Pink Tulip Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 That will break their hearts, I don't want to break their hearts. They have been good parents to me. Even though their own marriage has failed. Well then start dating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Tip #2: date and meet people outside of healthcare. Just because you're a doctor doesn't mean you have to date someone who takes are of people too. Dating at the same workplace is messy anyways. Find a hobby then find some girls who share that hobby (I know easier said than done). I feel bad that girls keep advancing on you when you don't want it, it's actually not that easy to get away from all the time and can mess things up where you are. Let it be known in your workplace that you have no interest in datin and then just look elsewhere. Someone will pop up eventually. I guess this kind of boils down, at the end of day, to my personality. My lazy personality means that I am not willing to expend the energy and effort to go out there and meet other people outside of work. I feel more relaxed and comfortable just sitting in front of a computer. Yet online dating is full of scam so I am not interested in that either. So my only way of seeing new people is at the workplace, and now that that has been taken off the table I just see myself as having no options other than remaining single for a long long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Also for the kids: it's really only a North American tradition to leave your parents in the dust and to fend for themselves. I have family and family friends in Europe or from there and they all take care of their parents. Most of the grandparents live next door so it's not like they have to watch over them 24/7 yet and it's easier on the child. It's a valid reason for having children and not having them means you are potentially losing out on it. I pointed it out because OP didn't seem interested in the other reasons why people typically have children. I will take good care of my parents, make no mistake about that. It is the only part of my ancestral culture that I still agree with and live by. The rest of my ancestral culture I think is garbage. I also don't really mind if my children end up not taking care of me. My reasons for not having children, other than that I can't imagine myself being responsible dad, is that my parents demand that I marry within the race, however I feel that by doing that I will only help perpetuate the evil empire that my family and I have escaped from. I feel really guilty about the evil empire doing evil things to its own people and also financially supporting another small evil empire that in turn cause problems for the whole world. So I have no desire to help perpetuate that evil empire by bearing off-springs that share the genetic material of the empire's ∫hitizens in an entirely undiluted form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazzle Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 I guess you are right in that I want a relationship. However I have struggled with this dilemma for a very long time: The people that are "ugly" are not "ugly" due to any fault of their own, but rather due to the genetic makeup of their parents. So I perceive that if I were to go after "hot" people, it would be really unfair to the "ugly" people. So that if I were to eventually marry, I would have to marry an "ugly" person so that it will sit well with my conscience. However the "ugliness" will be passed on to our children, significantly curtailing their future potentials in our society which places so much on looks. I want to give my children best of everything. Hence my dilemma. Until this dilemma is resolved I cannot see myself getting involved with any relationships in any real sense of the word. People with lower level looks still get opportunities, and with a father in healthcare, they probably won't have a bad life. Are you just being a perfectionist with respect to your kids or do you really think their opportunities will be cut short by looks? If the latter, there is not substantial reason to not have kids. If the former, it's something you might have to work on. It seems there are many blocks in your head that prevent you from accepting situations that would make you happy. Have you considered CBT? As for the suggestion made a bit after your post about meeting people through hobbies, I completely second that. Who cares if you are lazy? Just do something you wouldn't otherwise do and sign up somewhere. Meeting at the workplace seems horrible. It's much less likely that the women you encounter there will be able to dissociate yourself from your career. You could always continue dating there for fun, but I would strongly suggest alternate avenues, if only for airing the thoughts that enter your head. The computer is cause of comfort but comfort has little to do with happiness. Do something special! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 People with lower level looks still get opportunities, and with a father in healthcare, they probably won't have a bad life. Are you just being a perfectionist with respect to your kids or do you really think their opportunities will be cut short by looks? If the latter, there is not substantial reason to not have kids. If the former, it's something you might have to work on. It seems there are many blocks in your head that prevent you from accepting situations that would make you happy. Have you considered CBT? As for the suggestion made a bit after your post about meeting people through hobbies, I completely second that. Who cares if you are lazy? Just do something you wouldn't otherwise do and sign up somewhere. Meeting at the workplace seems horrible. It's much less likely that the women you encounter there will be able to dissociate yourself from your career. You could always continue dating there for fun, but I would strongly suggest alternate avenues, if only for airing the thoughts that enter your head. The computer is cause of comfort but comfort has little to do with happiness. Do something special! OK I will give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NutritionRunner Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Also for the kids: it's really only a North American tradition to leave your parents in the dust and to fend for themselves. I have family and family friends in Europe or from there and they all take care of their parents. Most of the grandparents