love or surgery?

[lovestruck]

Don't know if any of you watch Grey's Anatomy, but last night's episode brought up a good point about the practice of medicine and sacrifices (although what a terrible episode! everyone's breaking up!).

 

So if you had to chose what would you choose: love (having a romantic relationship with a man/woman that you love) or surgery (being a doctor and being able to do all the things that come with that role)?

 

Personally, I agreed with Izzie. I'm not a doctor so maybe my opinion is naive but she said it the way I thought it: being a doctor is a job, its what you come home FROM not what you come home TO. But that's just me. What would you guys choose? (And no cheating by choosing both! I know it's possible to chose both and be very happy/succesful but that takes the fun out of the question)

[Jochi1543]

Love, obviously. I would worry about anyone who'd prefer a job over human relationships.

[lovestruck]

Love, obviously. I would worry about anyone who'd prefer a job over human relationships.

 

That's what I thought too! Sadly, I asked my friends this question (many of who have med school ambitions) and I'm the only one out of EIGHT that chose love! They all said medicine because "finding someone to love is much easier then going through all the hurdles it requires to be a doctor, so it would be easier to give up".

 

I think I need new friends lol

[Cnussey]

That's what I thought too! Sadly, I asked my friends this question (many of who have med school ambitions) and I'm the only one out of EIGHT that chose love! They all said medicine because "finding someone to love is much easier then going through all the hurdles it requires to be a doctor, so it would be easier to give up".

 

I think I need new friends lol

 

Then they've never really been in love.

 

If you can find someone to love and spend you life with, then you won't give a **** about your job or his/her job or anything else.

[Adversary]

My sibling's colleague got into a general surgery residency. She was hardcore and a keener. She married right after graduation, before residency began.

 

2 years later, she is giving up her general surgery residency and switching to family medicine which will take 1 additional year for the stuff she missed.

 

People make choices. I never thought she would do that because she's very career-driven.

[Dr.Henderson]

Or they'll never be in love with an attitude like that.

 

In fact, I don't think I'd even want to be treated by a doctor with an attitude like that. If they're willing to dump someone they love for their job, what does that say about their ability to care for and have compassion for their patients? That would suggest to me that medicine is just a job, a career ambition, and that the actual CARE aspect of it isn't meaningful to them. Sounds like they're better cut out for a cutthroat business environment.

[lovestruck]

I completely agree. Since their my friends I can't really tell them that, but they are the type that see medicine as the profession for them for the prestige and because they have good marks. It drives me NUTS that caring for people is probably the last priority on their list and it sickens me that despite that, their ability to bull****, gather lots of EC's and good GPA's may get them through to med school. I hope the interviewers are able to pick up on this and not be fooled. One friend specifically told me the only reason she wants an MD is because she has good grades and wants to be called 'Dr.___'. ARGHHH.

 

As for never being in love, I don't think that's what is impairing their decision. I've never truly been in love with someone in the romantic sense. But I fiercely love my family; as do most of my friends. If I apply the feelings I have for them towards the situation in case, the clearcut choice for me is love.

[NewfieMike]

Am I the only one who doesn't see a problem with going into certain medical specialties if you don't care about people?

 

Like I don't really care if my radiologist cares about me. Or my pathologist. I'd rather they care about doing a good job, because that's all that sort of matters in jobs like that.

 

OP, people have different reasons for wanting to do medicine.

[orange123]

Yeah, I will probably get shat on for saying this, but people's decisions are their own to make, and I have a hard time believing that there is absolutely no scenario where people would think it's okay to choose career.

 

I try not to judge anyone's decisions when it comes to such serious and personal matters.

 

It's ridiculous to believe that any of us can know what's actually right for everyone else in terms of their personal lives, but judging people is pretty much a national past-time, so that's not going to stop any time soon.

 

BTW, I would choose career over any of the "love" relationships portrayed in Greys. They're all pretty creepy on some level.

 

 

Lawl lawl. Tru dat. Good post too.

[lovestruck]

Am I the only one who doesn't see a problem with going into certain medical specialties if you don't care about people?

 

Like I don't really care if my radiologist cares about me. Or my pathologist. I'd rather they care about doing a good job, because that's all that sort of matters in jobs like that.

 

OP, people have different reasons for wanting to do medicine.

 

I understand different reasons yes. But I have a hard time accepting my friends reasons because they have all stated their dislikes about working with people, especially the sick. They ridicule and joke about the dying patients they volunteer with and treat their hospital volunteer positions as if they were prison sentences! I've heard then joke about how talking to people and giving a **** about the patient will be the nurses job not theirs once their doctors. They have no interest working with people nor doing a good job for these people. Their interest is in money and prestige. If your radiologist took no time to explain results, was rude and arrogant then I think it would bother you. This is the kind of doctors these people will become.

[sfinch]

Lovestruck, you and your friends are young. Priorities and opinions change as we get older. Don't be surprised to see some of these 'career women/men' change their perspective when they meet the right one, or have a child.

[Cnussey]

Lovestruck, you and your friends are young. Priorities and opinions change as we get older. Don't be surprised to see some of these 'career women/men' change their perspective when they meet the right one, or have a child.

 

Priorities will even change after that! When my firstborn came along, I was determined to be at home with her until she grew up and moved out. Once she hit 2yrs old, I began to realize that being a stay-at-home mother past the infancy stage was not enough. She needed to go to school with other kids and I needed to be productive and challenged with my own peers. Other mothers in this town are quite happy with their Candlelight parties and cooking and whatever--that's great!--I'm not.

 

This is why there is no such thing as a black-n-white question for this topic...everything must balance. Too much either way will rock the boat.

