I was accepted but I feel I'm not good enough

[sentimentalscenery]

I must be the weirdest person on this Earth.

I feel so apologetic for being accepted… I feel inadequate and while I’m very excited, at the same time frightened.

 

 

Today, I was talking to my mentor, without whom I could have never, ever been accepted to medical school at all period.

Issue number 1, older medical students are not preferred.

He doesn’t agree with older medical students, when you look at it from amortization or rather investment point of view, yes perhaps ‘older’ students are not the best investment by the government compared to 3rd year students who gets accepted who will most likely to stay in the field longer than these ‘older’ students proportionally giving their life span (of course they could be lazy or their priorities could be different where they end up not doing their expected mileage of being a doctor is entirely possible but… generally in a pure number sense they are most likely to stay in the field little longer). Yet he wrote me a non-traditional, older applicant an excellent reference letter – which ultimately helped me get into medicine – TBH I slightly feel bad for taking a possible seat from a younger student, who can potentially be much better doctor than I am.

 

 

Issue number 2, practicing MMI – not truly you.

Before the interview, I was attending MMI practice sessions and I told my mentor about it. My mentor seemed to have approved the idea of communicating and working together to improve – also I enjoyed the discussion immensely! but today when I shared the news that most of members who have participated in the MMI practice were accepted to med, he said that it’s wrong. It’s fake, it’s not honest – along that line. That it has become a game. Although he is not sure what is the perfect way to pick doctor candidates, the MMI practice is wrong.

I didn’t know what to do at this point, of course with practice I got better at interview, about approaching the problem and understanding from other’s perspective – whole different way of analyzing the situation was taught to me while practicing. But in other words, because I’ve practiced its not truly me, I just knew the rule and played accordingly and so it’s not fair for others.

I defended don’t people practice before the interview? Isn’t it normal that you want to do well when you get a chance like this? My mentor said its like a speed dating where a ‘person’ is not evaluated only the good actor, politicians do well –those who practice and is able to put on a ‘mask’.

I guess I defended vehemently because my mentor did mention at my agitation that he wasn’t condemning me for doing it…

I asked another mentor and according to her it’s not fair if its not open to everyone, I said it was posted in forum(information about MMI practice) and no one knows each other and if you are interested enough to google it then its there. She said she doesn’t necessarily google all things she is interested in.

It’s not like certain people had advantage or had extra leg up in the race – they just practiced because they felt compelled to… its like studying for exams. If you care for it and study more than others of course, you would do better and then she said nothing is fair, that she is sure that admission process must be corrupt as with everything else, you know someone that kind of thing.

I said it’s a pretty transparent process and they grade then rank you accordingly, I said your GPA, MCAT extracurricular and everything is considered and she said her daughter in law had GPA and MCAT and she was really good candidate yet she didn’t get in.

I instantly thought about my mentor’s position and my having a reference letter from my mentor. My mentor is very well respected in the medical community and I didn’t know this but one of the patient’s child (they are on personal term) turned out to be assistant dean at the medical school I will be attending. Also, although I’m not sure this is the place to ask but during the MMI I was asked a job I think, and I told I worked at Dr. So and so’s office and the interviewer said she worked with my mentor’s spouse.

 

 

So basically, even now I don’t accept myself for being accepted, I feel like I will be an embarrassment for the school and that they might regret choosing me.

I feel too old to study.

I feel I cheated because I practiced MMI and

because my referee/mentor is very well known figure in the community this might have given me a slight advantage.

 

I’m not confident at all that I will do well...and I feel my conviction is confirmed because of all these.

 

 

I also feel guilty because my mentor said the admission being a game and I played it well.

I was given geographical advantage because I relocated - I'm not sure my mentor was aware of this, but I don't think I would have been accepted if I didn't have the geographical advantage.

[future_doc]

Well, |I say don't accept as you have run yourself down so and go to live on the streets or check in to an old people's home. What else can you do? For sure, adcoms made a mistake at every post - first to even grant you an interview after reading your application and then, these idiots scored you as highly competitive in the MMI. Obviously, they did not know what they were doing and made a big mistake - which you can correct by refusing the offer.

