Socializing for noob?

[ohno]

Sorry for the post, I just really needed to rant a bit. I was never a super social person (aka not the kind that would actively seek out parties or talk to strangers), but when orientation week started everyone said to me I should make the most out of it and it would be a great opportunity to meet people and make new friends etc. I tried pushing myself really hard and went to every event and talk to as many people I can handle. But in the end I just feel so drained out and empty. I've already forgotten the names of most people I've met and made small talks with. I'm really sick of the endless drinking theme (and I was never a big drinker before). I'm so tired of it that I don't even want to attend another social event, but in the meantime I'm so scared that I might end up making no friends and being the odd one out. Any advice for this socially awkward introvert?

[AuxButtesChaumont]

Sorry for the post, I just really needed to rant a bit. I was never a super social person (aka not the kind that would actively seek out parties or talk to strangers), but when orientation week started everyone said to me I should make the most out of it and it would be a great opportunity to meet people and make new friends etc. I tried pushing myself really hard and went to every event and talk to as many people I can handle. But in the end I just feel so drained out and empty. I've already forgotten the names of most people I've met and made small talks with. I'm really sick of the endless drinking theme (and I was never a big drinker before). I'm so tired of it that I don't even want to attend another social event, but in the meantime I'm so scared that I might end up making no friends and being the odd one out. Any advice for this socially awkward introvert?

 

I can empathize with you... and I am sure there are many others in your med school class (maybe I'm in your class? haha) who can too. I think of myself as an extrovert and I still don't like the thought of o-week type events where you're spending all day, every day of the entire week with a large group of strangers in a city that's probably new to you... with the added pressure of trying to make the right impression and make friends. It's a bit scary and it's definitely draining. I really commend you for going to all the events and trying to make friends. I am also scared that I won't be able to make good friends in med school. But I think (hope) that once classes start and once you're in groups with people, it'll be a lot easier to connect with people and make friends!

[Intrepid86]

Don't force anything. I seriously doubt you're the only one who feels this way. Even in a highly cliquish class, there will be several others like yourself. As the year progresses and you learn more about your peers, you'll find people to fit in with.

[Lactic Folly]

Agree with the advice not to try to force anything with people you really don't know all that well yet. Insecurity is prevalent, which is why you see cliques forming in the search for affiliation. Once the dust settles, there will be many extracurricular activities in medical school where you can get to know others with similar interests in a less artificial setting. If you're a good-natured person who makes a decent attempt to reach out to others, and they don't reciprocate, it's their loss. For a bit of perspective, just think of how you felt starting high school, and how the experience seems to you now, looking back...

[Birdy]

While I've not started med school yet, I thought I'd chime in.

 

I'm rather like you; not a big socializer and I don't really drink (nor do I enjoy being around drunk people, particularly drunk people who take it as license to act like idiots.) As a result, I tend to be quiet and keep to myself at those kinds of events.

 

I attended my university orientation last year and found no one like me there. Just didn't fit in, felt awkward the whole time, so I didn't bother with most of it. After school got rolling, though, I found lots of people who I get along great with. They were about as interested in the orientation stuff as I was, and so they hadn't bothered attending or participating much either so I hadn't run into them.

 

Being at events you don't find comfortable for you is a good way to not build friendships. I'm sure you will encounter people with whom you have a lot in common once school gets going and you meet people in a different setting where there is less pressure to be a social butterfly.

 

As I said, haven't gone to med school yet myself, but I don't imagine it is so terribly different right at the start.

[ellorie]

I never have and probably never will make friends easily in new situations because I am more shy and slow to warm up, even though I am a decent and friendly person.

 

Part of it for me is self acceptance/knowledge and the patience to know that I will slowly meet people in my own time, in ways that are more natural to me than those huge extrovert-geared events. I wish it were easier for me but I've been through it enough times to be familiar with my own reactions.

 

There are people of all types in medicine - you will have many more opportunities to find where you fit, and many of them will likely be more to your tastes.

[rogerroger]

It might feel like O-week is really important to your social future in med school, but it is not really the end all be all. There are so many ways to meet people during med school. You will share some pretty intense expirences with some of your classmates as you learn medicine. This brings people together. You will also probably grow a lot as a person. Your perception of life can change as you learn and see more things throughout your medical education. You may find that those whom you share little with today become much closer to you further down the road and vice-versa as you all mature into the junior docs you will be.

 

Take home message, O-week isn't worth stressing much about.

[Cerena]

Basically just a confirmation of what's already been said...

 

From a fellow introvert... I agree with those saying not to stress about O-week - I actually skipped on most of the socializing events and I don't regret it. You're going to be spending a lot of time with your classmates, and if you don't find others you click with at the very beginning, chances are it just takes a bit longer.

 

It took me a couple of months to find my niche with classmates, and the best part about starting this upcoming year for me is reuniting with them

 

Agreed with those who advise not to force anything. It'll happen.

[MsClover]

I opted out of the social O-Week events at my school because it seemed very heavily stacked towards the very extroverted and involves eight consecutive nights of drinking until midnight or later. The Facebook group has included posts by the organizers reassuring us that there will be hangover remedies available at morning events. Seriously. I feel that the 'official' orientation starting tomorrow is too important for me to show up sleep deprived, drained, and generally completely physically and emotionally taxed after a week of heavy partying.

 

Despite that, I was becoming concerned that opting-out of the non-official events would be putting me at a huge disadvantage socially, so having a few people reassure us that it won't matter in the long run is putting this anxious Med-1 at ease less than 24 hours before the 'official' orientation begins!

 

So for those of you who have shared their experience - Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. For those of you not fully embracing the frat-party-vibe of O-Week, I can assure you that you are not the only one.

[Dr.Henderson]

The unofficial parts of orientation week (i.e. the social events) are designed to allow you to meet people that you're going to be spending all day, every day with for a good chunk of time.

 

While I can't speak for other schools I can say that at Queen's there's a good mix of completely alcohol free events that are an absolute blast, and then bar nights at the end of the day for several of the days (there are a couple nights that are set aside as non-drinking). During our orientation week last year we had a good mix of people who would be out to close down the bars, to people who just came to mingle for a few hours at the bar/pub and had a drink or two, or none at all and then went home, as well as some who decided to participate in the afternoon events but not the bar nights. Definitely do whatever you're comfortable with!

 

You definitely won't be put at any kind of a social disadvantage for not going out drinking and partying if that isn't your scene. Do what you're comfortable with and have a great time during O-week. If you can, push yourself to meet people and soak up any events that seem appealing, but definitely don't over do it. As has been mentioned above, there are going to be tons of different opportunities to make connections with your colleagues- orientation week is only the first chance of many!

[Jochi1543]

Go to most events, but you don't have to go to every single one. I definitely remember there were 1 or 2 O-week outings that I skipped. Pick events where you can actually talk to people. You can pass on the nightclub outings, because the yield in terms of getting to know anyone is basically nil. But thinking back to O-week, I would say I met half my friends there. Then others I met through those first few friends. So definitely don't miss out on too many events.

 

A friend of mine and I were talking about how a few of us met up, and we both distinctly remember it. It was some stupid O-week exercise where you had to find people who had certain things in common with you. One of them was a person who wore the same shoe size as you. I have really big feet, so I was really struggling to find another chick with the same shoe size. I came up to this really tall girl and she ended up having the same size - she was also super-happy to run into me and finally complete her list. Next thing you know, we are friends for the remainder of med school.