McMarauder Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I'm posting this here because I wanted some opinions from others outside of my circle of friends. Plus this would probably make a good situation for the MMI. My best friend, lets call him John is dating this girl, Jane, who I strongly dislike. Initially I thought Jane was a great person and that she complemented my friend. However, as I spent more time with her, I started to notice some very unattractive traits. Jane gets involved with all of my friend's conflicts, even when they don't concern her. It is as if she is fighting all of John's battles. Sometimes she gets too involved and makes the situation worse. For example, Jane will get into arguments with John's brother and sister over things that don't involve her. I'm certain John's siblings dislike this, and I'm sure Jane is exacerbating the family conflict. I understand that she's the girlfriend, but these battles aren't for her to fight. The next biggest thing is how judgemental Jane is of other people. After she met my girlfriend, Jane said "You two are so different. I think you should date someone better". Jane talks smack about John's other friends behind their backs and says things like "John doesn't need such annoying friends". Apparently I'm the one friend of John's that Jane likes, but I'm certain she has a lot to say about me. I've been playing nice this whole time and letting things slide. However, it's really getting to me now. I've refused to add her on facebook, and I don't reply to her txt msgs because every fiber of her being pisses me off. There is not a single time when we hang out that she doesn't say/do something to make me think "wtf..?". I know she makes my friend happy (for whatever reason), so I don't want to get my friend involved, but at the same time she needs to know that her comments/behaviour are inappropriate. So what would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lactic Folly Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I would speak up whenever she makes inappropriate comments about others in your presence. Her involvement in John's family is more for John to address. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a1b1 Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 This is a very difficult scenario. My 2 best friends are no longer friends with each other because of a similar situation. As an observer I learned that the best move in this type of scenario would be not to impose your feelings about john's girlfriend too much. Also do not try to push your friend into breaking up with his girlfriend. Try to shine a light on the problems she causes without showing your emotions about her too too much or else you may have your friend believe that you are trying to sabotage his relationship. I hope your situation ends in better terms than the ones of my two friends. Best of wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 Stay out of this mess. John can take care of himself and you don't want to become a casualty. S**t usually rises to the surface on its own. Sometimes, biting your tongue is the smartest thing to do. Let nature take its course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apache Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 And after creating woman from the rib of Adam, God created Valium for Adam, jk I'd just leave it alone, if he has a prob with her he'll deal with it, maybe he enjoys how she treats him, or if he doesn't he'll pick up some back bone when he eventually breaks up with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 And after creating woman from the rib of Adam, God created Valium for Adam, jk I'd just leave it alone, if he has a prob with her he'll deal with it, maybe he enjoys how she treats him, or if he doesn't he'll pick up some back bone when he eventually breaks up with her. Rofl Don't forgrt jack daniels. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McMarauder Posted November 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 ^^ ahahhaha. Honestly, that's the only way I can tolerate a night out with those two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 Then, its simple - avoid them as a couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McMarauder Posted November 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 it's actually not that simple since in many cases when I'm already hanging out with john, he whip his phone out and say "I'm calling Jane to come join us" I can't really say anything then because John will know something is up. Plus he knows Jane enjoys hanging out when I'm around but I do such a great job of biting my tongue, that neither of them know what I'm actually thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB. Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I would speak to your friend in private in a non-confrontational, non-judgmental manner regarding the things that are concerning to you. If you were my friend, I would want you to speak up if you had concerns about my significant other. After you had your convo, I would let it go and let the chips fall where they may. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 ^ difficult thing to do and to receive a fair hearing when opposite sex is involved. He is already overly influenced in matters where you cannot compete and this approach may be a lose to begin with. Whatever you do, tread very carefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Hood Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I don't think you should get involved. You shouldn't forget that John could misinterpret your intentions and think you want his girlfriend (she may try to feed him this idea). About her involvement in John's family, it's his problem. However, if one day you hear that she's talking behind your back, then you should try to tell John without showing emotion (else, he may side with her). Edit: as others pointed out, you could try avoid going out with your friend if you don't feel happy when you see her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I would speak to your friend in private in a non-confrontational, non-judgmental manner regarding the things that are concerning to you. If you were my friend, I would want you to speak up if you had concerns about my significant other. After you had your convo, I would let it go and let the chips fall where they may. I would do this too, but it depends on the personality of my friend. I know my closest friends would hear me out without ever judging me but not everyone's like that. But if you seriously hate her very presence, why put yourself through the misery over and over? You're sacrificing your happiness (kind of) to keep your friend happy. Think about how long that's going to last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McMarauder Posted November 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 You shouldn't forget that John could misinterpret your intentions and think you want his girlfriend (she may try to feed him this idea). Good point. He is the jealous type. Btw, LMFAO at your avatar. It's hilarious and is almost how I feel about Jane.. Almost. Edit: Thanks for the replies. It does seem better to not say anything unless she starts conflict with me. Plus I'm moving away soon so... Hopefully the next time I'm back for a visit she'll be out of the picture. If anyone else has advice I'm all ears (or eyes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clever Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 Your friend has been lured in by a succubus.. Unfortunately there is not much you can do in terms of talking. You must remove it's head or destroy the brain. Only then will it's grasp on your friend be relinquished. But really.. at first you keep them both around because he has been a good friend for so long, then you start ostracizing them, eventually he realizes what a bi....tter person she is, and finally he comes back. Or you can put up with her and be happy for him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubcMDhopeful Posted November 13, 2011 Report Share Posted November 13, 2011 I would not take a big deal out of it but at the same time I would not just let everything slide. If the opportunity presents it self I would try to express some of my opinion about "Jane" in front of her without being confrontational. For example if she says that friend is an ahole I wouldn't just laugh and let it slide, I would say "no I think xxx and that you are perhaps misinterpreting/exaggerating" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asta Posted November 13, 2011 Report Share Posted November 13, 2011 I don't know if this would work for you... I had a similar situation with a friend who always brought someone that I didn't care for when we were supposed to hang out. I talked to my friend about really wanting some one on one time with her and she totally heard me out. I was careful to have this conversation when I wasn't angry. Now I get more one on one time with my friend, and in those situations where that other person is there I am not as resentful about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future_doc Posted November 13, 2011 Report Share Posted November 13, 2011 ^ You can be our resident psychiatrist. Good call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McMarauder Posted November 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2011 Your friend has been lured in by a succubus.. Unfortunately there is not much you can do in terms of talking. You must remove it's head or destroy the brain. Only then will it's grasp on your friend be relinquished.But really.. at first you keep them both around because he has been a good friend for so long, then you start ostracizing them, eventually he realizes what a bi....tter person she is, and finally he comes back. Or you can put up with her and be happy for him hahahaha. Great post LMAO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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