Time To Leave The Nest?

[LeBronto2019]

Starting med school in a month and with the financial struggles at home, too much sh*t is going down and I don't think it's worth living with my parents as I start this stressful part of life. Problem is that we have very little money (I have some saved) and I'd have to take an LOC to be able to manage on my own or live with another student. Can others chime in when they've moved out of home at the start of med school with family and financial problems being the main reasons, and not just getting accepted to a school in a different city? Is this worth the stress of being in debt for a long time?

 

I'm pretty sure we're all going to split in a year or so anyways so in anticipation of that, I'd rather start heading out of there. I'm already independent getting my own groceries, doing laundry, repairs, paying for gas and other bills at home so it won't be a big issue to live on my own. But it's the future financial burden that worries me. Any thoughts would help! 

 

P.S. counselling to any degree will not work so let's avoid trying to resolve the family issue. 

[amichel]

Starting med school in a month and with the financial struggles at home, too much sh*t is going down and I don't think it's worth living with my parents as I start this stressful part of life. Problem is that we have very little money (I have some saved) and I'd have to take an LOC to be able to manage on my own or live with another student. Can others chime in when they've moved out of home at the start of med school with family and financial problems being the main reasons, and not just getting accepted to a school in a different city? Is this worth the stress of being in debt for a long time?

 

I'm pretty sure we're all going to split in a year or so anyways so in anticipation of that, I'd rather start heading out of there. I'm already independent getting my own groceries, doing laundry, repairs, paying for gas and other bills at home so it won't be a big issue to live on my own. But it's the future financial burden that worries me. Any thoughts would help!

 

P.S. counselling to any degree will not work so let's avoid trying to resolve the family issue.

I haven't been in your situation but nearly every med student has to rely on an LOC for living expenses. If you want to move out, move out.

[MSWschnoodle]

Starting med school in a month and with the financial struggles at home, too much sh*t is going down and I don't think it's worth living with my parents as I start this stressful part of life. Problem is that we have very little money (I have some saved) and I'd have to take an LOC to be able to manage on my own or live with another student. Can others chime in when they've moved out of home at the start of med school with family and financial problems being the main reasons, and not just getting accepted to a school in a different city? Is this worth the stress of being in debt for a long time?

 

I'm pretty sure we're all going to split in a year or so anyways so in anticipation of that, I'd rather start heading out of there. I'm already independent getting my own groceries, doing laundry, repairs, paying for gas and other bills at home so it won't be a big issue to live on my own. But it's the future financial burden that worries me. Any thoughts would help! 

 

P.S. counselling to any degree will not work so let's avoid trying to resolve the family issue. 

 

Is it too late to get into residence at U of A? Residence might be more affordable than regular housing. If things are really intolerable at home then it's probably worth the money you'll pay to live on your own, especially if you are OK with sharing housing - like renting a single room with a shared kitchen. Adding more debt can seem daunting, but if the alternative is going to harm your success in medical school then it might be worth it. 

 

Any chance an extended family member or family friend (who would be a better option to live with than your current situation) lives in Edmonton and will let you live in a guest room or basement for free/cheap? 

 

I moved out a long time ago, and I don't think I could go back. Living on your own has some definite advantages! Best of luck with whatever you decide!

[Egg_McMuffin]

I'm not in med school but I moved out 3 years ago and my parents were in the same city. Best decision I ever made. The stress and the negativity just wasn't worth it. I didn't even have the security of a LOC or acceptance into professional school.

If you are already managing pretty much everything on your own, wouldn't the only added cost be to pay for rent? That's max $50,000 over the course of 4 years? So a couple months of income as a physician?

[GH0ST]

Starting med school in a month and with the financial struggles at home, too much sh*t is going down and I don't think it's worth living with my parents as I start this stressful part of life. Problem is that we have very little money (I have some saved) and I'd have to take an LOC to be able to manage on my own or live with another student. Can others chime in when they've moved out of home at the start of med school with family and financial problems being the main reasons, and not just getting accepted to a school in a different city? Is this worth the stress of being in debt for a long time?

 

I'm pretty sure we're all going to split in a year or so anyways so in anticipation of that, I'd rather start heading out of there. I'm already independent getting my own groceries, doing laundry, repairs, paying for gas and other bills at home so it won't be a big issue to live on my own. But it's the future financial burden that worries me. Any thoughts would help! 

