Rant about life thread

[edelweiss*]

Maybe you actually had something that required all of that? Maybe it wasn't the health care system?

 

Of course, they needed to run all those tests. But, I had to wait minimum 2 months to do them, my first test was non conclusive, so I had to wait 2 more months, then 1 month for the results to be sent to my doctor , then more tests based on the results of the previous test and etc. I also spent a night in emergency for the first time, had to wait 8 hours before i could meet the doctor.

[NeuroPreMed]

Of course, they needed to run all those tests. But, I had to wait minimum 2 months to do them, my first test was non conclusive, so I had to wait 2 more months, then 1 month for the results to be sent to my doctor , then more tests based on the results of the previous test and etc. I also spent a night in emergency for the first time, had to wait 8 hours before i could meet the doctor.

 

When stuff like that happens, just remember it could always be worse.

 

A night in emerg in the states is about $12,000

[edelweiss*]

When stuff like that happens, just remember it could always be worse.

 

A night in emerg in the states is about $12,000

 

Sure, it could be worse, no insurance at all.

12000$ if you spend the night sitting in the waiting room?

[NeuroPreMed]

Sure, it could be worse, no insurance at all.

12000$ if you spend the night sitting in the waiting room?

 

No, $12,000 is being rushed to emerg. Actually I think it was more...13.5 or something like that.

[apache]

i went through this for 3 years, 1 in 100,000 condition, solved it myself, and found the animal models independent basic science guys were working on which in every way matches the hypothesized mechanism of the only medication which works. i'm putting the 70ish articles together to send to the two big people studying the condition, the final 3 basic science i hope will put a smile on their face, and bring an awareness to the issue, because thousands of people who have the condition are told it's in their heads, honestly though, i put hundreds of hours into it, so i can't fault the docs, the only thing that bothers me was i nailed the diagnoses on visit 2, and no one expects you to diagnose super rare conditions like i had, but i had literature then, and the refusal to even look is what really irked me the guy who finally was like you're onto something spent an hr and a half with me and curserley found 80 random articles, not all related, but it speaks to humility... he's considered one of the best in the city and wasn't afraid to look up what he wasn't sure about, i still greatly admire him to this day... so i'm not sure it's the health system versus perhaps some bad apples, sometimes you get great people, sometimes not, like anything in life.

 

now i've linked clinical to therapeutics across specialties, to cellular neuro scie, clinical eeg, and unrelated animal studies... so it went from in my head to when i send this in, 30 years of searching concluded (and one famous review is what do we know after 50 years about condition x)... i guess you're more motivated when things effect you, and i doubt most clinicians are going to sit for 120 hrs for some random patient they say for an hr, just not really any motivation, just like i dont have motivation to sit and read genetics articles about cancer, but if i was in a situation where i needed to give an answer and i wasnt sure i would never say it's not there because i don't know, i feel being responsible also requires that you recognize your limitations and be willing to be an interpreter of information, as no one is completely enclyclopedic, and to act as if this were the case is completely untenable, at least now, but a lot of people don't know any better right, and that kind of bothers me... i'm fortunate to have the education to self advocate... but what about people who don't?

 

First, hi everyone, since it's my first post on this forum. Maybe not the best choice of thread to start with, hehe.

 

The only thing I can really complain about at this time is the Quebec health system. I got sick in about a year ago, first time that I got something serious that I couldn't manage to treat at home. I could never imagine that it would take doctors so much to diagnose me properly, basically because I had to wait so much time to run all the required tests. I know it's not better in other provinces and US, but I just didn't expect to face such problems. Well, at least this made me super scary about getting sick, so now I'm even more into prevention, yay!

 

Btw, sorry for my English, that's not my first language, not even third, to be honest.

[apache]

3 emerg, 3 neuros, neuro-optho, ct, mri, eeg, optometrist, headache specialist... and on and on... my gp gave me great advice and told me to wait for this fantastic neuro who just totally reminded me of what humanism in medicine was all about.

 

Of course, they needed to run all those tests. But, I had to wait minimum 2 months to do them, my first test was non conclusive, so I had to wait 2 more months, then 1 month for the results to be sent to my doctor , then more tests based on the results of the previous test and etc. I also spent a night in emergency for the first time, had to wait 8 hours before i could meet the doctor.

