Ideally when is the best time to get married + start a family?

[cheesepizza]

Relationship specifics set aside, is there an "ideal" time to get married and have kids (i.e., a time there is less stress with school, or when it makes financial sense)? 

[Bambi]

Stress is always there, part of life and you need to know how to handle it.

Children are expensive and require lots of time. A friend had kids before and during med school, he was poor. He did just fine in med school, nobody suffered and he went into practice. It was financially difficult but it worked.

Best time to have kids, if female, is during residency after your 2nd year, paid maternity leave and return to residency whereas as a practicing physician it is on your own dime. If male, timing of birth can be during med school or any time thereafter. 

Executive Summary: No best time to either marry or have kids. YOU choose the timing that suits you guys as a couple and live with the consequences. Sooner is better than later in my opinion.

[cheesepizza]

3 hours ago, Bambi said:

Stress is always there, part of life and you need to know how to handle it.

Children are expensive and require lots of time. A friend had kids before and during med school, he was poor. He did just fine in med school, nobody suffered and he went into practice. It was financially difficult but it worked.

Best time to have kids, if female, is during residency after your 2nd year, paid maternity leave and return to residency whereas as a practicing physician it is on your own dime. If male, timing of birth can be during med school or any time thereafter. 

Executive Summary: No best time to either marry or have kids. YOU choose the timing that suits you guys as a couple and live with the consequences. Sooner is better than later in my opinion.

If you had the choice, would you get married after first, second or fourth year? Taking out third year due to clerkship. 

[Naruto]

3 hours ago, Bambi said:

Stress is always there, part of life and you need to know how to handle it.

Children are expensive and require lots of time. A friend had kids before and during med school, he was poor. He did just fine in med school, nobody suffered and he went into practice. It was financially difficult but it worked.

Best time to have kids, if female, is during residency after your 2nd year, paid maternity leave and return to residency whereas as a practicing physician it is on your own dime. If male, timing of birth can be during med school or any time thereafter. 

Executive Summary: No best time to either marry or have kids. YOU choose the timing that suits you guys as a couple and live with the consequences. Sooner is better than later in my opinion.

why not first or 2nd year of residency? No paid leave during that time?

[indefatigable]

5 hours ago, Bambi said:

Stress is always there, part of life and you need to know how to handle it.

Children are expensive and require lots of time. A friend had kids before and during med school, he was poor. He did just fine in med school, nobody suffered and he went into practice. It was financially difficult but it worked.

Best time to have kids, if female, is during residency after your 2nd year, paid maternity leave and return to residency whereas as a practicing physician it is on your own dime. If male, timing of birth can be during med school or any time thereafter. 

Executive Summary: No best time to either marry or have kids. YOU choose the timing that suits you guys as a couple and live with the consequences. Sooner is better than later in my opinion.

I agree that children after med school is likely a better decision since it won't change career plans - children before residency might make things harder and limit choices.  

Further waiting until staff income could make a huge difference in terms of resources and support though, especially if both parents are high-income earners.  Sure it may be on your own dime, but could be multiples of a resident income.  Otoh, maternity leave with absolute career/job security is an excellent option for women in longer specialty residencies - although there may be more stress in senior residency compared to even junior staff given more uncertainty.  

Getting married is very different - you can do that whenever - absolutely no reason no postpone that.  

[Bambi]

2 hours ago, cheesepizza said:

If you had the choice, would you get married after first, second or fourth year? Taking out third year due to clerkship. 

If your significant other is living in the same city, if your relationship is such that you can focus on your studies, a full time job, with a supportive spouse, why not sooner than later - otherwise, graduate, marry, honeymoon and then off to residency!

[Bambi]

2 hours ago, Naruto said:

why not first or 2nd year of residency? No paid leave during that time?

First year, you are learning the basics, 2nd year you are establishing a foundation and have your new relationships established. Giving birth beginning of 3rd year is optimal. And, yes, you want to qualify for paid leave as an employee, so there is that,  don't do it before you have your full entitlements. 

[LostLamb]

The best time doesn’t exist. 
get married if the person you want to marry comes along. 
have kids while biology is on your side and so is your energy level. 
 

[HappyAndHopeful]

I think the best advice about this that I was given in med school was to not try to plan your personal life around medicine - because there really will be no right time. So when you’re ready to get married, get married. When you’re ready to have kids, have kids. We got married while we were both in clerkship. Took some coordination but we wouldn’t have changed anything about it. Now in residency, we plan to maybe start our family in the near future (had wanted to travel a bit first, but covid, and who knows when it will be safe to again). I have colleagues who have gotten married and had kids at all the stages - there are, of course, pros and cons to each timeline, but there are always ways to make it work  

[medigeek]

There is no set best time. 

[jb24]

When you find the right person.