terryann Posted September 13, 2009 Report Share Posted September 13, 2009 A very close family friend who has known me since birth is well connected in the university medical community and is willing to write me a solid LOR...Personally, I do not think, it is ethical as he is biased on his opinion of me...and I am thinking of passing even though my other LOR will not even come close to what he would write. as the others have only known me since university.....thoughts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach Posted September 13, 2009 Report Share Posted September 13, 2009 A very close family friend who has known me since birth is well connected in the university medical community and is willing to write me a solid LOR...Personally, I do not think, it is ethical as he is biased on his opinion of me...and I am thinking of passing even though my other LOR will not even come close to what he would write. as the others have only known me since university.....thoughts... I would pass on this one.... In the form he will have to answer "how long have you known the applicant" and he will either have to lie, or admit to being a long-time "friend." Either way it's not good.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatonekid Posted September 13, 2009 Report Share Posted September 13, 2009 I agree with Rach. The other LORs may not be as strong, but I'm sure they'll be fine. And it's better than running the potential risk of using a family friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terryann Posted September 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2009 Thank you Rach and thatonekind...confirmed what I was thinking...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neptune Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 A very close family friend who has known me since birth is well connected in the university medical community and is willing to write me a solid LOR...Personally, I do not think, it is ethical as he is biased on his opinion of me...and I am thinking of passing even though my other LOR will not even come close to what he would write. as the others have only known me since university.....thoughts... Why would this person be biased in their opinion of you? Surely their opinion is based on knowing you over the course of many years and seeing you in many different contexts. Their connection to the University community is irrelevant in this case; either they have a good opinion of you or they don't. By bias do you mean that you are worried the person will write a letter that isn't representative of what you are like as a person? Or that the letter will be viewed in a different light because of this person's status, or because of the fact that they are a family friend? I'm just curious that someone said that there is a 'potential risk' in this. What is the risk? I'd be flattered to have such an offer, but my boss and past supervisors will have to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatonekid Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I'm just curious that someone said that there is a 'potential risk' in this. What is the risk? I'd be flattered to have such an offer, but my boss and past supervisors will have to do...I'm the one who said potential risk, so I thought I'd clarify my opinion. I'm sure everyone would love to have outstanding LORs from people who have known them most of their lives, but the thing to consider is how the referee knows you. I can't comment on the OP's personal relationship with the person they're referring to, but all they said was "family friend". I consider this to be a risk, since family friend does not necessarily mean that the person has seen you in a professional or academic environment. Anyone can write a letter and say "so-and-so would be a great doctor because they're kind, compassionate, etc." This is great as a general character reference, but it says nothing about your professionalism, leadership, management skills, scholarly skills (and the other CanMEDS) which are considered the primary important traits in being a doctor. Now, in a previous post, malkynn said that they used a family friend who they did research with. This, in my opinion, would be a completely different scenario. Sure, the person is a family friend, but they also have a professional relationship (through the research). Thus, it would not be the same as getting a general family friend to write a LOR. The point that I'm trying to make is that I believe that a referee should have some kind of professional or academic relationship with you so that they can comment on your personal and professional characteristics. The risk comes when the person is only a family friend, since their view of you may be limited to personal (and perhaps not professional) characteristics. Of course, my disclaimer is that these are only my opinions. Everyone has their own opinion of how the app should be done. Ultimately I think we need to do what's best for ourselves and whatever will give us an advantage over other applicants (how cut-throat! lol.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaM Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I think the worry is that the adcoms will feel that because the person is a family friend they may inflate the person's attributes and not be objective in their appraisal of actual skills and abilities. It would be kind of like having a parent write a LOR. That said, if this family friend has known you in a non-family friend capacity, such as a teacher, boss or mentor I do think that it could be appropriate to use him/her as a reference. Or you can use this person's LOR as a personal reference to speak to your long term medical goals, your personal qualities, such as loyalty and compassion and then let your other two LOR's speak about other qualities, such as academic abilities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorelan Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I think the worry is that the adcoms will feel that because the person is a family friend they may inflate the person's attributes and not be objective in their appraisal of actual skills and abilities. It would be kind of like having a parent write a LOR. That said, if this family friend has known you in a non-family friend capacity, such as a teacher, boss or mentor I do think that it could be appropriate to use him/her as a reference. Or you can use this person's LOR as a personal reference to speak to your long term medical goals, your personal qualities, such as loyalty and compassion and then let your other two LOR's speak about other qualities, such as academic abilities. A good approach with this might the LOR itself. If the letter is just he/she is great, compassionate, committed, intelligent.......etc like some sort of a shopping list it would look horrible (in general) and extra so because of the relationship. However if it said he/she is compassionate, AND I know this because of example 1, example 2, ..... then a reader would also be concluding the person was compassionate based on the facts and so on. I find the only way to dismiss the issue of bias is to present in this way the reasons so anyone would conclude the same thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 A good approach with this might the LOR itself. If the letter is just he/she is great, compassionate, committed, intelligent.......etc like some sort of a shopping list it would look horrible (in general) and extra so because of the relationship. However if it said he/she is compassionate, AND I know this because of example 1, example 2, ..... then a reader would also be concluding the person was compassionate based on the facts and so on. I find the only way to dismiss the issue of bias is to present in this way the reasons so anyone would conclude the same thing Even better, the referee writes and gives several examples in the LOR of how the applicant has demonstrated compassion with wisdom, among other exquisite personal qualities. Shopping list sounds a bit too materialistic; perhaps 'wish list' has a better connotation and intention to it, haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 Thank you Rach and thatonekind...confirmed what I was thinking...... Good luck with this (and your application!). Ultimately, you will find the answer you are most comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmorelan Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 Even better, the referee writes and gives several examples in the LOR of how the applicant has demonstrated compassion with wisdom, among other exquisite personal qualities. Shopping list sounds a bit too materialistic; perhaps 'wish list' has a better connotation and intention to it, haha! Absolutely, that is what i am getting at! A good letter of reference I think should provide enough evidence that no matter who wrote it the reader is convinced the applicant is a great candidate and to the OP best of luck! Not an easy decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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