[edelweiss*]

i went through this for 3 years, 1 in 100,000 condition, solved it myself, and found the animal models independent basic science guys were working on which in every way matches the hypothesized mechanism of the only medication which works. i'm putting the 70ish articles together to send to the two big people studying the condition, the final 3 basic science i hope will put a smile on their face, and bring an awareness to the issue, because thousands of people who have the condition are told it's in their heads, honestly though, i put hundreds of hours into it, so i can't fault the docs, the only thing that bothers me was i nailed the diagnoses on visit 2, and no one expects you to diagnose super rare conditions like i had, but i had literature then, and the refusal to even look is what really irked me the guy who finally was like you're onto something spent an hr and a half with me and curserley found 80 random articles, not all related, but it speaks to humility... he's considered one of the best in the city and wasn't afraid to look up what he wasn't sure about, i still greatly admire him to this day... so i'm not sure it's the health system versus perhaps some bad apples, sometimes you get great people, sometimes not, like anything in life.

 

now i've linked clinical to therapeutics across specialties, to cellular neuro scie, clinical eeg, and unrelated animal studies... so it went from in my head to when i send this in, 30 years of searching concluded (and one famous review is what do we know after 50 years about condition x)... i guess you're more motivated when things effect you, and i doubt most clinicians are going to sit for 120 hrs for some random patient they say for an hr, just not really any motivation, just like i dont have motivation to sit and read genetics articles about cancer, but if i was in a situation where i needed to give an answer and i wasnt sure i would never say it's not there because i don't know, i feel being responsible also requires that you recognize your limitations and be willing to be an interpreter of information, as no one is completely enclyclopedic, and to act as if this were the case is completely untenable, at least now, but a lot of people don't know any better right, and that kind of bothers me... i'm fortunate to have the education to self advocate... but what about people who don't?

 

That's quite impressive, just being curious, what education do you have?

It's hard for doctors to be efficient when they don't have enough time resources, I feel like they're forced to make decisions based on the probability of a certain disease to occur more than on the patient's perception of their own condition.

[futureGP]

3 summers research + 1 thesis project

 

= 0 publications

 

FML

[apache]

