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Friday Funnies ....


dr_2020

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A post from the comments section of the article:

 

"Pamphleteer . from Canada writes: 'If you like a girl, comb your hair and don't wear sweats. You don't have to try too hard, but just try to look kind of clean.'

 

--

 

This is just going too far. I may comb my hair and I may not wear sweats, but I'll be damned if I do both."

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What's up with that little sack of $hit? I didn't know what a girl was in Grade 3 and he's giving advice on how to pick one up!

 

Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I really want to beat the snot out of him. There's a complete loss of innocence going down these days. Call me old fashioned but I think its disgusting, indecent and just plain wrong.

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How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her

***Our prof told us this in first year***

 

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks "do you know how fast you were going?". Heisenberg replies "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am"

 

Also, anything by Demetri Martin.... including this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiFrfeJ8dKM

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  • 1 year later...

I was going to read the whole thread and looked at the number of pages and went "holy crap... it'll have to wait for a night where I REALLY want to procrastinate..." So instead I decided to contribute.

 

Insult of the day:

"If we were ions, and electrons were intelligence... you'd be H+"

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Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

 

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

 

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

 

"Head up," said the doctor.

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

 

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

 

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

 

"Head up."

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

 

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

 

"Head up or head down?"

 

"Head up."

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

 

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

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Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

 

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

 

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

 

"Head up," said the doctor.

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

 

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

 

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

 

"Head up."

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

 

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

 

"Head up or head down?"

 

"Head up."

 

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

 

"No blindfold."

 

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

 

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

 

 

Haha, clever. Good one. :)

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  • 2 months later...

 

I feel, like a unicorn just took me on a ride to a magical palace. To the land of the blueberries. And we ate unions, mushrooms, and sometimes we get... and he flies me around and I hang on to the unicorn. And we float away to the land of the...

 

LOL

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