Baby/Meds Timing Issues

[Ahimsa]

Hi everyone,

 

I know this question has been posted before, but I feel my situation is a bit different and was hoping people wouldn't mind offering some advice. I'll try to make a long story short.

 

I have a Bachelor's degree that took me ten years to complete. The GPA isn't so hot (3.0). I then moved to London, ON, where my husband was relocated for work. I decided to give my longstanding dream of becoming a doctor a go, and hoped to get in to UWO since we have permanently settled in London. In order to be eligible to apply to Western, I took another undergraduate degree (full time). I made the GPA cut-offs but my MCAT scores did not. I plan on re-taking the MCAT and reapplying. I also applied to other non-MCAT requiring schools and did not get in either.

 

My question really relates to age and timing issues regarding when the best time would be for me to have a baby. As I am almost 31, I am thinking of starting a family. Yet I really don't want to give up on this dream of medicine, especially since for the first time in my life, I am actually in a position to get in (hopefully). Yet, unlike the 25-year-old who has the freedom to apply repeatedly without worrying too much about baby timing issues, I feel that for me, I either need to have a baby now and then try for medical school in a few years' time, or, keep plugging away at meds and then have a baby during med school or after.

 

Both of the latter cases seem a bit problematic for me, however. For one, my partner is a professional and won't really have the time to help me out with the baby while I am in med school. Plus, we don't have any family here. It's not so much the cost of daycare that is a problem (even though it might be a bit tight), but it's the emotional and physical costs that I might incur. Is it truly feasible to study (and be happy) while in medical school while caring for a young baby? Presumably there is an intense amount of studying involved. Would I be able to come home and relax with my child, or would there be similar amounts of studying as there are in full-time undergrad? (In which case, I can see myself and my husband completely burning out!)

 

I also know that the application process is long and arduous, and that it will likely take me one, two, or perhaps three more application cycles to get in, particularly since I am limiting myself to only a few schools.

 

If anyone can offer some advice as to what the best path might be for me to take, it would be much appreciated.

 

- Baby now (age 31), meds later (~35-38)?

- Meds now (age 32-33), baby during?

- Meds now (age 32-33), baby after? (~37-38) (I'm not so keen on this)

 

Kindest thanks,

 

Ahimsa

[Ève]

why don't you have a baby now? If it takes you 2 or 3 cycles or more to get in, then your baby will be old enough to be put in daycare, and you'll have time with your baby for the first few years, while you get a kick-ass MCAT score.

 

But I don't think you can do it alone. Professional or not, your husband will need to help if both of you want a baby. If he's not willing to sacrifice anything (take care of the kid the nights you need to study, pick up the kid from daycare if he's sick and you're in an exam...) then maybe you should reconsider certain things.

 

Also, consider that you could hire a "au pair nanny" as long as you have an extra bedroom for her in your house, and can give her decent pocket money. Google it, if you're interested. An inexpensive nanny might help make the bridge between your future busy schedule and your husband's.

 

One last thing, if becoming a doctor is your dream, I don't see why you shouldn't go for it, nor why you should be the only one making compromises and sacrifices.

[wanttobedoc]

I have 2 degrees as well. I had my 2 kids after my 2nd degree and now I'm in the process of trying to get into med school. I have an interview....so, I guess this is a step in the right direction. I'm also in my 30s....

I have a good friend in med school with a 2 and 4 year old, she's doing just fine. It is all up to you. I also have friends having their first babies at age 38/39 too. You can do anything you want to. I studied for my MCAT in a foreign country with a baby and a 3 year old, in the midst of moving back to Canada. My husband is away a lot, but, it did not matter. You can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you are motivated and time manage wisely just my advice......

[CutieYellow]

I wouldn't recommend waiting till 38-39 to have babies, for many reasons.

 

1) being the insane increase of problems for the baby (ie down's syndrome jumps up dramatically after age 35)

 

2) difficulty getting pregnant in the first place around that age (lots of abortions, women are at their prime in the early twenties - which i've now passed, sigh)

 

3) what if you wanted another one after, or another one after that ? Are you still gonna try having kids at 45 ? And will you be sad should you (hopefully not of course), not be able to ?

 

I think having kids is a great blessing and if you really want one, perhaps you should consider having one now or at least during med school. But that's only my two cents. What do i know - still childless :S lol..

 

CY

[ffp]

This is tough. I'm always envious of my male colleagues who can have kids, take their 1wk paternity leave, and jump right back into the fray of things without missing a beat in their training.

 

When YOU choose to start a family is obviously something I can't really advise you on... since you know better for yourself the pros and cons of each choice.

 

I have known people who had babies during med school, and managed just fine. Med school is stressful, but let's face it! You're still sitting in the lecture theatre in the first two years, and if you need to, you can take a day off! There's no call or shift-work to be concerned with... so the first two years might be the most feasible time.