 

You sound like a troll.

[MarshMellow]

I must be the weirdest person on this Earth.

I feel so apologetic for being accepted… I feel inadequate and while I’m very excited, at the same time frightened.

 

 

Today, I was talking to my mentor, without whom I could have never, ever been accepted to medical school at all period.

Issue number 1, older medical students are not preferred.

He doesn’t agree with older medical students, when you look at it from amortization or rather investment point of view, yes perhaps ‘older’ students are not the best investment by the government compared to 3rd year students who gets accepted who will most likely to stay in the field longer than these ‘older’ students proportionally giving their life span (of course they could be lazy or their priorities could be different where they end up not doing their expected mileage of being a doctor is entirely possible but… generally in a pure number sense they are most likely to stay in the field little longer). Yet he wrote me a non-traditional, older applicant an excellent reference letter – which ultimately helped me get into medicine – TBH I slightly feel bad for taking a possible seat from a younger student, who can potentially be much better doctor than I am.

 

 

Issue number 2, practicing MMI – not truly you.

Before the interview, I was attending MMI practice sessions and I told my mentor about it. My mentor seemed to have approved the idea of communicating and working together to improve – also I enjoyed the discussion immensely! but today when I shared the news that most of members who have participated in the MMI practice were accepted to med, he said that it’s wrong. It’s fake, it’s not honest – along that line. That it has become a game. Although he is not sure what is the perfect way to pick doctor candidates, the MMI practice is wrong.

I didn’t know what to do at this point, of course with practice I got better at interview, about approaching the problem and understanding from other’s perspective – whole different way of analyzing the situation was taught to me while practicing. But in other words, because I’ve practiced its not truly me, I just knew the rule and played accordingly and so it’s not fair for others.

I defended don’t people practice before the interview? Isn’t it normal that you want to do well when you get a chance like this? My mentor said its like a speed dating where a ‘person’ is not evaluated only the good actor, politicians do well –those who practice and is able to put on a ‘mask’.

I guess I defended vehemently because my mentor did mention at my agitation that he wasn’t condemning me for doing it…

I asked another mentor and according to her it’s not fair if its not open to everyone, I said it was posted in forum(information about MMI practice) and no one knows each other and if you are interested enough to google it then its there. She said she doesn’t necessarily google all things she is interested in.

It’s not like certain people had advantage or had extra leg up in the race – they just practiced because they felt compelled to… its like studying for exams. If you care for it and study more than others of course, you would do better and then she said nothing is fair, that she is sure that admission process must be corrupt as with everything else, you know someone that kind of thing.

I said it’s a pretty transparent process and they grade then rank you accordingly, I said your GPA, MCAT extracurricular and everything is considered and she said her daughter in law had GPA and MCAT and she was really good candidate yet she didn’t get in.

I instantly thought about my mentor’s position and my having a reference letter from my mentor. My mentor is very well respected in the medical community and I didn’t know this but one of the patient’s child (they are on personal term) turned out to be assistant dean at the medical school I will be attending. Also, although I’m not sure this is the place to ask but during the MMI I was asked a job I think, and I told I worked at Dr. So and so’s office and the interviewer said she worked with my mentor’s spouse.

 

 

So basically, even now I don’t accept myself for being accepted, I feel like I will be an embarrassment for the school and that they might regret choosing me.

I feel too old to study.

I feel I cheated because I practiced MMI and

because my referee/mentor is very well known figure in the community this might have given me a slight advantage.

 

I’m not confident at all that I will do well...and I feel my conviction is confirmed because of all these.

 

 

I also feel guilty because my mentor said the admission being a game and I played it well.

I was given geographical advantage because I relocated - I'm not sure my mentor was aware of this, but I don't think I would have been accepted if I didn't have the geographical advantage.

 

 

Forget about the age thing. Younger students always learn from and look up to older students. Your class will be better of with you, I"m sure:D

[Orcamute]

I am a little confused, how old are you and is your mentor a religious figure or can you explain this a little better?

