clobliss Posted January 23, 2007 Report Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hi, I have an 18 mo old son and will have another one in July. I am applying to medical school and yes I know all about how hard it will be but I have the best support system ever. However, I know that I can easily be discriminated against by the fact that I have a child (even more that I am pregnant) and I wonder if I should not disclose it. I can probably hide it with clothes for my interview. The problem is alot of my life experience is so much better because of this, but I was advised by an MD friend to not bring it up. What do u think? Claudine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drcave Posted January 23, 2007 Report Share Posted January 23, 2007 Be yourself. Your kids are part of your life. Wouldn't you feel like you were lying by hiding something like that? I know I would, and it would probably ruin my interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mart Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 Just curious, were you advised not to tell the medical school that you already have a baby or by the fact that you are pregnant ? or both ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Law Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 I think you should disclose it. Be yourself, if they ask - tell them how you can handle it and how these experiences have shaped who you are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldenboy6 Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 I wouldn't lie about it if it comes up in the interview, however I wouldn't initiate bringing it up in the first place. I'm not an expert, but if I were an interviewer, I would think that medical school is too time consuming for a mother of two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachy Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 I can't imagine that an admissions committee would discriminate against you. If anything, it will help you to stand out from the hordes of nearly-identical-22-year-old-life-science-undergrad-typical-premeds that the interviewers will be seeing the rest of the day. I would see it as a good opportunity to emphasize your time management skills--if you can manage school (or whatever else) while raising a young child then that is pretty impressive. Also, I would expect that your children are a major part in your life and presumably a factor in decisions you make; wouldn't it be incredibly difficult to talk about your life without mentioning them? When in doubt: be honest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clobliss Posted January 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 Mart- I was advised to not disclose that I am pregnant, mostly because that means I will be asking for a deferral. I was also advised to not mention my son unless asked about it because like another person said, it is quite time consuming and people make up their own mind about whether you can handle things or not. Thanks for the replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddawkin Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 i am finishing up the fourth year of a combined-major science degree (all were full 10 course years with labs, plus an initial year of general studies) as an essentially single parent of two children (my husband works out of town), and went back to school when my youngest was 5 months old (my daughter was 3 at the time). i am certain that this figured well into my application as maintaining a good GPA while balancing family, children's activities, daycare issues, childhood illness, working, volunteering and so on is not easy, and they recognize that fact (i was fortunate to be granted an interview this year as a first time applicant with UBC). but do be honest...with yourself and the committee/panel, and be prepared to address any concerns they may have regarding time-management, balance, your above-mentioned support network, daycare provision and such. lastly, i don't believe you can be discriminated against because of pregnancy (legally) - this is not to say it doesn't happen. i don't know if any of this helps. good luck to you!!! dd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muchdutch Posted January 24, 2007 Report Share Posted January 24, 2007 I can't imagine that an admissions committee would discriminate against you. If anything, it will help you to stand out from the hordes of nearly-identical-22-year-old-life-science-undergrad-typical-premeds that the interviewers will be seeing the rest of the day. I would see it as a good opportunity to emphasize your time management skills--if you can manage school (or whatever else) while raising a young child then that is pretty impressive. Also, I would expect that your children are a major part in your life and presumably a factor in decisions you make; wouldn't it be incredibly difficult to talk about your life without mentioning them? When in doubt: be honest! I woud agree. I think this can only be seen as an asset in (almost) every way. I would be cautious about assuming that they know you would be asking for a deferral. I had a friend who had a baby in may and went back to school in September, so they will probably assume that you are going to make the sacrifice and go to school. Also, not all schools allow deferrals, so I would definitely research that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jochi1543 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 I would not conceal the fact that you have a child, that's pretty normal - there are definitely going to be people with children in your class. If you give birth in July, you'll be fine physically by the time classes start, so this really shouldn't be a problem. However, just to be safe, I would NOT mention the pregnancy. Don't flaunt it, don't mention it - they can't ask you about it - because while we all like to think no one will discriminate against you based on it, they CAN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBCGuy Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 My view echo most of the posters above. If it comes up, use it as a learning experience and an example of how well you can manage your time. Definately disclose you are pregnant if asked, if they can't handle that you are going to have another child then maybe that school isn't right for you, but I wouldn't jump up and down yelling "I am pregnant" as you walk into the interview room. Be proud of being a mother Kids > Any Med School that doesn't embrace them. Sorry to be so blunt but as a son of a father who was and still is a terrible workaholic I feel strongly about standing up for ones kids... