sentimentalscenery Posted April 10, 2014 Report Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm aware during this time of the year the novelty of medschool wears off and people are 'overwhelmed' by work and etc. They do not focus as they are too busy planning summers (going to Europe la-de-la) getting married with wonderful life ahead. considering how I had absolutely nothing going for me and was suicidal before my acceptance (because I felt like a waste of space--human garbage, useless just breathing out CO2 and not contributing to anything in this world.... the only reason why I didn't was because my family is extremely poor and I had debts - still do). I guess right now it's much better compared to my life before meschool because at least I will have a job when I graduate. However, I guess I'm encountering my limits - I feel I have made a reputation of myself as someone who's not always right--- you know what I mean, there are people where when they say something - despite the fact that they are WRONG, people take it as right and there are people who says the right things who are still questioned. I'm the latter so you can imagine the stress I'm under. I have absolutely no presence and feel I'm shunned even when saying 'hello' and 'bye' to my peers so rather than being ignored, I will just not say anything. I have talked about these problems with my mum because I really have noone else to talk to and it just caused her extra stress with no solution/advice. everyone's so highly achieving and in some sort of leadership and the leadership I'm part of? it's not popular - I'm not sure its because I'm in it or people just lost interest. (to the point where I was talking to at least 4 people if they were interested in taking leadership position). I know I should be grateful for all things I have rather than I do not have, but I can't help comparing myself to my ideal/expectations/or people who are younger than me and are in my class. like for instance, I have a family to celebrate my birthday with, and they remember my birthdays - but for some reason I seem to value birthday wishes from strangers like friends. I am taking my family's celebration as granted assuming that most have this right but getting a surprise party or at least having friends to have party with or at least a birthday card from people I consider friend would be nice. Actually I become so depressed during my birthday or when its around my birthday because while I think myself as a special someone and that it should be celebrated it's not reflected by people around me. I've had great birthdays I think/or I don't remember until grade 3 and on grade 4 only few people came out of all people I invited and I got one crappy gift from those 4 girls (book cover that cost a dollar - while they chomped on expensive meals my parents bought them) and they left saying that I should be grateful that at least they came. I guess that traumatized me a little bit because now I feel so awkward about my birthdays and I feel so angry and sad and depressed and negative because birthdays are sort of a way to find out if you are being 'loved' and without a fail, I'm always disappointed by people whom I call friends. Actually that's why I don't have any friends from my other schools and I don't know how to keep friendship for a long time - before I was deluded thinking I was bored with those friends but now that I think about it, I was simply afraid of their rejections and their lack of care (ie.// birthday) kind of confirmed it. This was so bad that one year when my mum celebrated my birthday with me, I actually said I should die. I have confessed to my mum that I have extremely low self-esteem and she doesn't believe me because I'm very rude to her. I don't know why I feel so angry,depressed, sad and teary and it's just driving me mad. I think its a combination of lot of things and I wish I could control my emotion and really not care about things instead of feigning not to care about things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Real Beef Posted April 10, 2014 Report Share Posted April 10, 2014 My friend, you need to go see a counsellor. Mental health illness is common in the population and I advise you to seek support so that things do not get worse for you. Dont wait any longer and do more than post on an anonymous website ... seek help please. And once you start med school you will need to immediately seek regular counselling with the student services to get you through the difficult path ahead of you. Beef Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ttoronto Posted April 11, 2014 Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 Please seek help from your school's office of student affairs! It sounds like you have upcoming exams and you should not be writing these when you are not well. I hope things work out for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
late_newbie Posted April 11, 2014 Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 Dear OP, I just want to give you a hug, just a big bear hug, just hold you tightly and let you just enjoy the feeling and comfort of being held. you described a lot of what I went through a few times in life, and sometimes still do. seek counselling, but other than that - the only other advice I can give is seek out the people who you can genuinely be with (even if there are moments of just comfortable silence), and tell them, you want to maintain that friendship and do things together to keep that going. be open about it. I think maintaining friendships is actually becoming harder in this day and age where everyone just does everything online, and nobody meets in person anymore(/that much) or they just meet up to do some bar hopping/club night etc. but don't talk about real life problems, personal things etc. in a different setting e.g. day in the park I also hope you realize that it's okay to have 1-3 friends, people in your life who care, rather than a gaggle of people who show they care, but aren't there to pick you up, when you need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burrb Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 meh not everyone is popular and that's ok. I think the issue is that you place large value on friendships when you don't have many (any?) friends. that discordance is making you upset. Instead of caring so much about making friends, why not invest more in your family? enjoy their company and be satisfied with them. meet new people when you can but don't force it or you'll end up angry at yourself for no reason. It may be helpful to seek counselling as others have suggested or speak to your GP/psychiatrist esp. if you SIGECAPS yourself and find yourself diagnostic for MDD or are actively suicidal. don't struggle through this alone, and know that you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chamilt Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Confirmed troll. Sent a pm. Reaching out over a week ago. No response. Or, I could be a horrible person and said person had done something unthinkable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Head Squeeze Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Confirmed troll. Sent a pm. Reaching out over a week ago. No response. Or, I could be a horrible person and said person had done something unthinkable. People don't notice PM's unless you tell them explicitly that you have sent a pm especially if they are new Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holiday1001 Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Confirmed troll. Sent a pm. Reaching out over a week ago. No response. Or, I could be a horrible person and said person had done something unthinkable. I suggest you watch what conclusion you jump to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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