Paralyzing perfectionism

[GrouchoMarx]

I am wondering if anyone else thinks they exhibit paralyzing perfectionism. If so, have you been able to overcome it? How did you do it?

[cnb88]

Well, for me, I realize that regardless of whether or not I think it's "good enough" (I've never felt it's perfect), I have a time limit for myself. Not that this is a good thing, but I tend to procrastinate enough that I can't stress over the fact that it's not perfect because I need to get it done to hand it in (which is why all my apps are usually submitted the day before or the day of). At most I edit it twice (I usually have someone proofread though for grammar or repetitions I may have missed) and call it done. I've found that if I finish it too soon, I end up going over it too many times and my grade usually actually suffers instead of benefits from the repeated revision.

 

I don't recommend procrastination, but what you can do is limit yourself on the number of times you revise your paper. Chances are, it will NEVER be perfect, and the more I realize this, the better I've done actually.

 

I've slowly been realizing that life isn't perfect. If it was, it wouldn't be life (it would be the afterlife/Heaven if you so believe). We don't learn without making mistakes (read: not being perfect), and without learning, there can be no true living.

 

I don't know if I helped at all, but if nothing else, you might want to go talk to a counselor/therapist if you feel your perfectionism is debilitating or preventing you from doing your work.

[Cnussey]

My ex-husband was like that. Narcissism and perfectionism made him an incredibly abusive and hateful person to everyone and everything. Nothing is ever good enough. Perfectionism can be dangerous and harmful, but is not necessarily so...you're going to have to do it in baby steps. Purposefully don't complete something "perfectly"...something that really doesn't matter. If you must, even make practice things. Practice notes, a practice letter, a practice picture, wash the dishes even, and don't fix mistakes. Leave it. Walk away and tell yourself "screw it".

[drahm]

I have this problem a lot, and sometimes its really bad, especially in stressful situations. I find that reducing/stopping altogether caffeine intake and getting enough sleep helps. I don't drink coffee before tests or anything mentally challenging and important, because I will get to a question where I will be paralyzed with indecision, and this will mess everything up. Also, doing things to reduce stress, like exercise, cooking, and the occasional booze binge or anything you find particularly relaxing helps (maintain mental and physical well-being). I also just tell myself to accept things for the way they are. I believe that if you tell yourself something enough, and that you believe in it, you will realize that thing.

 

Just my two cents/

[chii]

Also, doing things to reduce stress, like exercise, cooking, and the occasional booze binge or anything you find particularly relaxing helps

 

I know this was probably just an off hand thing, but I have to say. The booze-binge thing is a potentially (very) slippery slope, especially for someone who struggles with perfectionism. I've seen it before, don't particularly want to see it again (to anyone, ever).

 

Just sayin'

[Larrivee]

I wouldn't say I am "paralyzed" by perfectionism... but when it comes to grades I am pretty messed up. If I get a question wrong on a test I beat myself up over it for a long time (especially if I knew the answer but made a stupid mistake). I can still see an organic chem molecule where I placed the double bond in the wrong place in second year. I remember drawing a graph in first year chem on the energy levels associated with different degrees of rotation of a carbon-carbon bond (changes in energy due to steric hinderance of bulky groups) where I didn't remember the energy level of the anti position. Just last week I got one question wrong on my midterm and it annoys the crap out of me because I should've been able to reason out the answer. It's not that I am disappointed with the grade, it's just that I know I should have got that question right and didn't...grr... It's like I am in a competition with myself. Clearly I am in no position to give advice on how to overcome this, as I am still working on things myself. I try to rationalize and compare myself to others (which is unhealthy in and of itself) who maybe got more questions wrong and say to myself "hey, forget about you got a sick grade" but when I least suspect it that question pops back into my head and I start rationalizing my answer again and then walking through what I was thinking during the test and what I should realized and done differently. Frustrating. I have yet to overcome it.

[Mithril]

I used to be like this in undergrad, but I learned how to meditate in 4th year and I no longer beat myself up over wrong answers or not getting 100% on everything. I still try my best but if my best isn't good enough to be best in the class or whatever it's not a big deal.

[Larrivee]

good for you Mithril, I am envious.

[Dino]

This used to be a huge problem for me in 1993-95 while at my old university.

I spent so much time making sure every assignment was perfect (appearance, presentation, grammar, spelling - before everyone used MS Word - and other details) that I barely slept. With the deadlines aproaching I often had to rush the end of my assignments and often neglected the other subjects which did not require assignments. All this resulted in plummeting grades, even some fails. Thankfully, most admission committees only look at the last 3 academic years and, although I am older now, I finally applied and was accepted. It still cost me several years of future practice, but I am wiser now (not much wiser, but enough not to burn out by sweating the small stuff; I'll leave that for residency).