honestly, it's just persistence, persistence, i got the treatment lit quick, but the compiling of everything into a coherent picture has taken over a couple years. i have a bsc in psych, but 75 percent of what i know is self learned, but i've seen a lot of things that make a lot of what i learn relevant to me, people i know, things i'm passionate about. i can't really explain it, i know people with add have this insane tenacity naturally, but i've also seen extremely traumatic stuff... which is a cocktail for extreme hyper-resiliency, other people never let their guard down by avoiding the world, or failing to make personal investments where they fear a loss (people who have borderline personalities have a typical pattern of seeking validation and then repudiating dependency due to various reasons i could go on for about hours) many people with ptsd turn to substance abuse, or become paralyzed and develop other co-morbitities, but in aproximately 8 percent of people you develop what's called hyper-resiliency... since i've seen so many people in my life be victimized by clandesteine expertise which was either malignantly used to fullfill desires for power (welfare people treating my grade 6 educated dad like crap, blaming him for things beyond his control by asking rhetorical questions where the answer establishes a clear power differential, and where there is implicit coercion because of the dependents inability to self advocate)... i've seen this, and well, imagine some of the worst things you could see happen to people, so in a way, the hypervigilance is a similar defense mechanism to a borderline patient refusing to fully trust and love another for fear of invalidation or rejection (which is extremely bothersome because of the typical characteristic life events which lead to these set of traits)... in my case, i cannot stand people who bully or intimidate others based on socially recognized positions of power... many low ses people, mentally ill, homeless, etc. are taught to schematically ascertain power and knowledge hierarchies by proxy of societal "role", and at times people take advantage of that because no one will call their bluff, other times, more rarely, you get people who feed off others dependence... i'm not suggesting this is the norm, but i've been exposed to it because of my ses, fam background, etc. more than others. so while the borderline person may not commit to anything, i'm impossible to bully, and don't think about bullying people who can't defend themselves... because it's not a problem for me to spend 150 hours on some legal work and leave someone asking themselves wow, how is student just taking our legal team to lunch, costing us money, and potentially gaining grounds for corporate criminal charges... fido is this example in particular, but lot's of companies have been left wondering why their bar approved lawyers got taken to lunch, well... i spend 4 hours a day discussing intellectual topics, i write everyday, while i may lack the coursework, in law msot cases can be done with algorithims, rinse and repeat, but i like to find nuance... and content is the only advantage a llb would have on me, im linguistically superior in almost all cases, and i dont mind sitting down and reading 20 books... and yeah, the devil's in the details, so i'm sorry, you do this to hundreds of people a day, and i look like a normal person, so why would you expect me to read an entire act 3 times over... it's statistically unlikely, but many people curserly get by on generalities, and what many people don't realize is that you don't need say a law degree to just anihilate someone legally... then again, with all the cases i've just done myself, god knows how much time that adds up to, prob 3 hrs a day for a year and a half of my life, and i know an llb means you're really only very competent in a few areas... essentially yeah, the point is, i can't explain it, but if you mistreat people, you'll get away with it a lot, but you cannot outwork me period, because my intrinsic motivation stems from extreme things i've seen as a result of similar actions which had worse consequences, throw in the whole need for autonomy you ubiquitously see in add, and well, yeah, i know how to do research like you, even keel, and guess what, rote criterion, with specific definitions "infidelity" don't interest me... so you better be able to transform generalized criterion into the rediculously nebulous framework i'm capable of doing, because unlike most people you scare, i know whwere to access resources, and unlike you, this is personal for me, i don't do billable hours, have external obligations, and can likely destroy you... and you know what, you don't even have to win, sometimes just tiring someone out or costing them too much money makes them quit... cause i can run your bills 6 figures... lol, and i know what agencies would love to use me for publicity in exchange for legal funding... i got a laugh when my bank violated their own loan contract... oops, yeah, slip up guys... funny thing is one line in 200 page document is all it takes, and general algorithms (standard divorce procedure one profits from from doing high volume doesn't apply).

 

basically, it's like, i'm sorry, i feel you have an obligation to know basic neuroscience... but not only was i right, i solved the condition... the concept of power without ever resorting to traditional forms of dominance

 

(violence you'll see barstars get into, i'd just let them hit me, sue them, and press charges... why would i hit back... hmmm, i'd get in trouble, ruin my own life, and miss out on monetary gain, plus crim record isn't fun)

 

i only ever do this to people who are malignant to others though, it's a scary taste of what they do, except worse, since i have no formal training, and i tend to absolutely destroy you, it's not live and let be, it's we're doing this on 24 year old students terms, unless you'd like me report irregularity x, violation of your contract on 3 occassions, yeah i did read the 250 page act, 3 times... still think u remember it more at this point, cause you likely use the same techniques over and over, i can pick you a part with every bit of minutia there.

 

in all honesty, i hate conflict, but it's like, people are human beings, and if you in some way think you can derive some gratification, or take advantage of others because you know more about the system, i'm going to show you exactly how that feels, because i know more than you, and if i don't, i will in a week, and i hope you're cross disciplinary too, because besides math, engineering and those fields, i have extreme breath, and depth... so i can use tricks from fields you know nothing about.... but yeah... ptsd... not everyone has panic attacks... some people just let you know that im a piece of paper away from taking your job, or your bosses job, and really, i already could, except for the whole credentialism thing, so think about that next time u sell of someones margined stock while theyre in the hospital for tripl bypass, losing your life saving ain't fun, then again, it ain't fun when i can cost you six figures either eh? at least it's not your money, maybe your job... but u know, hopefully the person treats ppl nicer in the future

 

That's quite impressive, just being curious, what education do you have?

It's hard for doctors to be efficient when they don't have enough time resources, I feel like they're forced to make decisions based on the probability of a certain disease to occur more than on the patient's perception of their own condition.