[AdamP]

I understand different reasons yes. But I have a hard time accepting my friends reasons because they have all stated their dislikes about working with people, especially the sick. They ridicule and joke about the dying patients they volunteer with and treat their hospital volunteer positions as if they were prison sentences! I've heard then joke about how talking to people and giving a **** about the patient will be the nurses job not theirs once their doctors. They have no interest working with people nor doing a good job for these people. Their interest is in money and prestige. If your radiologist took no time to explain results, was rude and arrogant then I think it would bother you. This is the kind of doctors these people will become.

 

sounds like you really don't like your friends, you might wanna do something about that.

 

if carl jung taught me anything it's that you usually hate the people most like you.

[Cnussey]

sounds like you really don't like your friends, you might wanna do something about that.

 

if carl jung taught me anything it's that you usually hate the people most like you.

 

Do not tell me I am like my mother or I will hang you.

[lovestruck]

sounds like you really don't like your friends, you might wanna do something about that.

 

if carl jung taught me anything it's that you usually hate the people most like you.

 

Well that's rather insulting considering I've made it clear the way my friends think disgusts me?

 

I've never told my friends before about my interest in medicine, so I never saw this side of them. Now that I told them I was thinking about it, we've talked more about things like medicine and why we want to go into it. Before, they just said they wanted medicine because they were interested in it. But now they've expanded and I really don't like their views. Their good people, but spoiled and used to getting what they want and see medicine as no different. This is specifically two people and I try not to hang out with them more then I need to (for other reasons too), but there's some moments where I can't avoid themand it is in these moments that I hear their shining moments of wisdom.

[Jochi1543]

sounds like you really don't like your friends, you might wanna do something about that.

 

Hah, glad I'm not the only one who felt that way.

[leviathan]

Am I the only one who doesn't see a problem with going into certain medical specialties if you don't care about people?

 

Like I don't really care if my radiologist cares about me. Or my pathologist. I'd rather they care about doing a good job, because that's all that sort of matters in jobs like that.

 

OP, people have different reasons for wanting to do medicine.

You can't do a really good job without caring about people. Certainly this effect is less pronounced in fields where you have little patient contact, but there's no guarantee that you will end up in one of these residencies. Also I find it really sleazy how many people volunteer doing things they hate to project an image of something they are not.

[Dongzhuo]

what if the radiologist/ pathologist did a good job, and was brilliant, and explained results fully- but simply didn't care about the patient- would that matter? How would it affect patient care?

[Renin]

I chose meds. Whomever wants to love me had better love the med-side of me too

[WaveSense]

honestly, you should never have to make that choice. part of growing up and maturing is finding ways to balance your life. part of being in love is finding ways to make it work. if you're unwilling to compromise and work at your relationship, like others have said, its not love at all.

 

ps. every surgeon that has spoken to us is married and it seems they all have >1 children.. maybe thats just the ones they show us, who knows

[TurkandJD]

honestly, you should never have to make that choice. part of growing up and maturing is finding ways to balance your life. part of being in love is finding ways to make it work. if you're unwilling to compromise and work at your relationship, like others have said, its not love at all.

 

ps. every surgeon that has spoken to us is married and it seems they all have >1 children.. maybe thats just the ones they show us, who knows

 

+1, balance is key, reality never presents with only two choices as OP mentioned.

[Renin]

honestly, you should never have to make that choice. part of growing up and maturing is finding ways to balance your life. part of being in love is finding ways to make it work. if you're unwilling to compromise and work at your relationship, like others have said, its not love at all.

 

ps. every surgeon that has spoken to us is married and it seems they all have >1 children.. maybe thats just the ones they show us, who knows

 

Are they male?

 

Male involvement in having a child is different than female involvement in having a child.

[leap87]

In reality if my SO made me choose between them and my career, I would pack my bags because then they're not the right person for me. Your SO, in my opinion, should support you and help you along the way and not hinder your future/career/life choices. If it came down to picking in between the 2, I would have to go with picking my career. You have worked hard to become a doctor for years and now they're asking you to give it up? Not going to happen. Another person will come my way when the time is right.

 

I watched that episode of Grey's. In my opinion, what Alex said to Izzie in the end - he was right. In terms of Yang, she didn't want to give up Owen - and really when you think about it, she's a brilliant surgeon and she's got a "talent" for that. Everything else is sort of secondary. You can't live with love only - realistically speaking - you need a job to live normally. If it's the job you really love, why give it up?

 

As for your friends, lovestruck, some people are just like that. You shouldn't judge them based on their views because they have the right to believe/think the way they do. Just because they have different views than you doesn't mean they are not good friends. You need to learn how to deal with these types of people because you might be working with them. I wouldn't avoid them, but improve my skills at agreeing to disagree with them and still be able to communicate and be a team player. The reason why I'm saying this is because I viewed some people the same way you view your friends a couple of years ago and I used to judge a lot of them, but now I realized that it doesn't really matter. They have the right to believe whatever they want to believe. What matters is that my views are different, I know what I want and what kind of a person I am and none their views/beliefs matter to me nor will they influence me in digging a different path through my life.

[A-Stark]

Are they male?

 

Male involvement in having a child is different than female involvement in having a child.

 

Very true. We had a general surgeon/intensivist come in to speak in the fall, and while he makes a big point of spending time with family (despite his 1 in 3 call), his wife is (a) not in medicine and ( not currently working.

[Renin]

Very true. We had a general surgeon/intensivist come in to speak in the fall, and while he makes a big point of spending time with family (despite his 1 in 3 call), his wife is (a) not in medicine and ( not currently working.

 

Yeps. I think I did it in the wrong order. I should have married a doctor. Shytes.