 

P.S. counselling to any degree will not work so let's avoid trying to resolve the family issue. 

 

Eh for me I'm still connected to my family and they want me to stay. I did secure a LOC but am thinking of moving out in maybe a year or during clerkship. That said I'd probably consider moving out only if my home situation wasn't what I prefer... though I do most of my studying in the library and just go home to sleep or do the domestic stuff. I get you though since I don't have much saved either and don't want to burden myself or my family heavily, so for now I'm content with things. Could consider buying a place and using that as a long term investment. That said though if you find a place .... so call me maybe =D

 

- G

[_ _]

med school, no. But I came from a family with some very unstable guardians to put it nicely, and they also didn't support my choice to move away and get post-secondary education. I had to actually cut all contacts for about a year-they were threatening and it really took a tool on me in first year. I have taken on more debt because of this, and it's tough to make things work without a fallback in terms of money. No LOC, I have just had to cover an extra few thousand each year that my student loan 'assumes' my parents pay, but don't. But again, its worth it.

 

 

However, in terms of my own mental wellness, I did what I had to. Moving far away for undergrad got me out of that negative environment and allowed me to focus on my goal, and it seems like that's the siduation with you. Its an awful choice to have to make, stepping away from your family. But it an LOC you're in a safe position I think, so best of luck.

[MD2B2019]

Starting med school in a month and with the financial struggles at home, too much sh*t is going down and I don't think it's worth living with my parents as I start this stressful part of life. Problem is that we have very little money (I have some saved) and I'd have to take an LOC to be able to manage on my own or live with another student. Can others chime in when they've moved out of home at the start of med school with family and financial problems being the main reasons, and not just getting accepted to a school in a different city? Is this worth the stress of being in debt for a long time?

 

I'm pretty sure we're all going to split in a year or so anyways so in anticipation of that, I'd rather start heading out of there. I'm already independent getting my own groceries, doing laundry, repairs, paying for gas and other bills at home so it won't be a big issue to live on my own. But it's the future financial burden that worries me. Any thoughts would help!

 

P.S. counselling to any degree will not work so let's avoid trying to resolve the family issue.

 

Think about this: if you pay 50% down payment from your saving and mortgage another 50% to buy a home to live instead of renting, will you worry about your mortgage? Will bank worry you not paying your mortgage?

 

Think about this: through long time hard working and very competitive application process, you are accepted to a Canadian MD school, so you will be a medicine doctor soon, it's like you already saved your 50% down payment, so the bank give you a $200k LoC to complete your MD. I don't think you have to really worry about moving out for money as long as you can budget your 4 years tuitions, living costs under your LoC, which is easy, $200k / 4 = $50k per year.

Most MD only used $100k LoC or less after 4 years MD studies, I think you can do the same.

 

How to spend your money on living is a life long learning process, some ideas for you.

 

1. Live in or near campus, or busing, saving costs for owning a car

2. Share an apartment or a house with others, lower your housing costs

3. Cook your own food, reducing eat out, lower your living costs

 

BUT, 10 years later when you making $200k+ a year, you will laugh at yourself, why you have to worry spending your LoC?20 years later, when you have a house, mortgage free and 6 digits saving in the bank, you will be mad at yourself, why you were cheap on your MD student life for 4 years? Wasted your life? You should spend more of your LoC to eat out with family and friends occasionally and maybe a few thousands on a trip to Europe or Asia, maybe a used Toyota will make your MD student life easier.

 

LoC is there for a reason, to help you get through 4 years MD student life. Use it wisely but not cheap. On your own is a big step, most people at 18 when graduated from high school, some at 22 when graduated from university. It's time to move out. I am on the same boat with you, but I am going to a city 2,000km away from home where I only stayed a night before interview and no relative or friend there. I am so excited for the new chapter of life. With my $200k LoC, I have no worry to move out at all.

[GrouchoMarx]

Cut the cord dude

[LeBronto2019]

I appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions. I'm asking banks about LOCs and finding places to live. I have family all around Edmonton but they shouldn't be burdened by having me stay at their place. 

