Struggling being in a backup specialty

[sci100]

I did not match into the specialty that I wanted and now in my backup specialty. Every day over the past two blocks, I've worked with co-residents that had matched into the specialties that they wanted. What makes it even more hard is that there were a couple people who were in the specialty that I wanted. I have no ill feelings towards them, but just makes going to work so much harder as it is a daily reminder of my own failures. I feel sad and frustrated and trapped. I know there's a small chance of transfer, and I am seeing a therapist, but it does not change the reality that I am fighting through. I was wondering if there are people out there that have experienced these same feelings and advice on moving past it?

Maybe I am being very entitled or even should not be complaining since I ranked the program, but when the reality of being unmatched stares you in the face, you take what you can get, and I am hoping that people wiser than me can offer some thoughts. 

[shikimate]

It's about moving the goal post in life. After focusing on 1 goal for a long time, it's easy to get tunnel visioned into revolving your life around that goal. Sometimes it's best to take a step back and see the forest rather than the tree. What are your other goals in life? Any goals regarding finances? relationships? sports? arts? travel? volunteering? avocations?

I think retired athletes get this feeling a lot. Like for 20 years of their life all they live for is play ball and win the final championship. All of a sudden no more throwing balls and life is lost. Maybe reading about how athletes move on with their life after sports could inspire something in you.

To put it more philosophically. Is doing specialty x the end? or is it the means to an end? 

Also my practical advice to MDs: don't stay in the hospital/clinic too long after your work is over. If you spend too much time in the hospital it becomes like a black hole and suck your life into it. Go out and enjoy the sun, lake, beach, forest, whatever. 

[bearded frog]

Explore transfers, but it's ok to be sad and disappointed. Consider what made you want to rank the program you matched in, consider that the alternative could have been to not match, and then potentially ending up in the same or less desirable program after wasting a year. It's difficult now because it's fresh and you're still seeing those people in this context, but after first year as you develop in a different direction and there is less exposure, and you focus on making a career for yourself in your current position, that will fade.

To any applicants reading this, when making a rank order list and considering backup programs, imagine yourself in this scenario, and really consider if you would rather be in a position like this vs going unmatched and rolling the dice on a re-application.

[Edict]

Whatever you do, make sure you have someone you trust who you feel comfortable venting to, its so important to have that support network in residency, whether that be a therapist, friends/family. 

[Findanus]

If you are really set on the specialty that you did not match to, and can't envision yourself as a professional in the field you are currently training for, I recommend spending most of your efforts in preparing an application to the USA.

Some people can accept being in a field of lukewarm interest, and find solace in other things. Others have a hard time accepting it no matter what. I don't know what category you think you fall into but if it is the latter, you'd regret not at least trying all avenues to get what you want.