A former supervisor backs out on a promise... what do?

[jen_w]

Hey thanks everyone for the input!

[anxious_101]

Don't sweat it. You might be over analyzing the situation and needlessly taking it personally. Besides, you have nothing to lose and possibly somethings to gain by keeping a good relation with the prof - for example, reference letters in the future. The prof on the other hand has nothing to gain from you per se, so go the extra mile to stay friends as it's in your best interest. I had a similar situation with a TA in undergrad. I approached the situation as per my suggestion to you.

[Leon]

Don't sweat it. You might be over analyzing the situation and needlessly taking it personally. Besides, you have nothing to lose and possibly somethings to gain by keeping a good relation with the prof - for example, reference letters in the future. The prof on the other hand has nothing to gain from you per se, so go the extra mile to stay friends as it's in your best interest. I had a similar situation with a TA in undergrad. I approached the situation as per my suggestion to you.

 

+1

 

As a student, its better to give way to things like this. Also, he sounds like a nice guy from the conversation you had with him. I wouldn't break things up because its hard to get a prof to have such a good opinion of you.

[thehumanmacbook]

In the words of Hootch "a burn for a burn baby”, think car, house, boat. That or you could be thankful that you have someone in a high place who is willing to help you out. Nothing is for sure, not positions or promises. Things change and people have to act in their own best interest sometimes. Get what you can out of the situation and quiet the ego with some cheap beer and meaningless sex.

 

My idea of a Saturday night.

[Cerena]

Don't sweat it. You might be over analyzing the situation and needlessly taking it personally. Besides, you have nothing to lose and possibly somethings to gain by keeping a good relation with the prof - for example, reference letters in the future. The prof on the other hand has nothing to gain from you per se, so go the extra mile to stay friends as it's in your best interest. I had a similar situation with a TA in undergrad. I approached the situation as per my suggestion to you.

 

+1

10 char

[bj89]

It appears as if you feel entitled to that position which you really shouldn't be because nothing is certain in life. The reason he probably gave the position away is because the other student got the grant before you - which is simply bad luck.

 

You should take a professional stance and avoid being rude/childish games of ignoring (reminds me of an immature ex-gf of mine... *shudder*). The fact that he took time (as a busy supervisor) to apologize and OFFER a good reference letter means he/she cares about you, so don't take that for granted. You must realize that he doesn't owe you anything, but has generously offered. You should be ecstatic, not disappointed and hold a grudge.

 

Just trying to take a realistic point of view.

[aaronjw]

It appears as if you feel entitled to that position which you really shouldn't be because nothing is certain in life. The reason he probably gave the position away is because the other student got the grant before you - which is simply bad luck.

 

You should take a professional stance and avoid being rude/childish games of ignoring (reminds me of an immature ex-gf of mine... *shudder*). The fact that he took time (as a busy supervisor) to apologize and OFFER a good reference letter means he/she cares about you, so don't take that for granted. You must realize that he doesn't owe you anything, but has generously offered. You should be ecstatic, not disappointed and hold a grudge.

 

Just trying to take a realistic point of view.

 

Well said.

[bored]

be grateful that you got the job..

[leap87]

In the research field, you don't want to burn the bridges you have formed because you NEVER know when you will cross paths with this particular individual. If you end up in the same field, you'll most likely bump into them during conferences and such. You don't want to anger anyone as that would backfire later on. Just drop it and move on. Be courteous. At least you got a job! What would have happened if he gave this project to this other student and didn't even think about you?! Honestly, this is such a minor issue and you're making a huge deal about it.

[bored]

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the project that you missed was something to do with medicine or something that will look sexy on your resume

[jen_w]

to Bored: Haha, no not at all. It's a field that I'm more trained in, experienced in, and have a more intuitive grasp at. Though relevant to medicine.. I guess, but that's not the reason.. and had that been something that was on my mind, I would've gone with a different supervisor, whose work is directly related to medicine, whose research is far more prolific, and who also knows me, though not very well.

 

I think my extreme disappointment is that I specifically chose to work with the said supervisor because of his past favors for me, and because I had considered him be a very genuine guy. I held him at a high regard, beyond just a supervisor and a reference machine, but a mentor figure. It's not that I feel entitled to that project, but more that I thought he would keep his words, because I thought that was the kind of a person he was. I think that's where the disappointment is at.

[Cerena]

to Bored: Haha, no not at all. It's a field that I'm more trained in, experienced in, and have a more intuitive grasp at. Though relevant to medicine.. I guess, but that's not the reason.. and had that been something that was on my mind, I would've gone with a different supervisor, whose work is directly related to medicine, whose research is far more prolific, and who also knows me, though not very well.

 

I think my extreme disappointment is that I specifically chose to work with the said supervisor because of his past favors for me, and because I had considered him be a very genuine guy. I held him at a high regard, beyond just a supervisor and a reference machine, but a mentor figure. It's not that I feel entitled to that project, but more that I thought he would keep his words, because I thought that was the kind of a person he was. I think that's where the disappointment is at.

 

I understand where you are coming from. You have every right to have some sort of disappointment. I had gone through a similar situation previously. The supervisor basically promised me a project and then backed out. But honestly, I think the best thing to do is to maintain a good relationship with that professor. As many others have said, I think it is in your best interest to keep in touch with him.

 

One way to think about it is that you are just one student out of many who has been in contact with that prof. The fact that he talks about you in such high regard is great news! And, it's rare to see that sort of relationship. It's important to have a mentor. It is possible to have him as a supervisor for your thesis in the future, your chances of that happening only increases if the relationship is good. And if it doesn't happen, so be it. You yourself could find an even more enticing project to pursue. But at this point, keep your options open. In the future, you don't want to look back and think that you closed your own door due to emotion. Easier said then done. But really, it's the best thing you can do