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[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 Enviro_4_Medschool

 

Some of the most memorable moments in contemporary life have been captured by video and broadcasted on televisions. The manner in which these images have been portrayed have been significant in altering the course of policies and ways people have viewed certain events. It is because of the influence of a memorable televised images on widespread societal thought that has led some to theorize that television has more influence than books. When students protested in Tienanmen square, the footage captured profoundly changed the way the West viewed China. Prior to Tienanmen square there was the belief that China had largely abandoned the Great leap forward and was moving towards a more liberal and progressive society. The famous footage of a student in front of a tank showed just how non-existent democracy and liberalism was in China. This led to television having a significant influence on how people and politicians viewed China in ways that books written on the subject could have never influenced in such a rapid and memorable fashion Why?.

This example could be good. But there is not enough emphasis and explanation on why in this case television was more influential than books.

 

However, books have held an appeal in influencing people on a personal belief level by establishing an ideology. The Quran has been vague about the way people should govern themselves This is not true. but has influenced the way people conduct their daily lives. The Ayatollah Omani was the first to introduce the Burka on the interpretation of a passage about the appropriate clothing on woman grammar and their role word choice in sexuality. This interpretation from the book has influenced the way woman grammar now dress and the manner in which they direct themselves in the middle east grammar , but even there has been no grammar interpretation by him they still would have individually found a way to meet the requirements about appropriate coverage. The influence of the Quran on people surpasses the influence from television because it largely is a personal interpretation that no visual image could replace. What does this mean exactly? Moreover, Muslims do not believe in having visual images for any portrayal by Allah so one must be capable of reading to interpret and be influenced by the Quran. The first part of this statement is true. However, the second one is questionable. People can be influenced by books even if they are unable to read them (Recitation for example).

This could be a strong example. However, the execution needs improvement. The argument isn't clear and there is again, not enough emphasis placed on why in this case the Quran is more influential than TV in many people's lives.

Television and books influence people in different ways and scopes with television generally having, immediate, macroscale societal/political influences and books tending to focus on ideology have individual personal influences -- although mass personal interpretation of a book may also have macroscale effects -- especially in realms where there is no visual substitute. These ideas are expressed in a convoluted manner. Simplify your ideas to increase clarity and impact.Television has been able to create immediate and widespread influences on how people view political events as in the case of Tienanmen square which was not only memorable but changed the way people perceived China. The Quran has influenced the way an entire region of the world conducts their lifestyle but is largely centered around a personal belief about the individual activities and has no visual substitute to influence thought. However, regardless of societal or individual grammar we are all influenced by visual televised images and ideological influences that are best portrayed in books.

There are some ideas here that could form the basis of a resolution principle but overall, the clarity is lacking.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 3

[kpm]

It seems that a lot of people, including myself, are having difficulty in coming up with and executing good resolution principles. Can you (Raymond) or anyone else suggest some general principles that are good to use across various prompts?

Thanks!

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 loopas

 

With children watching over 55 hours of television per week, television has a huge influence on their thoughts and actions. Television does not only affect the members of the so-called 'new generation', older people are also hooked on television with enticing afternoon soap operas making them hold on to the edge of their seats, while they wait to see whose child the female protagonist is carrying. Run-on sentence. Though television is a much newer medium of communication than books, it often has more influence on people than do books. This may be because people relate better to things when they are given a visual representation. In television, there is no ambiguity but in books, everything is left up to the imagination of the reader. These past two points would have more impact if they were discussed within the context of the example. For example, federal agencies often broadcast public service messages which bring to light issues like smoking and driving under influence. These advertisements grammar often presented by people of authority or those whose lives have directly been touched by terrifying cases of such issues. For example, the Ontario government sponsors an advertisement in which a middle aged woman is shown talking about the adverse effects of smoking and how it has affected her lifestyle. At the end of the advertisement, she shows a picture of her lungs and compares them to the lungs of a person who has never smoked. This visual has a lot of influence on people and has proved as a deterrent to those who smoke.

This is a great example. This discussion would have been excellent if the two earlier points were integrated into your example.

 

In some cases, however, books prove to be more influential than television. Books use a didactic approach which is why they are sometimes considered to be more credible than television. For example, new drugs are often advertised on television but people do not go to the doctor right away and ask them to prescribe that drug; they do their own research by reading literature which outlines the specifics of the drug. Books are able to convey more information and each person is able to read at his/her own pace. Books are also more influential than television when people are looking for information on a certain topic; in this situation, people can not simply flip through the television channels hoping to find a program that is giving information about that specific topic whereas books are easily accessible at any time of the day.

This discussion is okay but needs a specific real life example to add depth.

What determines whether television or books have more influence on people is the type of information that is to be conveyed. This is vague. You should be more specific. When a large amount of information has to be conveyed, books are more influential because people can read them at their own pace whereas television is more influential when a convincing message This is ambiguous. Books are also used in conveying a convincing message as they have a lot more time and room to build a strong argument. in which a visual is needed has to be sent. Books should not be taken granted for in this modern age when television seems to be the main medium of communication because they are still invaluable to society. This concluding sentence does not belong in the resolution paragraph.

Quantity of information could have easily been a good resolution principle. However, you went with something vague (convincing message).

Furthermore, you do not apply your resolution principle to your previously discussed examples.

Overall, your resolution discussion is the weakest part of your essay.

 

I suspect that there may be a timing issue since your essay starts off strong and then goes downhill.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is poorly addressed.

Depth: 2.5

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 Up2Date

 

Adolf Hitler once said, “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed”. Hitler was well-known for his passionate speeches which were broadcast over T.V during the Second World War. He often blamed Jews, gays, lesbians, the mentally ill, and other minorities for the economic and social problems of Germany. He began and ended speeches with proclamations of hate and that as the leader of Germany, his duty to the German people was to destroy these “infectious rats” from the grammar society. The television was an important and influential technique in spreading Hitler’s propaganda because reached millions of people through a variety of different outlets including, television ads, the news and various talk shows. The Germans were bombarded with messages of hate and eventually, he was able to rally public support for his agenda. Therefore, during the Second World War and the years leading up to the war, Hitler was able to rally public support by using the television and exposing millions of Germans to his propaganda.

This example could be good. However, although you establish that TV was indeed influential, you ignore the books element of the prompt. You do not discuss in this case that TV was more influential than books and you do not discuss why. In other words, the prompt is not "Television is influential". It is "Television has more influence on people than books do."

 

Although television is very influential, there are instances in which books can have a direct influence on public opinion. This is not a good paraphrasing of the refuting task. For instance, the Times listed George Orwell’s Animal Farm in their top 100 most influential books of all time. This satirical novel is a criticism of communist Russia during Stalin’s rule. The story revolves around a group of animals who have resisted the rule of mankind and instead have devised their own form of self-governance. It depicts a utopia that is destroyed by corruption and greed. This novel had a dramatic impact on the public’s perception of WW2; as a result, it was banned in Florida in 1987. Thus, George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” played an important role in the public’s impression of Stalin and the events of the Second World War.

Similar to before, this could be a great example. However, the discussion does not strongly address the refuting task because it ignores a critical element of the prompt (in this case it is television).

Therefore, it is evidence that grammar television can greatly impact the public opinion. During WW2, Hitler was able to rally public support by using television ads, speeches and talk shows to spread his message of hate. On the other hand, books can also influence the public’s perception of events. For instance, the portrayal of Stalin and the Second World War in Orwell’s “Animal Farm” was so influential that it was banned in Florida in 1987. Therefore, television can influence people during times of war while books can influence the public’s perception of history post-war.

This does not address the resolution task. There is no resolution principle and no application of that principle to your previously introduced examples. This is merely a paraphrasing of your previous paragraphs.

