Mock(ing) Interviews - a bit of fun

[Guest RoseSmurfette]

"So why did you choose to apply to this College of Medicine?"

 

Well, you see I had really bad marks all through undergrad because I was gaining life experience at the university pub. Finally, I shaped up and decided that I would finally try to pass my pre-requisites. This was the only school I could find that only looked at the last year when calculating GPA and didn't look at previous attempts at pre-reqs. Oh yeah, and I love this city. I've never actually been here before but my brother's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend lived here for 2 months and my brother told me about it.

 

Next Question: How do you handle stress?

[Guest MrNeuroscience]

"How do you handle Stress?"

 

- I drink

 

Next question:

 

What is the most pressing healthcare issue in your area?

[Guest konverse]

"What is the most pressing healthcare issue in your area?"

 

In my area? Well, I have had this big zit on the tip of my nose for past couple weeks or so. People are really getting concerned when they see it. What's their problem anyways? I mean, it it MY nose. Let it grow whatever it wants. The thing is, I don't really know how it got there but I have been eating a lot of Ben and Jerry's Double Chocolate Fudgesicle Dynamite Ice Cream lately...

 

Next question:

 

If you could have dinner with three people from any time period, who would they be, and why?

[Guest Anish P]

Interview panel: If you could have dinner with three people from any time period, who would they be, and why?

I would have dinner with me, myself, and I... simply because I'm such an amazing person and no one else could possibly be as entertaining as myself.

 

In terms of a time period, I would prefer 45 minutes from now, so that I can congratulate myself on totally smoking this interview.

:hat

 

---

 

Next Q: Describe a time you encountered conflict and how you dealt with it...

[Guest scooter]

Next Q: Describe a time you encountered conflict and how you dealt with it...

 

Well, just before this interview I couldn't decide how much money to stuff into this envelope (gives interviewer an envelope). See my dad is rich and is like, you really shouldn't leave something like this that is important, you should just put 5000$ in and not worry about it. Then he brought up the time that he gave me 500$ to bribe my chem prof to get an E changed to an A and Ireally wanted this cool new video game ... so I took 100$ to buy it and then the prof would only change it to a B... BUT you know, i wanna get into medschool and know that it is because of who I am and like not because I have a lot of money, so I decided to only give you each 3000$ dollars cause I want you to choose me for this school cause I'm like sooo qualified, i mean the worse mark I ever got was a B and that was in CHemistry.

 

Med Student frothing at the mouth about the money in the envelope:

If you don't get into medical school this year, what will you do?

[Guest fromtheperimeter]

If I don't get in this year, I'll probably harass all my *friends* who did get in this year until they tell me the secret to becoming a doctor.....

 

and if that doesnt work, I'll for sure go back to my old school to do an honors project that I'm really not interested in!

 

oh and did I mention, if I dont get in this year, I'm probably going to go to law school...I mean, anything for some $$$$, you docs know how it is!

 

Next Q: what kind of learner are you?

[Guest frenchfrog]

What kind of learner are you?

 

I'm what you call a visual learner; I learn through seeing. You know, if I see a classmate's assignment answers, that's when I get it best. I mean, sometimes I have to peek and it seems like cheating, but it's really not...I'm just lucky to have figured out the strategies that best fit into my way of learning. That's how I got such great grades.*smiles broadly*

 

Next question: "How will you pay for medical school?"

[Guest NurseNathalie]

"How will you pay for medical school?"

 

Easy.... sell my organs. I know that's why the good God invented dialysis and paired organs, of course!

 

And by the time I finish Residency, I will still be young and healthy enough go to the top of the transplant list- and voila - I'll be good as new! (Plus, I need to make some business for the ppl in my class that go into surgery- cuz that's what friends do for one another.)

 

Next : If you get accepted into the program, how will you spend your last summer before Meds?

[Guest RoseSmurfette]

If you get accepted into the program, how will you spend your last summer before Meds?

