Prep101 - Free Writing Sample Feedback **New Thread**

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 naturale

 

Your essay should not be structured this way on the real exam.

Explain what you think the above statement means. [/b]

Academic success can be thought of as a measure of a student’s academic performance in their courses. The amount of time and effort a student dedicates to studying is a larger determinant of academic success than intelligence. How hard a student works depends on the amount of time a student dedicates to studying and the overall effort put forth by the student. These quantifiable factors are more important than intelligence in terms of determining how well a student will perform on their tests.

I can tell that you are new to the writing sample essays. You do explain what it means. However, this is not what the writing sample is looking for.

Describe a specific situation in which a student's academic success might depend more on intelligence than on hard work.

While hard work can allow a student to succeed academically in certain courses, it is important to realize that every course is different. As such, each course requires the student to approach and prepare for it in a different way. This is off-topic. In courses such as chemistry or physics, the student’s academic success is dependent on their intelligence rather than on their effort. Succeeding academically in the aforementioned courses requires the student to think critically, logically and rationally; to problem solve effectively; to be able to approach questions with a different perspective if required; and to be able to synthesize and apply the information learned to correctly answer what is asked on a test. This is a run-on sentence. These are the skills in which intelligent students are likely to possess, and are also the skills that largely determine their grade. The example is okay but not great. It does not explain why intelligence in this case is more important than hard work. You hint at it but don't explicitly explain it.

Discuss what you think determines whether a student's academic success depends more on hard work or on intelligence.

Whether a student’s academic success depends more on hard work or on intelligence ultimately depends on the courses in which they take. If the courses are memorization-heavy or require rote memorization such as anatomy, then the student’s academic success will depend on their effort. However, the importance of intelligence should not be undermined because these skills can help students to better prepare for and approach test question. This does not address the resolution task. Intelligence is what differentiates the above average students with high-performing students. Top students who demonstrate academic prowess are usually both hard-working and intelligent. In conclusion, academic success depends more on hard work because succeeding academically without it is extremely difficult. Whereas critical thinking can somewhat be learned, it is difficult to answer test questions correctly if the student has not even mastered the material.You start off on the right track and then go off-topic.

 

Since you are new to the writing sample, you should start with the basics. Familiarize yourself with what the writing sample is looking for and then learn the basic structure/format.

 

Please refer to this link:

http://portal.prep101.com/Forum/yaf_postst58_How-to-write-Writing-Sample-essays.aspx

 

Overall Mark: 1.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a K )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1.5 Supporting task is not addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 2

Focus and coherence: 2

Grammar and vocabulary: 3.5

[Enviro_4_Medschool]

People in power are always accountable to someone. This is one of the traits of democratic governments where the elected government is accountable to the opposition. The role of the opposition becomes one where they examine what the government is doing and provide the counter-argument to why policies in the government should not happen. This helps provide accountability as well as reflection upon implications of policies that otherwise may not be addressed by the government. In Canada, the current Conservative government now holds a majority because the opposition voted in non-confidence on the issue of the purchase of M-35's. There is still ambiguity over the cost of these jet fighters and how the government should be determining the nature of the purchase. The opposition's role is to criticise whether such a large purchase (35 billion or 10 billion depending on the report) is necessary given the recession we're in and whether the government has done their due diligence in examining the benefit to Canadians. Furthermore, without criticism from the opposition it might not have been known that the current budget bill contains extensive changes to several acts. By criticising the government's policies the opposition can point out current fallacies in the system and help keep voter's informed on issues that are not necessarily in the government's interests to promote. Overall, the opposition party criticisms help in transparency which helps in accountability and thus creates a check and balance.

 

On the other hand, the Conservatives might have gotten their majority because Canadians were tired of minority governments who were ineffective at carrying through legislation. Lengthy times to enact policy is a consequence of tying up legislation and policies with excessive debating and criticising. It can be alarming when there is no progress on policies because of stalling between quarreling parties especially when there are pressing problems that need addressing. The recent collapse of the current Greek Coalition shows how dire things can be if only criticisms are the role of the opposition. Not only have criticisms led to stalling but there is now increased support for extreme right or left parties and consequently, the fiscal health of the European Union (and the societal health of the greek people) is now being held hostage to the acceptance of austerity measures. Moreover, the arguing is not promoting any cause and in this situation it would be beneficial if the opposition parties would attempt to get along and find unifying principles and not focus as much on criticizing every policy. The ideal situation would be to find a balance that does not bring Greece closer to anarchy with every failed policy attempt to get things on track.

 

When government's are threatened by anarchy, or periods of excessive policy back log, the opposition and government may need to get along. In a relatively peaceful times with a majority government, the opposition may need to criticize as an additional check and balance towards good governance (on the basis that there is a future accountability of knowing the implications of the current policy). Minority governments may need to attempt to get along, find unifying principles and not criticize every policy in order to prevent chaos or voter apathy towards multiple elections. So when governments are not very stable the opposition may need to relinquish the role of criticiser and work to keep the country running and find ways of getting things forward; however, criticism and examination of policies is very important. There needs to be alternative viewpoints in order to find policies that best reflect the wishes of the population. Majority governments sometimes do not reveal all of their plans and remain accountable primarily through the criticisms of the opposition.

[Enviro_4_Medschool]

Thanks Raymond!

[Non-trad hopeful]

The role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power.

 

Describe a specific situation in which the role of a political opposition might be something other than to criticize the policies of those in power

Discuss what you think determines when the role of a political opposition should be to criticize the policies of those in power and when it should

 

 

In modern domocracies, the political opposition - the political party or parties who hold a minority of seats in government - plays a critical role in the functioning of the democratic system. It is the job of the political opposition to hold the party in power accountable for their policy decisions and this is largely done through a close critique of government policies. For instance, the Harper government in Canada releases a yearly 'budget' which determines where government funds will be spent. It is the job of the political opposition to carefully analyze the budget and make criticisms where they feel funds have been allocated poorly. In the most recent budge,

the official opposition - currently the NDP - heavily criticized the government for allocating too many resources for defence and making cuts to social programs. This criticism was important because it not only held the government accountable for their decisions but it also made the general public more aware of the budget decisions.

 

However, the job of the political opposition is not simply to critisize the policies of those in power. There are times when the opposition must also support the government through compromise by voting on specific legislation or budgets. Without the support of the opposition, legislation often would not be made into law or policies and the democratic process would be very slow. This is especially true in minority governments where the government in power relies upon the oppisition party to vote in favor of their policy in order for it to pass in the legislature. In the case of the annual budget, if the government does not receive majority support for its budget, it is said to not have the 'confidence' of the House and, therefore, an election must be called. It is clearly not ideal to call an election every year, so the opposition ofen has to compromise with the government in order to avoid an election.

