PM333 Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bhayes Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skey Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm making small gift packages containing small bottles of olive oil, chocolate, and coffee/tea, with a personal "Thank you" note attached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSWschnoodle Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 Most folks here are probably already aware of thank you etiquette but for anyone who is new to asking for references and not sure: Gifts of token value (under $10 in most cases, but I've pushed it to under $20 on rare occasions) are great for referees, more valuable gifts are typically not considered appropriate (can be interpreted as bribery in some cases - even though I think that's a bit silly). I generally use a rule that was in place at the paper I worked at when I was a photojournalist... if it was more than you would gift to someone you just met or a random stranger then it's higher than token value. Now, on to the question! I usually go with a classic funny card and $5-$10 coffee card or a funny card with a favourite candy (one time I got one of those pooping reindeer candy dispensers for a referee but that was related to a very specific joke from us working together - and he had a 2 year old son so he appreciated the ability to regift it into his kid's stocking). When I can I try to pick a funny card that I can use to make a joke that is a running joke between my referee and I (when possible). I just think that makes the thank you a bit more personal. For referees that I don't joke with I'll usually choose a non-funny card that is nice but not flowery or sappy. Last year I had two referees submit references for me and they happened to submit them when I was on vacation in Maui so I brought each of them back a carved wooden turtle tree ornament as a thank you. They weren't expensive (maybe $4) but both referees really enjoyed them, probably because it was a little different. Chapters sometimes has those "don't steal my pen" pen sets or those pen sets that are 'themed' around different things. I've used that when I've found an appropriate one. I've used the custom list pads or post-its as funny thank you gifts as well (I think there is a set of post-it flags like the ones you would use on documents but they say funny things on them like "random nonsense" or "terrible idea" - I've used those when I know my referee jokes around with a humour that is similar to that on the item in question. Depending on the timing and the etiquette at your institution, if a bottle of wine would be appropriate (it might be pushing the limits of token value in some institutions, but if someone wrote multiple references for you I personally don't think it's ridiculous) then you can find lots of wines with great names. Most of my referees practice in the field of mental health so "Therapy" brand wine (has a picture of Freud on it) is usually my go to for that. It's not terribly expensive (under $20) and it's a half decent red. I think I gave 2 referees that one because they provided me several reference letters that had to be customized instead of form letters... but I waited until after all the references were in. I also NEVER gift alcohol unless I know 100% for sure the person drinks it... some non-drinkers do not appreciate receiving alcohol for reasons related to why they do not drink. Stress balls in the shape of something related to the field with a cute thank you note that talks about how their reference reduced stress in your life. Key chains or bookmarks similar to the above. If you know a favourite coffee, tea, candy or other product then that is always a good bet. One of my referees loves diet coke and skor candy bars... so while a case of diet coke and a bag of skor bites would be totally weird for anyone else, she would like nothing more than to receive that. Vegetables from my garden was probably the weirdest thank you gift but that referee had found out I had a vegetable garden and was really fascinated by the whole idea. He was always asking to see pictures or wanting to know what I do to grow certain plants. He talked about really liking garden vegetables but he lived in a condo, so I brought him some vegetables. I think I gave him a container plant that I'd started earlier in the season as well (I want to say it might have been a tomato or a pepper plant?) that he could grow on his condo patio. I had a referee who had hundreds of McDonald's happy meal toys from the 1980s and 1990s in his office, so I found one of the ones he was missing on ebay and gave that to him (again, I think it was about $4-$5, so nothing too rare or crazy) and he thought that was fun. I've also taken my referees out for lunch in the past. This really depends on your relationship and their schedule but if you both work in the same vicinity and have the same lunch hour it can be a nice way to say thank you. I go with lunch instead of dinner because it's more casual, less of a demand on their time and usually cheaper (it's hard to find a decent dinner for under $20 here). Honestly the thing my referees seem to appreciate most is just a sincere thank you and some kind of indication that you appreciate them. I thank my referees and thank them often and when I do get a gift I try to make it an expression of something unique or personal I know about that person... after all, your referees are writing personal letters of reference for you so I think it's nice to reciprocate with something personal enough to let them know you appreciate your relationship with your referee without crossing a bunch of boundaries and getting all weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeministKilljoy Posted October 2, 2015 Report Share Posted October 2, 2015 David's Tea carried a 'thank you' gift set that included a few teas. I sent that to my refs and a nice card when I applied to grad school in 2014. Perhaps they still carry it? I'm trying to come up with a few ideas to thank them this time around.... It might take me a bit of time to figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StriveP Posted October 3, 2015 Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 I gave my referees a box of chocolate, kind of wish I did more now after seeing what everyone else did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midi Posted October 3, 2015 Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 I didn't give them anything at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHCClassII Posted October 3, 2015 Report Share Posted October 3, 2015 I didn't give them anything at all. Feel less awkward now, thought I was the only one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chem391 Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Sending them bottles of wine only because they've been very very very supportive of my efforts and have written me many LORs in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korra Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Flowers/cupcakes to my lady profs but for guy profs just cupcakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doc123 Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 I personally think it important to keep the professional relationship intact. I personally would not gift them anything. A simple "thank you" (or variations of it) should have enough weight alone. Plus keep in mind that they were once students (professors etc.) and they went through the process so they probably understand your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lactic Folly Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 I personally think it important to keep the professional relationship intact. Not sure what this has to do with gifting, as no one has suggested inappropriately lavish gifts. At the least, would suggest a written thank you rather than just a verbal or email thank you - something they can hold on to and enjoy over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doc123 Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Not sure what this has to do with gifting, as no one has suggested inappropriately lavish gifts. At the least, would suggest a written thank you rather than just a verbal or email thank you - something they can hold on to and enjoy over time. In my humble opinion, any gift, no matter how small or big, is personal when dealing with professionals. It depends on your relationship with them, but I think a verbal or written 'thank you' should suffice. Further, in today's time an email is more accessible (with less chance of being lost) many years down the road as compared to a written note. Again, I'm speaking from my personal experience...not enforcing my viewpoint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi Posted October 7, 2015 Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Bottom line, the referees need to know from you that they are appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lactic Folly Posted October 8, 2015 Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Agree - it is about how the person feels when thanked. In the professional world, written cards / token gifts of appreciation for even one-time committee/event volunteers, as an example, are actually quite common and have no personal connotation. I guess the question is whether a reference is of special significance compared to the other ways the referee has helped one during the relationship, and for which one has undoubtedly already exchanged many verbal and email thank yous (as during the course of a project).. and if so, how to ensure that the appreciation is uniquely felt. Of course, everyone is individual, but if someone displays thank you cards in their office, that's probably a good sign that they would appreciate one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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