 

[male interviewee]

Well, first off, I'll brag to all my "friends" who didn't make med school so that I can make them feel as bad as possible. Then, I'll use my line of credit to take some hot chicks out every night and brag to them about how I made med school - you know what they say about med students getting the girls. Oh yeah, and now that i've made med school, I'll drop all those volunteer projects and the job I promised I'd do over the summer. In fact, I think I might even send them some gloating emails and letters about how I made med school so I don't have to put up with s**t like that. [smiles dreamily at the thought of it].

 

Next question: I see that you volunteer at a hospital. What did you learn from volunteering in the health care setting?

[Guest RoseSmurfette]

frenchfrog...lol, your answer about "visual learner" made me laugh.

[Guest treehuggingbiologist]

I see that you volunteer at a hospital. What did you learn from volunteering in the health care setting?

 

I learn that some of those nurses are HAWT! GIGGITY GIG-IT-TY! God Dayum! There was some tail in that place I would gladly "prescribe medical attention to" if you know what I mean <nudge nudge wink wink> I would administer my own injection! Park the ambulance! Bring up a stretcher! Verb the adjective noun! [Clone High anyone?]

 

And then, for good measure, do the finger pistols <bam bam>

 

Next question: How do you feel about the current doctor shortage in North America?

[Guest The Law]

Doctor shortage? Nice try there! I know there isn't a doctor shortage because I've seen lots of tall doctors in the hospital!

 

Next question:

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

 

(ahaha visual learner! and wow treehuggingbiologist your last post really made me laugh! :rollin )

[Guest jgray2]

What do you feel is your biggest accomplishment?

 

well, i actually applied for medicine last year but i didn't get in because my interview went so badly -- i've practiced since then, but that's not the point. the point was that i got a file review done, and i found out that i received a 4/5 on my non-academic qualities section. the real kicker is that i made up all of my activities!

 

volunteered in a hospital for ten years? i "accidentally" slipped in an extra zero. been a crisis counsellor for 6 years? as if i'd have the patience to listen to little kids going all emo. won third place in the science fair? only cuz i stole the ribbon.

 

i think that i should have put "fiction writer" in my list of activities -- clearly that's my greatest accomplishment.

 

the medical student: if you were successful, have you given any thought as to what kind of doctor you would want to be?

[Guest lostpremeddie]

the medical student: if you were successful, have you given any thought as to what kind of doctor you would want to be?

 

Me: A Rich one *smiles dreamily*

 

The community member: say you are a doctor, and you begin to notice a change in one of your fellow doctors. you suspect that he/she is abusing his/her privileges and obtaining prescription medications for their own personal use. What would you do?

 

p.s: I LOVE family guy! *sings along* annnd fulll bloowwwnnn AIDSSS!!

[Guest Lurkergonepublic]

say you are a doctor, and you begin to notice a change in one of your fellow doctors. you suspect that he/she is abusing his/her privileges and obtaining prescription medications for their own personal use. What would you do?

 

That ones easy. Oh and I cought all that he/she @#%$ in your question by the way. Chick doctors? That's funny. Notice how observant I am?

 

Well, you want to be sure about a thing like that, so I'd post a few hidden cameras to get some real evidence. Once I got the guy... well, it's important to try and help others in the best way you know how. I like to take disadvanteged children water skiing, but it's hard to afford nice enough boats. Once I showed this doc my evidence of his dishonesty, I think I'd have no trouble getting him to help rustle up some extra cash for a few sporty numbers, eh?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'd help the doc too right? I mean, he doesn't want anyone to notice he's paying out a lot of money all of a sudden, so he needs an excuse to donate. I'd probably put on some charity BS for knocked-up teenage sluts, and he could give me money through that, so he can save face too. Everyone's happy, and I have a few new boats!

 

 

(play spot the futurama quote anyone?)

 

 

Question:

How would your enemies describe you?

[Guest mg83]

How would your enemies describe you?