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is not addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 donna71

 

The advent of the television or TV has had significant cultural and societal impact. In some cases, the TV has had greater influence on people than books. More specifically, the TV has been highly influential on young children's behaviours and early learning as they learn primarily through observing and watching others. These points are more effective if discussed within the context of your example.The Bobo doll experiment conducted in the 1970s instigated the controversy over TV and the effect of violent content on children. It was demonstrated that children who observed aggressive behaviour exemplified by an adult model would mimick such behaviour when the children found themselves in a provoking situation. Furthermore, TV programs understand this type of social learning and must be careful in selecting the particular type of role models in their programming. This point is out of place. On the other hand, books do not exhibit this same effect as many young children cannot yet independently read and/or comprehend a written book without the assistance of an adult. This is not a good point because it reduces the depth of your argument. It is obvious that if a child cannot read without assistance, then they are not going to be as influenced by books. Therefore TV has a greater effect or influence on children's independent learning as TV is more dynamic and more easily understood and observed. This is a good point.

You have some good points here. However, the organization and development of the argument require improvement.

On the other hand, in some cases books are more influential on people than TV. Many famous and revolutionary works have come from books, which have had and continues grammar to play a crucial role in the world of academia. Take for instance Darwin's "On the Origin of Species" that initially sparked great controversy but has greatly influenced and shaped our current understandings of evolution that no academic in biology today would doubt its validity and soundness. Books have had and will continue to play a greater role in academic theories as books help to transmit and store vast amounts of information that TV cannot compare to This idea could be better expressed. . Furthermore, the use of books in the world of academics was introduced long before the advent of television and continues to thrive with the advent of TV to illustrate that the influence of the TV on the development of academic ideas is inconsequential. Awkwardly phrased sentence. Therefore books have a greater influence on the academic refinement of theories and ideas since they are the main medium through which academic ideas are propagated.

This discussion does not have enough strong points. The only point that was strong was the greater capacity of books to store information compared to TV. Other than that, the other points are superficial and not compelling.

 

TV and books are two important media through which we communicate and learn. What determines whether TV or books are more influential than the other depends on whether the influence in question is on actions/behaviour or if it is on ideas and theories. Should it be the case where people's actions or behaviours are immediately influenced, such as children learning to dance and sing along with characters on TV, then TV has a greater influence than books as children can readily mimic and observe such actions on TV than through grammar reading. TV also has a strong influence on the ideas of children. For example, TV influences a child's ideas of what is right and wrong. However should it be the case where the influence in question is of ideas and theories, then books play a larger role as books have been and continue to be the main medium through which academic ideas are exchanged, as shown by Darwin's "On the Origin of Species." TV and books are two media that complement each other in the pursuit to educate an individual throughout life. The application here of your resolution principle is not thorough and convincing.

The ideas here are okay but not strongly convincing.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 All of the tasks are adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 medhopeful64

 

Television and books influence many aspects of our lives. From reality shows to romance novels, they are a source of information as well as a source of entermainment. You should include a paraphrasing of the writing prompt in your introduction. Although not everybody watches news or reality shows, everybody does see ads on our TVs, regardless of programme being watched. The ads seen on TV are particularly influential on children and teens. Ads set a certain "status quo" for teens and kids. The people depicted in these ads are often young thin girls or muscular young men. Not only is a certain body image being portrayed here for kids to imitate, but these ads also dictate how one should act; ie in gender stereotypical ways. Women being passive, men being active. Often, a very strict body image and standard of behaviour is depicted in television ads, and they send a very powerful, or influential, message to our kids and teens. They tell us how to look and behave. Often how we ought to look and behave is unattainable, or even destructive to our physical or mental health. This is especially true for children and teens, who desire nothing more than to fit in with the crowd. Books on the other hand, do not portray a strict way of how we should look or act How about teen novels?; the characters in novels or other types of books are only a figment of the author's imagination. Rarely are these images and standards of behaviour destructive to the mental or physical health of those reading the books. Thus, in this case, it can be argued that television has more influence on people than books do.

This discussion is okay. There are a few issues. 1) The writing style is repetitive and long. Try expressing your ideas more concisely. 2) There needs to be more supporting points for why in this case TV is more influential than books.

However, if we look at adults, it is a different story. Adults are much more autonomous and critical of what they see or hear than children are. Although "fitting in" is still important to the adult population, it is not nearly as much so as it is for adolescents and kids. Thus, they are less influenced by the ads shown on television. Becuase of their higher cognitive functions and different priorities on what they value (ie being oneself instead of conforming), books are more influential on adults than telelvision is. Take self help books for example. This particular genre of books has become very popular in the past couple years, mainly for adults. They are much more influential than telelvision because such self help books often touch the heart, and have much deeper meaning. They are meant to increase one's happiness, or productivity in life. Many people have even been able to achieve the goal of these books - ie, they are happier or more productive now as a result of reading these books. As such, books are clearly more influential on the adult population than telelvision is, as telelvision cannot quite increase one's happiness or productivity in the same manner!

This is okay. The points are adequate but not strongly convincing.

Both books and television influence many aspects of our lives. The factor that determines whether or not television has more influence on people than books do depends on who you are looking at, or the target audience. The resolution principle could more simply be expressed as "depends on whether teens or adults are the target audience." That is a much cleaner and clearer way of expressing the idea.For children, telelvision is more influential than books are. For adults, the opposite is true. This is in part due to the increased importance children and teens place on fitting in with the crowd, and wanting to be seen as popular among their peers. They are also less capable of thinking for themselves and thus tend to follow the pack. Television - in the form of ads - exploits this potential weakness in children to sell their products. They portray a particular body image and ways of behaving that can have a very negative affect on the mental and physical health of kids, and is thus incredibly influential. Adults on the other hand place more importance on being true to oneself and doing what is best for them, not on fitting in. Because of this, they are more influenced by books such as self help guides. Thus, television has more influence on children whereas books have more influence on adults.

The resolution principle of teens vs. adults is a strong one. The application to teens is much stronger than your application to adults.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 perspectives

 

Since the inception of the television, it has had an immense impact on the way people live their lives. Prior to the television, people relied on newspapers for news, books for knowledge and novels for entertainment. However, the television is able to provide all the above on its own. Television has the ability to provide numerous different channels, each channel having its own unique content. It one grammar were interested in the current affairs happening around the world, they can tune into CNN which provides the latest on international news. If one were interested in passing time and having a chuckle, they can tune into a drama, such as How I Met you Mother. If one were interested in knowledge, they can tune into the discovery channel. The possibilities for what a television can provide are endless, and thus they can captivate the audience in ways books cannot.

The issue here is that the discussion is very general. It lacks depth and one of the goals of the writing sample is to demonstrate complexity of reasoning. There are also no strong points on why in this case TV is more influential than books. You need to support your statements with points.

However, there will always be a time and place where books will have a greater influence than television. The power of language and diction can communicate to certain individuals that television will never be able to match. Literature provides a media of conveying information that is more interactive, as readers have to consciously focus on the text. ?? I would say that TV is probably more interactive than books. For example, when students study for an exam, they will most often read their textbooks. Reading a textbook for them may be much more beneficial and efficient in memorizing details and understanding material than through watching a video on television trying to convey the same message. This example is kind of weak. Similar to before, this discussion lacks depth.