 

The role of the political opposition is therefore complex and may call for criticism and compromise at the same time. Whether or not the role of the political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power depends upon the benefit that this criticism will have to society. In the case of the budget or a select policy, the opposition is quite right to critisize the government on issues that it believes will have negative effects on society or that goes against its political principles. However, there are times when compromise is the best solution for society - without compromise, legislation would often not get passed and elections would be called far more frequently than society may desire. The role of the political opposition is therefore a careful balance between criticism and compromise.

[Guest ST6nq]

The role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power.

 

 

A fundamental tenet of a democratic society is a government which fairly represents the interests of the people in that society. Paramount to the peoples’ interests in that society is the protection of their unalienable rights and freedoms from infringement by the political party in the majority. Thus, it is incumbent upon a democratic government to ensure that the majority party is challenged, without exception, with respect to all legislative proposals in order to ensure that the rights of all people in the society are protected. For example, President Barack Obama signed into law the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act in an attempt to minimize the number of American’s who are uninsured and cannot receive access to quality health care. This resulted in major criticism from the Republican’s who voiced concerns regarding the constitutionality of this law, claiming that it went beyond the scope of congress’s taxing powers by fining those who do not purchase health insure. This ultimately lead to the law being brought before the U.S. Supreme Court. Here the Republicans sought to protect the rights and freedoms of Americans by fulfilling their duty to directly challenge to majority party’s decision to pass this law.

 

Conversely, following the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, an outpouring of patriotism brought unity to the United States as a whole, and particularly with respect to the government. Specifically, both Democrats and Republicans set out to protect the rights and freedoms of Americans from terrorist factions by means of taking offensive military actions. Absent from the development of these military plans in the federal government were disagreements and criticisms between the political parties, because they both had the same goal in mind, which was to take any and all actions necessary in order to bring the terrorist organizations to justice, maintain homeland security, and to ensure that American’s freedoms do not come under attack in the same manner ever again. Due to the common purpose of both political parties, their responsibility towards each other was no longer to criticize, but to support each other in order to ensure American’s rights remained protected.

 

Therefore, the role of a political party is to criticize another party when the criticizing party believes they are justified in claiming that the other party’s legislative actions are threatening the rights and freedoms of people in the society they are governing. In the case of Barack Obama’s health care bill, Republicans believe that the bill violates American’s fundamental rights afforded to them by the constitution, and so they are justified in criticizing the Democrats in order to ensure that American’s rights are valued and protected. However, when both parties share the common purpose of enacting legislation that unambiguously promotes the protection of the rights and freedoms that American’s enjoy, such as the use of military forces to protect America from another terrorist attack, then both political parties should reserve their criticisms and instead support each other in their pursuit for the betterment of the society that they serve.

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 donna71

 

As students a great deal of time and energy is put into one's studies in order to achieve academic accomplishments. It can be said that a student's success is more dependent upon the input of hard work than on inherent intelligence. For instance, Harvey Cushing achieved great success and was a pioneer or founding father of neurosurgery. He was the first to document Cushing's syndrome, developed safer surgical protocols and instruments and increased the rate of survival for neurosurgical patients. He spent meticulous effort to save, preserve, and study hundreds of patient brains, the collection which remains at Yale University. His success was largely due to his hard work ethic; Cushing would spend more time with his work with patients than he did with family. He devoted so much of his time with patients that he neglected his family and failed to develop relationships with his children. In fact, he had even missed the birth of one of his children. Therefore Cushing's pioneering successes came as a result of long hours of dedicated hard work rather than of inherent intelligence.

Although this is a good example, it does not fit well here. I'm not sure if this falls under the category of academic success. This is more of a successful career or successes in medicine. His work could be published and you could say he was involved in academia but you would have to define this at the outset. It is also not convincing that in this case it was more hard work than intelligence. The man sounds brilliant which probably contributed greatly to his success as well.

 

On the other hand, not all academic success is a result of hard work, but may largely be a consequence of one's natural acuity or intelligence. Take for instance the famous Albert Einstein, who is largely a representation of intelligence awkward word choices. Einstein is known for his break through equation E=mc^2 in the world of physics and mathematics. Upon his death, Einstein's brain was preserved and analysed and it was found that certain regions of his brain deviated from that found in the norm. Regions of the brain involved in mathematical, visual, and spatial cognition were larger which may account for his ability to derive the famous equation. Therefore Einstein's contribution to the field of physics and mathematics may be largely due to an inherently acquired intelligence, rather than hard work, which was enabled through a brain specially structured for the type of work called for.

This is very good. It would be excellent if you could better explain why in this case it was more intelligence than hard work.

 

Academic achievements help contribute to the growing field of knowledge in all disciplines. Such success is a result of hard work but sometimes it is largely a result of a natural gift of intelligence. What determines whether academic success is a result of hard work or intelligence depends on whether the ideas or achievements result in the expansion of practical clinical knowledge or of abstract knowledge This is okay but is too narrow which limits its depth. If the achievements result in increased practical knowledge then such success is largely a result of dedicated hard work Why?, as illustrated with Cushing's need to devote a great deal of time with the hospital and his patients. However if the achievements result in the expansion of abstract mathematical knowledge, the success is largely a result of an inherent intelligence as exemplified by Einstein's mathematical prowess and acuity Why?, an advantage endowed by his brain structure . Regardless, the results derived from the dedication and natural gifts of today's students will result in a more knowledgeable future for all. The resolution principle is not applied convincingly. It is not clear why in one case success is due more to hard work than intelligence and vice versa. You don't explain how your idea works. You simply state that that is the way things are without any justification or support.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 medicg

 

It takes more than simply knowing the answers to become successful in academia. This is not a good opening because sometimes knowing the answers does lead to success in academia. A student’s level of academic accomplishment is determined primarily by the effort that he or she is willing to contribute to the overall struggle that is academic development, moreso than that individual’s intelligence endowment from birth. This last sentence is awkward. Try to rephrase it to improve clarity. To find success in post-secondary education one must first finance said education. In today’s struggling economy, this can be quite a challenge for those that are less fortunate. While one may or may not be an intellectual genius, their talent will never be exposed to the world of academia for further development if they cannot afford to enter the institution. Hard work is required by the individual to finance a post secondary education in today’s economy, this work ethic is no doubt useful for tackling an immense and difficult courseload as well. Take for example, Dr. Ben Carson, a now renowned African American neurosurgeon who grew up in a single parent family, impoverished from the streets of Detroit. From a very young age his mother instilled in him a hard working nature, something that has undoubtably had a great impact on his life and academic ambitions. While few would question Dr. Carsons natural intellectual ability, his struggle from poverty to academic greatness most certainly had more to do with his hard working nature than his intelligence level. You draw this conclusion without any supporting points.

