How Do You Deal With Perfect People/pre-Meds?

[Emojis4Life]

I know this post will probably describe 95% of people on this forum so I'm not sure if I'll find anyone who can actually relate to this but here goes nothing...

 

How do you guys deal with all of the perfect people, especially the sub-class of perfect pre-meds? You know the ones. Extremely intelligent (OMSAS GPA = 4.0), majoring in something considered to be hard, up-to-date on current/world events and constantly reading historical/political/social justice texts or watching intellectual documentaries/movies. These people are crazy involved outside the classroom (research with posters and maybe even a few pubs, club founders or execs, social justice advocates, maybe even some great work experience, etc. etc. etc.) And of course, they look like models. Tall and lean. Great, effortless style. Never a hair out of place. Plus their social life is through the roof. Seems like they know everyone on the face of the planet, they can talk about anything and everything (from Nietzsche's philosophy to mindless pop culture), they're always traveling to bucket-list locations, or eating at expensive restaurants or lounging by the pool in the middle of exam season to "take the stress off." And just when you think these people can't get any more perfect, you find out that they have some incredible talent. Like painting or singing or acting or sports or XYZ (there are a gazillion possible talents -- can't list them all!). And worst of all, many of these people are actually really nice.

 

Now, I know I'll probably get a ton of hate for this post. Something along the lines of "you shouldn't judge other people at first glance" or "try focusing on yourself instead of on others." I really do try to be happy for other people who seem to be excelling (at everything...) and when I do feel bummed looking at Mr./Ms. Perfect Premed, I try to focus on me instead. That being said, there are still times I feel ridiculously down when I see these individuals. Was just wondering if anyone on this forum knows what I'm talking about. If anyone has any stories or experiences or funny anecdotes or pieces of advice, I'd love to hear them! 

[insomnias]

I think I'll come in before the flaming starts and give you another perspective.

 

You described me, minus the whole handsome part. In my first year, I had a perfect GPA, I was working towards two publications, all my profs loved me, a bunch of my peers looked up to me, I'd been to a ton of different countries, etc.

 

I could not sleep at night. I would lie awake wondering if I was doing enough, whether I needed to add in another extracurricular and maybe cut out another hour of scheduled sleeping time. I honestly wanted to be done with undergrad and in medical school. A lot of hairs greyed from the stress, and I was definitely not happy. I envied my peers who could afford to get below a 90% on an exam. Anything less meant risking my perfect plans. It's a terrible place to be. The pressure to perform is immense. And if you fail, well.. sure, your friends will comfort you, but you can't help but feel like you're letting everyone down because you're not who you're supposed to be.

 

It was terrible. Now? I transferred to one of the top schools in the world; have worse grades (mostly because of orgo lol); and do less. And I'm happy. I see my peers who are doing great things, and I know that they put up a strong front to the rest of the world, but, having been there, I prefer where I am now. I might not get into medical school on my first attempt, or my second attempt, and I'm okay with that, because at least I'll have fun along the way. A lot of my peers still think of me as successful, but we only see the best parts of peoples' lives. I was talking to my friend about this earlier: for every time I've succeeded, I've failed so many more times.

 

...Besides, worst case, having graduated from an Ivy means it's easier to do med at another Ivy

[xkittens]

expensive restaurants

M8 you just answered most of your questions right here

[freewheeler]

All you can do is your best and try to maintain perspective throughout the process. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Don't forget to take care of yourself along the way--sometimes all you need is a break from the "pre-med" world. In all other cases, you can refer to my signature.

[Emojis4Life]

I think I'll come in before the flaming starts and give you another perspective.

 

You described me, minus the whole handsome part. In my first year, I had a perfect GPA, I was working towards two publications, all my profs loved me, a bunch of my peers looked up to me, I'd been to a ton of different countries, etc.

 

I could not sleep at night. I would lie awake wondering if I was doing enough, whether I needed to add in another extracurricular and maybe cut out another hour of scheduled sleeping time. I honestly wanted to be done with undergrad and in medical school. A lot of hairs greyed from the stress, and I was definitely not happy. I envied my peers who could afford to get below a 90% on an exam. Anything less meant risking my perfect plans. It's a terrible place to be. The pressure to perform is immense. And if you fail, well.. sure, your friends will comfort you, but you can't help but feel like you're letting everyone down because you're not who you're supposed to be.