 

Therefore, it is evident that television and books both play a crucial role in communication and both have a strong influence on people. This is not what the resolution paragraph is looking for. Whether or not television or books are more influential depends on the audience. Books can be more influential for those focused in grammar trying to absorb knowledge as a beautifully written text can be captivating in ways that draws the reader into a trance, separating them from the material world. This is illustrated by a student that can become so focused in his studies that he will be able to pick up the material after one read. However, for audiences that lack the focus to concentrate on a wall of text, a visual communication provider such as television will have stronger influence. This is evident in the case of viewers of television that can only pay attention when provided a grammar visual and audio. In summary, there are circumstances where television provides more influence and circumstances where books are more influential.

The resolution idea here works and is interesting. However, the execution could use improvement.

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is poorly addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 2

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 3.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 Neuro_07

 

In the last two decades, electronic media, which includes television, radio ?? and internet, has expanded exponentially. Especially, television has grammar intruded word choice each and every home in North America and has become an integral part of people’s lives. Furthermore, it has become the primary source for any kind of information. Not really. Its increased popularity has substantially reduced the impact of print media and thus, it has more potential to influence people than the books have. If there is a debate on a social issue between leaders of political parties prior to an election, people watch it on the television at home rather than reading about it in the books. Through the television, people have live access to information about national and international issues at home, which is something that cannot be achieved through books. Hence, due to its rapid transmission of information and its wide reach, television is the quickest and most effective way to influence public’s opinion.

This discussion is okay but not great since it lacks depth.

 

However, in spite of its popularity, television is not the primary source of information in educational institutions. Television is very rarely used for the purpose of teaching students. In schools and colleges, students heavily rely on the books for learning new information. Since the students are required to consciously memorize specific details, and as television is an inefficient mode of presenting certain concepts such as chemical formulas, textbooks are the ideal source of information for students. Thus, in an academic setting, books have stronger influence over students than television. This example is weak and lacks depth. One of your goals in the writing sample is to demonstrate complexity of reasoning.

 

Hence, whether or not television is more influential than books depends on whether the person under consideration is in an academic setting or not. If we consider a student in high school, then the student’s majority of acquisition of new information is through books, not television. Thus, the student is most influenced by books. But, a person who is not in an academic setting primarily relies on television for access to new information. As mentioned earlier, due to easy and quick access to information provided by television and the reduced popularity of books outside schools and colleges, television has more influence on the general audience than books do. This does not belong in your resolution paragraph. In conclusion, television strongly influences majority of the public, but in case of students, books have more impact than television.

The arguments are too simplistic. Furthermore, many people who are not in academic institutions are still more influenced by books than TV and that argument is not strongly convincing.

 

Overall Mark: 2/6 (Corresponds to approximately a L )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is weakly addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 2

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 24 bored

 

They say that "an image is tells grammar more than a thousand words", and television plays a continuous wave of images constantly. Therefore a TV should be able to tell much more than an image, and it does. During a film, a scene on the big screen tells much more than a book might about that scene. It is also much more efficient to observe a 3 hour video rather than spend a week reading a novel. For this exact reason, a Television has much more influence on a person than would a novel or a textbook might. During my undergraduate studies, I had recently taken a course in physics. Physics is a subject that many find difficult for various reasons, and often times, lectures and the textbook are not enough. My case was no different. I would often read the textbook and not be able to understand much, simply because a textbook is written in very formal writing. I particularly had trouble visualizing the waves portion of physics. I than looked at the many videos located on the internet about the subject area. There were many videos that were able to show me everything that was going on in this subject. Physcis had become very easy all of a sudden because I was able to visualize what was going on. Instead of reading the definition of a wave, I was shown a video of a wave propagating through space, which worked very well and would work for others as well. Television has indeed been more influential in my life for learning subjects that were particularly difficult to visualize.

In general, personal examples are one of the weakest types of examples because they lack depth and complexity. The prompt is more concerned with the influence of TV over books on people. Therefore, an example that encompasses the experience of only one person is not a good fit.

 

On the other hand, there are subject matters where books can be much more influential than a video on the television. When I was learning about World War 2, while living ?? and watching a documentary on a Canadian government funded channel about the War, I was able to see and feel the bias that was present. It was very obvious that the Canadians were focusing ninety percent of the film on what the Canadians and allies did during the war. I was only able to visualize and hear 2 sentences about the RUssian involvement during the war, even though the Russians had lost more soldiers and civilians than all of the allies nations combined. The documentary was titled World War 2, but only the allies side of the war was shown. I than grammar read a book on world war 2, by an Canadian politician who was in favour of the war during the 1940s, and wrote the book during the war in 1944. This book contained detail grammar information about what the Russians were up to as well as what the allies were up to. It was clear to me that the TV documentary was made during the cold war when Russia was an enemy of NATO and this was the reason why this documentary was biased towards not showing the Russian side of the war. The same issues arise here as in the last discussion. Furthermore, this does not have a strong emphasis on why in this case books were more influential than television.

 

The difference between the book and the television was that the the Canadian government funded channel is able to show anything that it deems necessary for the country. This resolution principle is much too narrow and lacks depth. It really only applies to one of your examples and not both. The book written by a Canadian politician however, remains unchanged by time. The book provides unchanged material but the television provides biased material. The smart citizen would realize that the television is biased and thus would be influenced by the book much more than the documentary in this subject matter. Which has more influence, was determined by the subject matter. Why do you have a second resolution principle here? You should have one resolution principle that is applied to both examples. Physics being the law of the universe cannot be interpreted in more than one way, but History on the other hand can be interpreted in many ways and be told from many perspectives. History can even be manipulated just as the documentary has done. Physics is a science whereas, history is a humanity/art. This is what determines which has more influence. If the subject matter is a science, than the television will have more influence This is not very convincing. Science is heavily reliant on books and printed materials rather than television. , however if it is an art, than books will have more influence on the intelligent citizen.

 

Overall Mark: 1.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a K)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1.5 All of the tasks are only weakly addressed.

Depth: 1.5

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 tms

 

Human behaviour plays a major role in our society and encompses the way in which we compose ourselves as well as the way in which we interact with fellow humans, animals, objects and our surrounding. The field of psychology is primarily interested in further investigation of the reasons behind our behaviours. Over the course of history, many psychologists such as Freud, Pavlov, Hebb and numerous others have proposed various different theories and reasons as to why humans behave in a certain way. Some beleive that human behaviour is primarliy based on self-interest, meaning that we tend to engage and interact in ways that we see as beneficial for ourselves, often resulting in positive consequence for oursleves. For example, a famous psychological theory related to negative versus positive reinforcement has investigated the phenomenon of self-interest behind behaviour in many different organisms, including humans. This theory suggests that when behaviour results in negative consequences, neurons in our brain respond to such feedback by reducing the frequency at which they fire, and over time, the likelihood of such behaviours decreases. On the other hand, when behaviour results in positive feedback, it causes the neurons to fire at a higher frequency, further strengthening the likelihood of such behaviours taking place in the future. This theory is often applied to childhood learning. When a child is learning to do something and receives positive feedback, either as a physical reward such as cookies or emotional response such as praise or pat on the back, he/she learns that such behviours will result in something of benefit for them. As a result, the child will be more likely to engage in such behaviours.

This is an interesting take on the prompt. However, it is a bit too technical and theoretical to strongly address the prompt. Your entire example involves a discussion looking at the neurological basis of learning through reinforcement but does not address the issue of self-interest. In other words, your discussion is mostly off-topic. It started off with potential then veered off course.

 

Alternatively, it is not always necessary for human behviour to be guided by self-interest. This is especially true when one reaches the adult stage. In the adult stage, he/she is beleived to have developed appropriate cognitive abilities and is able to make an informed decision based on their experiences in the world. For example, Mahatma Gandhi led the non-violent revolution in India in order to fight for freedom. He used his cognitive skills, education and life experinces regarding what he thought was right. He beleived that all humans should be free to have a voice in society and that they should be able to make their own decisions. As such, he led a remarkable revolution in the 1940’s that finally led to the independance of India in 1947. In this case, Gandhi was an adult who was able to make an informed decision regarding what he felt was right for the greater good and for society in general. His actions, efforts and behaviours were not driven purely by self-interest, rather they were driven by the greater interests of all Indian citizens.