 

I feel like budgeting for this entire process is very simple for me but I don't think many of you understand how bad our family's financial struggles have been. We live in a small condo and grandparents and extended family live 2 doors down. We have had to pay for everything they have so they can fulfill other commitments from the money they receive from the gov't each month. I've never had a car, never travelled outside Canada (unless a grant paid off my trip), never got a fun life that most of my friends did growing up. That stuff doesn't matter anymore but in our culture, the son needs to be responsible to take care of the family. Even if my parents dont make it through, my grandparents will be crushed if I moved away from home. Not only that, but even though I'm paying for my entire education and living expenses now at home, taking out an LOC will be unbelievable stress on my entire family because any form of debt is scary for them after the life they've lived. Many students who take an LOC or huge amounts for loans either desperately need it or have well-off families that they dont need to worry about anything backfiring financially. We don't have that luxury and I almost feel stupid for wanting to arrange that much money in debt just to "not deal with familial stress". It's very tough situation but I've grown up just dealing with whatever we got, make the most of it, and ensure finances are not a stressor in life anymore than they have to be. 

 

And Cain, while it may be harsh for some, I appreciate you being straight up about it. I've wanted to cut the cord since high school because I got into the bigger universities out east and UBC. I had the opportunities to leave and I wanted that experience. But even if I took out all the loans and LOCs I needed and paid everything off myself, you don't understand how much anything financial (whether their own or someone elses) concerns my family. So I just decided to give up amazing experience in undergrad to focus on school and get into med. It's not a "I want my mommy to do everything for me" situation because besides dealing with the home as a whole with the bills, I'm doing everything else needed to live on my own (groceries, cleaning, laundry, paying insurance and gas money, phone bills, travel expenses, school fees, etc.); it's honestly a fear out of being in so much debt for no good reason. If something happens between parents, they will be selfless and put my education as a priority so I don't have to worry about being distracted from med school but I don't want them to do that when they need to deal with their own things. The fact that I got into med school is more exciting for them than me because they know that our family can crawl out of a low-middle class situation and I can support everyone after I graduate. 

 

Ugh, too complex of an issue. 

[bakercyclist]

When I first moved away for school, I was in a different city, so I lived with roommates. When I moved back two years later, I tried to move back in and lasted a month before I needed to find my own place - we get along well, I just needed the freedom. I worked my way through university, lived in some pretty crappy places, and still ended up in a bunch of debt, but it was worth it for me. And I think my relationship with my parents was strengthened by being in the same city but not the same home. Now we're a ten minute walk away from each other, and it's great!

 

I'm not in med school (yet), but even if I get accepted, I don't think I'll actually believe that I'll ever be able to pay off my LOC until I make it through residency, so I know how it feels to not want to rack up a lot of debt. But as long as you're not looking at a $2000 condo, I think paying a small sum every month for rent is totally reasonable.

[MD2B2019]

I appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions. I'm asking banks about LOCs and finding places to live. I have family all around Edmonton but they shouldn't be burdened by having me stay at their place.

 

I feel like budgeting for this entire process is very simple for me but I don't think many of you understand how bad our family's financial struggles have been. We live in a small condo and grandparents and extended family live 2 doors down. We have had to pay for everything they have so they can fulfill other commitments from the money they receive from the gov't each month. I've never had a car, never travelled outside Canada (unless a grant paid off my trip), never got a fun life that most of my friends did growing up. That stuff doesn't matter anymore but in our culture, the son needs to be responsible to take care of the family. Even if my parents dont make it through, my grandparents will be crushed if I moved away from home. Not only that, but even though I'm paying for my entire education and living expenses now at home, taking out an LOC will be unbelievable stress on my entire family because any form of debt is scary for them after the life they've lived. Many students who take an LOC or huge amounts for loans either desperately need it or have well-off families that they dont need to worry about anything backfiring financially. We don't have that luxury and I almost feel stupid for wanting to arrange that much money in debt just to "not deal with familial stress". It's very tough situation but I've grown up just dealing with whatever we got, make the most of it, and ensure finances are not a stressor in life anymore than they have to be.