It is good that you have a real life example. However, the way you develop your argument is not as strong as it could be. You don't explain well why in this case hard work was more important than intelligence. You should develop the poverty ideas further within the context of your example instead of sticking them before your example where they have limited impact.

 

 

On the other hand, a student’s academic success might in some cases depend on intelligence, moreso than hard work. For example, Stephen Hawking is arguably one of the greatest minds of our time, and a leader in the field of theoretical physics. In contrast from Dr. Carson, Stephen Hawking came from a much wealthier background, and also an inheritently word choice academic background, as his father was a well-known biologist in the United Kingdom. Stephen Hawking did not have to overcome the same social and ecomonic barriers, as did Dr. Carson; Instead, his rare intellectual brilliance brought him great academic success. Similar to before, this is a great example but the execution needs improvement. You changed the topic of the writing prompt from hard work and intelligence to social and economic barriers. You don't explain why in this case intelligence is more important than hard work.

 

The social and economic background of a given student determines whether or not their success in academics will be achieved mainly through a hard working nature, or through natural intelligence. It is likely that when faced with inherent discrimination and poverty, a student will have to work hard both in and out of school to achieve success in academics. Why? In contrast, if a student is from a wealthier family, and is not generally facing any sort of social discrimation, then it is likely that their academic success will be achieved more through natural intelligence. This is difficult to buy without more support and elaboration. How do you draw this conclusion without any supporting points or explanation?

Overall, you need to explain your ideas or else your argument will be weak. You also do not apply your resolution principle to your previous examples.

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 spring

 

A student’s academic success can depend on a number of factors including hard work and intelligence. Hard work refers to being persistent, organized, disciplined and motivated to learn; whereas, intelligence refers to one’s inner talents and abilities in specific subject areas. Academic success can be defined in many different ways and there tends to be an individual difference in its definition. You should define academic success the way you are going to be discussing it. This doesn't add anything. For instance, for a given student, academic success may mean passing all coursework whereas, for another student, academic success may mean achieving A grades in all coursework. This is off-topic since it does not add anything of substance. Given either of the two definitions, many argue that in order for a student to achieve such success, he/she will need to work hard despite of their level of intelligence. This does not address the supporting task. This is especially true in subject areas that tend to be more theoretical such as science and math. A student needs to work hard, understand the material well and practice applying their knowledge to solve practical problems in order to achieve their desired level of success. Theoretical subjects require students to be well disciplined and motivated to learn. So do other subjects. It is essential for students with interests in such subjects to work hard in order to understand the theoretical concepts as well as spend appropriate amount of time in practicing the application of their knowledge.

There are tangential ideas here that do not add to addressing the writing task. Overall, you don't address the supporting task because you don't explain why in this case, hard work is more important than intelligence. The discussion also lacks depth and complexity of reasoning.

 

However, it is not always necessary for a student’s academic success to depend on hard work, rather it can be a result of his/her intelligence. For example, abstract subject What is the difference between abstract and theoretical? areas such visual arts, theatre, dance and other forms of fine arts requires one to be intelligent (i.e. talented) in their fields of interest. A student’s academic success in such subject areas depends more on intelligence and talent than on hard work. Why? It is true that a student pursuing further learning in such abstract subjects needs to practice and work hard This undermines your argument. ; however, they must first possess the intelligence and talent for them to be able to make a statement to their audience.

The problem here is the same as the last paragraph. You put forth a claim, but do not offer any evidence or explanation to support your claim.

 

 

In summary, a student’s academic success can depend on a number of factors. For more theoretical subjects such as science and math, success can be mainly driven by hard work whereas, for abstract subjects such as the fine arts, success can be mainly driven by intelligence and talent. Again, the terms theoretical and abstract are often closely related. You should choose terms that create a better contrast. Moreover, it is also important for us to note that the other component for success is also important This is not the purpose of the resolution paragraph. : students studying abstract subject areas still need to work hard in addition to their intelligence in order to improve and stand out from the competition. Similarly, students pursuing further learning in theoretical subjects also need to have a certain level of intelligence in addition to their hard work to allow for a better understanding of the presented materials. As such, the two components for academic success, namely hard work and intelligence are essential at all time but one component can play a more important role than the other depending on the subject area being studied.

This discussion is off-topic and does not address the resolution task.

 

For your supporting and refuting paragraphs, you must back up your ideas/arguments with support and explanations. Your resolution paragraph does not address the resolution task and goes off on a tangential discussion.

 

Overall Mark: 1.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a K )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is weakly addressed. Resolution task is not addressed.

Depth: 1.5

Focus and coherence: 1.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

 

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 chris67

 

The quality of a student is most often measured by his or her academic success. Students who achieve good grades are considered to be academically successful, and this is largely due to the high amount of effort they put into their school work. Students who increase the amount of time spent studying will often see an increase in their grades, and will similarly see a drop in their marks if they do not study as much. My first year class at the University of Guelph in Canada, received a motivational speech from Professor William Tam, who is one of the most frequently cited indiivduals in his field of organic chemistry. He told us that he has taken several IQ and other tests designed to measure innate or natural intelligence and received average scores, but was able to do extremely well in all of his undergraduate courses. He said that his academic success did not come from a natural intelligence, but from all of the effort that he put into his school work. A concluding sentence would be nice. This would be more effective if it was written in a third person perspective rather than a personal perspective.

 

Despite the correlation between high grades and hard work, a person's academic success may be influenced by an innate proficiency in certain subjects, which can be referred to as intelligence. A study done in 2011 at the University of Cambridge in England found distinct differences between cognitive abilities in elementary school children. They postulated that these differences may cause proficiency or deficiency in subjects based on mathematics. These findings indicate that a person may be naturally predisposed to succeed in a certain subject, or do poorly in another.

This does not address the refuting task. Of course intelligence can influence academic success. The point of the writing task here is discussing a situation where academic success depends more on intelligence than hard work.

Ultimately, what decides a person's academic success is often the subject being tested. A person may be able to achieve high grades in science based subjects such as chemistry, where success is very dependant on memorization. Memorization requires plenty of effort and hard work, and can therefore be done by anybody. However, in subjects like mathematics a person may be genetically predisposed to do better or worse than average, simply due to the highly cognitive nature of the subject.

The resolution principle of subject can work. Your explanation that hard work is important for subjects requiring memorization is good. However, your explanation for the mathematics example is poor.

 

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is weakly addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 3.5

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 waldosa

 

Success in academia results from a mixture of the natural intellectual ability of a student and the diligence with which those talents are applied. The quality of someone's efforts can be effectively gauged through their intelligence, whereas the quantity of hours that they put in reflects their hard work. The two are not easily separated, and as such, determining which one is more important than the other depends on specific circumstances. This sentence is vague and does not add much to the discussion. Hard work is rewarded in tasks that are repetitive and of a lower order intellectually. Tasks that involve skills that can be learned over multiple attempts benefit greatly from hard work. Some examples of such tasks are basic math problems and drawings - both involve skill sets that are built up easily through practice and natural ineptitude for either task can easily be compensated for through persistence and practice.

