Prep101 - Free Writing Sample Feedback (summer 2011)

[anitarama]

Score: 4.5/6

 

Task 1 (Supporting): Your example could be further explained and developed.

 

Task 2 (Refuting): Solid refuting argument.

 

Task 3 (Resolution): Your resolution criteria is good.

 

Intelligence is a superior capacity for fast information processing, comprehension, an exceptional capacity for recollection, all which contribute to a heightened capability to master concepts with less repetition. For intellectually intelligent people, learning comes much easier than the normal person and as such it has been thought that the attribute of intelligence is necessary and sufficient for one to excel in academics. But, thriving in academics requires a considerable level of patience diligence and effort, all of which are inherent to hard work. Hard work unlike intelligence is not innate and can allow one who has nutured it, perform academically comparably or even better than his intelligent counterpart. Take for instance, in a math test, an ‘intelligent’ unprepared person performing poorly on the test despite all his intellectual attributes, while a student who worked hard in preparing excelled in it due to more extensive practise.

 

Although hard work is imperative to excel in academic, intelligence may also give one an edge in it. As a result of an intelligent person’s capacity to study materials in more depth and more ease than normal they can perform academically better that their counter parts. This superior performance was seen in Albert Einstein, a renowned physicist. He had an astounding superior ability to manipulate numbers and was constantly using his special ability to formulate laws that will explain certain mysterious concepts in quantum physics. With his hard work and perseverance he formulated proven laws that earned him an assortment of prestigious awards including the nobel awards.

 

So what influences a students’ academic success lies in his willingness to work hard to achieve it. A student who relies on his innate, intelligence to coast through his courses, is likely to eventually perform poorly on academic tests compared to one who is not as intelligent but put in a significant degree of effort to prepare for it. The hard working individual would have practiced several questions relating to the math subject to be tested, thereby being more conversant with the material and ready to face the test. On the other hand, if intelligence is augmented with hard work, academic success will come more readily to the ‘intelligent person than his counterpart who lacks that attribute, but works hard. There were other physicist who worked just as hard as Albert Einstein, but because their intellects are unparalleled with his, could never achieve as many awards and recognition.

[anitarama]

Score: 5/6

 

Task 1 (Supporting): Though this is a well-explained example, it might be even more beneficial to have a more concrete one, as this example seems more abstract than factual.

 

Task 2 (Refuting): This is a good example, more specific than the last.

 

Task 3 (Resolution): Well-explained criteria.

 

A student's academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence.

 

When a student transitions from high school to university, they often learn a lot about their own abilities and limitations. In particular, they will learn how much hard work is necessary to achieve the grades that they want in their post-secondary years. The notion of academic success varies from person to person and is set by the individual in question – while some students will be satisfied at making the class average, others will be competing for the best mark in their class. The idea of working hard varies from person to person in the same way as well; while some students consider studying for three hours an evening for a semester to be hard work, other students will feel that pulling all-nighters for weeks together is hard work. Finally, ‘intelligence’ can be defined as a person’s inherent ability to comprehend, analyze and perform. Keeping all this in mind, it can be said that a student’s academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence. It is often seen that when students make the transition from high school to university, a lot of the students who were at the top of the academic ladder in high school do not perform as well as those that were perhaps not as brilliant back in school. The reason for this often is because while the so-called ‘smart kids’ in high school choose to rely on their natural intelligence, which has been confirmed by their high school teachers and classmates, the students who know that they are not as bright choose to put in more hard work since they realize that they cannot compete solely on the level of intelligence. In doing so, the latter group of students often end up performing better during the start of their university career, because they are conscious of their intellectual abilities and make up for any lack by their hard work.

 

However, there comes a time, when no matter how much hard work a student puts in, they cannot perform maximally. This is because hard work can only take a student so much, and after a point, comprehending concepts presented in their studies requires a higher intellectual calibre. An example would be a student of philosophy who is presented with the abstract ideas of philosophers and asked to integrate those abstract ideas and present them in a concise, coherent piece of writing. The student may be willing to put in several hours of hard work and concentration and yet still be unable to come up with an essay that will receive a good mark. The reason for this is, at some point, no matter how much hard work a person puts in, they need to be able to understand the subject matter at hand and that understanding requires natural intelligence.

 

In conclusion, it can be said that whether hard work or intelligence is the key factor behind academic success, depends on the level of success that a student is aiming for. If he or she is trying to reach simply a satisfactory level without failing, then hard work will definitely pay off. Through hard work, a student can learn to retain a lot of information, can make their essays fool-proof and can ensure that their oral presentation has been practiced a hundred times and will run smoothly. However, if that student wants to excel and get the top scores in their class, especially in the case of university level education, then intelligence in the student’s field of study is mandatory. Through that natural intellectual ability which is dubbed intelligence, the student can apply the information that they have retained appropriately to answer exam questions correctly, can make their essays not just fool-proof but ensure that they have strong thesis statements pertaining to the subject matter, and can not only give a smooth talk but one that displays strong knowledge of subject matter. Therefore, although hard work is vital for academic success, without intelligence, a student cannot reach, as commonly said, the stars.

[anitarama]

I hope you have all had a great summer and that my feedback in this thread has been helpful.

 

We at Prep101 would love to hear any suggestions how to improve this service - or other ways Prep101 can help the PreMed101 community - please let me know as we're always looking for new ways to make a positive contribution.

 

All the best in the year to come and in future MCAT preparations.

 

And if any of you end up at McMaster, I hope to see you around!

 

Take care,

 

Anita

[anon1234]

thanks again for the feedback! this was a huge help, and it was extremely kind of you to do it for free, so thank you so much!