Cold Feet

[chicagoschool]

So I was accepted to medical school last week. I was moderately happy (moreso relieved) and upon figuring out that I would have some pretty awesome classmates, I got really excited.

 

But now what has set in is basically anxiety and worry. Should I really do it? Will my medical training (4-9 years) turn into a neverending series of hoops to jump, where each accomplishment is belittled by the next step? Will I even like it?

 

I certainly have always had in the back of my mind of becoming a physician. There are many topics that simply amaze me (prosthetics, regenerative med., many brances of surgery) and I have a deep-seeded desire to improve others' mental health from personal experience. I know I can be a competent doctor (at what cost?), but I feel as if my admission offer has raised more questions than it has settled.

 

Simply put - how common are these feelings? Is the only way to find out to give med school a go?

[rogerroger]

No easy answer to this one. But you are thinking about this at the right time. Much harder once you are already a year or so in...

 

To be happy throughout medical school and beyond you need to love medicine for one reason or another. Figuring this out has to be step one of "going to med school".

 

Why must you figure this out?

 

Because big parts of medicine suck. The training is gruelling as much as it is fascinating. Med school can be a transformative process that can be unpleasant as much as it makes one grow. When you are down in the dumps as a trainee, and it will happen, that love for medicine is your lifeline. When the acceptance glow wears off in a few months that original passion reminds you why you put up with loads of crap for years on end.

 

If you can't justify dedicating pretty much a decade of your life to this path don't do it. You will be miserable. It might sound harsh but if I learned anything over the past 5 years it is that you gotta love this and whatever you end up specializing in. Otherwise your in for a rough rough ride.

[bordeaux]

No easy answer to this one. But you are thinking about this at the right time. Much harder once you are already a year or so in...

 

To be happy throughout medical school and beyond you need to love medicine for one reason or another. Figuring this out has to be step one of "going to med school".

 

Why must you figure this out?

 

Because big parts of medicine suck. The training is gruelling as much as it is fascinating. Med school can be a transformative process that can be unpleasant as much as it makes one grow. When you are down in the dumps as a trainee, and it will happen, that love for medicine is your lifeline. When the acceptance glow wears off in a few months that original passion reminds you why you put up with loads of crap for years on end.

 

If you can't justify dedicating pretty much a decade of your life to this path don't do it. You will be miserable. It might sound harsh but if I learned anything over the past 5 years it is that you gotta love this and whatever you end up specializing in. Otherwise your in for a rough rough ride.

 

This is such a great post. Can I ask you roger, do you have any regrets now that you're 5 years in? Ever wonder if you did the right thing? I mean, I love it so far but it definitely can be gr ueling at times. And let's face it, at a certain point it becomes nearly impossible to change your mind due to debt loads and commitment. I just often wonder about this. Holy crap what would you do if you go all in and then a few years later, figure out you just freaking hate it?

[rogerroger]

This is such a great post. Can I ask you roger, do you have any regrets now that you're 5 years in? Ever wonder if you did the right thing? I mean, I love it so far but it definitely can be gr ueling at times. And let's face it, at a certain point it becomes nearly impossible to change your mind due to debt loads and commitment. I just often wonder about this. Holy crap what would you do if you go all in and then a few years later, figure out you just freaking hate it?

 

 

Do I hate it? No not at all. On the average day I feel very fortunate to do what I do and enjoy my work, talking with patients, solving problems and chatting with colleagues.

 

Are the some days I don't enjoy it. Yes, definitely. These days are more common when I am off service and not doing the speciality I matched too. Prior to clerkship is is impossible to fully appreciate the spectrum of lifestyle options across specialities. Some specialties have an all consuming lifestyle. In these cases you are owned by the hospital. You basically do the same thing everyday and have little time for other interests, family and friends outside of medicine. I don't enjoy my time on such services. This is also what makes clerkship a pain in the ass.

 

I feel very fortunate I matched to the speciality I did. If you match to the wrong thing or are not honest with how much you love a speciality then chances are you will be miserable as a resident and probably beyond.

 

Is there a point of no return? Yes, I think so. I have seen some individuals who openly express regret and continue forward due to limited options, debt etc. Luckily this is more the exception than the norm. But I wouldn't be truthful it I said it didn't happen.

[thebouque]

Medicine is awesome, very diverse (you'll find something you really enjoy in one of the many many specialties/subspecialties) and it pays really well. However the training is long. I say go for it!

[chicagoschool]

I have no problem with the idea of delayed gratification, but I need to know that the gratification will be there, somewhere, eventually. I am aware that I can't really know medicine before trying it, there's the rub.

[tooty]

Some specialties have an all consuming lifestyle. In these cases you are owned by the hospital. You basically do the same thing everyday and have little time for other interests, family and friends outside of medicine.

