 8-4:30every workday right from the start of the term, spend the evenings with my family, once the kids are all in bed I finish up whatever might need to be done. I take the weekends essentially off, the most I might do is 3hrs on a Sunday, the rest (Fri night/Sat/Sun is for my kids/family).

 

This is quite comparable to what I was doing working full time......

 

I am lucky to have a very supportive spouse, if you are single it will likely be more difficult, but I still think very doable. When it is "family time" just concentrate completely on the kids. Like another poster said quality is so important to them.

 

If you ever need to chat feel free to contact me.....

[DrMom]

I have 2 daughters 5 & 8. I applied, interviewed and was waitlisted last year at NOSM. I was really surprised with my daughters' reaction. When I told them that I wasn't going away to med school, that I would be home this year, they cried. When I asked them why they were crying, they said that they knew it was something I really wanted, so they were sad that I didn't get to go. Also, they loved the idea that their mom would be a doctor, which I thought was funny. I had only planned to apply last year and if I didn't get in, then I would just keep working. But now, with my daughter's support, I am trying again. It is amazing how much your children can surprise you when you think you really know them!

[nosuperman]

Most of these comments are about medical school, but wouldn't residency be the thing you'd have to worry about?

[future_doc]

Your stories are so imspirational to us all!

[rmorelan]

Most of these comments are about medical school, but wouldn't residency be the thing you'd have to worry about?

 

having children in residency is even more common than medical school for obvious reasons though. From what I hear it happens enough that there are systems etc in place. Residency after all is a job where actual maternity leave etc built into it. Plus earning actually income helps with things as well, predictable schedule (even it if is a lot of work).....

[JewelLeigh]

Having a child in residency is quite common.

 

In pregnancy, again, at least in Ontario, you are not required to do call past 31 (or so) weeks, though your regular working hours outside of call would still apply.

 

Each province would vary, but as stated by my colleague, as an employee, you qualify for EI for 1 year and, at least in Ontario, also receive a top-up payment for the first 6 months.

 

After returning to work, I imagine it could be difficult if a resident has a spouse who is also working full-time. Depending on the program, the hours required can be very intense, and often involve in-house call when you would have to be away from your family for 24+ hours. That said, many people have done it and made it work. As an example, I know one resident who went back to work for half-time hours for the first year back. From my personal experience (I'm on mat leave currently), the residency program has been extremely accommodating and helpful in preparing my schedule for my return to work. One would hope most programs would be similarly understanding.