 

It was terrible. Now? I transferred to one of the top schools in the world; have worse grades (mostly because of orgo lol); and do less. And I'm happy. I see my peers who are doing great things, and I know that they put up a strong front to the rest of the world, but, having been there, I prefer where I am now. I might not get into medical school on my first attempt, or my second attempt, and I'm okay with that, because at least I'll have fun along the way. A lot of my peers still think of me as successful, but we only see the best parts of peoples' lives. I was talking to my friend about this earlier: for every time I've succeeded, I've failed so many more times.

 

...Besides, worst case, having graduated from an Ivy means it's easier to do med at another Ivy

 

I see what you're saying. I was closer to being (what I consider) "perfect" in high school than I am now so I can relate a bit to the pressure to excel. But I still feel its better to be there than not.

 

M8 you just answered most of your questions right here

 

?? I should go eat at expensive restaurants?

[xkittens]

I see what you're saying. I was closer to being (what I consider) "perfect" in high school than I am now so I can relate a bit to the pressure to excel. But I still feel its better to be there than not.

 

 

?? I should go eat at expensive restaurants?

LOL no they come from wealthy families, they've been given all the opportunities in the world to be the way they are. 

I assume you're sizing these people up from social media? The place where everyone spins their lives to show themselves the most flattering light possible... if only people posted about the horrible, paralyzing neurotic angst that goes along with being such a perfectionist you probably wouldn't want to be much like them haha. I don't think much of it is really all that genuine, don't stress yourself out.

[Birdy]

Hi, I'm the one fat person in my class of over 200. I'm also older than most of them, decidedly less accomplished, and I'm a bit awkward by times. I'm an introvert. Not shy, I just prefer not being around lots of people. I have the academic side of things but I'm definitely not like the rest of my class of very accomplished, polished, attractive and multi-talented future professionals.

 

How do I handle it? By doing my own thing, which is exactly what I did during applications. I knew I was a good candidate in my own way so I didn't let the rather amazing quality of the other candidates psych me out. Even now in med, I don't spend a ton of time on campus when I'm not required to be there, to be honest. I've heard a few comments from people on campus not directed to me but definitely about me so I know there are people who don't think I belong there and I absolutely do not care about whether they think I do or not.

 

I earned my seat just like the rest of them did - by hard work.

 

No matter how amazing other people may seem when I compare myself to them, bottom line is that we all got there. I didn't have to be extraordinary to get in - I didn't have to be attractive and accomplished the way it seems the rest of my classmates are (seriously, their credentials blow me away sometimes!) but I just had to work really hard, be strategic in my choices, and I managed to make it happen.

 

Don't let your perceived shortcomings hold you back. Buff up in areas you are weaker - like knowledge of current events for sure - but don't obsess about things out of your control. While I look at my (fantastic) classmates and see people I could never possibly be like, I am pretty sure absolutely every one of them has had some sort of insecurity along the way too.

[Emojis4Life]

LOL no they come from wealthy families, they've been given all the opportunities in the world to be the way they are. 

I assume you're sizing these people up from social media? The place where everyone spins their lives to show themselves the most flattering light possible... if only people posted about the horrible, paralyzing neurotic angst that goes along with being such a perfectionist you probably wouldn't want to be much like them haha

 

Some of the people I have in mind actually are from fairly well-to-do families (I'm assuming the average person doesn't own a yacht and can't afford a condo for which rent is $2500/month). That being said, I doubt that all of these people are wealthy. That seems like too great a generalization.

 

Guilty as charged about the social media thing though :$. Much of my info is through Facebook or IG. You're totally right that people control what they post and only share the good things. I guess I just need to be better at reminding myself that. Sometimes, I really miss the 90s and early 2000s when I could easily live in blissful ignorance of the shrimp cocktail and seafood platter someone had for lunch...sorry I mean "brunch."  

[Bambi]

It is really quite simple. In undergrad, I looked neither to the left nor the right, rather straightforward with my eye and motivation on the goal - medical school. I was never concerned by or even noticed whom you call so-called "perfect people". Indeed, such people do NOT exist except in your mind. We are all mortals, human beings with our failing and strengths no matter what the appearance may be.

 

I certainly did not come from wealth. I survived on student loans since high school and then, on my bank LOC in medical school. I worked hard, was responsible for myself and my own actions, still am, and all I can control is myself and being adaptable to changing circumstances.

