Prenups

[Blake]

What a great thread. Gave me some good laughs. I personally think I won't get one if I ever found THE ONE, but the world is a scary place and I'm not sure I want to be the naive guy who lost it all to foolishness.

 

To be honest, I'd be pissed if I was a woman and my man was offering me a prenup (quite the confidence vote). Then again, I would never try to leave with half...

 

Oh, and congrats on the ''power'' couple, NCV.

[lostintime]

Lol what if you're a girl, and you date a guy who earns less than you? Perhaps his ego is already suffering some blows, and then you bring this up. Ha I can see some male ego getting hurt.

 

My parents have mentioned many times that I should find someone who earns more than me *rolls eyes*.

[Blake]

Lol what if you're a girl, and you date a guy who earns less than you? Perhaps his ego is already suffering some blows, and then you bring this up. Ha I can see some male ego getting hurt.

 

My parents have mentioned many times that I should find someone who earns more than me *rolls eyes*.

What's wrong with a sugar-mommy? I wouldn't mind it. I'd be rolling in a M3 sooner.

[p0tus]

Interesting topic indeed!

 

In my opinion a prenup is like telling your partner, "I want to marry you, but just in case this doesn't work out these are the conditions...". Isn't your marriage already bound for failure? doesn't that send a message to your partner that your not willing to risk all for him/her and won't take every effort to reconcile differences and stay together?

 

It certainly is a very practical approach to take, especially considering our future profession and the potential disaparity in our's and our partner's income/wealth. But somehow this just doesn't seem like a marriage, and more like a business partnership when you throw the prenup into it.

 

The OP and others who have gotten burnt by leaving partners will disagree with me, but I don't think a prenup is good for the health of a marriage.

 

 

 

But the little red horned man on my shoulder is saying...Hmm your still in school and in debt to close to 50,000 dollars, find a rich lady pronto!...

[lostintime]

Well I think it's partially society in general. I have little faith in many things now...including the whole marriage business. It's nice to think you will find "the one", but most people end up settling anyhow. No one wants to be lonely forever.

 

And how many times in your life have you felt so strongly about something, only to realize it wasn't what you had expected? What's to say marriage won't be the same 2, 5, 10, 20 years down the road?

 

But saying all this, I'll probably be the type that's too embarassed to bring it up and just hope for the best.

[Zuckman]

Lol what if you're a girl, and you date a guy who earns less than you? Perhaps his ego is already suffering some blows, and then you bring this up. Ha I can see some male ego getting hurt.

 

My parents have mentioned many times that I should find someone who earns more than me *rolls eyes*.

 

 

I (and many men I know) would not be comfortable dating a woman that makes more than me. First, I simply would never be attracted to her in the first place. When I find out a women is extremely ambitious and makes a lot of money, I start seeing them like a man. Second, women tend to like to date up, not down. So, it works both ways .

 

Zuck

[mcater2006]

BUT she h0t man...life is hard...

 

To help us meditate, let's ask for Kanye...

 

http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=LU13MRtSD7E

 

noncestvrai

 

ROFLMAO! Good one non, c'est vrai.

[lostintime]

I (and many men I know) would not be comfortable dating a woman that makes more than me. First, I simply would never be attracted to her in the first place. When I find out a women is extremely ambitious and makes a lot of money, I start seeing them like a man. Second, women tend to like to date up, not down. So, it works both ways .

 

Zuck

 

:mad: "start seeing them like a MAN?!"

 

Meh, societal norms....societal norms. Fine, I'll go marry my future gangster boyfriend right now and prove all of this wrong....

[Zuckman]

Well I think it's partially society in general. I have little faith in many things now...including the whole marriage business. It's nice to think you will find "the one", but most people end up settling anyhow. No one wants to be lonely forever.

 

And how many times in your life have you felt so strongly about something, only to realize it wasn't what you had expected? What's to say marriage won't be the same 2, 5, 10, 20 years down the road?

 

But saying all this, I'll probably be the type that's too embarassed to bring it up and just hope for the best.

 

Too embarassed to bring it up? You don't want to lose a whole lot of money because of that!

 

I don't believe in 'the one' like a soulmate thing. However, I can spot if a woman is marriage material from a mile away. I have 'marriage-dar'...hehehe

[Blake]

Too embarassed to bring it up? You don't want to lose a whole lot of money because of that!

 

I don't believe in 'the one' like a soulmate thing. However, I can spot if a woman is marriage material from a mile away. I have 'marriage-dar'...hehehe

Please share that info with all of us.

[lostintime]

Please share that info with all of us.

 

Haha obviously not a woman who earns more than him =P Because that woman would be like a man!

 

Hehe, I kid I kid....or at least half-kid:p

[Zuckman]

Hey LostinTime,

 

I totally don't mean offence by that at all though. I just want you to know that.

