Prep101 - Free Writing Sample Feedback **Thread #3**

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 Raiya

 

A successful business means to be able to grammar expand the corporation and gain profit. This is what is seen in our capitalist society today. Today, doing business means to utilize whatever method to get the most possible return. However, this may not always turn out successful in the long run. This is somewhat different from what the prompt is looking for. Don't change the wording unnecessarily because sometimes you end up with a variant of the original writing prompt. For example, a common practice in business is privatization of public services. In Melbourne, London, where they have privatived transit systems, we saw disastrous effects. Privatization led to massive worker layoffs and drops in workers' wages. This method has lead to transit services failures at the expense of taxpayers and commuters. Privatization leads to the overall expansion in profit in the pockets of private owners and the very few leaders at the top who control this business. However, it fails to account for the workers and service that it entails, leading to failure. This example could work but is not well explained.

 

On the other hand, continuing to use a method like building an education savings plan are extremely effective grammar and successful business investments. RESP is not a business investment. The benefits of RESP in business is to start accumulating money for a child's post-secondary education. An RESP is opened up by an individual not a business. The contributions grow quickly, since the Canadian Government also offers a Canada Education Savings Grant. By registering for an RESP, in the long-term the child can easily receive financial relief for their studies, leading to the ability to obtain education and a future career. This discussion is not related to business practice. It is more related to personal financial planning.

 

So where can we draw the line between whether a successful method will lead to failure or not? Again, this is somewhat different from the writing prompt. This sentence doesn't make sense. This will depend on the level at which the business will benefit. This is vague and ambiguous. Leaning towards neoliberal methods, private company owners are interested in maximizing profit to obtain gains at whatever the cost, even if it means to lose customers and services. However, businesses that revolve around common householders such as parents are not interested in such matter, but rather lean towards saving for their children's education or mortgage. Thus, there is a fine line between how a business can bring about failure or success depending on the level of the investor. This discussion doesn't really make sense. It doesn't really address the resolution task.

 

Overall Mark: 1/6 (Corresponds to approximately a J )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 1 Supporting task is weakly addressed. Refuting task is not addressed. Resolution task is not addressed.

Depth: 1

Focus and coherence: 1

Grammar and vocabulary: 3

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 gearhead

I was also wondering what you thought of using common examples. I see many of us have already used RIM and I'm sure many more will and was wondering how that would hurt us in the eyes of a marker. Should I be striving for more unique examples? Much Appreciated

I would recommend just using the common example. An effective common example is much better than a less effective but original example. There are enough challenges associated with the writing sample without having to worry about originality.

 

In the rapidly changing society we live in today, cutting edge technology and ideas can become obsolete in the blink of an eye and markets can disappear overnight. From a business’s prospective, reliance on a single successful method or product can result in the brand’s rapid decline. For instance, not long ago, Research in Motion (RIM) enjoyed tremendous prosperity thanks to their strong enterprise focused devices. As a result of focusing on business devices, RIM neglected the consumer sides of their product line such as entertainment and social media. With the chokehold on enterprise market share, RIM didn’t see the need to diversify and allocated the majority of their efforts accordingly. However, as the field changed to a point where competitors were able to field competitive alternatives in enterprise, RIM saw its market share and stock prices plummet drastically. Many analysts now suspect the company will be sold, its demise caused by reliance on a successful method for too long. Excellent.

 

On the other hand, change for the sake of change may be just as disasterous to a company. This is different than what the writing prompt is looking for. A company may develop a signature method for which they are known and loved. Consumers come to expect this product and failure to deliver could cause a negative reaction and loss of business. An example of such a situation is Coca-Cola. Based on a secret formula, Coca-Cola developed a large customer base inspiring brand loyalty, distinguishing them from their competitors, and providing economic success. Then, the decision was made to deviate from the successful, tried and true formula and Coca-Cola released New Coke. Public reaction was overwhelmingly negative as customers felt betrayed and Coca-Cola lost much of the brand loyalty they once enjoyed. The company was forced to backtrack to Coke Classic in order to regain the success they previously saw. In this case it was not using a method for too long that lead to failure, but deviating from said method. This discussion deviates from the essence and thrust of the prompt. It is related but is ultimately tangential in nature.