live next door so it's not like they have to watch over them 24/7 yet and it's easier on the child. It's a valid reason for having children and not having them means you are potentially losing out on it. I pointed it out because OP didn't seem interested in the other reasons why people typically have children. Meh. I still think it's an incredibly selfish reason to have children. IMO, it's just about the worst possible reason to have children - you don't know before you have them if they will end up being disabled to a point where they will never be able to look after you, or have other issues that result in them not being able to take care of you. Plus, although it is sad, I also know many instances where children passed away before their parents did. Have children because you want to have children, not because you want someone to take care of you when you are older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Tulip Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 And you said that you like to stay in on the computer. Sign up for online dating, but not one of those pay sites. Try okcupid or pof or something; oftentimes the women that use those sites are professional women who have little time to meet anyone outside of their own group. You may be surprised. Trust me. Just do it. Just make sure to have a few good pictures. But don't rush it. You'll meet someone you like when you do. Dont forget to exclude the fact that you're a doctor in your profile. Just put healthcare professional or professional and leave it at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 A few things. 1. I applaud your strong stance in not wanting to reproduce, even in the face of criticism from your family. 2. The most important thing for a man to have in the dating game is self-respect. The second is height. The third is income. Men's looks are actually less important than it is for women, so don't beat yourself up if you're not "hot". What you can do is gain some self-respect. You have to get women to want to enter your reality, which means you want to live with pride. You said so yourself: you have a great life and you're very happy with how it turned out. Be proud of it. It'll show. Women usually don't come to men. You have to approach them if you're interested. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to practice your small talk and approaching skills. The more you do it, the less you'll fear it. And you said that you like to stay in on the computer. Sign up for online dating, but not one of those pay sites. Try okcupid or pof or something; oftentimes the women that use those sites are professional women who have little time to meet anyone outside of their own group. You may be surprised. Trust me. Just do it. Just make sure to have a few good pictures. But don't rush it. You'll meet someone you like when you do. Thanks for the compliment. I will give okcupid/pof a try. Although lately I have heard from a friend that the gender ratio is not favourable on okcupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Dont forget to exclude the fact that you're a doctor in your profile. Just put healthcare professional or professional and leave it at that. I will ensure that fact is excluded. In fact, I will be putting down my pre-med undergraduate program as my profession, which will make people think that I am only an ordinary white-collar worker earning a salary that will incur Renin's rage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 In other words, university student. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 In other words, university student. They are too young for me. Besides some of them could be underage, and then I would lose my license and end up in jail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazzle Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 She meant the way you would portray yourself as. Not who you would go after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaKirbster Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 I will give okcupid/pof a try. Although lately I have heard from a friend that the gender ratio is not favourable on okcupid. This is very true. There are way more guys than girls on both sites. Girls get flooded with messages and it is relatively rare for a guy to spontaneously get a message from a girl. Its still worth a try though, just don't be upset if a girl doesn't message you back (because many won't). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Tulip Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 This is very true. There are way more guys than girls on both sites. Girls get flooded with messages and it is relatively rare for a guy to spontaneously get a message from a girl. Its still worth a try though, just don't be upset if a girl doesn't message you back (because many won't). Such is life. Don't mess up your message. Some girls will like a simple hello and others will like the little speech. Think carefully before you message someone and don't make it seem like you totally stalked their profile. I played around on these sites before and the retarded things guys would say as an opener omg... The only sites where girls overcrowd guys is on gold digger sites like http://www.misstravel.com or the one where you can date millionaires. There was one site on the iPhone that had a good guy-girl ratio but I forgot the name . Do some research around and never pay. Also what kind of evil empire did your parents and ancestors brew that is so terrible to pass on? By the sounds of it I will say you are Indian or maybe Chinese. Or from Middle East origins. I've met many people of those origins who have bothersome parents about dating "our race" (and yet they get mad about people being racist towards them, how ironic :offtopicrant: ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 She meant the way you would portray yourself as. Not who you would go after. OK got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Such is life. Don't mess up your message. Some girls will like a simple hello and others will like the little speech. Think carefully before you message someone and don't make it seem like you totally stalked their profile. I played around on these sites before and the retarded things guys would say as an opener omg... The only sites where girls overcrowd guys is on gold digger sites like http://www.misstravel.com or the one where you can date millionaires. There was one site on the iPhone that had