ItsyBitsy Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 Well I'm not actually in a relationship. But I am interested in someone at work. It started several months back, there was this chemistry that began to develop between us and has steadily increased. I'm naturally a shy person and because of my cultural/family background, dating is out of the question. But I feel like I probably would have pushed some boundaries and tried this out if it went somewhere. He's not flirtatious at all, in fact he's known around work for never smiling. But he acts completely different around me. Subtle flirtatious remarks, the way he looks at me, asking me if I'm single (not directly but that's what he was getting at). Nothing has been said in the open but we both know there's something between us. Except a few days ago, I found out that he's seeing someone - except its "unofficial" (I don't even know what that means). And I was pretty crushed. Why drop all these hints if you're not available? And plus, I'm way too shy to ask him directly. It has me totally confused and wondering if I'm just a deluded idiot (plus SUCH a crappy start to the holidays). I know I have feelings for him, but would never even think of pursuing a taken man. I'm just looking for outside, objective opinions from you smart folks. What would you do if you were in a similar position? Would it be wrong to give this a shot? Should I just try to move on with my life? blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sprinkles Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 I'm naturally a shy person and because of my cultural/family background, dating is out of the question. If dating is 'out of the question' then why bother? I dont know if you ever dated anyone before or how flexible this 'no dating' rule is....but if its out of the question...and he is clearly not 'that into you' enough to come forward (or to at least not have a 'semi-girlfriend') is it worth it? I think not :/ If there is no chance then why get hung up over it? I dont know...just my two cents. I'd get over him (and you have alllll christmas to do it ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apache Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 wow, people sure beat around a bush these days, what ever happened to, you're pretty cool, lets hang out on day x... i'd just ask him out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curi0user Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 If they're just seeing each other, then I say you still have a chance at making a move. If they're serious, then back off aha. I think the only way you can truly know is if you ask. if you refuse to be blunt, then do what he did and "subtly" ask if he has a girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a1b1 Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 Well I'm not actually in a relationship. But I am interested in someone at work. It started several months back, there was this chemistry that began to develop between us and has steadily increased. I'm naturally a shy person and because of my cultural/family background, dating is out of the question. But I feel like I probably would have pushed some boundaries and tried this out if it went somewhere. He's not flirtatious at all, in fact he's known around work for never smiling. But he acts completely different around me. Subtle flirtatious remarks, the way he looks at me, asking me if I'm single (not directly but that's what he was getting at). Nothing has been said in the open but we both know there's something between us. Except a few days ago, I found out that he's seeing someone - except its "unofficial" (I don't even know what that means). And I was pretty crushed. Why drop all these hints if you're not available? And plus, I'm way too shy to ask him directly. It has me totally confused and wondering if I'm just a deluded idiot (plus SUCH a crappy start to the holidays). I know I have feelings for him, but would never even think of pursuing a taken man. I'm just looking for outside, objective opinions from you smart folks. What would you do if you were in a similar position? Would it be wrong to give this a shot? Should I just try to move on with my life? blah. My guess is he might of gotten the feeling that you are unavailable, so he decided to move on. Just a guess thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted December 24, 2011 Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 wow, people sure beat around a bush these days, what ever happened to, you're pretty cool, lets hang out on day x... i'd just ask him out This. Have some balls and take a chance. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desiree Posted December 29, 2011 Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 Subtle flirtatious remarks, the way he looks at me, asking me if I'm single (not directly but that's what he was getting at). Nothing has been said in the open but we both know there's something between us. Except a few days ago, I found out that he's seeing someone - except its "unofficial" (I don't even know what that means). And I was pretty crushed. Why drop all these hints if you're not available? Well, you are probably not going to like to hear this but i think it's your imagination probably.. you said everything that was between you and him was very subtle and indirect, but when you are in love with someone you want to interpret everything as a sign that he likes you, this happens to almost everyone, it's a natural reaction, and then you found out he already has someone else which further confirms that.. i may be wrong, and if you are going to ignore my opinion, it's fine, plus maybe I Am wrong.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossKatie Posted December 29, 2011 Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 I think you should speak to him about what you feel... at first, hint somehow, hint once, hint twice, then go farther and say directly you are interested in him. Actually, I understand you perfectly and can feel for you - it took me a whole year to do the same though I am nothing of a shy person, and as for the hints, the person just didn't get them... but you should at least try, you will lose nothing and at least get some understanding of the whole situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsyBitsy Posted December 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2011 Thanks for the advice, guys. I think I am going to give this one more shot after the holidays. I might regret it forever if I don't. It really does suck sometimes to be so shy... “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky I like that. Happy holidays everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsyBitsy Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 So I had decided that I'd just directly ask the guy if he was interested in me and was available. But I don't know what happened to him over the holidays. It's like he's had a personality transplant. He's no longer quiet or shy and flirts with every girl at work. Except me. In fact, he's downright rude to me now. He wished every girl sitting beside me in my row a happy new year and asked them all how their holidays were. But he completely passed by me without even saying hello. Wth? Now I'm even more confused and frustrated. Even though I was shy, I was never rude to him. And they say women are confused. Sigh I give up. I'll just focus on trying to get into medical school and forget about guys for the time being. End of rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostintime Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 He sounds like he's still into you imo. Otherwise he wouldn't treat you differently. But depends if you want to go by the whole "He's just not that into you" theory about if he likes you enough, he should have the guts to ask you out directly instead of playing mind games. Seems like he doesn't have enough confidence and thought you indirectly rejected him and now he's bitter. Well, depends how much you like him. If it's one of those, "I'm going to regret this if I don't act now" then just ask, who cares, you only live once, whatever. If you're kinda iffy, then don't bother, I mean, everyone hates mind games and he's not being very mature about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leap87 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 So I had decided that I'd just directly ask the guy if he was interested in me and was available. But I don't know what happened to him over the holidays. It's like he's had a personality transplant. He's no longer quiet or shy and flirts with every girl at work. Except me. In fact, he's downright rude to me now. He wished every girl sitting beside me in my row a happy new year and asked them all how their holidays were. But he completely passed by me without even saying hello. Wth? Now I'm even more confused and frustrated. Even though I was shy, I was never rude to him. And they say women are confused. Sigh I give up. I'll just focus on trying to get into medical school and forget about guys for the time being. End of rant. I learned a very valuable lesson last semester. If he's not interested enough to ask you out, he will beat around the bush. If he's interested, he will ask one way or another ("want to hang out?" or more directly "want to go out with me?"). Those men that play mind games are not worth it. Trust me. Been there... done that. And I also think they're overall less confident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted January 12, 2012 Report Share Posted January 12, 2012 Yes, men who play mind games are not worth the time of day. Mixed signals mean that he is to be ignored. Any man who is a real man will make his interest clear unambiguously. Then, you either blow him off or see where it leads, your choice. Better nobody than an indecisive bozo. There are lots of fish in the sea and sooner or later the right one will end up on your plate. He willl find you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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