The discussion here is too basic and lacks depth. You should also focus more on academic success. I also don't think drawing is a lower order activity.

 

Higher order tasks are those that engage our higher capabilities. For example, the analysis of art involves not only meticulous research on the life of the artist who produced it, but also an understanding of the era in which the art was produced. An integration of the two with an intuitive understanding of human nature is crucial to getting inside the mind of an artist and intelligently evaluating a work of art. Similarly, the study of advanced mathematics, such as topology and Riemannian geometry requires that the learner be able to spatially visualize concepts that are highly abstract and non-intuitive to the general public. The ability to spatially reason, or to understand the mind of another human in a specific context, are tasks that engage our higher intellectual capabilities. These are not tasks that can be improved through diligent practice or hours of hard work. These abilities seem to reflect natural, in-born capabilities of humans. Hard work and persistence can only ensure a basic appreciation of such concepts and natural intelligence is needed to thoroughly comprehend such big ideas and conquer such tasks.

This example is much better than your last paragraph. It certainly has a lot more depth. It could be better if it was more focused on academic success.

 

The nature of the task, and the level of mastery one wishes to gain over a task, are both determinants of whether or not hard work is more important than intelligence at obtaining academic success. 1) You only need one resolution principle and having two may seem better but it actually makes it more difficult and reduces clarity. 2) The nature of the task is vague and you want your resolution principle to be clear. Some tasks, like basic mathematics, are easily improved through a great deal of practice, and natural talent is not required to succeed at such tasks. Advancing the study of mathematics to deeper realms and greater experiences involves a greater mastery over the subject material, and requires not only diligence, but a natural aptitude for the subject matter. One needs to be able to spatially reason to succeed at understanding advanced concepts in topology, for example. Hard work will not better intelligence in such respects, and academic success in the form of grades will testify to that. Someone who works less, but is nevertheless more intelligent, is more likely to succeed in tasks such as these, which engage our higher capabilities.

The level of mastery (basic vs. advanced would have been more clear) was a good resolution principle. You did not even need the nature of the task part and you did not even bring it into the later discussion. The problem here is you do not bring in your art example. That is why for your supporting and refuting paragraphs you should choose one example. It makes it much simpler and is all that you need.

 

Overall Mark: 4/6 (Corresponds to approximately a P )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[sharpshooter]

Prompt 19 sharpshooter

 

It has been said many times that a picture is worth a thousand words. Pictures often illustrate reality more accurately than words do. Charities that want to help children suffering from poverty often have commercials on television to encourage individuals to donate to their charities. These charities usually show children suffering from poverty to illustrate the reality of what these children are suffering from. For example, I have seen commercials stating that many children suffer from starvation, while they show an image of children excessively underweight to the extent that you could see the ribs very clearly and they no longer appear like normal human beings. If the charities were to just write out what impoverished children suffer from, people who read the article would be not able understand the reality of their situation as accurately than they would from visual images of what they suffer from; they cannot see the true effects of what they suffer from just words. That is, individuals cannot see the effects (the reality) of starvation and malnutrition that these children suffer from by reading a description of these problems. Therefore, visual images illustrate reality more precisely than words do.

Excellent.

 

However, sometimes words convey reality more accurately than pictures do. For example, if one wanted to convey to others the reality of the difficulty of the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT), showing individuals pictures of the all preparatory books or a group of test takers would not illustrate the reality of the test more accurately than letting one read through some sample questions from each section of the test. If individuals were to just look at the pictures of the books, they cannot judge the difficulty of the questions; they could guess that the questions will be like their university exams in which they just have to memorize some facts and then recognize the correct answer in one of the multiple choices. However, in reality, successful test takers actually have to understand the concepts and apply them to novel situations; that is, just memorizing all the concepts on the MCAT will not ensure succes on the MCAT. Letting people read some sample MCAT questions, nonetheless, will convey to individuals the reality of the test; it will illustrate to them that it is more of a thinking test than a memory test similar to university exams.

This example is okay and you do get points for creativity. However, it is not entirely convincing because I don't think that anyone would ever use a picture of books to convey how difficult the MCAT is. Also a higher level example would have more depth.

 

Thus, pictures convey reality more accurately than words do when the visual images readily illustrate to individuals about the reality. This is vague and doesn't really say anything useful. For example, the pictures of children suffering from poverty readily convey the effects of starvation and malnutrition; these pictures illustrate the reality of their suffering more accurately than words do. This is the same idea as earlier. You do not get at why in this case, pictures are more effective than words. However, pictures of preparatory books or people taking a test, such as the MCAT, do no readily illustrate the reality of the difficulty of the test. Again, this is a little far fetched. Sample questions, which uses words instead of visual images, would more accurately convey the reality of the test.

Overall, the resolution paragraph is the weakest part of your essay. Your resolution paragraph does not address the writing task: Discuss what you think determines whether or not visual images convey reality more accurately than words do.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is completely addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is not addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

 

Thanks for remarking my essay and sorry for not responding to your question! I just rediscovered this great service recently.

[chris67]

Prompt 21

 

 

Conflict between political parties seems to have been around since the creation of the first political systems. Criticizing an opposing party's views can be very beneficial to a political party, especially if the opposing party is currently in power. A political party's interests should be primarily focused on ensuring that the laws and policies passed reflect that party's viewpoints. To accomplish this, it is often necessary to criticize another party's views. In 2011, the Canadian NDP heavily criticized the Conservative government for proposing to buy expensive fighter jets. The NDP believe that Canada does not need to spend large amounts of money on their military, and believed that the money could be better spent elsewhere. They chose to openly criticize the Conservatives for what they believed to be foolish spending in an attempt to get the ruling party to change their fiscal policies to coincide with the beliefs of the NDP, and the resulting public pressure forced the conservatives to cut back on their plans for lucrative spending on military planes.

 

However, a political party may sometimes be able to gain from cooperating and not criticizing the policies of the party in power. In 2006, the liberal Polish party PO formed a coalition with the PiS party, which was in control of a minority government, and in danger of losing it's power if the remaining parties chose to call an election. PO chose to support the PiS proposal to raise the sales tax in order to support the struggling healthcare system. The PO agreed that the healthcare system needed additional funding, and they chose to support the ruling party's proposal to solve that problem.

 

It is obvious that political parties frequently disagree on many issues, but that is not always the case. If a political party has views that fundamentally oppose the policies of the party in power, then they should openly criticize those policies. However, if the ruling party's actions coincide with the interests of the opposition, then the opposing party can benefit from cooperating with the party in power.