 

And Cain, while it may be harsh for some, I appreciate you being straight up about it. I've wanted to cut the cord since high school because I got into the bigger universities out east and UBC. I had the opportunities to leave and I wanted that experience. But even if I took out all the loans and LOCs I needed and paid everything off myself, you don't understand how much anything financial (whether their own or someone elses) concerns my family. So I just decided to give up amazing experience in undergrad to focus on school and get into med. It's not a "I want my mommy to do everything for me" situation because besides dealing with the home as a whole with the bills, I'm doing everything else needed to live on my own (groceries, cleaning, laundry, paying insurance and gas money, phone bills, travel expenses, school fees, etc.); it's honestly a fear out of being in so much debt for no good reason. If something happens between parents, they will be selfless and put my education as a priority so I don't have to worry about being distracted from med school but I don't want them to do that when they need to deal with their own things. The fact that I got into med school is more exciting for them than me because they know that our family can crawl out of a low-middle class situation and I can support everyone after I graduate.

 

Ugh, too complex of an issue.

 

Yes, you have family issues, we all have. Yours maybe bigger, but your parents will support you 100% for your MD study, right? Move out on your own is the best way to go. Let them know your situation. Soon or later you will move out, right? The sooner, the better.

 

Let them know MD study is totally different from high school or university.

 

1. MD study mostly at medical school in or next to hospitals, not in a university campus.

2. Your classmates are ALL the best of the best, your professors are all the best of the best.

3. Classes are 8 to 5 everyday in BLOCKS, no see you next week or due next week, always see you tomorrow or exams tomorrow.

 

Yes, you may meet or visit your family once or twice a week over the weekend, but you have to give yourself 100% to MD study weekdays. No shortcut.

 

LoC is yours. It's your fund, it's your debt. It's your resources, it's your liability. Your parents shouldn't worry about it. They should trust you 100% that you can manage your own finance. Contact Scotia bank from London, Ontario from premed101 LoC threads by email, they will set up everything for you, you just need to go to your local Scotia branch to sign contracts, no co-signers needed, your parents even don't need to know you have a $200k LoC.

[photato]

There are so many students that rely entirely on student loans and a LOC with no savings (myself included) so I don't think you have to worry as much about paying rent as you do figuring out what is best for you in your situation.  A lot of students enter med school with previous debt used to fund undergrad/living in undergrad.  You're so much better off if you have savings, no debt, and this is the first time you were paying rent.  I guess it might be harder to decide because you have the option of staying at home so the savings can be enticing, but a lot of students (eg. rural students) don't have that option and they seem to manage well with finances.

[Uphill]

I will preface this by saying: each situation is unique, so ultimately none of us is going to have the exact same situation as you and cannot 100% guarantee that what worked for us will work for you. Having said that, here are some thoughts based on my own experience/situation.

 

I left home at 18. There were no issues at home and I was welcome to stay and be supported if I chose to. But I chose instead to go it on my own. I did this because, at some point, you gotta leave the nest and you might as well do it now. Now is usually as good a time as any. I was also inspired by my parents, who taught me that debt ( of a reasonable and responsibly managed type) is part of life at some point and taking it on is part of growing up and learning to take reasonable risks. Family expectations and history are important, but they should not completely define your course of action. Sometimes you have to pull away from your history and patterns to grow and flourish.

 

My parents were raised in social housing. My father was actually born in a slum into a less than perfect family situation. They both left home young, moved far from family and began to redefine who they were. They became better rounded, better adapted and better off than almost the entire rest of our family. But they didn't abandon their family. Moving away from their families allowed them to better give back to them (my father bought his parents their first home. No more social housing ) and allowed them to have a better relationship with them as adults (because they did not continue to live in environments that could have made them resentful, angry etc).

 

Medical school is expensive, you are going to accumulate debt. But you are also going to be better able to pay off that debt than most people who have debt. If it's any consolation, I start medical school as a "mature student" in about 3 weeks. I am guessing you are about 21? If so, by the time you pay off that medical school debt, you will still be younger than I am right now

[NotASerialKiller]

I appreciate everyone's advice and suggestions. I'm asking banks about LOCs and finding places to live. I have family all around Edmonton but they shouldn't be burdened by having me stay at their place. 