In determining whether a company should change a successful method to avoid failure Again, this is not what the prompt is looking for. it is important to consider the industry in which the business operates. This is vague and ambiguous. You want to lay out your resolution principle clearly from the outset. A new or dynamic field required that grammar its business constinuously adapt to survive, but in an established and static industry, a company which enjoys success is likely to continue to do so based on a successful product. In the case of Research in Motion, they compete in a technological field fueled by research and development. In such a field, success is research and development driven, with newer being equated to better. RIM’s failure to change its methods, even though successful, have led to it’s demise. Alternately, Coca-Cola’s food and beverage industry is old and well established, with fairly few new developments in the field. Consumers expect a consistent product and by sticking to a successful method Coca-Cola is able to enjoy continued success. Strong.

 

Although it is good to use different wording from the prompt, you run the risk of deviating from the point of the prompt and going off on a tangent.

Overall Mark: 4/6 (Corresponds to approximately a P )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4 Supporting task is completely addressed. Refuting task is weakly addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 souljaboy

 

When a business discovers a method that is proven to make them the most profit, they will always stick to that strategy since that is the safest thing to do. However, by continuing to operate in the same way without adapting for changes, a successful method can eventually become obsolete. The US auto industry boomed in the 1920s and the company General Motors became a giant in business grammar world by following the same business model for almost a century. GM's operated on making large vehicles that has an grammar abundance of power but lacks fuel efficiency. For most of the time, their vehicles were a hit with the American public because of the good economy and the low price of oil. Their product line over the years did not change, even though the market has changed and the price of oil grew exponentially. As cheaper competitors came onto the market, GM maintained the price of their vehicles. GM did not adapt to this change and continued with their successful method of business. As a result, their sales steadily decreased due the the price of oil and the economic downturn in the 2000s caused their sales to plummet and forced the company into bankrupcy. Strong. The explanation could be improved to make it excellent.

Some companies have managed to maintain the same business method for a long period of time by appealing to the most basic market. McDonald's has been around for more than 50 years and continue to grammar grow in size today. Their business model has always been offering the cheapest food on the market. Even as competitors came onto the scene, McDonalds always managed to keep its prices below that of the competition. Because of the cheap price of its food, McDonalds manages to increase business even if there are competitors on the scene or if the economy changes. By sticking to their simple yet effective business method, McDonalds manages to avoid any negative impacts on their business. Strong.

 

A business method that relies heavily on certain economic conditions to remain is much more likely to fail than one that is not affected by economic changes. This resolution principle needs to be expressed in a way that more explicitly addresses the writing prompt.GM's business method of selling medium-price, heavy gas using vehicles did not remain successful when the price of oil increased and the economy took a downturn. The target audience shifted to the competitor offering products more suitable for the current economic situation. McDonalds, however, maintains a successful method of maintaining the lowest price that is not easily affected by any economic changes. No matter the economic circumstances, McDonalds remained successful in business by following their principle. Decent. Always having the lowest price is a bit too general a strategy and the idea lacks depth.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 blue181

 

Every business has its own business model which outlines the method it uses to design, market and sell their products. Each company hopes to develop a business method that will allow them to rise to success, and earn a lot of revenue. However, in an era of fast growth and change, using the same method for too long without adaptation may only lead to failure. Strong opening. For example, in the late 1990’s – a time when research in the telecommunications and internet industry was booming, the Canadian company Nortel was huge and incredibly successful. Their business model consisted of pushing out more advanced technologies than any other company, like their 10G DWDM network, which could carry many times for information grammar at a much faster rate than the 2.5G networks other companies in the same field were producing. However, to sustain such fast development, Nortel also relied on heavy investment and spending. This method worked well during the industry boom because investors were willing to supply the mass amounts of money Nortel required, and buyers were willing to pay a high cost to obtain the products. Unfortunately, the internet business did not grow as quickly as predicted, and in the early 2000’s the telecom boom ended. Suddenly, information communication at the level which Nortel was producing was no longer in demand; its cash flow from investors was cut off, and customers were no longer buying. Instead of changing their business model to adapt to the times, however, Nortel proceeded with their previous method of overspending to produce advanced technologies. This method quickly led to their downfall because they no longer had the funding to support it. So in this case, Nortel used their business method, which was successful during the telecommunications boom, for too long after it ended. They failed to adapt to changing times and demands, and it led to their eventual bankruptcy. Excellent.