 

 

Thanks Raymond!

[spring]

Thanks Raymond for taking the time to mark my essay.

 

I tend to have a hard time with prompts like the one about academic success where I can't use concrete examples such as wars, history, new events etc. Can you please offer some advise on how to handle such prompts.

 

Thanks You!

[Link]

The role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power.

 

In the world of government, political parties always strive to stay in power or obtain the position of power. For those not in power, it is challenging role, due to the fact that they are not in the position to create new policies. The only action for a political party not in power to do on a day to day basis is to criticize the policies of the current politicians in power. By doing so, this can create a perception that the current administration is not doing a good job. One may consider the situation where the Obama administration recently released their budget for 2013. Immediately, the political opposition—the republicans—began to criticize the new budget. The Republicans stated that the new budget spent far too much, borrowed too much, and did not reduce the current debt. The Republicans did not specifically say how much less they would spend or borrow, simply that the new budget was an inappropriate course of action. Therefore, when the case is that the political opposition cannot make policy themselves, their main role is to criticize the policies of those in power.

 

However, in times of political elections, then the main role of political opposition should not be to criticize the policies of those in power. During an election, the most important role for the political opposition is to convince the public to vote for them so they can win the position of power and make policies. Therefore, this condition that the main role of the political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power should not be applied to times of election. For example, during the last election for the Premier of Ontario, Dalton McGuinty promised to implement policies if he was elected that would lower tuition for low-income families. He proposed that students that came from families that made less than 160000 dollars, would receive an 800 dollar credit for their tuition. Many families make less than this salary and this tuition credit made Dalton McGuinty an appealing choice. In this time of election, Dalton McGuinity cares most about the number of votes he receives, so he attempted to appeal to as many voters as possible. Dalton McGuinty did not criticize the policies of those in power, but simply acted to gain the support of as many voters as possible, so he could win his election. Therefore, in the case of elections, a political party’s main role should not be to criticize the policies of those in power.

 

The role of the political opposition to criticize the policies of those in power is seemingly dependent on the situation where there is either an election or no election. In cases where there is no election occurring, then it should be the case that the main role of the political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power. This scenario is evident in the example of the republicans criticizing the new budget from the Obama administration, where there was no election taking place. However, when there is an election taking place, then the main role of the political opposition should not be to criticize the policies of those in power, but rather to obtain as many votes from the public as possible. For example, when Dalton McGuinty was in the election for the Ontario Premier he focused on creating an appealing promise to Ontario students to obtain many votes in the election. When determining whether the role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power one must analyze whether it is a time of election. Thus, when it is a not a time of election, the role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power, however, when it is a time of election the main role of the political opposition is to gain votes from the public.

 

I did this in notepad in 30min. I had A LOT of trouble coming up with examples…the only thing is I brought it to a word doculment to add in the en dashes b/c they looked weird in notepad, did I use the en dash correctly (first paragraph)?

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 DaKirbster

All good students strive to do well in their courses. Some students are able to be academically successful with minimal work because of their natural intelligence, whereas other students put in lots of hard work to succeed. This idea is more suited for the resolution paragraph. Often, it is the student's hard work that leads to their academic success rather than their intelligence. This is the case for many subjects that require a lot of rote memorization and background knowledge to do well. For example, a biochemistry course will require its students to memorize many complicated metabolic pathways, with many steps involving many enzymes and reactants. The student will need work hard in order grammar and put in many hours to remember these complex pathways. The student's natural intelligence, although it might help slightly with memorization, will have a lesser impact on the student's success than their hard work as the pathways simply need to be memorized and are rarely intuitive. Even a very intelligent student will need lots of hard work in order to do well.

This works.

 

However, there are some cases whereby a student's academic success depends more on their intelligence than their hard work. This is often the case when the subject at hand requires a deeper and more holistic understanding of and intuition for the material being studied in order to succeed. The clarity needs to be improved. For example, an advanced mathematics course will teach its students some theorems that they will need to understand and be able to apply to problems. A student who works very hard but has no intuition for the subject will not be able to succeed. They can look at and try to memorize the theorems for hours, but without sufficient intelligence word choice on the subject they will not go far as they need to really understand the material. An intelligent student can understand the material and be able to apply it to problems; some highly mathematically-intuitive academics are required to work very little to succeed as they easily understand the material without it.

Very good.

What determines whether a student's academic success depends more on hard work or on intelligence is if the subject being learned is memorization-based or concept-based I know what you are trying to say. However, concept-based is not the best word to describe your idea. Lots of courses require rote memorization of concepts. Every subject is based on concepts and ideas. . A subject that requires abundant rote memorization, such as biochemistry, will require the student to work hard on the material in order to achieve academically. A subject that is more concept-based, such as mathematics, makes the student rely more on their intelligence as their hard work will only get them so far without a whole understanding of the material. Ultimately, all subjects will require varying degrees of intelligence and work ethic for success, and the students must adapt to meet its requirements. However, if a student wishes to succeed academically to a high level in all subjects, they will be required to work hard and be highly intelligent.

This works. Just be careful of the vocabulary you use especially when it is a critical idea such as your resolution principle.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[Caliver]

The role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power

 

In a democratic political system, there are two major players that influence the implementation of policies: the ruling party and the opposition. Often, the ruling party serves to introduce a policy while the opposition analyzes the policy and criticizes it to ensure fairness and transparency of the suggested policy. This is especially true in nations that are politically stable, such as Canada. Currently, in Canada, the Conservatives have introduced a new employment insurance policy, which will install more strict recipient criteria. The New Democrats have criticized the new bill, hoping for modification of the policy to better reflect the nature of unemployment according to their ideals. Therefore, in a politically stable nation, such as Canada, the role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies being implemented by the ruling party for the best of its citizens.

 

On the other hand, there are some occasions where a political opposition may serve a different role. In a nation facing political turmoil, it is necessary for the opposition to cooperate with the ruling party and support their policies, in order to stabilize the nation. For example, Korea faced political turmoil due to financial crisis in 1997. In order to overcome the crisis, the Korean government had to enforce necessary austerity measures as soon as possible. In this case, due to the urgency of the situation, the ruling party and the opposition have decided to cooperate and passed the bill unanimously. Later on, the Korean economy recovered due to these measures passed collaboratively. Therefore, in a politically unstable nation, the role of the opposition is to collaborate with the ruling party to implement necessary policies.

 

Whether or not the role of a political opposition is to criticize the policies of those in power is determined by the stability of the nation. If the nation is stable like Canada, the opposition should criticize the ruling party's policies to ensure that the policies are for the best of the citizens. However, if the nation is facing political trouble, like Korea in 1997, the opposition should cooperate with the ruling party to rescue the nation from the turmoil. Ultimately, a political opposition should act for the best of its nation and citizens.