[sentimentalscenery]

future doc I'm not a troll,

 

this was the discussion I had with my mentor who is a doctor, another mentor is a nurse.

 

I wanted to make the identity ambiguous as possible because I wanted them to stay anonymous.

[sentimentalscenery]

I have MSc + 2 years of work experience post school I will be 30 when I graduate medical school

[future_doc]

You are a baby! Being accepted is a gift and a responsibility. Adcoms know what they are doing. Be grateful and carry on.

[Orcamute]

I have MSc + 2 years of work experience post school I will be 30 when I graduate medical school

 

YOU THINK THATS OLD??

 

Are you trolling me right now? You're trolling me.

[FitnessFreak]

Three things:

 

#1. Med schools pick the students that they believe will be the best fit for their program out of a pool of applicants that happened to apply that year. If you got in, it is because they wanted you.

 

#2. Everyone puts their best foot forward in an interview, whether it is for a job, or school, or public office. People practice so their answers sound coherent and well thought out. Preparation is generally appreciated and shows your dedication to put your best foot forward.

 

#3. All men are NOT created equal. We are all delt a different hand in life, and some things put us at an advantage over others. This is something to neither feel proud of or apologetic for. We do the best with what we have to put our best foot forward. If your interview panel was able to get a better perspective of you because they know people you have worked with, this was your advantage. People score jobs like that all the time. The next person will have to pull on their strengths to put in a strong case for their candidacy for medical school.

 

In short, let the med schools worry about whether they picked the best people. Whether they made a good choice on you is their perogative -- not yours. YOUR perogative is to make sure YOU made the right choice for YOURSELF and proceed accordingly.

[ralk]

I have MSc + 2 years of work experience post school I will be 30 when I graduate medical school

 

Yeah... ignoring all the rest, you might be slightly older than the average, but that ain't old. If you really feel guilty about the 2-3 years difference, commit to getting in great shape so you can work til you're 90 like some docs do.

[juliusc]

From the way you were talking I assumed you were like 35 or something.

[Selstaar]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

[markov79]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

 

If it's not too late to add my two cents, I've heard this is common among those who are working and studying at high levels - particularly when the person is surrounded by many other well-qualified and highly achieving individuals. The phenomenon is often referred to as "Impostor Syndrome":

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

 

I've been to a few talks on the topic, and I find it fascinating (especially since I also feel this way sometimes). But a quick Google search will show that it's fairly prevalent in grad school, medicine, etc... so if this is what you are referring to, then you are definitely not alone.

 

woooooo. lurking put to use once again. i just thought it was lols that you both linked it. and, as with that thread (from march), i'll post what i did last time:

 

 

op, you aren't ^that guy. you're the true prof oak. that is, you'll be aigh.

[Nietzschean Superman]

What were your expectations before making this thread? What did you want from the premed101 members?

 

It seems to me that it would be useless to tell you that you can do it, that you deserve it and that you didn't steal your spot, because who am I to you compared to your mentor? No one. Just some empty words that won't resonate as much as those of someone you probably idolize a bit too much.

 

The two issues you brought up aren't real issues, or issues that affect you and only you. A third issue that you haven't mentioned is real : you. You and your low self-confidence.

 

If you feel you can't do it or that you don't deserve it, then don't go. With a negative attitude like that you will not go far in medicine or in anything else. Pick yourself up or get to the side of the road. It's your call.

[sentimentalscenery]

thank you all for major self-esteem booster/talk.

 

The conversation that I had with my mentors completely shattered me.

When I was handing in my complete package (criminal check etc) in the back of my mind I really thought about 'I hope I don't embarrass the school' and 'what if they regret having me?'

 

I constantly think about how I would be found out...of my actual pettiness, shyness, incompetency and etc..

I have very difficult time taking rejections I think, whether it be something small or big.. gaining the admission made me to think little better of myself, that I might be an ok person after all, but this was soon consumed by 'I'm not sure if I can do it..I don't really deserve it...it's too good to be true.'

 

 

So I had doubt about myself already when the discussion with my mentors completely threw me off the edge.

