Mmi Confessing A Mistake

[snazij]

I am wondering how to approach acting station where you have to break some bad news that you're at fault for. This prompt is one such example: You have accidentally run over your elderly neighbour's cat. She is inside and doesn't know.

 

I know that it's similar to breaking the bad news about a prognosis, but I feel like it's different when it's a preventable mistake that you made. How do you deal with the actor who starts freaking out after you reveal this news. If they start saying "how could you be so stupid" and that sort of thing, how do you respond? If it's a mistake you made where you really were stupid and you caused grave consequences, what are you supposed to say? 

[MountainAmoeba]

First explain what happened, don't offer excuses, take responsibility for your role. "Hi, how are you?.....I have to talk to you about something important, and it's going to be difficult. I have to tell you that this morning, when I was reversing my car, I hit your cat, and your cat unfortunately passed away. I got out of my car immediately, and there was nothing I could do, I did my best to help, but it was too severe, I did my best to be with your cat when they died. I'm very sorry that this happened, and that your cat has died"

 

Allow them to fully voice their grievances. Allow them to finish calling you stupid, etc.

 

Then. "You seem very upset, again, I'm so sorry that this happened, I understand you are upset with me, is there anything I can do?"

Maybe they vent some more, call you names

 

 

"Your right, this is really upsetting, I would be very upset with me too. How can I help? Is there anything else you want to tell me? Do you have questions I can answer?

 

Don't admit to being stupid, or being careles, or take responsibility for it happening, but take responsibility for the disclosure, and for your part in it. That you were the driver, it was your car etc.

 

Don't blame the person, like " you shouldn't have let your cat outside" or "I'm a good driver, this wasn't my fault, I pay attention"

 

Do say things like "I'm sorry, I didn't see the cat, I wish I had"

 

Don't offer solutions. Ask them to suggest solutions that you can help with. Respect what they offer, and see if you can support it. Accept that grieving is a process.

 

If they ask direct questions like "what's wrong with you, don't you pay attention?" Then answer them, with care and consideration. "That's an understandable frustration, I know that sometimes people can be careles. I do my best when I drive, but cats can be fast, and I couldn't see them. I feel terrible for your loss, I wish I could offer an explanation, but I can't.

 

Be very carefully of body language, when you are empathizing with people, a natural tendency is to mirror them. But they might escalate, they might get bigger, puff up, they might turn away from you, or lean back, or cross their arms.

 

You should keep your tone respectful, and monitor the speed and volume they talk at. If they speed up and get angry, slow down slightly and speak a tiny bit softer. Don't cross your arms, face them directly. Sit down. Lean in slightly, but respect their space. I would avoid touching them until they stop being angry with you, and even then be very very careful, I probably wouldn't at all.

 

If they really really escalate, and are completely unresponsive to you, and really get aggressive, you could say, its important that you know I'm here to talk to you, and answer your questions, but I'm worried I'm just making you more upset. Do you need some time? Is my presence making this worse?

[snazij]

Thank you so much Mountain Amoeba! Awesome answer. This helps a lot!  

[snazij]

Thank you so much Mountain Amoeba! Awesome answer. This helps a lot!  

[Bambi]

You received an excellent response. In other words, reflect what is said to you in a manner to show you understand the feelings of the other party.