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jochi1543 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 Definately disclose you are pregnant if asked I don't think they have the legal right to ask you those types of questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBCGuy Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 I am not sure... I am also not sure how large her belly has become... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jochi1543 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 I am not sure... I am also not sure how large her belly has become... The interviews are in March, so if she's giving birth in July, she shouldn't have too hard of a time hiding the pregnancy. Since you are a man, I must teach you this: NEVER assume a woman is pregnant just because she has a big belly. I'm a woman, and even I nearly made a mistake once!!! My former volunteering supervisor was rather overweight, and she carried most of her weight around her waist. I was CONVINCED she was 8-9 months pregnant when I started working for her, but luckily, I resisted making a comment, and I'm glad I did, because soon after she mentioned that she and her husband decided to try and have a child. So she was not pregnant at all!!! The most interesting part of it all was that she looked the same size when she actually WAS about to give birth. Even for a slim person, some people just tend to bloat easily. Gimme some beans, and if I don't suck the tummy in, I look like I'm carrying twins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clobliss Posted January 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 like I said. This is my second so I will be showing quite a bit. I know I did with my first. plus these people are physicians, maybe even an OB. So I don't think i can realistically hide it. However, they will probably not ask about it, not directly anyways. But I have just started to really feel like it's not right for me to not talk about it. I mean, it's one of the biggest parts of my life. And as a mother, I know like nobody who doesn't have a child, what it's like to be utterly exhausted and still have to be mentally and physically present and be caring and alert. I can't say things like this without mentioning my family. Anyways, thanks for the input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ploughboy Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 if I were an interviewer, I would think that medical school is too time consuming for a mother of two. Good thing you're not an interviewer, then. One of my classmates has three kids and she's doing just fine in school and will make a great physician. Shockingly enough, although they're just as busy as med students are, many physicians have children. Docs are human too, eh? To the OP - if your kids are an important part of your life, you should work them into the conversation for all the reason already listed in this thread. My tuppence, pb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldenboy6 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 Good thing you're not an interviewer, then. One of my classmates has three kids and she's doing just fine in school and will make a great physician. Shockingly enough, although they're just as busy as med students are, many physicians have children. Docs are human too, eh? That's great for your classmate. Obviously there are some people who can handle it, so I am not trying to put down the original poster's goal of becoming a doctor. However, all I'm trying to say is that there can be an obvious conflict with being a full time mother and a full time medical student. Therefore it may be advantageous to only mention it if you have to since entry is so competitive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahZ Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 That's great for your classmate. Obviously there are some people who can handle it, so I am not trying to put down the original poster's goal of becoming a doctor. However, all I'm trying to say is that there can be an obvious conflict with being a full time mother and a full time medical student. Therefore it may be advantageous to only mention it if you have to since entry is so competitive. You seem to be stuck on the idea that being a mother will detract from someones ability to be successful at medical school and that this is the way adcoms see it and there for it will make her less competitive. However medical students and other posters here have pointed out here that admission committees & interviewers likely disagree. They may actually look on it favorably and see parenting as a valuable human experience that enriches someone's life, thus possibly making them a better person and doctor than they would have been prior. I have to say I don't see your 'obvious conflict', the fact is its completely normal for women to work and have children and do both very well! To the original poster, I wouldn't go out of my way to hide anything if in your situation. Being a mother is such a huge part of you and I think you should definetely find a way to work it into discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smurfette Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 I think it's much better to be able to have a chance to talk about how you will handle medical school with having kids, then to have then look at you, wonder whether you're pregnant, not ask about it, and then make all kinds of assumptions on their own. Just cuz you don't talk about it in the interview, doesn't mean that they wouldn't make assumptions about your being pregnant, especially if it is obvious. I think it'd be much better to address the issue of time management openly and explain how you're going to handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UBCGuy Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 Since you are a man, I must teach you this: NEVER assume a woman is pregnant just because she has a big belly. Thanks for the lesson but a