a good guy-girl ratio but I forgot the name . Do some research around and never pay. Thanks for enlightening me on one of the biggest puzzles I had always had over why the gender ratios are the way they are online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FollowYourBliss Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Ignore the haters on here, it's okay to be weird. Right now I think dating isn't worth the effort, but I'm young and I might change my mind in the future. You might change your mind too. I think the people out there who match your personality will come into your life without any effort on your part. Just do whatever makes you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Ignore the haters on here, it's okay to be weird. Right now I think dating isn't worth the effort, but I'm young and I might change my mind in the future. You might change your mind too. I think the people out there who match your personality will come into your life without any effort on your part. Just do whatever makes you happy. Thanks for the encouragement. I don't mind the haters, since nobody knows who I am in real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fugacity Posted June 19, 2013 Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 tl;dr OP you are certain you are interested in women? I say this with the utmost sincerity and respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 Also what kind of evil empire did your parents and ancestors brew that is so terrible to pass on? By the sounds of it I will say you are Indian or maybe Chinese. Or from Middle East origins. I've met many people of those origins who have bothersome parents about dating "our race" (and yet they get mad about people being racist towards them, how ironic :offtopicrant: ). Talking about being a hypocritic... Anyways, there are not that many countries that fit the bill. The big evil empire once went to war against the whole world in order to protect the little evil empire from getting entirely obliterated by the forces of good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 tl;dr OP you are certain you are interested in women? I say this with the utmost sincerity and respect. Thank you for your utmost sincerity and respect. I am fairly certain that I am interested in women. I am currently at a point in my life where I think I can do fine without women. And all my experiences in dealing with women on a personal level have been negative so far, due only to my own shortcomings as per ralk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laika Posted June 19, 2013 Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 I don't mind the haters, since nobody knows who I am in real life. Don't overestimate the anonymity of the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futureGP Posted June 19, 2013 Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 You clearly want to have a good relationship with an attractive lady (as anyone would, unless they have schizoid personality disorder or something). Your problem seems to be that you can't actually attract women (because of lack of looks, poor personality, poor confidence, lack of "game" and charisma, poor social skills, serious anxiety issues, or medical issues or a combination of the aforementioned). As result of your long-standing virgin status, you probably contract a severe case of "one-itus" when any attractive lady gives you the time of day, which never leads to a good outcome (as you alluded to above). So you've developed a defense mechanism to deal with these negative emotions - you've given up hope on being able to get that hot chick, and you're trying to rationalize this with faulty "logic." Of course, deep down you know that you'll never be truly happy without a meaningful relationship and sex-life. I don't think you should give up. Looks aren't everything (as long as you're not hideous or disfigured). You're going to be doctor (which is a huge plus). And you can improve other aspects in order to make yourself more attractive to women. Not wanting to have kids (especially at the very start of your residency) is perfectly normal. You shouldn't let your parents force you to do something you don't want to do. Not wanting to get married is normal as well. I think people should experiment with many different partners before "settling down." I cringe at people who marry the first person they date or have sex with. Ultimately 50% of marriages end in divorce. In fact getting married as a future physician is generally an unwise thing to do (unless you're marrying someone with equal or greater income than you and/or you sign a good pre-nup). Again, this is not to say you shouldn't try to play the field. Who knows, maybe you'll eventually fall in love and want kids some day when you're in your mid 40s or something. Totally agree with what ur saying. I seen lots of this group of guys at ut engineering. cant blame them though, its not like they brought it on themselves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futureGP Posted June 19, 2013 Report Share Posted June 19, 2013 I guess you are right in that I want a relationship. However I have struggled with this dilemma for a very long time: The people that are "ugly" are not "ugly" due to any fault of their own, but rather due to the genetic makeup of their parents. So I perceive that if I were to go after "hot" people, it would be really unfair to the "ugly" people. So that if I were to eventually marry, I would have to marry an "ugly" person so that it will sit well with my conscience. However the "ugliness" will be passed on to our children, significantly curtailing their future potentials in our society which places so much on looks. I want to give my children best of everything. Hence my dilemma. Until this dilemma is resolved I cannot see myself getting involved with any relationships in any real sense of the word. Dude, Not to be mean but ugly guys def get hot girls not just using $$$ but with confidence and leadership For guys, confidence trumps looks as long as u dont look like a monster and u take care of urself (go to the gym etc) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcater2006 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2013 Don't overestimate the anonymity of the internet. I am shaking right now... Do people on this forum actually know who I am??? :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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