 

However, sometimes using a successful business method for a long time will not lead to a business’ failure. This is especially true for companies that offer products which are continually in demand, and the demand does not change too much over time. Walmart, one of the most successful stores in the world, has been using a consistent business model since its birth. A large part of its business model surrounds the goal of providing customers with everyday, household items at the lowest prices. These household items like kitchen appliances, office supplies, toys, clothing etc. are always in demand, because no matter what era it is, these basic items are needed by families and individuals to survive, and do not vary that much. Furthermore, Walmart’s philosophy of selling products at the lowest possible prices will always be appreciated by customers, as saving money is certainly an interest of the working class families that make up the majority of the population. Using this method, Walmart became incredibly successful, making billions of dollars of revenue every year, and spreading to multiple countries around grammar . In this case, Walmart has been using its successful business model for decades, but it will not fail because the products it sells and its philosophy will probably never become unpopular This is probably a bit of a stretch. Walmart is not without criticism.. Excellent.

 

Overall, whether or not using a successful business method for too long leads to failure depends on if the industry within which the business is operating is fast-changing or fairly stable. The field of science and technology is incredibly fast moving, and demands are consistently changing with new advancements. For a company to function within such a dynamic industry, it must be flexible, and adapt its business methods to match the demands of customers and investors. Nortel continued using their old business model, which was successful during the telecommunications boom but inefficient after, instead of adapting their spending and product production to match rest of the industry’s demands. This eventually led to their failure and bankruptcy. However, Walmart, a company that has been utilizing the same model for decades, is still very successful because its industry is affordable household items, and demand for them will remain consistent, as people’s everyday needs do not change nearly as quickly as the field of technology. For that reason, Walmart is able to keep utilizing its method of conducting business for many years, and remain one of the most successful companies in the world.

Excellent.

 

Overall Mark: 6/6 (Corresponds to approximately a T)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 6 All of the tasks are completely addressed.

Depth: 6

Focus and coherence: 6

Grammar and vocabulary: 6

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 capremed1

 

In most of the world, businesses are driven by a desire to produce goods and services that are desirable to consumers in order to receive the greatest profit. Profit is deemed to be the greatest determinant of success and thus, a lack of profit is considered a failure. To ensure success, businesses may attempt use various grammar methods at different levels of business, including production, marketing and distribution. Once a business selects a method that is successful, they should not use it for an extensive length of time, as it may lead to failure. Strong opening. Consider the method of reaching customers used by Eaton's, a large department store that formerly existed across Canada. Eaton's chose to provide customers a large variety of goods in one store, including clothing, fragrances, home appliances and more. Although Eaton's provided customers with a wide range of products, it did not specialize in any of them. This method proved successful at first, because there was a limited range of other stores for customers to choose from. Furthermore, it was convenient for customers to find goods to meet many of their needs in one location. However, as competitor stores became available to customers, this method ultimately led to Eatons' failure. Customers began selecting other stores that specialized in a particular good that they desired. In the the late 1990's Eaton's closed all of its stores. If Eaton's had recognized the presence of competitors and changed their methods of reaching customer, they would have been more successfully. Although Eaton's method was successful at first, it led to failure because they used it for too long. This example could be strong. However, thinking about it, lots of other stores like Target, the Bay, Sears and Walmart are successful and they do not specialize in any particular products. The argument doesn't hold up to even casual examination.

 

While it appears that using a successful method for too long may lead to failure, this is not always the case. At times, using a method that has been proven successful may continue to be successfully grammar in the future. If a business selects a method in market that grammar lacks competitors, they will not need to change their methods to remain successful. Consider the case of the company BC Hydro, which provides water the province grammar of British Columbia. BC Hydro has selected a successful method to deliver water that includes, purification, transportation and distribution. The methods used by the company are successful because the BC Hydro grammar continues to earn a profit. Because BC Hydro is the only company in the province of British Columbia to deliver water, it does not need to change its method to prevent customers from choosing a competitor. In this case, a successful method will not lead to failure because customers will not select another company. Strong.