This example is much better and addresses the writing task much more strongly.

 

In conclusion, there are several schools of thoughts and proposed theories regarding the reasons behind human behaviour. Human behaviour is guided by self-interest when one is at the childhood stage since his/her cognitive abilities have not yet developed completely. As a result, his/her behviour can be manipulated accordingly via the use of positive versus negative feedback. However, human behaviour can be based on other reasons such as the greater good of humankind. This is especially true when one reaches the adult stage and has development sufficient cognitive abilities as well as gained life experience to make an informed decision. Therefore, as an adult, ones behaviour may be a result of what he/she percieves will be of benefit to society as a whole, reagdrless of the consequences of such behviours on an individual level.

The resolution principle of child vs. adult is excellent. However, the weakness of your supporting argument comes back to affect the strength of your arguments in your resolution paragraph. You also do not apply your resolution principle to your refuting example (Gandhi). As a last point, present your entire resolution principle (both sides) at the beginning of your resolution paragraph.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 3.5

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 Enviro_4_Medschool

 

Adam Smith was a believer in the force of the invisible hand. He believed that markets will become most efficient if people act in their own self-interest. In other words self-interest will create the most ideal equilibrium because we are primarily motivated by things that benefit us and we will continuously behave in manners that work to our self-interest. The tendency to promote self-interests can be best exemplified in politics especially after conflicts. After WWII, America and Russia were both winners but suspicious of each other. Both Roosevelt and Stalin wanted the outcome of the post-war period to fall under the vision they thought word choice for the world and also most benefited their country. The manner in which they negotiated with each other and the way they acted was a product of what they believed worked for their countries best. Roosevelt had wanted to uphold American ideals of liberty,freedom and democracy and Stalin wanted to promote the Marxist/Lenninist sphere of influence. If Europe and East-Asia fallen grammar under Roosevelt's interest this would have primarily benefited Americans as it would have opened up markets for American goods. Conversely, Stalin expanding would have validated the expansionistic aspects of Communism. The fact that both leaders were so guided by their own self-interests affected their behaviour towards each other and the way they acted in general. This is too vague. Therefore, self-interest can have far reaching consequences on behaviour and the tendency to act out of self-interest can a guiding factor in human behaviour.

There are a few issues here. 1) There are a lot of facts that don't contribute directly to addressing the supporting task. In other words, there is a lot of filler. 2) You state that they were guided by self-interest but remain vague about it throughout the entire discussion. As such, no convincing argument is made that they were in fact acting out of self-interest. 3) You put forward the idea that they were acting in ways that would most benefit their country. If so, they are not acting purely out of self-interest but may be acting in the best interests of their people.

On the other hand, not all leaders or people have acted out of their own self-interest. Gandhi vouched word choice for Pacifism when trying to create the autonomy of India from British rule. Around this time there had been bloodshed with the separation of Pakistan and various wars had created periods of instability. When Gandhi started his protest he did it because he believed in the betterment of India and in mankind. He no longer believed that conflict was the answer and that behaviour should instead be guided by a tendency to help one another. Furthermore, he had originally had a lifestyle of self-interest when he was a business man and had foregone it in favour of helping Indians. Here his behaviour was not motivated out of self-interest but was primarily guided by altruism and pacifism. Excellent.

 

Whether people choose to be guided by self-interest or out of altruism seems to be most apparent at the end of wars or instability; especially, if there is a power struggle between the interest of one party and the interest of another. This is a bit too convoluted and the idea is not clear. The simpler the resolution, the more elegant and strong it is. At the end of this confrontation or instability the course forward will be based on what the person feels should come next. Some may act based on self-interest to protect the integrity of their ideology and beliefs such as in the case of Stalin and Roosevelt after WWII. Others may choose to believe in the betterment of mankind as the next step forward as was the case with Gandhi and the way he felt India should become autonomous. Moreover, there may even see an interplay throughout history where people will act out protectionism for their self-interest and act out of altruism for the interests of others. Therefore, behaviour will primarily be guided by what the person believes comes next which may or may not promote self-interest.

You do not create a strong contrast between the two examples. You don't have a differentiating factor that clearly separates the two situations.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 2.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

 

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 cashew247

Unfortunately, it is no longer a shocking truth that human behaviour has been known to be influenced by self-interest. This is not an effective way to start an essay. News stories that depict humans conducting selfish acts, which jeopardize the lives of others, in order to gain ahead grammar are ubiquitous. An example is the Ponzi scheme, the after-effects of which have been devastating, leading to the financial losses of millions of people. Bernard Madoff was the head of the fraudulent act; he manipulated his partners, seniors headed for retirement, parents seeking insurance for their children's lives, and other trusting citizens into scheme that cost his investors billions of dollars. Madoff's behaviour demonstrates that he was primarily driven by selfish intent: a greedy desire to gain money for himself at the expense of other people's futures.

This could example could be excellent. However, it is poorly executed and the writing organization needs to be improved.

 

However, there are also extraordinary stories of people who defy the notion that humans are self-obsessed creatures. For instance, Stephanie Decker is a loving wife, an amazing mother, and is also an amputee. Decker lost both of her legs in a tornado that destroyed their home a few weeks ago because she was covering her children and protecting them from the storm. In the short time that the tornado overturned Decker's house, she stood guard over her children by laying on top of a blanket that she secured over their heads. Despite the fact that the beams of the house were falling on top of her, she was immutable and refused to expose her children to imminent danger. Ultimately, her children survived the tornado without a scratch and both of Decker's legs were injured to the point of amputation. Stephanie Decker's experience is an extraordinary testament to the fact that humans can do awe-inspiring and selfless acts when put to the test.

This is much better and is solid overall.

The deciding factor that determines when human behaviour is guided by self-interest and when it is not, depends on whether the individual's closest family is in danger. Very good. In Madoff's case, his personal life was not depicted to be unhappy or turbulent, nor were his family in financial distress. Madoff's involvement in the Ponzi scheme seemed to be due primarily to his desire of accruing a great amount of wealth. The application of your resolution principle to your supporting example needs improvement. In Stephanie Decker's case, her children were in immediate danger; in interviews, she stated that she did not hesitate to do what she did and that she would do it again. Her act of pure selflessness was fuelled by her intent to prevent her kids from being in danger. Humans are fickle creatures; there are many motivations for why one acts the way one does. Humans will often act in a way that benefits themselves; however, if one's immediate circle is in danger, often another altruistic and selfless side will overshadow word choice and take action. Your application of the principle to your refuting example is much better.

 

Overall Mark: 3/6 (Corresponds to approximately a N )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3 Supporting task is poorly addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 3.5

 

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 Drew92

Human behavior encompasses the decisions and actions made by all in grammar an ongoing basis. It is only natural for humans to put themselves first when deciding in what way to act. Eating healthy, working out and studying hard are all examples of things that are done for one's own sake Not always., and are accepted as natural. The idea that human behavior is guided primarily by self-interest is most interesting when considering actions and decisions that appear selfless. In a number of situations it is possible to guage the more far-reaching possible consequences of one's potential choices. This allows people to act in their best interests. Putting in extra hours or work or buying donuts for one's fellow staff may come across as a selfless attempt at building team spirit and putting the company first. It may actually be an attempt to be noticed by one's employers and work towards a desired raise or promotion. Even in many seemingly selfless decisions, one's own self-interest may play a role. One may donate to charity with the warm feeling that accompanies being able to tell people that one donates to charity. One may take on a number of different unpaid volunteering roles to pad ones's application to medical school or in order to guarantee great reference letters in the future. People are often keenly aware of how their actions, no matter how selfless on the surface, can improve their own quality of and position in life.