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 souljaboy

 

Academic success is a direct reflection of the student's studies, which can be significantly affected by the amount of work a student has put into the subject. Hard work is absolutely integral to being successful when facing topics that require continuous practice and memorization. When facing word choice a field such as anatomy and human physiology, the only way to succeed is to memorize all the facts and concepts. With hard work, the information will eventually be imprinted in a student's mind. The amount of work the student has put into learning the facts and concepts will directly reflect upon his academic success because knowing the information is the only way to be successful in a field such as anatomy. No matter how intelligent a student is, he will always need to put the work in because there is no other way to attain the answer unless you have dedicated your time to learning the information. A less intelligent person that has put in much more work will be able to achieve more than an intelligent person who puts in a minimal amount of work because that effort provided him with more knowledge which can only be obtained by spending more time.

Very good.

Although hard work is important, intelligence can be the absolute deciding factor in certain fields where hard work cannot achieve the same result that natural intelligence will provide. Many of the most successful students in engineering and mathematics have intelligence and an aptitude for math that hard work cannot replicate. In these fields, if you do not possess the intelligence required, it is very difficult to achieve success no matter how much work is put in. Why? Personally I am not very affluent word choice in mathematics and when taking a difficult calculus class, no matter how much work I spent with practice questions some of the concepts remained foreign to me, whereas another student who can go through the problems with ease without even exerting much effort. Even with hard work, some of the results are just not attainable if you do not have adequate intelligence.

This example is okay. However, you should explain why in this case intelligence is more important than hard work. Also, you should avoid personal examples if possible because they tend to lack depth. Having said that, it is okay to use them if that is all you have.

 

In the overall scheme, a student who is hard working but not intelligent will never be able to reach what an intelligent student can achieve simply because there is a limit to what you can achieve with hard work. This is not what the resolution task requires. No matter how much a horse born with short legs works, he will never be able to achieve what a thoroughbred can do on the racetrack. Much is the same regarding intelligence because those with it have a natural advantage that no amount of hardwork can attain. A hardworking student with limited intelligence will be able to match or perhaps exceed a intelligent student who does not study much in some fields, while in others they will never be able to match the intelligent student's achievements.

This discussion is off-topic and does not address the resolution task: Discuss what you think determines whether a student's academic success depends more on hard work or on intelligence.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is not addressed.

Depth: 3.5

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 perspectives

Academic success stems from a student's intelligence and willingness to put in the effort to learn. However, a natural aptitude for understanding the curriculum will be meaningless without hard work put into reviewing the material. In any students' academic career, at least some effort needs to be made in order to be put into a situation where their intelligence could shine through. For instance, a history student may be highly intelligent. Yet, without putting in work to read the textbook, listen attentively in class, and to take effective notes, intelligence alone will not be able to lead to academic success. The exam will be testing the student on how much knowledge they have been able to memorize, and any amount of intelligence will not make up for a lack of hard work in this case.

This discussion is about the need for both hard work and intelligence. You don't emphasize why in this case hard work is more important than intelligence. The discussion also lacks depth.

 

However, there are specific cases of academic success where hard work does not trump intelligence. There are certain subject matters where an infinite quantity of time put into studying will still result in oblivion. Poor word choices An example of this is in the study of mathematics. Even if a student completes countless practice problems prior to an exam, this regurgitation will not be beneficial unless the student has the intelligence to comprehend the theory and ideology behind each question. The intelligence required in mathematics in order to understand and apply a theory to varying scenarios will be a much stronger dictator of how successful a student will be.

This is much better than your last paragraph.

Therefore, the statement that academic success depends more greatly on whether a student is hardworking than intelligent is not always true. This does not belong in your resolution paragraph. There are situations where hard work is the key determinant of academic success and there are situation where intelligence is. This is on topic. What determines whether hard work or intelligence is a bigger factor in dictating academic success is the field of study. When studying a topic that is not very conceptual and more heavily based on memorization, and knowledge previously known, then academic success will depend more on hard work. The clarity needs to be improved here. The phrase"not very conceptual" is very vague. Examples of such fields of education include the previously mentioned history, where the key is in memorizing details from specific events in the past, or biology, where memorization of specific biological processes will lead to a good mark. In a field where the work is highly conceptual and theoretical Highly conceptual is a bit too vague. Theoretical is the better term here. , then intelligence will dictate how successful a student is. Although hard work is still required This undermines what you are about to say., in order to be successful in such a field, it requires more than just hard work. An intelligence and natural aptitude for the material is required. Such fields of education include physics, and mathematics, where models of reality are created to explain how things work. However, students will only be successful in this field mainly because of their intelligence and ability to see how reality works.

It is evident that different fields of education contrast in content, but as shown here, they also contrast in what is necessary to be successful in each respective field.

The application of your resolution principle to your refuting example (mathematics, physics, etc.) needs improvement. The explanation was just not convincing.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[sharpshooter]

Prompt 21 Sharpshooter

 

The political opposition tends not support the policies of the government in power; usually the opposition’s goal is to weaken the policies of those in power so their platform looks better and they could gain the majority vote in the future. For example, if a government in power introduced a policy to allow chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) to be used, the opposition party should go against their policy by speaking out against the policy. CFC's contribute to ozone depletion, which in turn causes global warming since the ozone layer filters out ultraviolet rays from reaching the earth. The opposition's goal would be to not allow this policy to be passed since the CFC's would contribute to global warming and even increase cases of skin cancer. The opposition would do this to show citizens that their political party cares about them and to win their votes for the next election. Thus, usually the political opposition's goal is to weaken the policies of those in power.

 

However, the opposition party's goal should not always be to argue against the policies of the ruling party. For instance, if a ruling party decided to implement a full day of kindergarten to improve the education of its citizens, the opposition should actually support such a policy since it will actually benefit the country in the long run. The reason behind a full day of kindergarten is to allow young children learn more at a younger age and increases their success in the future. By increasing the chances of the success of its citizens, there is a greater chance that these citizens will contribute more to society and the economy. Ultimately, more money would be poured into the economy.

 

Thus, the opposition party should aim to criticize the policies of those in power when the policy negatively affects the environment or citizens. For example, if the ruling party were to introduce a policy to allow CFC's to be used, the opposition should go against such a policy since CFC's delete the ozone layer and increases global temperatures, thereby increasing cases of skin cancer. Howerver, when the policy of the ruling party benefits the citizens of the country (does not negatively affect them), the opposition should actually suppor the policy; for instance, the ruling party's introduction of full day kindergarten to increase the success of the next generation should be supported by the opposition party.