 

I tried my best, which resulted in medical school and now, residency. Those who may consider themselves perfect are living an illusion and they are living in a bubble.

[Emojis4Life]

Hi, I'm the one fat person in my class of over 200. I'm also older than most of them, decidedly less accomplished, and I'm a bit awkward by times. I'm an introvert. Not shy, I just prefer not being around lots of people. I have the academic side of things but I'm definitely not like the rest of my class of very accomplished, polished, attractive and multi-talented future professionals.

 

How do I handle it? By doing my own thing, which is exactly what I did during applications. I knew I was a good candidate in my own way so I didn't let the rather amazing quality of the other candidates psych me out. Even now in med, I don't spend a ton of time on campus when I'm not required to be there, to be honest. I've heard a few comments from people on campus not directed to me but definitely about me so I know there are people who don't think I belong there and I absolutely do not care about whether they think I do or not.

 

I earned my seat just like the rest of them did - by hard work.

 

No matter how amazing other people may seem when I compare myself to them, bottom line is that we all got there. I didn't have to be extraordinary to get in - I didn't have to be attractive and accomplished the way it seems the rest of my classmates are (seriously, their credentials blow me away sometimes!) but I just had to work really hard, be strategic in my choices, and I managed to make it happen.

 

Don't let your perceived shortcomings hold you back. Buff up in areas you are weaker - like knowledge of current events for sure - but don't obsess about things out of your control. While I look at my (fantastic) classmates and see people I could never possibly be like, I am pretty sure absolutely every one of them has had some sort of insecurity along the way too.

 

Thanks for the advice, Birdy! I have to say, the bolded part made me really sad. I've followed your posts since you first joined PM101 and regularly read your blog as well. I know how hard you've worked and really admire you for it so it makes me irritated to know that current medical students are so ignorant or close-minded about who does and doesn't belong. I hope you're not letting the comments get to you too much

 

It is really quite simple. In undergrad, I looked neither to the left nor the right, rather straightforward with my eye and motivation on the goal - medical school. I was never concerned by or even noticed whom you call so-called "perfect people". Indeed, such people do NOT exist except in your mind. We are all mortals, human beings with our failing and strengths no matter what the appearance may be.

 

I certainly did not come from wealth. I survived on student loans since high school and then, on my bank LOC in medical school. I worked hard, was responsible for myself and my own actions, still am, and all I can control is myself and being adaptable to changing circumstances.

 

I tried my best, which resulted in medical school and now, residency. Those who may consider themselves perfect are living an illusion and they are living in a bubble.

 

Is it so easy for you though? To just look straight ahead and not bother at all with how well your peers are doing? I've tried that and it works for a while but then I'll eventually want to compare myself to someone else. Teach me your ways, Bambi!

[Birdy]

Thanks for the advice, Birdy! I have to say, the bolded part made me really sad. I've followed your posts since you first joined PM101 and regularly read your blog as well. I know how hard you've worked and really admire you for it so it makes me irritated to know that current medical students are so ignorant or close-minded about who does and doesn't belong. I hope you're not letting the comments get to you too much

 

Thanks. And no, they're not getting to me much. I have my moments, but I already know I'm going to be a fantastic clinician so the opinions of some kids don't dig particularly deep. And it's not been many - most of my class is pretty awesome and they have been very kind and welcoming. Get a big enough group of people and there's always going to be a few who don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves. I figure they'll learn with time. Hopefully, anyway. Mac is overall pretty amazing as are my classmates.

[Bambi]

Is it so easy for you though? To just look straight ahead and not bother at all with how well your peers are doing? I've tried that and it works for a while but then I'll eventually want to compare myself to someone else. Teach me your ways, Bambi!

In undergrad, I had to prioritize and to focus. This included no distractions. I had enough on my plate without being distracted by others who were not relevant to my pursuit of the goal. It was very difficult, but I referring to the hard work involved, the long hours of study. Other premed student were not on my mind, not in my focus, I had enough to deal with. I never compared myself to others, rather I wanted to live with no regrets and I was relentless in seeking to achieve academic excellence, or going as close as possible for me. So, my focus was elsewhere. In other words, I dealt with that which was within my control and not extraneous matters. This whole process was exceedingly difficult, but it worked for me.