The issue here is that the examples are all too general and therefore lack depth. Having a bunch of shallow examples is not better than having one well developed and deep example.

 

However, human behavior cannot be guided by self-interest when a person does not get a chance to consider all the possible outcomes and repercussions of a decision. Thinking critically about what could happen, and trying to stay a couple steps ahead of reality takes a great deal of time. When there is little time in which to act, such as in an emergency situation, self-interest is forgotten and is replaced by instinct and empathy. For example, a Washington man was branded a hero after his efforts in saving another man's life on a subway station. The man in danger was an epileptic and was attacked be a grammar seizure that caused him to fall onto the tracks below, as a train was pulling in. The other man, after trying to pull him out, realized that his only recourse was to flatten his body against the seizing body below his, hoping to prevent too much movement. The train gave them two feet of clearance, which was barely enough for both men to make it out alive. In no way would the man's self-interest cause him to jump down, for the simple reason that the man did not have time to think about what it would feel like to be a local hero. In the few seconds he had to act, it was his instinct and cool-headedness and worry for a fellow man in a desperate, terrifying situation that guided his actions. This is not an isolated situation either. Many have drowned diving in after their drowning family or friends, or tried to shield loved ones from a bullet. Emergency situations have proven again and again to result in decisions made independently of self-interest.

Excellent.

 

Human behavior is incredibly complex, and one continually encounters decisions and actions that seem baffling. One cannot simplify human behavior to the result of a few motivating factors. That said, it is easily argued that self-interest is often one of the primary determinants in deciding what course of action to take. Given an opportunity to think critically about the consequences of one's choices, very rarely will one decide to act against one's best interests. It is this availability of time, however, that determines whether or not self-interest will guide a person's decisions. Human behavior is guided primarily by self-interest when a person has an opportunity to think about what is in his/her best interest. In emergency situations, where time is precious, self-interest is not nearly as big a factor in one's decisions as instinct and empathy for those in the situation. What a person's actions and decisions are often comes down to how long one has to decide.

The structure of your resolution paragraph requires improvement. I get the idea but it is not clearly argued. You also do not apply your resolution principle to your previously discussed examples. Try following the standard template for the resolution paragraph to improve the clarity of your writing.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 perspectives

 

As hypothesized by Darwin, human beings are genetically programed to behave in ways most beneficial for our own survival. Thus, human actions are the result of an intrinsic desire for self-interests, such as mating, food and survival. Behind most human actions, there is an ideology that it will increase their success in some way. This can be illustrated by business student's grammar behaviors, which are evidently guided for their own benefit. One of the key aspects of business school is networking. Although some business students are naturally introvert or just may not be in a social mood, when placed in a business conference, they all still engage in networking for their own self-interest. They must network in order to gain recognition from others in the industry, and hope to remain noteworthy so that when an opportunity arises, they will be called upon. Networking may not be something they enjoy, yet it is something they do for the benefit of their career, for advancement, and for self-interests. This example is okay but is too general and lacks depth.

 

However, there have also been cases of altruism that present examples of human behavior not guided by self-interest. An example of which are ambassadors for Doctors Without Borders. Many individuals, whether doctors, nurses or other volunteers, wholeheartedly and selflessly give their time and skill in order to help those less fortunate than themselves. They do this not out of self-interest as they have little to gain materially from such an experience, but do so primarily out of their compassion and sympathy. A doctor will stand to have much more to gain through working at a cosmopolitan hospital, where technology is advanced and pay is lucrative, but there are still those that choose to provide their expertise without asking for anything in return. This example works but needs more detail and elaboration. As it stands, the argument is a bit too sparse.

 

Human behavior is not necessarily guided by self-interest, as a person's actions may be contingent on numerous factors. This is not a good opening sentence for the resolution paragraph. Whether or not human behavior is stemmed grammar from self-interest depends on what is to be gained through your actions. ???? For example, entrepreneurs in business act out of self-interest in order to maximize profits for their ventures. There is much to be gained materially. With more money, they can satisfy their basic physiological needs, as well as other status items to satisfy their own interests. However, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, there is a level above owning material goods for their own esteem, which is self-actualization and transcendence. When one has the opportunity to reach that highest level, they will feel that it is within their ability to go beyond themselves and to help others. Such as in the case of Martin Luther King Jr. Your resolution paragraph is not the place to be introducing new examples. You need to apply your resolution principle to your previously discussed examples. He did things for the benefit of his race, and for equality. He took actions that were detrimental to his own personal safety in order to stand up for a cause he believed in, and for the interests of others. As illustrated, there are many actions that are stemmed from self-interests, but also actions that go beyond oneself.

Your resolution paragraph is the weakest part of your essay. I kind of know what your resolution principle is but it is not explained well. The overall argument is unclear and the resolution task is not well addressed.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 bpp

Humans have evolved brains which produce behaviour that often considers the self first. We tend to gratify our needs first, and think of ourselves before thinking of others. This can be most apparent when societal controls break down, as is often seen when looting occurs after a natural disaster. These incidents show the extreme of behaviour guided by self interest; there is only concern for what can be gained by that individual, not for the losses that they cause to storeowners. It also suggests that normally they would not do this because of fear of societal repercussions, again motivated by self interest, in this case of wanting to avoid prison.

This discussion is okay. However, it is too sparse and too general.

 

An example of human behaviour that is not guided primarily by self interest is a person who donates an organ during their life. A person may donate to a family member or to a complete stranger. In either case, the behaviour is not primarily motivated by self interest. Although there may be some benefit to the donor, for example a higher social standing, the inherent risks in donating an organ are so large that this behaviour could only be the result of altruism. This, of course, is assuming there is no financial reward for donating the organ.

Similar to before, this example works but is too simplistic. One of your goals in the writing sample is to demonstrate complexity of reasoning.

 

A behaviour is often primarily guided by self interest if it serves some basic need for a person; for example in obtaining food or other resources. An extreme example of behaviour motivated by self interest was given in the looting after a natural disaster case. Someone who does this for material goods only has their interests in mind, but the same idea can be extended to less extreme examples. People need to eat and need a place to live, so they work for money. Behaviours that help other people, such as the organ donor, are not usually guided primarily by self interest. This is just a repeat of the same idea and adds nothing new.

The resolution paragraph here has a few issues. You need a resolution principle that applies to both of your examples. You then need to apply your resolution principle to both of your examples to resolve them (create a strong contrast between them).

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is weakly addressed.

Depth: 2

Focus and coherence: 2

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 medicg

 

“Survival of the fittest” is perhaps a well-suited phrase in explaining most human behavior. In today’s capitalist society the individual often strives for excellence in the pursuit of financial gain, prestige, and power. In some instances, the competitive nature instilled in some individuals results in acts of utmost selfishness, greed, and disparity. For example, in 2010 a 23 year old woman from Burlington, Ontario was found guilty of fraud, after it was found that she had lead the public to believe that she was suffering from terminal cancer. The young woman in question went to the extreme of shaving her head to appear as though she had been through chemotherapy, and then initiated a charity fund known as “Change for a Cure” to raise funds for her own self-interests. It is clear from this woman’s actions that human behavior can in some instances be motivated solely by self-interest. This example is well explained. To be excellent, you need to add more depth.

