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dr_2020

By dr_2020
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dr_2020 Newbie

dr_2020

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We've all seen sports bloopers and TV bloopers -- well, how about Medical bloopers?

 

A collection all of the unintentionally funny things that doctors have written in medical files. Everything you will read, including bad spelling and grammar, has been lifted directly off of these reports.

 

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.

* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.

* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.

* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

* The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.

* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient has no past history of suicides.

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

* Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.

* The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.

* The patient refused an autopsy.

* Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.

* The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!

* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

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Jazzie Newbie

Jazzie

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One of my co-workers had an accident with a power saw just recently. A part of his index finger and middle finger have been sliced off. When he went to the ER, he was immediately asked by the doc if he brought brought the detached flesh and most especially the bone. Unfortunately, he didn't but he did find it, eventually, in his closet.

 

 

 

 

and yes, this is true. lol:D

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The Law Newbie

The Law

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One of my co-workers had an accident with a power saw just recently. A part of his index finger and middle finger have been sliced off. When he went to the ER, he was immediately asked by the doc if he brought brought the detached flesh and most especially the bone. Unfortunately, he didn't but he did find it, eventually, in his closet.

 

 

 

 

and yes, this is true. lol:D

 

:eek: :eek:

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Dr.Cave Newbie

Dr.Cave

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from http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/2008_01.html

 

9AM It's Just a Little Excited, That's All

 

Nurse #1: Well, then what in the hell is the difference between a threesome and a gangbang? Are there specific rules?

Nurse #2: I guess... I tried it with my boyfriend and my roommate once...

Sickly patient: Excuse me... Is my IV supposed to be leaking?

 

Emergency Room

St. Louis, Missouri

Alsome | Thumbs up |

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Dr.Cave Newbie

Dr.Cave

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and another overheard snippet....

 

30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?

30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!

30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.

30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.

 

Ladies' room, The Wilshire

Santa Monica, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down

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supafield Newbie

supafield

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i think i may be retarded but every couple of days i watch this video and i can't stop laughing for some reason and its not even supposed to be funny... i think its the music but you gotta love it though.

 

 

hahahah reading the comments under the video

 

 

StoneThrowingDevil (18 hours ago)

 

Lebron could beat up Jordan though.

 

Think about it...

 

 

yellafella05 (15 hours ago)

 

I thought a about it...you're wrong.

 

 

 

hahah

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