 

infernal medicine.

[thebouque]

infernal medicine.

 

Most surgical specialties. Infernal isn't that hellish it depends if you're efficient or if you're OCD.

[aaronjw]

Waiting for brooksbane to come pee in the cornflakes of life with his skewed version of reality (always fun reading!)

[racketball]

Hi Chicagoschool,

At the risk of sounding naive and idiotic here is what I've come up with:

I believe we could possibly be in the same class if you choose to pursue. I've worked in healthcare for 2 years, been in the system for 4 years (been mentored by some of the most amazing folks). When I got my acceptance, I was extremely happy that all the hard work paid off. Was I super excited and jumping around as if I won the lottery? No. This is why: working on the frontlines has enabled me to see some of the good and bad side of healthcare/medicine etc... There are many more minuses than pluses for me including; bureacrats with no frontline experience mucking up the system, healthcare being very political, ridiculous personalities within the team A-type to D-types whose personalities don't match yours and people who are quick to figuratively slit your throat if the opportunity presents itself (just look at BoringEM's blog post, more people it seemed were brutal at criticising instead of mentoring him through the process which is total BS http://boringem.org/2013/03/05/professionalism-and-i/) (I remember when I first started working, the more experienced folks would nit pick the Shiznits out of my work without providing any feedback, kind of scary when you hardly know how things work and on top of that you have to protect your ass from burnt out angry folks, and man my ass had been tried a number of times but god bless defensive charting and keeping the fingers crossed), endless administrative non-medical tasks put on you, inability to practice what you trained to do due to system constraints, the seemingly never ending rat race to reach the top (where ever the hell that is), impact of social determinants of health i.e. when that CHF patient with chronic hypertension frequents the wards and ED for the umpteenth time because they are unable to afford their medications even though they may have a full time job you start to ask yourself WTF? Is any of what I am doing having an impact? However, the pluses are major and there is nothing more satisfying than the authentic health care provider-patient relationship and authentic relationships you form with your colleagues even if it is for a small fleeting moment in the span of your entire career, for example: when you have the opportunity to and when you successfully advocate for that CHF patient unable to afford his/her medication, or when you form a connection with a mentor who believes in you and supports you in your journey (rain or shine), or when you have a non-medical passion that fits in with your career of medicine and you are somehow able to combine them be it sports and medicine, research and medicine, advocacy and medicine, arts and medicine etc... My biggest concern is trying to figure out how to avoid the rat race, some of my strategies going in include; to stop and enjoy the smell the fresh coffee in the morning within the **** laden ward (i.e. journey trumps finish line, enjoy when you get your first blood draw, your first IV start, your first NG insertion and then continue to enjoy these things for the 100th time and rub your competence in the faces of your coworker-friends who have a great sense of humor lol), engage in my interests/passions such that medicine means more to me than just being a secure career, learn to quench my curiosity and thirst for knowledge about things I'm interested in and find a niche (i.e. for me art of physical examination>molecular genetics, understanding the process of diagnosing > infectious disease epidemiology; I feel medicine allows one to find their niche from Dr. Salvatore Mangione heart and lungsound auscultation for idiots like me guru to zdoggMD), ignore angry whiners and arrogant snobs (there are many because they are burnt out) unless they are teaching me something valuable then I'll do my best to tolerate them so I can learn what I need to learn from them (sometimes easier said than done). The way I look at it; at the end of the day medicine is broad, it has room for everyone (including zdoggMD!! probably the coolest Kat out there), figure out who you are and where you fit, don't follow the herd unless you are uniting against evil bureaucrats and arrogant snoby whining idiots... If all else fails, its one of the few careers where you can still have street cred on Occupy Wallstreet (as long as you support a universal healthcare system) and be a part of the 1% (sorry more like 10%) not even JayZ can do this... how cool is that?

Sorry about the long winded and choppy post, hope one sentence in the post convinces you to pursue med school (or do what is best for you) and hope to see you in September (or maybe not if you've decided its not for you)...

 

 

Read this book (I found it through watching one of Brian Goldman's videos): The House of God by Samuel Shen

[A-Stark]

Most surgical specialties. Infernal isn't that hellish it depends if you're efficient or if you're OCD.

 

Sometimes I'm glad I'm efficient. Well, all the time.

 

In any case, I don't know that rheumatologists would consider their subspecialty "all-consuming".

[futureGP]

So I was accepted to medical school last week. I was moderately happy (moreso relieved) and upon figuring out that I would have some pretty awesome classmates, I got really excited.

 

But now what has set in is basically anxiety and worry. Should I really do it? Will my medical training (4-9 years) turn into a neverending series of hoops to jump, where each accomplishment is belittled by the next step? Will I even like it?