 

It is evident using a successful method for an extended period of time will not always lead to failure. This is not a good transition sentence into your resolution paragraph. What determines if a company should change a method to prevent failure is whether or not there are competitors that offer the same or similar goods. In the case of Eaton's, providing a range of goods to customers, but not specializing in a particular good proved successful at first, but ultimately led to failure and closing of all Eaton's store. Eaton's method was no longer successful because competitors existed in the market. However, in the case of BC Hydro, a successful method did not lead to failure over time because they are the only company to provide such a service. Because customers do not have the option to choose a competitors, using a successful method for an extended period of time will not lead to failure. Therefore, one must examine the competitors that exist in a market to determine if using a successful method for too long will lead to failure. Strong.

 

Overall Mark: 5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a R)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is well addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 4.5

Focus and coherence: 4.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 4

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 polarbear89

 

The aim of a business is to be profitable and thus they try to find methods to ensure their success. However, continuing to use the same successful approach may lead to failure. For instance, Research in Motion is a company that has steadfastly maintained its approach to cell phones. The company focuses on convenient keyboards, secure messaging and emailing. Furthermore, they created the popular form of messaging “Blackberry Messenger” or “BBM.” This approach resulted in RIM being a leader in technology for many years; however, the company now is unable to compete with competitors such as Apple who bring new and innovative ideas to the table. RIM’s stocks are now at an all time low and it appears as if the company will be unable to return to its former glory if it continues to maintain its earlier approach to business. The Blackberry 10’s release date has been postponed and appears as if RIM will be continuing to use their former approach to manufacturing cell phones and will be focusing on improving the same things that brought RIM success earlier on. This approach will not be successful for RIM, as their stock continues to plummet and blackberry users switch to other smartphones like Androids and Iphones that continue to push boundaries on what a smartphone constitutes. Strong. The explanation could be improved as the organization is a bit haphazard.

 

On the other hand, some businesses may be successful using the same method that they have earlier applied. For example, Tim Hortons is a chain fast-food restaurant that has focused on being affordable and convenient. Furthermore, Tim Hortons’ food does not appear to be as unhealthy as other fast-food chains like McDonalds and Burger King. Tim Hortons’ food is relatively simple, with a focus on donuts, coffee and cheap sandwiches. By maintaining the same approach, Tim Hortons has maintained and acquired a wide customer base because their affordability and convenience attracts the average consumer. Altering their method may alienate current consumers who enjoy the convenience, affordability and decent food that the chain currently offers. Tim Hortons’ marketing method has been successful among consumers and it appears that, as they continue to use the same method, they will continue to have a wide consumer base and success in the market. Excellent.

 

Whether or not a business should use the same method or alter the method depends on the product being produced. This is vague and ambiguous. You want your resolution principle to be clear from the outset. Technology is always altering and improving, and in order to keep up with competitors, companies dealing with technology must continue to innovate if they wish to keep their consumer base. RIM’s focus on the earlier things that made them innovative may now lead to their failure because they are not providing the innovation that other companies provide. However, in the situation of restaurants, each successful restaurant builds up a consumer base based on qualities that the restaurant offers. Tim Hortons’ stance on being affordable and convenient attracts a specific kind of customer and altering that make-up may in fact cause problems for the restaurant. Its dependability is what keeps the business successful. Finally, fast-food is not a quickly altering environment. The purpose of fast food is to be convenient and affordable and thus, shifting from that approach would cause problems for the business. Therefore, it depends on whether or not the business is producing products in a quickly shifting environment or if the business is competing in a steady environment where good qualities of a business remain rather constant. Strong.

 

Overall Mark: 5.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a S)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 5.5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is completely addressed. Resolution task is well addressed.

Depth: 5

Focus and coherence: 5

Grammar and vocabulary: 5.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 ann2012

 

In today's market, innovation is required for a company to excel and creativity is needed for a product such as, computer and mobile phone grammar to attract more consumers. Thus, in business long term success cannot be achieved without added new grammar elements to a company's current marketing plan. This introduction needs improvement and needs a better paraphrasing of the supporting task. Take the once popular blackberry mobile phone as an example. Blackberry was one of the first smart phone appeared grammar in the mobile phone market and it was super popular for the past few years. However, apple and Google products have recently catched up grammar with the popularity of blackberry, and blackberry is slowly been replaced by it's competitors. With the lack of innovation, blackberry will soon loss all grammar of it's users grammar to other smart phones, which has better browser and better system. Thus, having the same product for too long without much innovation may lead to loss of consumers, since the marketing is always renewing grammar . Strong example. The explanation needs improvement and grammar is a significant issue.