 

Oh that's easy *hair flip* if they were as honest as me, they would tell you how incredibly wonderful I am and how jealous of me they are. I mean, after all, who could possible hate me for any other reason *bat eyelashes*. I know my near perfection is daunting to these lesser beings but I promise, when I'm a doctor and they're serving me at a MacDonald's, I will grace them with the same dazzling smile I've always given them...because you know....i like helping the less fortunate. It's practically charity work that I make eye contact with them....oh and i want world peace....what was the question again *twirl hair around finger*

 

Question:

You're the head of the WHO and are put incharge of allocating the funds for disaster relief, how would you spend the money?

[Guest Lurkergonepublic]

You're the head of the WHO and are put incharge of allocating the funds for disaster relief, how would you spend the money?

 

Geez, you really don't pay attention do you? I just told you I want to buy more boats if I had some money. Plus, how could I be head of the WHO? I don't play drums or guitars or anything, so I couldn't even be in the band! I do think it's about time they started providing relief for their disasterous shows though.

 

 

Q: Describe a time when you failed at something.

[Guest frenchfrog]

Describe a time when you failed at something.

 

In my organic chemistry class, I finished with a mark of 98% and I felt like a total failure. I knew that I had worked so hard and really deserved 100, so I couldn't help breaking down in tears. However, the next day, I stalked the professor and camped outside his office for a few hours until I had the opportunity to talk to him. I demanded that he give me the mark I deserve and told him I'd call my daddy the Dean if he didnt. It all worked out in the end.

*Applicant mentally pats him/herself on the back for talking about a failure and then explaining how he/she dealt with it, leading to a positive outcome*

 

Question: Do you believe that prevention (eg. Anti-tabacco campaigns) is an important part of healthcare?

[Guest RoseSmurfette]

Question: Do you believe that prevention (eg. Anti-tabacco campaigns) is an important part of healthcare?

 

Whoa, prevention isn't like even health care at all! I mean how can you like care for people if they're not like sick. You need people to have like lung cancer and heart disease in order to have thriving health care. I totally don't like believe in prevention. I mean, like, why would I want to be a physician if I didn't want sick people.

 

*smiles and thinks to herself: "I like aced that question. I showed that I don't have any qualms about sick people. Like."*

[Guest RoseSmurfette]

Question: Do you believe that prevention (eg. Anti-tabacco campaigns) is an important part of healthcare?

 

Whoa, prevention isn't like even health care at all! I mean how can you like care for people if they're not like sick. You need people to have like lung cancer and heart disease in order to have thriving health care. I totally don't like believe in prevention. I mean, like, why would I want to be a physician if I didn't want sick people.

 

*smiles and thinks to herself: "I like aced that question. I showed that I don't have any qualms about sick people. Like."*

 

Next Q: Can you describe a time when you needed to work independently?

[Guest kacgal]

Can you describe a time when you needed to work independently?

 

 

 

A: Oh, I totall know this one. I was expecting it because my friend had it last week. OK, are you ready for the best answer? So, when I was a teenager, I was sent to prison, and the guards made me clean my cell all by myself, independently.

 

Q: if you had to choose an animal that best reprents you, what would it be and why?

[Guest TheChosenOneDDS]

I am a Male Lion, because i will dominate by letting the girls do all the work, then take the credit for it or copy off them on the test for the questions i don't know and get the best results, else i threaten everyone with my physical attributes and abilities.

 

Next q: What is your view on the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes and what if it was made legal in public?

[Guest The Law]

Well, I work parttime in the marijuana business. So if y'all want I can hook you up with SOME GOOD @#%$!!! :hat Actually I have some with me now if you really want! Peace to the world, that's what it's all about baby. Peace to the world.

 

Next question:

What will you do if you are not accepted into medical school?

[Guest darlaa]

**look of panic** You mean you're not accepting me?? I thought today was to set up where my office would be! Daddy said he'd worked it all out, that I was a shoe in, all I had to do was show up and look pretty. This is a joke right?? You have to let me in....**laughs hysterically** they're just kidding...**rocks back and forth**you're a doctor darla, you're a fairy princess, la la la la la

 

Q. Tell us about the book you're currently reading.

[Guest Emily44]

This is freakin hilarious! I can't believe I only just found this thread.