 

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Do you have any tips on how to gather relevant ideas and examples in sufficient depth for the WS? (I think I have difficulty relating to the prompts; it's hard for me to come up with relevant examples)

 

Thank you very much!

[Link]

hey everyone...first of all this thread is great...last year it was pastainhaler and now raymondprep, THX a bunch...this is such a useful service....would it be okay if I suggested the next writing prompt? there just basically coming off the aamc website so figured nobody would really care:

 

Foreign diplomats should conform to the legal codes of their host countries

 

I'm just really having a tough time with examples even after googling key words. I'm just really weak on international topics and think I could benefit from others

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 blue181

 

Academic success is something that most students strive to achieve. It usually takes a lot of hard work, but some people with very high intelligence levels are able to bypass that need. This does not belong in your supporting paragraph. The academic success attained by Amy Chua's daughters is an example of success attained through hard work. Amy Chua is a Chinese mother who was given the nickname “Tiger Mom” because she was extremely strict when it came to her daughters’ academic success. This should have come first. She did not allow them to attend sleepovers, have friends over, watch television, or play computer games. Instead, all their time was dedicated to studying and doing homework to ensure that their grades never fell below an A. All this hard work paid off because her eldest daughter Sophia was accepted to both Harvard and Yale University. They are both extremely prestigious schools, and acceptance to either one is proof of a student’s academic success. So in this case, Sophia’s success depended on the hours of hard work that was enforced upon her by her mother.

There are a few issues here. 1) Again, you should have mentioned who Amy Chua was first before discussing her daughters. 2) You do not have any lead in to your example that presents your thesis. 3) In this case you do not explain why hard work was more important than intelligence.

 

However, sometimes hard work cannot explain academic success and achievement. For example, toddler Elise Tan-Roberts was one of the youngest people to join MERSA, a society for geniuses with an IQ of 140 or above. At just 2 years old, Elise was able to name the capital cities of multiple countries, as well as count to 10 in several languages. Her remarkable achievements were due to the fact that she was born with a high intelligence level. Other 2 year olds of average intelligence would have had to work extremely hard to learn what Elise learned. Even with hard work it may not be possible, as that kind of knowledge beyond what grammar most 2 year olds are able to understand. However, Elise’s high IQ level allowed her to naturally pick up the knowledge with ease. So in Elise’s case, her academic success depended on her high intelligence level more so than hard work.

This example is very good.

 

Overall, whether a student’s success is due to hard work or intelligence depends quite a lot on their natural intelligence level, or IQ. Someone with an average IQ would have to work hard in order to attain academic success. Take the “Tiger Mom’s” daughter Sophia for example. Although she is not a documented genius, she was able to get accepted to two of the most prestigious academic institutions in the world, but it took a lot of hard work and determination. This argument isn't really convincing. I'm sure she is very bright as well. She doesn't need to be a genius to be intelligent. However, for someone who is born a genius with a very high IQ, learning comes much easier to them, and they do not have to work as hard to attain academic success. 2 year old Elise Tan-Roberts is the perfect example of such natural talent. She was able to learn information far beyond her years without hard work because she was born with a very high IQ.

The resolution principle is okay but your application to your supporting example was unconvincing.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 Dasypus

 

One might suggest that a student's academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence. Certainly many a parent has appealed to such a principle, trying to get their children to study. In many cases, they are right. An elementary-school-aged child of any modicum of intelligence can perform well in school provided that she works hard, studying the 7-times-table and the spelling list of the week. No brilliance of intellect will let a child coast through the building of academic foundations. They must be laid brick by brick.

The discussion here lacks depth and is too simplistic. You also do not make a strong argument why in this case hard work is more important than intelligence.

 

On the other hand, this line falls apart ? later in academic life. Consider mathematics again. While it is hard work that allows a student to build up the foundations of mathematic knowledge, nothing but brilliance will allow success at the PhD level. For the mathematics dissertation, one needs only a few pages of work, but it must have an element of the new, something never before proven. Stepping out into the unknown in this way, drawing new inferences that the generations of previous scholars, all of whom had the same solid background and toolkit of techniques, failed to draw, requires some flash of inspiration in addition to all of the previous perspiration. Considering that every PhD student has put in some large amount of hard work to get there, it is nonetheless not necessarily the hardest-working that does the best, but more often the one with the 'mathematical mind', a certain sort of very focussed intelligence. Mathematics is not alone in this regard. In every field, to get to that very highest level of academic success requires a particular kind of intelligence, an intellectual 'knack' that cannot be substituted.

This discussion is much better than your last paragraph. The discussion is a little bit repetitive. Replacing some of the repeated ideas with other relevant points would make it better.

 

Hard work and intelligence are both necessary for any academic success. Success is impossible both for the student who is brilliant but never tries at all, and for the student who tries hard but is genuinely incapable of the mental task at hand. This opening does not fit in with what the resolution paragraph is looking for. Most situations, and most students, fall between these extremes. This is off-topic. What then distinguishes which is more important for academic success? You finally get to the point of the resolution paragraph here. For most schooling up to the high school level, hard work is the more important grammar, because the expectations are set so that intelligence is not the limiting factor. What children are expected to learn are those things that, while it may take them a long time to get it right, they can all learn eventually. Excellent. However, at a university or post-graduate level, the particular intellectual skill needed may be the limiting factor in a student's academic success, as the academic expectations become more specialized and technical. Some people simple do not grammar have a 'mathematical mind', or a facility for language, or whatever particular intelligence is particular to the academic endeavor, and no amount of work will get them over that hurdle. Thus, it seems that parents are right that hard work is what children need to succeed in school, but that is true only for the basics; sadly, at the very top levels, intelligence counts more.

It took you a while but you finally got on topic after a tangential introduction. The ideas are excellent. However, you do need to express your resolution as a principle (i.e. Whether academic success depends more on hard work or intelligence depends on the level of schooling).

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is strongly addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 Neuro_07

 

The famous physicist, Albert Einstein, said that, “A genius is 1% talent and 99% hard work.” Intelligence or talent is an individual’s natural aptitude for excelling. This isn't a very good definition of intelligence. However, a student cannot be assured of academic success on the basis of intelligence. In current education system grammar, academic success is more dependent on student’s grammar efforts than intelligence. Schools do not design their exams to distinguish more intelligent students from less intelligent ones. The questions that appear on exams are formed on the basis of the material that is presented in the course books or the lectures. Hence, no matter how intelligent a student may be, if he/she has not read the material from the books, then it is impossible to attain a good grade. In fact, in this case, a student who has reviewed the material several times and, thus, prepared for the test properly, can outperform a more intelligent student who has not reviewed the material as many times. Therefore, given the nature of the exams at schools and universities, a student’s hard work is more important than intelligence in determining academic success.