 

On the other hand, in emergency situations it can be observed that human behavior may not be guided primarily by self-interest. For example, in May of 2012 a Calgary man and his colleague were parked on the side of a major roadway, when a vehicle lost control and came hurdling towards them. The man in question took it upon himself to force his colleague out of the path of the moving vehicle, and in the process of doing so, lost his own life. When the result of a given individual’s behavior results in the death of that individual, it is clear that their behavior is not motivated by self-interest. This example is okay. It is a bit too general. Again, the depth is lacking. One of your goals in the writing sample is to demonstrate complexity of reasoning.

 

The balance between altruism and self-interest, as motivational factors for human behavior, is determined in part by the nature of the situation, and the inherent psychological nature of the individual in question. You should aim for one resolution principle that applies to both of your examples well. Here you have two principles. For the resolution principle, the simpler it is, the more elegant it is. In a life or death situation, human behavior is often motivated by altruism, as many individuals react in such a way as to disregard their personal safety in order to maintain the wellbeing of another. This pattern of behavior is quite prevalent in society, as reflected in the career fields of policing, fire fighting, and paramedicine. In contrast, when the situation is not a matter of life and death per se, then human behavior may be guided primarily by self-interest. In addition, the psychological nature of the individual must be taken into consideration when assessing the degree of self-interest in motivating behavior, as the dynamic nature of human beings demands a continuum on which to assess the actions of an individual. This is vague. After all, we are not all the same, and thus are not likely to act the same, given a similar situation.

The resolution principle of life or death situation is good. However, you do not apply your resolution principle to your two previously discussed examples.

 

Overall Mark: 4/6 (Corresponds to approximately a P )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 3.5

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 Sharpshooter

 

It has often been said to grammar “treat others the way you would want to be treated.” However, humans often do not follow this principle. A person’s behavior that is based on self-interest entails acting in ways that benefits himself, while disregarding others' interests. Usually, humans act in ways that is mainly based on their own interests. Good start. When my uncle was on a refugee boat, the boat had spontaneously rocked to one side due to strong currents and the bad weather. The spoantanous rocking of the boat to one side caused several people on the deck to fall over board. One of the men was my uncle's friend. My uncle was inside the boat and was informed of the tragic news. He really wanted to go out on deck to help find his friend. However, crew members did not allow my uncle to go on deck and they did not attempt to look for those fell grammar over board because the waves were really strong at that point; the crew did not send out smaller boats to find the people in the water since they did not want to risk their own lives in an attempt to save other people lives. The crew members wanted my uncle and everyone on board to stay in certain parts of the boat to ensure it was balanced and to make sure the whole boat would not tip over. Therefore, the crew members acted in a way that maximized their own safety and ignored the interests of others, which included my uncle'e friend and the others who fell off the boat.

In general, you want to avoid personal examples because they lack depth. Personal examples are one of the weakest categories of examples. This example is also not strongly convincing. Indeed, what happened was a tragedy. However, the assumption cannot be made that the crew members were acting purely out of self-interest. Even if they were scared to put their lives on the line, this wouldn't constitute selfishness. As an analogy, just because bystanders don't rush into a burning house to save someone does not mean they are self-interested and selfish.

 

However, humans do not always act in ways that stems from selfisness. For example, when my uncle came to Canada as a refugee, he did not have that much money and he wanted to sponsor his relatives from Vietnam. He had no choice but to work a job that paid him less than minium wage since no one would hire my uncle, who did not speak english when he arrived in Canada. As soon as he made enough money to sponsor my relatives, he immediately paid for the sponsorship. At this point, my uncle was living in less than ideal conditions and could have used the money to buy a better house and better food. However, he used his money to sponsor my relatives because he was not selfish and wanted to help my relatives to get away from the war in Vietnam.

This is okay and much better than the last example. However, since it is a personal example it lacks depth.

 

Therefore, when one's survial or safety is as stake, human behavior is based mainly on self-interest. When one's surival or safety is not at stake, human beavior is not mainly based by self-interest. For example, when my uncle's refugee boat rocked spontaneously to one side, causing people to fall off board, no one went in the water to save them because they did not want to risk their own lives. However, when my uncle came to Canada as a refugee, he used him money grammar to sponsor his relatives to Canada instead of buying better food and shelter for himself because he wanted his relatves in Vietnam to live in better conditions.

The resolution principle of survival is a good one because it is clear and simple to apply. However, the boat example is still not very convincing for the same reasons as stated above.

 

Overall Mark: 2.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a M )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 2.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is somewhat addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 2.5

Focus and coherence: 3

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 bored

 

A wise biologist once said that all information undergoes a selection process, where only the most optimum information will survive. This applies to the Genome of an grammar living cell, ideas, and even books. The human body is in the simplest sense, a carrier for the human genome, and the purpose of the human body, according to biologists, is to pass their grammar genes to the next generation. We are no different from even the most primitive animals. ??? Humans will do almost anything for their self interest. Many human beings for example do alturistic behaviour which at first seems not selfish at all, however, upon further investigation, psychologists were able to conclude that even the most alturistic behaviour is done out of selfish thoughts. These alturistic behaviour grammar includes things like donation, adopting, charity work, and even volunteer work. Psychologists have concluded that people who take part in these activities do so because of their own beliefs. over 90% of the people taking part in these activities are religious and believe that doing these activities will help them in the long run. It is this notion of karma word choice that compels people to take part in these actions. In the end this is done so for selfish reasons.

This example works. The explanation could use some improvement.

 

Humans on the other hand are somewhat different from primitive animals because of our evolution. This is true. That is why your statement earlier that we are no different than the most primitive animals is inappropriate. Humans, along with certain evolved animals, take part in what is referred to as kin selection. Darwinist describe this as the process of sacrificing one`s self interest, in order for the survival of another. This another grammar is a usually a family member or a loved one. This may at first seem to be completely without selfishness, but it is not. Evolved beings take part in this action for the better survival of their genome. When a family member is often in danger, we will usually try to save this family member from their danger, even at the expense of our survival. We do this because we are able to comprehend that saving a brother will mean that my brothers genes will be passed on, which are also my genes. Passing on of the genes is in the end the ultimate goal of life.

This discussion is weak because you are arguing the exact same thing as your last paragraph which is not what the refuting task is looking for. You do not make an argument here that people are not motivated by self-interest.

 

We are often compelled to sacrifice ourselves for a kin because this will ensure the survival of the kin, who shares their genome with us. Because brain grammar is able to comprehend the fact that saving a kin will in the end also pass on my gene just as saving my self would, we often take part in this unselfish behaviour which is really selfish. Humans have evolved to the point that we will always think about self but when a kin or a loved one is in danger, we will try to save them at the expense of our survival. Charity work, Volunteering and donations are behaviour that we do to feel better, to put our mind at ease and feel less guilty about the unfair workings of the world. We do these things because we are able to and it helps our mental health. But when a kin or a loved one is in trouble, we will always save them at the expense of our survival. This is the only time when we take part in a seemingly unselfish behaviour, but in the end, this is also related to the passing on of self`s genome.

You need to follow the standard template for the resolution paragraph. Your discussion is mostly a reiteration of the same ideas as before without addressing the resolution task. In a writing sample essay, you are suppose to present both sides of the argument in a fair and balanced manner which you do not do here.

 

The grammar issues are minor for the most part. The bigger concern is that you do not address the writing tasks. That hurts your essay much more than grammar.

 

Overall Mark: 1.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a K)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1.5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is not addressed. Resolution task is poorly addressed.

Depth: 2

Focus and coherence: 1.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 3.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 JB.