 

I certainly have always had in the back of my mind of becoming a physician. There are many topics that simply amaze me (prosthetics, regenerative med., many brances of surgery) and I have a deep-seeded desire to improve others' mental health from personal experience. I know I can be a competent doctor (at what cost?), but I feel as if my admission offer has raised more questions than it has settled.

 

Simply put - how common are these feelings? Is the only way to find out to give med school a go?

 

i had these thoughts too, and i have more of these after being in medschool for a while,

 

the amount of studying i do now easily dwarfs how much i did in ugrad -- e.g. in ugrad i could easily afford to go out for a night or 2 during the week and not have to worry about falling behind, but not anymore in medschool, everyday is pretty much review/preview (at least for me...)

 

but its good that you have your colleagues who go through the same process so it isn't that badd that you'll feel so lonely and want to just give everything up

 

sometimes i wish i looked into other health care career options before as i get exposed to other areas in health care i didnt know about (i didnt bother looking into other careers in health care... i sort of went the straight route and hurried myself)

 

preclerkship has been alright but i can't wait to actually apply all i learned to real practice during clerkship and thats one part that excites me

 

you will learn a LOT and you will probably have to study a LOT and as opposed to how they teach us in ugrad where they tell us to be as specialized as possible, in medschool you gotta know a little bit of everything and when i had to study for topics i hated so much...yeahhh anyways

 

congrats on getting in, i'm sure you'll have an awesome time and what you're feeling is not uncommon imo

[A-Stark]

Can we ban users that have ads in their sig and usernames borrowed from pharma companies?

[future_doc]

The mods do so when alerted by a member reporting this using the triangle in right hand corner.

[futureGP]

Sneaky....

[holiday1001]

i had these thoughts too, and i have more of these after being in medschool for a while,

 

the amount of studying i do now easily dwarfs how much i did in ugrad -- e.g. in ugrad i could easily afford to go out

it worries me a little when i hear about how other students review every day.. and I don't...

[rmorelan]

The mods do so when alerted by a member reporting this using the triangle in right hand corner.

 

or when I just run into them - they just annoy me

[future_doc]

of course, the triangle is a fallback position.

[coastalslacker]

Your doubts are not unfounded. I'm 9 years in, about to finish PGY 5 in a surgical speciality. It is a very long road. I have a friend at the same point in training who now counsels prospective med students to find something else they would be happy doing, despite the fact that he likes his job very much (or, his future job). It's because he can think of lots of other things he would have liked doing, that would have gotten him going with life sooner.

 

I can't think of anything I would rather do, but am also relatively tired of the hoops you need to jump through. I'm off to do a fellowship, which I'm excited about, and then a second fellowship (which I am also excited about, but honestly wish I didn't have to do because I'm tired of financial insecurity and massive debt). I then have to think about getting a masters, because it is getting to be standard in many Canadian surgical departments. Lots of hoops....

 

At the end of the day I'll make lots of money doing a job I love and making a difference. But it's taken a frigging long time to get there. Med school is a bit of a joke - the first two years are way easier than undergrad, and clerkship is pretty straightforward as well. If you end up liking family medicine and only have to do two years of relatively straightforward residency, you're set. Good money, good hours, lots of jobs and lots of political will behind you. If you end up in some other specialties residency will blow, and the prospects for jobs afterwards will be debatable. The money may be slightly better, but only slightly.

 

Anyways, congrats on your acceptance. Looking back at myself in your shoes, I would not have even considered not going.

[Lactic Folly]

coastal, when would you do the masters if you were to go that route? Would you be able to do it concurrently with fellowship / junior faculty position, or would you take time off?

[coastalslacker]

If I take the more education plunge, I'll likely start it during my second year of fellowship. If, during my first year of fellowship in the States, I find there are lots of jobs down there without all the hoops it takes to get back to Canada, I'll not bother and just work down South. I will not take a year off clinical work to do a fellowship. Couldn't imagine not operating for that long. I start to get twitchy if I have a week without being in the OR.

[murphy303]

No easy answer to this one. But you are thinking about this at the right time. Much harder once you are already a year or so in...

 

To be happy throughout medical school and beyond you need to love medicine for one reason or another. Figuring this out has to be step one of "going to med school".

 

Why must you figure this out?

 

Because big parts of medicine suck. The training is gruelling as much as it is fascinating. Med school can be a transformative process that can be unpleasant as much as it makes one grow. When you are down in the dumps as a trainee, and it will happen, that love for medicine is your lifeline. When the acceptance glow wears off in a few months that original passion reminds you why you put up with loads of crap for years on end.

 

If you can't justify dedicating pretty much a decade of your life to this path don't do it. You will be miserable. It might sound harsh but if I learned anything over the past 5 years it is that you gotta love this and whatever you end up specializing in. Otherwise your in for a rough rough ride.

 

Bingo

 

Great post