[nino]

i share ur feelings to some extent, once the excitement died down i sometimes wondered whether i would make it through med school or be a good doctor, i hv self-doubts, and sometimes even self-pity, i will be older than u by the time i graduate and i dun even have a master degree like u, so by comparison u'r not the worst

 

sure it is scary for me to go through another 4 years of school while giving up a well paid job, and the thought of sitting in classroom with ppl much younger (and possibly with better memory) than me can be intimidating, but this is something i hv always wanted for a really long time, i can't and i won't let my negativity dominate my life

 

cheers mate

[Tiz]

Don't sweat about nothing.

 

1) Plenty of us who have been accepted suffer (at least initially) from the "impostor complex". You'll talk to other students and think they have so much more to offer, much smarter, more research blah blah blah. Don't let it get to you; have confidence in yourself. The adcom does know what they are doing, and you do belong. Before long you'll realize just how many other students feel similarly and you'll realize that most of them aren't any smarter or more capable than you. Trust me.

 

2) Don't think you are so old that you are classified as a poor investment. There are plenty of 35+ students in my class, and their maturity is a huge asset for them.

 

 

3) Don't feel bad for "gaming" the system. Practicing the MMI does not mean you lied, now does it? I practiced a ton so I could be clear and so my mind would be used to thinking on the spot etc. Everything in medicine takes practice; eg. it doesn't matter how well you do on the MCAT before studying, all that matters is the final product. Don't feel guilty about practicing for the MMI, just take what you've learned and apply it to your future career.

[duck_season]

I constantly think about how I would be found out...of my actual pettiness, shyness, incompetency and etc...

 

You're not the only one who has those issues, but keep the self-doubt in check or else you'll keep hurting yourself.

 

Also, I disagree with your mentor about the MMI being a bad measure of selecting candidates. Your mentor(s) are probably expressing bitterness over an ongoing problem. Not the best thing to say to someone who just got in.

 

If you don't treat yourself well, don't be surprised when others walk over you, in med school or otherwise.

[TO Docta]

Don't worry, the medical profession is full of incompetent physicians who would not have become doctors had they had to apply in this era. But then again, the profession is full of some of the greatest physicians ever who ALSO would have been rejected outright in this era.

 

The MMI is a bad measure of who would be best fit for medical school but so is the traditional format, CASPer, and even the MCAT. Basically all these things are in place just to narrow down an applicant pool to a class size based on current demand for physicians. It doesn't take that much of a special individual to pursue medicine. The training will make you competent enough and as long as you can function as a normal human being and have shown the academic and social prowess to get through 4 years of university successfully (as you must have as you got in), you are set. Basically, as long as you are not evil, polite, have decent social skills, and are interested in medicine, I think you'll do well enough.

[lost__in__space]

woooooo. lurking put to use once again. i just thought it was lols that you both linked it. and, as with that thread (from march), i'll post what i did last time:

 

 

op, you aren't ^that guy. you're the true prof oak. that is, you'll be aigh.

 

BEST. COMMENT. EVER.

 

/thread

[RiceWine]

stop wondering if you are good enough or not. you are accepted, so enjoy it!

 

If you feel like this now, wait until you go into the hospital....you will be wondering about the same question all the time.

[mt229431]

I have MSc + 2 years of work experience post school I will be 30 when I graduate medical school

 

I will be 30 when I start medical school. I have an MSc, PhD, and 2 years of work experience. I really don't think you should be concerned about age.

[schmitty]

I will be 30 when I start medical school. I have an MSc, PhD, and 2 years of work experience. I really don't think you should be concerned about age.

 

Second. I really thought you were pushing 40 or something based on your post. I will be 33 when I graduate from my MD and, if all goes to plan, have likely a 5-year residency and maybe even fellowships after that. You are definitely not old...lol.

[Robin Hood]

Adcoms know that MMI practices exist, but still gave you a shot and believed you're fit for med school and deserve a seat. If you insist you don't want to attend, then desist, there are a million applicants who want your seat.

 

I must be the weirdest person on this Earth.

I feel so apologetic for being accepted… I feel inadequate and while I’m very excited, at the same time frightened.