[katakari]

Hi, I'm the one fat person in my class of over 200. I'm also older than most of them, decidedly less accomplished, and I'm a bit awkward by times. I'm an introvert. Not shy, I just prefer not being around lots of people. I have the academic side of things but I'm definitely not like the rest of my class of very accomplished, polished, attractive and multi-talented future professionals.

 

Well, I still have yet to beat your PPI score, so you have that.

 

Anyway, for me, it helped that I may or may not have had a friend who accessed the social media accounts of all these perfect people way back when and found out that all the 'fronts' are well, just that and that all these people suffer in different ways -- it's the unifying factor among humanity. It helps to isolate yourself from people who fixate on the image of others, otherwise it will never be easy to focus on yourself and 'keep your vision straight' so to speak.

 

For me, I had to really hit my head flat on rock bottom before this set in and I became comfortable on my own path - it takes time and continual effort. Remember that at the end of the day, people may be impressed by your accomplishments, but they all go on with their lives and never think about you again, so really, you have to live the life you want to live irrespective of this temporary admiration. If you don't do that, you could find yourself in a very unhappy place down the road.

[Emojis4Life]

Well, I still have yet to beat your PPI score, so you have that.

 

Anyway, for me, it helped that I may or may not have had a friend who accessed the social media accounts of all these perfect people way back when and found out that all the 'fronts' are well, just that and that all these people suffer in different ways -- it's the unifying factor among humanity. It helps to isolate yourself from people who fixate on the image of others, otherwise it will never be easy to focus on yourself and 'keep your vision straight' so to speak.

 

For me, I had to really hit my head flat on rock bottom before this set in and I became comfortable on my own path - it takes time and continual effort. Remember that at the end of the day, people may be impressed by your accomplishments, but they all go on with their lives and never think about you again, so really, you have to live the life you want to live irrespective of this temporary admiration. If you don't do that, you could find yourself in a very unhappy place down the road.

 

This really struck a chord with me. Thanks

[Birdy]

Well, I still have yet to beat your PPI score, so you have that.

 ....

 

For me, I had to really hit my head flat on rock bottom before this set in and I became comfortable on my own path - it takes time and continual effort. Remember that at the end of the day, people may be impressed by your accomplishments, but they all go on with their lives and never think about you again, so really, you have to live the life you want to live irrespective of this temporary admiration. If you don't do that, you could find yourself in a very unhappy place down the road.

Really debated whether I should have posted that PPI score and I'm sort of regretting it now, haha.

 

Also really like and agree with the bold.

[Wartortle]

I have never run into such people. Are you sure the info you are getting from them is 100% true. A LOT of people b***sh**...

 

Sidenote: I know some people who claimed to have high GPA's and MCATS in the 30+ range but none of them scored a single interview, not acceptance, an interview. So I would take what people say with a grain of salt. Remember it can be a tactic to put you down (bring your moral down), avoid these people as they cloud judgement.

[Emojis4Life]

I have never run into such people. Are you sure the info you are getting from them is 100% true. A LOT of people b***sh**...

 

Sidenote: I know some people who claimed to have high GPA's and MCATS in the 30+ range but none of them scored a single interview, not acceptance, an interview. So I would take what people say with a grain of salt. Remember it can be a tactic to put you down (bring your moral down), avoid these people as they cloud judgement.

 

I haven't met all that many but there are one or two who I can think of who seem pretty close to "perfect." 

[indefatigable]

I think if I spent any time at all comparing myself to other people, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.  There are some people that I grew up with (high school) that are not only clinical faculty but highly successful investment bankers.   The banking people in particular can afford to live in a way which I almost wouldn't have conceived to be realistically possible.  My peer group at medical school is almost two decades  younger and speak a language that I haven't spoken on a daily basis since almost primary school.  I think there are always people who seem to have it "better" or "easier", but one simply has to take every day as it comes and make the most of the situation presented.  Comparisons are self-defeating.  I'm grateful for the chances in front of me - I'm sure I stand out for various reasons, but make the most of it.  It's more difficult for me to really bond due to linguistic challenges and age (one of the more common questions given to me), but at this point in my life I've developed a much thicker skin.  Kudos to Birdy for persevering.   