 

Some men are attracted to ambitious money-making women. Actually, a huge study was done with speed dating. It showed that men are attracted to women that are intelligent and ambitious - BUT, the women could not be more intelligent than the man. This fact was MOST important when a man was looking for a long-term partner. If a man found out the woman was more intelligent or ambitious...he would put the woman in the short-term category. I totally agree with the study because I know how men tend to think

 

I think this is largely biological too, not just societal.

 

- Zuck

[Guest begaster]

I (and many men I know) would not be comfortable dating a woman that makes more than me. First, I simply would never be attracted to her in the first place. When I find out a women is extremely ambitious and makes a lot of money, I start seeing them like a man. Second, women tend to like to date up, not down. So, it works both ways .

 

 

I feel this is mainly true for men who lack self-confidence and are easily intimidated. I find nothing sexier than an ambitious girl.

 

Lost, you can earn more than me any day and I'd still date you.

[lostintime]

Hey LostinTime,

 

I totally don't mean offence by that at all though. I just want you to know that.

 

Some men are attracted to ambitious money-making women. Actually, a huge study was done with speed dating. It showed that men are attracted to women that are intelligent and ambitious - BUT, the women could not be more intelligent than the man. This fact was MOST important when a man was looking for a long-term partner. If a man found out the woman was more intelligent or ambitious...he would put the woman in the short-term category. I totally agree with the study because I know how men tend to think

 

I think this is largely biological too, not just societal.

 

- Zuck

 

 

Haha I know..I know....it's the sad reality =(

[lostintime]

I feel this is mainly true for men who lack self-confidence and are easily intimidated. I find nothing sexier than an ambitious girl.

 

Lost, you can earn more than me any day.

 

 

LOL..what is this about confidence I hear? Practice what you preach =P

 

But yay, I'm not a virtual man! Ahaha...

[The Law]

I feel this is mainly true for men who lack self-confidence and are easily intimidated. I find nothing sexier than an ambitious girl.

 

Lost, you can earn more than me any day and I'd still date you.

 

I agree.

[Zuckman]

I feel this is mainly true for men who lack self-confidence and are easily intimidated. I find nothing sexier than an ambitious girl.

 

Lost, you can earn more than me any day.

 

Begaster,

 

Not true whatsoever. The reason why men tend to be threatened by women MORE ambitious than them is because men 'instinctively' know that women like to date 'up'. So if a man is not 'higher' than them, they feel threatened that the women will cheat on them - or break up and go to someone higher. Studies conclusively show that women who date men 'lower' than them are MUCH MUCH more likely to cheat on their man. For a man to date a woman less ambitious than him is actually the smartest thing he can do for his marriage life.

 

I've done a lot of psychology research in the field of marriage so that's why I know all this.

 

Begaster, I find it cool that you like women more ambitious than you. However, you are more a minority.

[Ollie]

I (and many men I know) would not be comfortable dating a woman that makes more than me. First, I simply would never be attracted to her in the first place. When I find out a women is extremely ambitious and makes a lot of money, I start seeing them like a man. Second, women tend to like to date up, not down. So, it works both ways .

 

Zuck

My fiance and I started dating in undergrad when we were both making nothing. In a few years I will be making a lot more than him and he has no problem with it! One of the many reasons why I love him. He doesn't feel the need to prove his manliness through his income. And no I am not asking for a prenup.

[Julie]

Originally Posted by Zuckman

When I find out a women is extremely ambitious and makes a lot of money, I start seeing them like a man

 

Hey LostinTime,

 

I totally don't mean offence by that at all though. I just want you to know that.

 

Some men are attracted to ambitious money-making women. Actually, a huge study was done with speed dating. It showed that men are attracted to women that are intelligent and ambitious - BUT, the women could not be more intelligent than the man. This fact was MOST important when a man was looking for a long-term partner. If a man found out the woman was more intelligent or ambitious...he would put the woman in the short-term category. I totally agree with the study because I know how men tend to think

 

I think this is largely biological too, not just societal.

 

- Zuck

 

Maybe you didn't mean to offend, but it's kind of hard to interpret what you said in a good way! A women who is ambitious & makes alot of money is more like a man to you??? Really... what sort of stereotype is that? Without wanting to start any kind of battle, I must say that sounded pretty sexist to me. You can say you're not attracted to ambitious women, or women who make more $ than you, that's totally your call. But to say that brings them closer to being a man, IMO, is quite offensive. You might not have meant it in the sense that it's getting interpreted, but it's a touchy subject for a comment phrased like that...

[NLengr]

I don't know if this was mentioned (i didn't read all five pages), but prenups in the OP case probably wouldn't have done anything. If you married your wife in medical school, all income from the point on is considered joint income and would be divided in the case of a divorce.

 

Prenups are effective for those who have significant wealth prior to marriage. So if you got married after ten years of practice it might make a difference, but getting one before you make any money is pretty much pointless.