 

There is a popular saying often quoted on facebook, "We spend money we do not have, to buy things we do not want, to impress people we do not like". Our expression of status and self interest often seems to be expressed through the posession of money and things. Sometimes humans go to great lengths to obtain what they want. The Bernie Madoff scandal comes to mind. Other times, selfish behaviours are not as overt. For example, before taxes are due, many people donate money to charities to recieve tax credits. Although giving to charities is a noble thing to do, this behaviour is motivated by the expected return of tax credits instead of the idea of giving money to a cause for the sole purpose of making the world a better place.

For your supporting and refuting paragraphs you want to have one well developed example. Having multiple half-baked examples is not useful. The Bernie Madoff example could have been excellent and you should have elaborated upon that and made it the focus of your discussion. Your tax credit example is weak. It is not convincing that people donate because of tax credits. It could be a factor but it is difficult to argue that it is a strong source of motivation.

 

However, there are times when human behaviour is decidedly kind and selfless. Examples that come to mind are the large and small random acts of kindness that occured after the September 11 terrorist attacks. Communities opened their homes to the passangers on the grounded flights, school children raised money and many people across the world joined together in an outpouring of love and kindness to all affected on that day. On a smaller scale, selfless kindness is also evident in individuals who stand up to bullies, people who hold doors open and those that choose to volunteer their time to causes they believe in.

Again, the September 11th example, if elaborated upon would be excellent. However, by having two underdeveloped examples, you significantly weaken your argument.

 

It can be argued that all human behaviours are guided primarily by self interest. This is not appropriate for the resolution paragraph. Some behaviours such as the Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme are decidedly guided purely by self gratification. When people think they can "get away with it", there will always will be some who try. On the other hand, there are many examples of people who have put themselves in harms way or at least inconvenienced themselves for the benefit of other people. Self gratifying behaviours tend to occur on the small scale- when the individual thinks no one will find out. On a large scale, when the world is watching, humanity tends to work together and is guided by the interest of the group vs. the interest of the individual.

You should follow the standard template for the resolution paragraph. The large scale vs. small scale resolution principle could have worked. However, it should be expressed at the beginning of your resolution paragraph and should be applied to both of your previously discussed examples.

 

Some of your ideas had excellent potential but you did not pursue them here.

Overall Mark: 1.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a K )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1.5 Supporting task is poorly addressed. Refuting task is weakly addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 1.5

Focus and coherence: 2

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 baseballbears

 

Most people believe human beings are inherently good. This is not a good opener for your supporting paragraph.That is, humans are capable of acting selflessly to help others who are in need. In reality though, few people willingly help others unless they are given some incentive to do so. Charities, for example, are often unable to amass donations without some way of giving back to their doners. Events like concerts and marathons (such as the ScotiaBank AIDS Walk hosted in Toronto every year) generate more donations for their causes than any other time of the year. How is a marathon a way that the charity is giving back to donors? Is this because awareness for the charity peaks during those times? Perhaps, but the more likely reason is that doners spelling prefer to give money only if their self-interests are also served. While donating to a charity at any other time leads to a tax reciept in the mail with a generic thank you letter, attending an awareness event has further (and more enticing) benefits like music, freebies (T-shirts and the like), and being able to celebrate having done a good deed with numerous peers. While those pledging at charity events can just as easily donate any other time of the year, they select the time when the incentive to do so is the greatest.

This example is not convincing. It is hard to believe that people will donate more or choose to donate at a particular time to a cause just because there is an event with music and free t-shirts. The lottery example would have been much more believable.

 

But this isn't to say people are incapable of selfless acts. An extreme example might be that of the 26-year old Korean exchange student and 43-year old Japanese cameraman who were killed while trying to help a drunk man in a Tokyo subway station in 2001. When the two men saw a stranger fall onto the tracks, they leapt in to help despite the danger of the incoming train. While what those two men did were grammar certainly extraordinary, selfless acts for strangers are performed all the time on a much smaller scale. People frequently help strangers pick up dropped groceries, or open the doors for the elderly, or offer to provide an engine boost. Although none of these acts of kindness have any real benefit, people still perform them without giving it much thought.

The train example works. It would be better if there was further explanation and elaboration. Introducing a bunch of smaller examples at the end may seem good but your time is better spent developing your main example.

 

If not all human behaviours are neccessarily self-serving, what determines when someone's actions are guided by self-interest and when they are not? One important determining factor might be the urgency of the action in question. When there is no sense of urgency to perform a helpful act, people feel less compelled to do so and have more opportunity to rationalize against it (e.g. "I don't have a lot of money and I can always donate some other time"). Charities do not provide a time-limit for donating money, and this lack of urgency leads to people not feeling compelled to donate unless there is some specific incentive (e.g. a charity concert or lottery draw). The resolution principle of urgency is good. The application here is strong. However, the weakness of your supporting example continues to affect the essay here.On the other hand, when there is a pressing urgency to perform a helpful act, people feel more compelled. Compelled to do what? The heroes who tried to save the drunk man in the subway station were faced with an urgent situation and felt compelled to help despite the enormous danger associated with the task. Perhaps if people thought less and acted more, as people do in urgent situations, we would see more selfless acts and less self-serving acts in society.

Solid overall.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately an O )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 3.5 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 3

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[in2bat0r]

Thank you for your feedback Raymond, it is greatly appreciated!

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 sixstar

 

Human behaviour is a diverse and complex topic of study, as exemplified by the multitude of different academic disciplines, such as psychology and sociology, that work to better understand it. One question that faces researchers in these disciplines is finding out what drives humans to do what they do. It can be argued that human behaviour is guided primarily by self-interest, in that humans act in a way that benefits the individual rather than the group. Strong opening. For instance, it can be argued that in Canada and the United States, the "individualistic culture," in which people primarily work for the benefit of themseleves, is prominent. This can be evident when one considers rising number of individual's paying for elective cosmetic surgery in Canada and the United States. Often times, the purpose of these surgeries is not medical, but rather serves to enhance the individual's perception of their own bodies. Depending on the procedure being performed, the price for these surgeries range from a couple hundred dollars to thousands of dollars, and as such, a considerable amount of money (sometimes more than an individual can afford) is being spent for the sole benefit of oneself. Therefore, the rising number of elective cosmetic surgeries being performed in countries where the individualistic culture is prominent is evidence of human behaviour being driven primarily by self-interest.

This example is not really convincing. How about people who go on vacations? They spend thousands of dollars to travel around the world for their own experience. However, I don't know if you can call that being self-interested.

 

However, not all human behaviour is guided by self-interest. For instance, Amish communities across North America are often referred to by academics as "collectivistic cultures," where the people belonging to each community primarily work for the benefit of the group, rather than the individual. In these Amish communities, farming serves as one of the main sources of food for the community. However, instead of each family having a farm to grow their own food, the Amish culture encourages a certain division of labour amongst the families in a community, where some families do the farming for the whole community, while other families are assigned other duties for the benefit of the entire community. As such, the Amish farmers are working, not only to feed their families, but to provide food for their entire community, thus behaving in a way that is not guided primarily by self-interest, but rather by the interest of the group. This works well.

 

It would seem that whether or not human behaviour is guided primarily by self-interest depends on the culture in which the individual belongs. In individualistic cultures, prominent in countries such as the United States and Canada, people are encouraged to live independently of others and thus, make decisions according to their self-interest. The increasing number of elective cosmetic surgeries being preformed annually in these countries serves as evidence of human behaviour being driven primarily by self-interest, as these procedure serve no benefit to anyone other than the individual on which it is being preformed. However, in the case of the Amish communities, where a collectivistic culture is prominent, the individuals work for the benefit of the entire communtiy, as exemplfied by the Amish farmers working to provide food for everyone in their community, and not just themselves. Therefore, in collectivistic cultures, certain behaviours are not guided by self-interest, but rather guided by what is in the best interest of the group. As such, it would seem that acting in one's self interest is not an inherent human quality, but rather determined more so by the culture in which the individual belongs to.