 

Residency is a tough time to have kids too (because of having to work on your feet/do call during pregnancy, AND because of losing time in your training). The bonus is that you get paid maternity leave (the specifics vary a bit by province). Again, I've known people who had kids during residency and managed alright. A few people had kids after finishing 3rd year IM and before starting subspecialty (although this might be a bit too long for you to wait).

 

Waiting until you're an attending has its perks (no missed time in your training), but its downsides as well. You don't get paid mat leave, so you're incomeless while off. You still have to pay your office staff/expenses and you have to find someone to look after your patients (assuming you have an office and outpatient practice). Again... this might be a bit long for you specifically to wait, but in general, it's an issue for females in medicine.

 

I echo what a previous poster said that you WILL need help from your husband, and A LOT of residents/attendings who have babies do have nannies. A nanny can be a forbidible expense while in med school, but if your husband has a good job, it might be feasible.

 

good luck!

[Ahimsa]

Thanks to all for your helpful advice.

 

I think the best solution for me is just to go ahead and continue applying, and also try for a child. I don't see much point in putting my life on hold when it could take me a few years before I even get in.

 

I just had a question regarding medical school policies regarding deferrals for pregnancy. I know this was touched upon in another post but I was unable to garner a clear answer. Does anyone know if U of T, Mac, or UWO will grant a deferral for someone who has just had a child (If I had a child in July or August, it wouldn't be feasible to start meds that september (breastfeeding)).

 

Also, I was wondering what these schools' policies are regarding taking a year off in the midst of meds to have a baby? (if I get pregnant during my first or second year of meds, for example) Would I be able to take a year or so off and then resume studies?

 

Thanks again for all your helpful advice,

 

Ahimsa

[wanttobedoc]

I don't know about the schools you listed however I do have friends at UBC and U of C, that have had various scenerios involving pregnancy, births, and deferrals in the past. My one friend was due in November and admittance was in August (3 mths before due date), and she got to defer her accepatance until the next year. I know another person who all ready had 2 young children and a new baby, and she was accepted and she just had to work around her breastfeeding schedule by pumping milk before/after classes and planning well (no deferral). I think it is very subjective as to whether or not you will get a deferral, depends on the school and the exact circumstances and timing. I have also heard of people getting a year off within the program....then there is a lot of catch up work later....

Lots to think about for you I'm sure.

[ffp]

I know people who have taken a year off to have babies (between 1st and 2nd or 2nd and 3rd) at both U of A and U of S.

 

They managed just fine, both matching to their residencies of choice. They mention that it is hard to get back into medicine-mode after taking a year off - especially with a baby at home. Also, one of them makes repeated negative references to not graduating with her original class, being stuck in the class below, losing touch with her original classmates, etc. It seems that the school administration was pretty accomodating to these situations.

 

You should research the policy on deferrals/taking a year off at the school you wish to attend.

[drcave]

Family first - baby now! You may be able to get into school later or during but if you put off having a baby and then can't conceive because you are too old you will regret your decision. Getting pregnant is sometimes harder than getting into medical school.

 

I just found out my wife is pregnant after 2 years of trying. Unfortunately I blew my first interview because I froze up on a few questions. Good news/bad news. I'm 35 and this is my first time applying. I have pretty decent stats (3.74 gpa 37P MCAT) but so do all the other interviewees.

[Sunshine4Isa]

Hi,

 

I can't comment on med school, but I can share my experience and can relate to some of your concerns. I'm 31 and I had a baby 6 months ago. I was in the midst of analysing data for my thesis study (and I worked until the day before birth). It was extremely hard to do anything for several weeks after the baby was born (he ate every 2 hours!! day and night!!), but I manage to complete a long thesis 2 months after my son was born and defended it 3 weeks later. I can't say it was easy - it was HARD. But now that it's over, I'm happy I got it done. I'm now in a PhD program and he goes to a day home part-time (he's been going since he was 3 months old). It was hard at first to leave him with a stranger (I did find someone GREAT!), but I feel like I have the best of both worlds - I can be with him for a significant part of my day, and I also get to do my work/pursue my passions and this makes me a better mother.

 

I have a friend who had twins during residency, but her husband was able to take paternity leave. I didn't have the luxury of having my partner stay at home, so now we're both working and the baby still doesn't sleep through the night.

 

I guess I wanted to share that it's possible to keep going even when you have a baby, but that you may need to make a few arrangements in the very beginning to make it all possible. It was a very stressful experience for me, but it all worked out in the end! Babies always interfere with our plans, I always think that we should be able to incorporate them in our lives, no matter what we're up to at the time. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.

 

Isa