 

I was waiting for someone to say that. It's pointless trying to get a pre-nup if the only thing you your name when you get married is a 150k debt.

 

On top of that, pre-nups are the be all and end all anyway. A good lawyer can get around it. Happens all the time. In court, it's not whether you are right or wrong, whether you actually did something or didn't. It's is your lawyer better than their lawyer. That's all that matters.

[Guest begaster]

Begaster,

 

Not true whatsoever. The reason why men tend to be threatened by women MORE ambitious than them is because men 'instinctively' know that women like to date 'up'. So if a man is not 'higher' than them, they feel threatened that the women will cheat on them - or break up and go to someone higher. Studies conclusively show that women who date men 'lower' than them are MUCH MUCH more likely to cheat on their man. For a man to date a woman less ambitious than him is actually the smartest thing he can do for his marriage life.

 

I've done a lot of psychology research in the field of marriage so that's why I know all this.

 

Begaster, I find it cool that you like women more ambitious than you. However, you are more a minority.

 

 

Oh, you've done research in the field of marriage? By all means, then, cite your sources. Especially the ones that untangle a half-million sociological factors to come out with a clear-cut biological/evolutionary answer.

 

From everything I have seen, the men who are threatened are generally the more insecure ones. Men who are worried about their masculinity, image and societal gender roles. They may be the majority, but that does not make it some sort of evolutionary mechanism.

[Zuckman]

Maybe you didn't mean to offend, but it's kind of hard to interpret what you said in a good way! A women who is ambitious & makes alot of money is more like a man to you??? Really... what sort of stereotype is that? Without wanting to start any kind of battle, I must say that sounded pretty sexist to me. You can say you're not attracted to ambitious women, or women who make more $ than you, that's totally your call. But to say that brings them closer to being a man, IMO, is quite offensive. You might not have meant it in the sense that it's getting interpreted, but it's a touchy subject for a comment phrased like that...

 

Hey Julie,

 

Sorry I didn't phrase that properly. I definitely don't mean to offend. However, it's an emotional topic so I understand your reaction. What I meant was that my attraction to the women goes to zero. Of course they aren't closer to being a man at all. I think a women that is ambitious and makes a great living for herself is GREAT!! These women are AMAZING!

 

However, there's a tendency (not all men but the majority) for men to lose attraction when the woman's ambition is higher than the mans.

 

Zuck

[BlackJack]

Why get married at all?

 

I personally see no advantage in legally pronouncing your monogamous relationship to the government.

 

Seeing how the divorce rate is at an all-time high and is climbing, coupled with a legal system that is severely skewed towards women in divorce cases, what you have is an overall high-risk, low-return investment(worse for men than for women, but a cakewalk for neither sex)

 

Personally, I see no reason to legally declare marriage other than tax purposes. And to me, the risks just aren't worth it.

 

If love is shared between two people, marriage should be unnecessary. Should the relationship end, neither side should be punished in the long term.

 

On an interesting note, here is an essay that attempts to draw parallels between marriage and prostitution.

 

 

http://www.iies.su.se/seminars/papers/Edlund.pdf

[Sheena815]

If i get married, I expect my wife to stay at home with the kids...although I will concede to working less hours as well, but it's for the kids.

 

All I can say to that is yikes! I'm damn glad I'm not your girlfriend... not that I ever would be, with that attitude. Its a fine choice if its a woman's (or man's) choice, but to actually expect that? You're going to need to find a woman who is very submissive/ passive/ deeply socially/ religiously conservative if you want her to be okay with that kind of thinking.

 

I don't mean to be combative or anything, but I just cannot stand it when men "expect" their wives to be stay-at-home moms.

 

Maybe you didn't mean to offend, but it's kind of hard to interpret what you said in a good way! A women who is ambitious & makes alot of money is more like a man to you??? Really... what sort of stereotype is that? Without wanting to start any kind of battle, I must say that sounded pretty sexist to me. You can say you're not attracted to ambitious women, or women who make more $ than you, that's totally your call. But to say that brings them closer to being a man, IMO, is quite offensive. You might not have meant it in the sense that it's getting interpreted, but it's a touchy subject for a comment phrased like that...

 

I agree. Its difficult to not be at least slightly offended by that.

[Ollie]

I don't know if this was mentioned (i didn't read all five pages), but prenups in the OP case probably wouldn't have done anything. If you married your wife in medical school, all income from the point on is considered joint income and would be divided in the case of a divorce.

 

Prenups are effective for those who have significant wealth prior to marriage. So if you got married after ten years of practice it might make a difference, but getting one before you make any money is pretty much pointless.

 

Yeah I'm not a lawyer but I'm pretty sure prenups protect only existing assets, not anything that's earned during marriage. So for most people, this wouldn't come in to play until several years after residency when your debt is paid off.