The discussion is okay. However, it is too simplistic and lacks depth. One of your goals in the writing sample is to demonstrate complexity of reasoning.

 

However, there are certain kinds of tests that test a student’s intelligence, rather than the previously acquired knowledge on the subject matter. The verbal reasoning section of the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) is more intelligence-based. The questions are based on passages on topics that student grammar may not have read before and the answers require understanding of the passage in first reading grammar, rather than memorization. Although, a student’s hard work may improve score on grammar this section, but it may not guarantee a better score than a more intelligent student. The test’s requirement to comprehend and analyse at speed grammar, allows distinction of more intelligent students from others. Hence, intelligence can be a determinant of success on some sections of standardized tests.

The example is very good. There are numerous small but noticeable grammar mistakes.

 

Whether the academic success is determined by hard work or intelligence depends on whether the test requires knowledge of previously learned material or spontaneous understanding of novel material. Good. Tests designed by schools and universities are based on material from the books that are available to students prior to the examination. Thus, students can prepare for the test and, consequently, harder they work grammar the better the chances of acquiring a better grade. On the other hand, a reading comprehension test requires understanding and analysis of novel subject matter during the test time. A student cannot prepare for such test This is not the resolution principle you started with. You should say here that it is new material that the student needs to comprehend. Also, this is another grammar mistake.and thus, has to rely on intelligence to achieve a good score. In conclusion, although both, intelligence and hard work, are important for a student’s academic success, when one is more important than the other depends on the nature of the test.

Your idea here is excellent. However, you need to apply your resolution principle to your previously discussed examples. Here you do not apply your principle to your MCAT example.

 

The grammar needs to be significantly improved. You do not want your grammar problems to distract your marker.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 3.5

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 2

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 20 xymex

 

There exists a notion that hard work trumps intrinsic intelligence in the field of academia. Working dilligently with conviction and perseverence is judged to be the road to success, which can be more specifically labelled as academic achievements for students attending or affiliated with an institution. This should be written more concisely to improve clarity. A superior innate understanding of materials or cognitive abilities does not guarantee achieving excellence in school. The fundamental principles or concepts in any field of scholarship require time and commitment to peruse and absorb. Intelligence alone does not allow one to obtain information, it only enables its synthesis and manipulation. So far, nothing addresses the writing task. Thus, in the rudimentary state of learning, a student's success depends largely on his or her diligence and commitment to learning. This is a conclusion that is not supported by any points or evidence.This is especially true prior to post-secondary education where the majority of success is defined by letter grades, which are themselves based on tests designed to extract word choice rote memorization.These types of evaluations, for the most part, do not assess one's intelligence as much as they assess one's willingness to learn the information through hard work. As such, prior to university, a student's sucess depends on their academic discipline.

Most of your discussion is not focused on addressing the writing task. It is only in the last third of the discussion that you start to make an argument that addresses the supporting task. Your discussion is also too general and vague.

 

On the other hand, beyond the elementary basis of learning, scholarship excellency requires ingenuity more than diligence. In university and beyond, many concepts are not simply presented in the form of regurgitation awkward word choice but require a higher level of processing and novel synthesis. In order to achieve success, a student often must develop their own interpretation of the information and present their own understanding. Moreover, in graduate studies, academic success is not only defined by grades but also by novel discoveries. This creativity cannot be obtained solely from hard work but require one's intrinsic propensity to the material. As such, in university and beyond, a student's academic success relies more on intelligence than hard work.

This discussion is more focused than your last discussion. However, the same problem persists in that your discussion is too general and vague. This results in your discussion lacking depth and complexity.

 

Whether a student's academic success is more contingent on hard work or intelligence ultimately depends on the level of processing required for the information. This is vague and ambiguous. Prior to university, many students do not require high levels of processing and can obtain high grades with simple rote memorization and regurgitation. In this situation, academic success can be realized with one's hard work, and indeed, simply relying on one's intelligence may fall short. However, beyond memorization, intelligence is required to not only process information but also come up with new ideas, relationships, and applications. This higher level of cognitive processing is required at university and beyond, where a student's success is not only measured by letter grades but also by their contribution to society at large.

You had a good resolution principle all along (level of education). Instead you went with an idea that is much more vague (level of processing). Your application of the principle to your examples also needs improvement.

 

You have the basic structure of the writing sample down. However, the ideas lack depth and the execution of those ideas also requires improvement.

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 2.5

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 3.5

[donna71]

In a multi-party government system the political opposition may be the non-ruling parties. One of their roles as opposition is to criticize the policies and decisions that are in the process of being made by the ruling party in power. For instance, earlier this year the Conservative party, which is the party in power in Canada, decided to scrap the long arms and gun registry act, saying that it was too costly of a program with little safety gain. Opponents criticized the decision saying that guns must be tracked and held accounted for and to decrease the likelihood of gun-related violence guns should be tracked to their owners. The role of opponents in criticizing policies of those in power is to point out shortcomings and other perspectives to consider when making a decision so that the process can be made more transparent. By attacking these policies, the opposition forces the party in power to justify their decisions in order to further facilitate discussion, discourage unilateral or authoritative decision making, and to hold themselves accountable to the voters who elected them to their decision making roles.

 

However, the role of the opposition is not limited to criticizing policies of those in power, but may include investigation into the party in power in order to reveal any abuses of power. For instance, when the Liberal party was in power prior to 2006 they had introduced a sponsorship program in order to show the government's support of Quebec's industries in order to undermine actions of the separatists who wished for Quebec to become independent from Canada. Investigation revealed that the program was wrought with corruption and abuse of public resources; millions were awarded to contracts for no or little work and proper bidding processes were ignored. Letters leaked, most likely from opposition, showed a Liberal member advising another to cease partisan sponsorship abuses. Therefore the role of opposition may not be to criticize the sponsorship policies, but to reveal the corruption of the ruling party's political members in order to provide information and power to the people at election time. By revealing abuses of power, the opposition helps to keep the politics of the nation more transparent and to remove parties that show disregard for public resources.

 

The opposition play a very important part in influencing politics in less direct ways. The role of opposition may be to criticize policies or decisions made by the ruling party, but at other times they may reveal abuses performed by the ruling party. What determines whether the opposition is to criticize policies or reveal power abuse depends upon whether it can be shown that the ruling party has performed corruptive acts or not. Should it be the case that no incriminating information on the abuse of public resources has been found, then the role of the opposition is to criticize the policies set out by the ruling party, such as in the removal of the gun registry in order to induce justification for or revise decisions. However if the ruling party has demonstratively abused their power, such as in the Liberal's sponsorship scandal then the opposition's role is to make such information known in order to give citizens the opportunity to choose a different ruling party to govern the nation. The opposition plays an equally important and powerful role in the democratic nature of governance.