 

I feel like budgeting for this entire process is very simple for me but I don't think many of you understand how bad our family's financial struggles have been. We live in a small condo and grandparents and extended family live 2 doors down. We have had to pay for everything they have so they can fulfill other commitments from the money they receive from the gov't each month. I've never had a car, never travelled outside Canada (unless a grant paid off my trip), never got a fun life that most of my friends did growing up. That stuff doesn't matter anymore but in our culture, the son needs to be responsible to take care of the family. Even if my parents dont make it through, my grandparents will be crushed if I moved away from home. Not only that, but even though I'm paying for my entire education and living expenses now at home, taking out an LOC will be unbelievable stress on my entire family because any form of debt is scary for them after the life they've lived. Many students who take an LOC or huge amounts for loans either desperately need it or have well-off families that they dont need to worry about anything backfiring financially. We don't have that luxury and I almost feel stupid for wanting to arrange that much money in debt just to "not deal with familial stress". It's very tough situation but I've grown up just dealing with whatever we got, make the most of it, and ensure finances are not a stressor in life anymore than they have to be. 

 

And Cain, while it may be harsh for some, I appreciate you being straight up about it. I've wanted to cut the cord since high school because I got into the bigger universities out east and UBC. I had the opportunities to leave and I wanted that experience. But even if I took out all the loans and LOCs I needed and paid everything off myself, you don't understand how much anything financial (whether their own or someone elses) concerns my family. So I just decided to give up amazing experience in undergrad to focus on school and get into med. It's not a "I want my mommy to do everything for me" situation because besides dealing with the home as a whole with the bills, I'm doing everything else needed to live on my own (groceries, cleaning, laundry, paying insurance and gas money, phone bills, travel expenses, school fees, etc.); it's honestly a fear out of being in so much debt for no good reason. If something happens between parents, they will be selfless and put my education as a priority so I don't have to worry about being distracted from med school but I don't want them to do that when they need to deal with their own things. The fact that I got into med school is more exciting for them than me because they know that our family can crawl out of a low-middle class situation and I can support everyone after I graduate. 

 

Ugh, too complex of an issue. 

 

 

Honestly I'm not sure that people here can give you the best advice. The core of the issue is the cultural obligation that none of us can understand if we are not part of your family's culture. When I first saw this title I thought, "Pfft, almost everyone I know moved out for undergrad, why would this guy even consider staying during med school?" because that's my cultural norm. It would be hard for anyone from my background (similar to most Canadians I think) to fully appreciate what is important to you and your family even when trying to be empathetic about it. You mentioned specifically that in your culture a son is expected to take care of the family, which is something that is extremely foreign to me, so I would feel weird about encouraging you one way or another regardless of how I generally feel about independence. Good luck making the best decision for you and your family!

[makingfetchhappen]

Hey OP,

 

I understand where you are coming from, a couple of thoughts:

Is there a possibility that you can find a super super cheap room somewhere? When I was in undergrad, I shared a basement apartment with 2 other students and we paid $360/month each inclusive.

A couple of girls I know who went to a different university, lived in 4-bedroom house with housemates, but these 2 shared a bedroom (the others in the house didn't). So, what would have been a $400/month arrangement was $200/month for each of them. Not glamorous, but maybe better than your current situation?

You mentioned car insurance and gas. I imagine that you are driving a paid off car then. How much do you spend on it each month? Is it possible to find a cheap arrangement that is walking distance to campus and to your family? Maybe you should consider giving up your car temporarily in favour of moving out?

Most of all, I think you should talk to your parents and see if you could work out a creative solution that will minimize the stress all around. 

[katakari]

I'm a little confused about how you mention financial struggles, and yet the LOC is an 'option.' For many, the LOC is a given, not an option. 

 

Your apparent state of distress and the longitudinal nature of your stressors makes it difficult to discuss online. You are already seeking a specific answer from us. Yet, to me, the decision is clear cut -- your burdens are your burdens and your family members need to resolve their own issues without dependence on you --, however, you are not me. I recommend seeing a counselor. Yes, you likely cannot fix these family issues, but you can change the way you perceive them.

 

The investment in medical school is one of the most secure decisions you can make. You will easily pay back the money you have borrowed with the salary you make as a doctor. Besides, at 2.85%/year, the money itself is cheap to purchase. It's scary to see the numbers rise, but rest assured that your future self can take care of you for the investment you have made in them.

 

A move out from your family can add clarity to these challenges as well as potentially strengthen your relationship with your family. As someone who has had a lot of family stress and arguments, the space has helped my relationships with my family members.