[Wartortle]

I think if I spent any time at all comparing myself to other people, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.  There are some people that I grew up with (high school) that are not only clinical faculty but highly successful investment bankers.   The banking people in particular can afford to live in a way which I almost wouldn't have conceived to be realistically possible.  My peer group at medical school is almost two decades  younger and speak a language that I haven't spoken on a daily basis since almost primary school.  I think there are always people who seem to have it "better" or "easier", but one simply has to take every day as it comes and make the most of the situation presented.  Comparisons are self-defeating.  I'm grateful for the chances in front of me - I'm sure I stand out for various reasons, but make the most of it.  It's more difficult for me to really bond due to linguistic challenges and age (one of the more common questions given to me), but at this point in my life I've developed a much thicker skin.  Kudos to Birdy for persevering.   

 

I second this. Especially bolded area.

[mononoke]

Thanks. And no, they're not getting to me much. I have my moments, but I already know I'm going to be a fantastic clinician so the opinions of some kids don't dig particularly deep. And it's not been many - most of my class is pretty awesome and they have been very kind and welcoming. Get a big enough group of people and there's always going to be a few who don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves. I figure they'll learn with time. Hopefully, anyway. Mac is overall pretty amazing as are my classmates.

I actually have a lot of admiration for those mature applicants with lived experience like yours. More so now than in the past, there are people in my class who come from wealthy families, have family connections, and are all-around stellar people, so they got in out of 3rd year or 4th year (or probably skipped a grade somewhere along the way). Although you may think you're not 'perfect', what you don't have is a sense of entitlement, which is the trait I respect the most in many of the mature applicants. You've worked hard to get where you are now and you deserve it. 

 

Once you get into med school, these 'perfect' people as you describe will be exponentially more than you will see in undergrad. If you always compare yourself to others, you'll never be happy. Focus on how you can be a better doctor for your patients, not how you can bet better than everyone else. 

[Emojis4Life]

I actually have a lot of admiration for those mature applicants with lived experience like yours. More so now than in the past, there are people in my class who come from wealthy families, have family connections, and are all-around stellar people, so they got in out of 3rd year or 4th year (or probably skipped a grade somewhere along the way). Although you may think you're not 'perfect', what you don't have is a sense of entitlement, which is the trait I respect the most in many of the mature applicants. You've worked hard to get where you are now and you deserve it. 

 

Once you get into med school, these 'perfect' people as you describe will be exponentially more than you will see in undergrad. If you always compare yourself to others, you'll never be happy. Focus on how you can be a better doctor for your patients, not how you can bet better than everyone else. 

 

I know, I'm working on it. I suppose some of these feelings stem from lack of life experience for me. I'm really trying to get better about this as its something I really struggle with.

 

Thank you to all those who commented on this thread and shared their thoughts

[_ _]

I wish I dealt with those people better. I feel like I live surrounded by them

Probably my least favorite thing about my program, and university,, because it also plays on my huge fear of getting flat-out rejected everywhere-especially when some of 'those people' didn't get into med school last year that I know

[Emojis4Life]

I wish I dealt with those people better. I feel like I live surrounded by them

Probably my least favorite thing about my program, and university,, because it also plays on my huge fear of getting flat-out rejected everywhere-especially when some of 'those people' didn't get into med school last year that I know

 

I know I'm a horrible person for saying this but knowing some of these "perfect" people didn't get in right away makes me feel a bit better because it makes them seem a little less perfect.

[_ _]

I know I'm a horrible person for saying this but knowing some of these "perfect" people didn't get in right away makes me feel a bit better because it makes them seem a little less perfect.

haha I know, until I remember that if they can't get in then there's even less of a chance I can. But I agree, it almost helps for a second

[Borborygmi]

It is really quite simple. In undergrad, I looked neither to the left nor the right, rather straightforward with my eye and motivation on the goal - medical school. I was never concerned by or even noticed whom you call so-called "perfect people".

 

Exactly this--who cares. All that constantly sizing up your fellow applicants does is create another stressor into your life that is of absolutely no consequence. It's actually pretty sad--and I say this as a person who has been guilty of comparing myself to others in the same way as in the original post until I trained myself to stop the cycle long ago. My blunt advice would be to get over it. Do things you enjoy, do them well, and surround yourself with people that are a positive influence. A larger proportion of the people you're talking about in your original post are likely to be a positive influence than the people constantly sizing them up. I'm sure you have done amazing things that should make you feel proud. I'd much rather hear about those things than about how you feel like your amazing accomplishments aren't good enough.