pregnant woman looks different from a fat woman. The two carry their weight very differently and unless somewhat obese prior to becomming pregnant it is generally not too difficult to tell in the last couple months if not sooner. Either way I don't assume anything, better safe than slapped... Oh, and I missed when she was due so I didn't do the math. Anyways Clobliss, good luck with your interview, I am sure you will do great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldenboy6 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 You seem to be stuck on the idea that being a mother will detract from someones ability to be successful at medical school and that this is the way adcoms see it and there for it will make her less competitive. However medical students and other posters here have pointed out here that admission committees & interviewers likely disagree. They may actually look on it favorably and see parenting as a valuable human experience that enriches someone's life, thus possibly making them a better person and doctor than they would have been prior. I have to say I don't see your 'obvious conflict', the fact is its completely normal for women to work and have children and do both very well! I understand your argument. And I agree it is normal for women to work and have children. I wasn't trying to make this an issue about feminine rights. The obvious conflict I was talking about just means that both med school and having children take up alot of time, especially during clinical years. It is an issue that an interviewer will most likely bring up so that is why I called it "obvious". I must disagree though that it will actually work favourably for her, I think that is a little too optimistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clobliss Posted January 25, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2007 thanks for all the interest. I never meant to start a debate. I have to say that I am very conflicted myself. Whenever I tell anybody about my plans, they all ask me how I will be able to do it with kids. I usually can convince them, but often people make up their mind before you even explain things. However, I do realize that I wont be discussing this with a 65 year old woman who stayed home with her kids so it's a different story. Both sides have very good arguments and I'm just not sure what to do. I think I will me honest about it and work it into my discussions, but I wont make my interview about my children. I don't want to be labeled as "the Mom", because I claim over and over how I chose to be a mom, but not only a mom. I posted on "what not to wear" forums asking on tips for how to hide my belly and you should see people's reaction. Some people are so mad for me trying to hide it and others just don't understand how it works. I think I have to give up on hiding my belly, unless I get an awesome tailor, but we'll see. If I am not lucky enough to get the first interview dates, then there's no way that I wont show. I guess it's better to talk about it then to leave them hanging. I will let you all know how things went later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muchdutch Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 I think, despite the debate that has been going on, that the more important issue here is the deferral. Many people get into meds with kids, have kids in med/clerkship/residency, etc. and some of them probably succeed moreso than their child-less counterparts so, in my opinion, that won't really be the issue. But I think if the issue comes up, and you obviously can't deny the situation, what if they ask you your intentions for entry? As in, will you be entering this year? I think they have a right to ask you something like that, and if you say that you are planning on deferring, that would probably be a more negative bias against you than having kids. By all means don't lie and say you are wanting to enter this year if you're not, but if I were you I would definitely prepare for this situation. (note: if I were you in this situation, I would enter med right away, but then I understand the choice to stay home with your child for the first year, so I can see why you'd want to defer too - tough choice to make) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clobliss Posted January 26, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 I thought about asking for a defferal, but the real answer is I don't know. I am due July 24th, but I could be late. ANd some things could go wrong and I would need longer to recover. Realistically, I would need 6 weeks to recover from a normal child birth. So what I have told myself is that I am doing this one thing at a time and if , I do get accepted then I'll have to decide whether I want to ask for a deferal or not. I don't know what I am going to do yet so I am not sure how to answer that question. I think I would say that my intention is to enter this year, but that I would have to evaluate the situation, especially that the state of my health could change between now and then. One thing I haven't said is that I am applying under the CNFS in Ottawa and so my entry is above the cutoff so there is no such thing as a waitlist for me. Either I get in or I don't. So logically, a deferal doesn't really matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JewelLeigh Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 From Dalhousie's website: Deferrals are rarely granted and usually only for very specific, often medical, reasons. If your intention is to apply and then request a deferral you should reconsider your decision. ---- I imagine many medical schools have a similar opinion. As such, if you truly plan on deferring, I don't know if it's fair to other applicants to apply this year just so you have 2 chances to get in for the year you actually want (2008). If you think you'll want to defer, I think you really should wait until next year to apply. On that note, however, I do understand the desire and difficulty for women particularly (though men as well) to balance the desire to have a family and remain dedicated to a career in medicine. I myself anticipate a struggle to maintain this balance in the future when kids come along for my husband and I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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