Everything is well done here. However, the weakness of your supporting example continues to affect the strength of your arguments here. There are lots of things that people do that benefit themselves only. However, it is hard to call all of those things self-interested for that reason.

 

 

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Thanks! I was just wondering if we should try to spell words according to American conventions? I know in this essay I spelt "behaviour" in the British style and was wondering if that would lose marks on the MCAT. I would hope that you would not lose points for that. However, I don't know the answer to this question.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 Supporting task is somewhat addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 souljaboy

 

A very basic human instinct is that of self preservation. This is one of the most fundamental instincts that we have, so it is no surprise when people behave with only their interests in mind in most situations. The classic novel Lord of the Flies depicted a situation where a group of children are stranded on an island and must try to survive. After some initial attempts at organization, the children quickly turned animalistic and even killed several members of their group. Their initial harmonic behavior quickly changed to one of anarchy and of self preservation. Each of them acted only in their own interest with the goal of surviving in the hostile environment. They had completely no regards for the well-being of the others. Many psychologists and socialogists believe the situation in Lord of the Flies was depicted very realistically and it reflected the fundamental human instinct of self preservation completely changing a person's behavior. Strong.

 

Sometimes, there can be greater bonds between people that completely overcomes the instinct of self-preservation, leading to extraodinary sacrifices. During the Sichuan earthquake in China in 2008, rescuers found a mother and infant who were trapped by debris for several days. The mother used her body to shield the child from getting hurt at the cost of her own life. Because of her, the infant was able to survive until rescuers reached them. Her actions are completely against the basic instinct of survival because of the emotional bonds she has with the child. She regards the child's safety as important than her own. Strong interpersonal bonds such as those of a mother and child can make one behave in the best interest of others at the expense of their self interst.This is okay. However, this scenario isn't strongly convincing since it is in one's self-interest to protect one's family especially offspring.

Humans act in their own self interest unless there are important bonds between the individuals to affect their decision. In the instance of the children stranded on the island, they were all strangers prior to the experience and thus had no strong emotional bonds with each other. Therefore, their instinct of self preservation caused them to act in their own interest at the expense of others. In the situation with the earthquake, the mother had a strong emotional bond with her child, which was so strong that she acted against her own best interest in order to preserve the child's life. Because self preservation is such a basic instinct, only very important bonds can cause someone to act against their own self interest at the benefit of others. Good resolution principle and very strong application. However, the same issue exists where acting to preserve the life of one's offspring is still out of self-interest.

 

Solid overall.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 loopas

 

We are taught from a young age to help others and to treat others the way that we would want to be treated. However, are these just policies that sound nice? When, in reality, are these rules actually followed? This is not a strong opening for your supporting paragraph. In general, rhetorical questions are not effective for expository essays. Human behavior is often guided by self-interest which is taking advantage of opportunities without keeping in mind the thoughts and feelings of others. For example, the basis of evolution is self-interest. Since the beginning of human history, humans choose to protect themselves and their kins before others so that they can ensure that their genes are propagated. This is evident in 'Lord of the Flies,' a novel by William Golding. In this novel, a group of pre-adolescent boys is stranded on an island. Over time, each boy begins to see the other boys as threats to his survival and becomes a savage in an attempt to eliminate the other boys; his behavior is guided by self-interest.

This example is good. The explanation could use more elaboration and improvement.

 

On occasion though, human behavior can be guided by the interest of others. In these cases, people put others before themselves and apply what they are taught in school. For example, during the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, countries all across the world joined forces to rebuild Haiti. The Canadian government matched the donations made by Canadians so as to double the dollar amount that Haiti would receive. Agencies like Red Cross and Doctors Without Borders sent personnel who could provide physical labor and begin to reconstruct Haiti. These people chose to put their comfort and self-interest behind them and chose to rebuild a country so millions of people could have shelter. Excellent.

 

Human behavior is a very complex subject which has been research grammar by psychologists for thousands of years. I don't think so. The motivation behind human behavior depends on the situation This is obvious and does not need to be stated.; if a person is directly involved in conflict then his/her behavior will be guided by self-interest however, if the person is not directly involved in a crisis situation, he will strive to help those engulfed in conflict. This is a strong resolution principle. If you could express it more concisely, it would be excellent. In Lord of the Flies, the boys' behavior was driven by self-interest because they were directly immersed in the conflict. During the Haiti earthquake however, members of the other country were not directly involved in the conflict so their behavior was driven by the interest of the citizens of Haiti. The proximity to the situation determines what drives human behavior.

The application of the resolution principle to the examples needs to be elaborated upon. As it stands, the application is too sparse.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 25 blue181

 

It is often said that humans are selfish creatures who act mainly for self-benefit. Many situations that occurred recently can prove word choice that idea, including how Mark Zuckerberg cut business partner Eduardo Saverin out of their company, Facebook.com, once Saverin was no longer useful to the company’s growth. When Zuckerberg first had the idea to start Facebook, he approached Saverin because he knew Saverin had the money he needed to start up the company. The two agreed to be business partners; however, their relationship quickly went downhill from there. Zuckerberg and Saverin had different ideas about what was best for the company. Many of Saverin’s actions, including the running of unauthorized ads on the website, angered Zuckerberg, and soon he was finding other people like Sean Parker to handle the business end of the company instead of Saverin. Eventually, in October 2004, Zuckerberg delivered the final blow when he diluted Saverin’s share of the company to less than 10%, effectively cutting him out of the company. In this case, Zuckerberg’s interest has always been in himself and his company, and his actions matched his interests. He never really cared about Saverin, only that he had the start up money he needed and some business sense, so as soon as Saverin ceased to be useful to the development of his company, Zuckerberg cut him off without hesitation. This example could be excellent. However, the explanation wasn't convincing enough. It sounds like there was a conflict and Zuckerberg had to do what was best for the company and he may have been justified in doing so.

 

However, sometimes humans are not so selfish, and can act with the best interest of another individual in mind. This can particularly be true if a person cares for the well-being of that individual just as much, or more so than their own well-being. For example, Don Lansaw was very selfless when he acted to save his wife’s life. When a devastating tornado ripped through their home town of Joplin, Missouri, Bethany Lansaw went to hide in the bathtub. Her husband then instinctively covered her body with his own, thereby protecting her from the majority of the flying debris. In the end, Bethany suffered only minor injuries, but Don did not survive – he had sacrificed his own life to protect his wife. In this case, Don Lansaw probably cared for his wife more than he cared for himself, thus his actions were guided not to benefit himself, but to benefit his wife Bethany instead. This example is okay. This was a beautiful act. However, it is not strongly convincing for the refuting task because it is within one's self-interest to protect the ones we love.

 

Overall, whether or not human behavior is guided by self interest depends on if, in the particular situation within which a person is acting, there is someone else who the person cares about just as much, or more so than themselves. This resolution principle is not expressed as concisely and eloquently as it could be.With Mark Zuckerberg, while he was developing Facebook.com he cared mostly for himself and his company. He did not really care about the well-being of Eduardo Saverin; he was only interested in what Saverin could offer his company. Therefore, as soon as Saverin stood in the way of the company’s progress, Zuckerberg cut him off. On the other hand, Don Lansaw evidently cared more for his wife than himself, and for that reason his behavior during the tornado reflected his wife’s best interest rather than his own.

This is okay. Again, the same issue remains that protecting the ones we love is within our own self-interests.

 

Overall Mark: 4.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a Q)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 All of the tasks are adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 4

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5