 

On the other hand, certain selling strategies always have effects on promotion of products. For example, Tim Hortons with beverages, especially coffee as it's main grammar selling product have been using a method called "roller up" This is not what the promotion is called. for many years, and has never fail to grammar attract more buyers. "Roller up" is when one buy a cup grammar of coffee from Tim Hortons, and one can roll up the edge of the coffee cup for a chance to win a prize such as, coffee, computer, or even a car. This promotion method gives the consumers a feeling of excitation grammar and has attracted a lot of consumers into buying Tim Hortons' coffee. This method has been used by the Tim Hortons' company almost every winter since it ever came out grammar . Another strong example. Similar problems to before with the explanation and grammar both needing improvement.

 

Therefore, whether a once successful marketing method will continue to serve it's purpose grammar , depends on if the method is involved in a market related to technology or not. This resolution principle is a bit too narrow and therefore lacks depth. In markets that involve technologies, innovations are required for a once successful method or a once popular product to continue to attract consumers, because the market itself is ever-renewing. A product without much new grammar elements such as, the blackberry smart phone, would soon be defeated by it's grammar competitors. However, in markets that technologies are not involved such as, Tim Horotons, the same marketing strategies may continue to serve their purposes for a longer period of time, because there is little variations within the markets.

 

Overall Mark: 3.5/6 (Corresponds to approximately a O)

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4 Supporting task is adequately addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is somewhat addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 2.5

[RaymondPrep101]

Prompt 32 meniscus

 

In business, owners want to mamximize their profit by using a sucessful method. A method is the plan of how to run the business. Nonetheless, businesses that use a succesful method for too long may run into failure (i.e. decrease in sales). For example, Research in Motion (RIM) created the blackberry, which is a mobile device that offers a number of features to users for their convenience, such as bbm You need to define your acronyms.. Their blackberry product was the best selling phone at one point and was a major competitor for the iphone. However, as years went buy grammar and RIM chose to stick to the same successful method for the blackberry, sales started to drop. That is, RIM did not upgrade the phone enough to keep up with the new models of the iphone. Sales have decreased so much for RIM that they had to cut back over 100,000 jobs. Consumers even speculate that blackberries may become extinct some day since the iphone appears to be much more favoured than the blackberry. If RIM had chosen to change up their succesful method of their phone, they could have remained competitive in the cell phone market, but they stuck with the same method and did not upgrade their phone signficantly to the consumers liking. Therefore, using a sucessful method in business for too long usually can lead to failure. Strong.

 

However, continuing to use a sucessful mehthod might not lead to failure in some cases. For example, Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook, a social networking interface, and has continued to use the same sucessful method for his product; he kept on allowing users to use Facebook for free and kept the same features available for individuals. For instance, the wall feature of facebook and the like button has always been a feature of facebook and people really like using these features on facebook. If Mark decided to charge users for using facebook, his buisiness probably would have seen decrease in profits from advertisers that pay facebook for allowing to grammar post their ads on facebook. People would less like use facebook grammar if there some sort of fee grammar . So, less people would see the ads, and the advertising companies would probably see decrease in sales from marketing on facebook. This example could be excellent. However, the explanation needs improvement. Facebook should also be capitalized.

 

Therefore, what determine whether grammar using sucessuful business grammar method will lead to failure depends if the company has a free element of usage. If the business does not offer any free usage, using the sucessful method for tool ong may lead failure grammar . If the business does offer some free usage for the product, using the sucessful method for too long may not lead to failure. Strong resolution principle. For example, RIM used the same sucessful method too long for their blackberry product, which customers had to buy. They kept on using the features that were similiar to past models and thus eventually faced failure for using the same method for their product. However, Mark kept on using the same successful method for his free social networking service called facebook. This free usage element for customers that Mark continued to use a method did not lead to failure. The free usage actually helped make the company to become even more succesfful as more and more people dedcide to use the free soical networking site. The resolution principle could be excellent. However, the application needs improvement. You do not explain well why and how your resolution principle works.

 

There are a significant number of spelling errors. Spelling counts on the writing sample.

 

Overall Mark: 4/6 (Corresponds to approximately a P )

Breakdown (out of 6):

Addresses tasks: 4.5 Supporting task is well addressed. Refuting task is adequately addressed. Resolution task is adequately addressed.

Depth: 4

Focus and coherence: 3.5

Grammar and vocabulary: 2.5