 

 

Today, I was talking to my mentor, without whom I could have never, ever been accepted to medical school at all period.

Issue number 1, older medical students are not preferred.

He doesn’t agree with older medical students, when you look at it from amortization or rather investment point of view, yes perhaps ‘older’ students are not the best investment by the government compared to 3rd year students who gets accepted who will most likely to stay in the field longer than these ‘older’ students proportionally giving their life span (of course they could be lazy or their priorities could be different where they end up not doing their expected mileage of being a doctor is entirely possible but… generally in a pure number sense they are most likely to stay in the field little longer). Yet he wrote me a non-traditional, older applicant an excellent reference letter – which ultimately helped me get into medicine – TBH I slightly feel bad for taking a possible seat from a younger student, who can potentially be much better doctor than I am.

 

 

Issue number 2, practicing MMI – not truly you.

Before the interview, I was attending MMI practice sessions and I told my mentor about it. My mentor seemed to have approved the idea of communicating and working together to improve – also I enjoyed the discussion immensely! but today when I shared the news that most of members who have participated in the MMI practice were accepted to med, he said that it’s wrong. It’s fake, it’s not honest – along that line. That it has become a game. Although he is not sure what is the perfect way to pick doctor candidates, the MMI practice is wrong.

I didn’t know what to do at this point, of course with practice I got better at interview, about approaching the problem and understanding from other’s perspective – whole different way of analyzing the situation was taught to me while practicing. But in other words, because I’ve practiced its not truly me, I just knew the rule and played accordingly and so it’s not fair for others.

I defended don’t people practice before the interview? Isn’t it normal that you want to do well when you get a chance like this? My mentor said its like a speed dating where a ‘person’ is not evaluated only the good actor, politicians do well –those who practice and is able to put on a ‘mask’.

I guess I defended vehemently because my mentor did mention at my agitation that he wasn’t condemning me for doing it…

I asked another mentor and according to her it’s not fair if its not open to everyone, I said it was posted in forum(information about MMI practice) and no one knows each other and if you are interested enough to google it then its there. She said she doesn’t necessarily google all things she is interested in.

It’s not like certain people had advantage or had extra leg up in the race – they just practiced because they felt compelled to… its like studying for exams. If you care for it and study more than others of course, you would do better and then she said nothing is fair, that she is sure that admission process must be corrupt as with everything else, you know someone that kind of thing.

I said it’s a pretty transparent process and they grade then rank you accordingly, I said your GPA, MCAT extracurricular and everything is considered and she said her daughter in law had GPA and MCAT and she was really good candidate yet she didn’t get in.

I instantly thought about my mentor’s position and my having a reference letter from my mentor. My mentor is very well respected in the medical community and I didn’t know this but one of the patient’s child (they are on personal term) turned out to be assistant dean at the medical school I will be attending. Also, although I’m not sure this is the place to ask but during the MMI I was asked a job I think, and I told I worked at Dr. So and so’s office and the interviewer said she worked with my mentor’s spouse.

 

 

So basically, even now I don’t accept myself for being accepted, I feel like I will be an embarrassment for the school and that they might regret choosing me.

I feel too old to study.

I feel I cheated because I practiced MMI and

because my referee/mentor is very well known figure in the community this might have given me a slight advantage.

 

I’m not confident at all that I will do well...and I feel my conviction is confirmed because of all these.

 

 

I also feel guilty because my mentor said the admission being a game and I played it well.

I was given geographical advantage because I relocated - I'm not sure my mentor was aware of this, but I don't think I would have been accepted if I didn't have the geographical advantage.

[danisings]

In short, let the med schools worry about whether they picked the best people. Whether they made a good choice on you is their perogative -- not yours. YOUR perogative is to make sure YOU made the right choice for YOURSELF and proceed accordingly.

 

Well said.

 

I feel to a certain extent the same way, seeing applicants with way better stats than me being rejected made me feel guilty, like I don't deserve my spot. But, it's not up to us OP. What is up to you is to continue to earn your spot everyday and not to waste your chance.