Anyone's family have a change of heart after starting?

[Guest happy2bme]

It's been a little quiet on this board so I'm gonna try and revive it...

 

To those non trads med students with spouses and/or older children:

 

So far thoughout my applications, studying for MCAT, interviewing etc. my spouse and my child have been very supportive. The decision for me to go into Medicine was a "family" decision, as I know if they were not supportive in the beginning, it would obviously never work out and drive a family apart. My concern is when I am accepted (hopefully for this Sept.) and I am neck deep in med school that they MAY be resentful of my decision. I am not talking about just missing a school concert or birthday dinner and them being upset, I'm talking about they really feel neglected and blame my choice to go back to school as the primary reason for general household unhappiness.

 

Has this happened to anyone? And how have you dealt with it? What are some strategies that you employ to not feel like you are neglecting your family.

 

I personally feel dealing with younger children is harder on the parents than the child. Younger children tend to be more adaptable to changing situations and you can apply the "it takes a village to raise a child" theory quite nicely to children of a younger age. I've already done one degree as a single parent and we survived quite nicely but I did have my fair share of "guilt" days. But it was alot easier to be concurrently reading a text while feeding my baby, then trying to study and dealing with a hormonally challenged preteen. LOL

[Guest anatomist]

Hi Happy

 

I'm working on my reapplication (unfortunately requiring an MCAT rewrite as my scores are too old). When my gf (now wife) and I were finishing our PhD's a couple of years ago, we agreed that she would apply to law school, and I would shore up some resources and probably apply to meds when she was finishing/finished.

 

She is now in law school, and developing a bit of uncertainty about me going. It is difficult, and her arguments seem to be mostly financial. I have student loans from undergrad and grad school, as I was married before (in undergrad) and have 2 children from that marriage as well as a new baby.

 

I think I have convinced here that life will be okay eventually. The MD Management Line of credit is quite good, and would help to subsume the OSAP I have now (which could come in handy, I don't think I can handle payments on it currently when the interest relief runs out). And I've been putting in extra time to make sure housework/cooking/quality time doesn't suffer, the point being that I would do the same in med school, etc.

 

I don't think you can worry about the future causing significant change. It will restructure your life, particularly in residency if not in med school. You are going to be exhausted anyway you slice it.

I suppose all you can do is show them that you will put in the extra effort, and sometimes that won't be enough. Of course that won't suffice for the kiddies, but they'll find it cool soon enough that they can come to the hospital for a quick dinner or snack with Dr. Mom.

 

It will be harder with a family, regardless of how much support you have or think you have.

But I think the life experience of managing household matters gives a hardy training in dealing with life, making things work, and putting in 110% effort when your energy level dropped through the floor hours ago.

You have to believe that it will be okay.

Good luck!

[Mare]

I'm responding to an old thread, but I'm sure others have this fear/concern too - so I'll give my 2 cents

 

I know an "older" woman who went back to school and is now in Dental School. She has a couple kids and a husband at home (about 2 hours away from her school). She travels to the city, stays for the week, goes to class and works really hard, then travels home on the weekend to spend as much time as she can with her family. This system seems to work for her, so I guess everyone just has to find their own routine to follow that works best for their situation.

[Roxy]

Mine haven't had a "change of heart" but I would be lying if I didn't admit that the resentment has been building steadily this year . The first two years of medschool were pretty manageable, with all weekends off, lots of breaks, summer vacation.... This year (core clerkship) thing are different. I am on call many weekends, and when I'm not on call I am recovering from call (not as easy in my 40s as it would have been at 26 I think). Besides working a 10-12 hour day, there is still a few hours of reading/studying to do most nights, and a couple of stressful exams every 3 months. And we get NO time off this summer. Canada day this weekend is my only break for the whole summer.

 

On the plus side, I am loving the experience and feel like I am finally learning real medicine. But my husband is definately more on edge and defensive than he was earlier in this process. He really feels like a single parent. The light at the end of the tunnel is that Med4 will be a breeze in comparison - lots of electives in things I like, no call, no exams until the end of the year, and more time off.

 

But you did ask...

[Satsuma]

For Anatomist....

 

Once you are a student again, you won`t have to make your OSAP payments anymore (until you're done of course). So don`t worry about that

 

Sats