[apache]

yup, i was never mad for missing the diagnosis, but i was mad that when i brought in tons of peer reviewed lit there was a refusal to even check the internet... no one expects you to know everything, but when i say this med u just prescribed will make my condition worse in 2 days because it effects recepts x,y,z in this specific brain region... to now where it's gotten to the point where, if u still live in a fantasy world of living in a self aggrandizing bubble that shields others from fathoming... and your actions effect people, i'm sorry, i can more or less tear you apart, not match, destroy, and im years away from any certification... i sound awful, but i have to reiterate i only do this very rarely, to people who really have a negative effect on [peoples lives, and who seem laissez faire about the scope of their actions... 100 times works, but run into me, and forget clinical approaches at times, thats grade 1, i'll go into hardcore cellular phys, ask u y drug x does z, because i don't read 1 page ads, i enjoy the 100 page patents... and then u realize that as esteemed as u feel, u can't lose touch with the fact that people's state of existence, happiness, everything, can rest in your hands, and as jaded as you get, it's no excuse to half ass things and say well i'm an md, so i know enough... it's like people get so jaded at the system they don't realize what it's like to be a patient, unsure, helpless, with an entire families future resting on you... even if you're a gp... just because you have the liberty of not having to know the valvular defect u missed eventually killed someone doesn't mean that you're competent... of course, it's hard to trace it back... but i think u still have a human responsibility...

 

 

hell, public health care has to develop more private pay structures... i don't care that you saw 30 patients, or that you mostly see people for antibiotics and anti-depressents, i should never have to point out bad liver enzyme competitive interactions, because most people don't have the benefit of being able to catch that... so even if i never see you again, and you cause a permanent problem, you still did it, despite the fact that you may never hear of it...

 

if we had more meritocratic reward systems, well, protectionism would fall apart... i'm honestly getting tired of psych but i would have no motivation to defend a trade union style monopology which claims have a royal college designation means that my ability to handle borderline sexual assault victims who use passive aggressive manipulation, and have boundary issues... a patient most people won't touch let alone have any hope of helping... that needs a little more than beck cbt... and who knows, if you don't pick up on the attention seeking, and fear of abandonement, sexual assault history, rapid environmentally dependent mood swings which are more to gain an ends... relief from an extremely uncomfortable possible situation and emotional consequence, you may label them bipolar, and go with the whole over empathy thing, eventually get frustrated, snap, and cause suicide... when it's obvious from the start the person is suffering but capable of being very manipulative, and that radical emotional changes and perceptions of self worth, you, the whole love you, hate you, conflict between wanting trust, but fearing betrayal, really calls for a totally different approach... but have fun with that, there's no who algorithim for it, plus hearing about sexual assault bothers some people, you know, it's not pleasant, but being "doctor-like" and having an anti-psychotic dejour for your paranoid schizophrenic populations is win win, theyre not expected to recover greatly, and there is an objective agreed upon algorithim... cool beans, keep managing those people and calling people who deal with inextricable complexity which is scary because it can't be standardized... however outcomes measures have huge variablity, as in, you don't even wanna touch this kind of person, and i can get 65 percent success... having no sure answers is hard... there's only outcomes to guage skill... and that's a bit scary, how do you learn to deal with dissociative personality, you can't read it in a book, contra to your last 8 years of education... so how valuable do you become, i can follow those algorithims too, plus spot a lot of false positives, so i don't need a book to justify my skill, the roenbaum experiment, objectivization and expansion of diagnostic minutia which in an effort to take humanity out of diagnostics (thomas kuhn and science papers, ever wonder why the experimenter is never mentioned, it removes implicit impression of human interpretation or error... see philosophy and soc and everything are interconnected), left criteria which were so generalizable as to lose all inter rater reliability... and to a discerning critic it's patently silly. i remember a psych who compared diagnosing bipolar to ms... since they were both syndromes... well you mean constellation of symptoms with no consistent, if any known etiology, but which responds to empirical based treatment algorithims... well of course, because i'm sure grandiosity and tremmors will have a fantastically similar inter-rater reliability, and that in 5 years bipolar will develop multi modal testing combining imaging, genetic testing, electrode probes, to at least develop greater diagnostic validity via high similarity in multiple fuzzy measures, which can combine to give us greater diagnostic accuracy... well ****, i doubt it, but did u know neuropsych assesment with a Qeeg is insanely diagnostic... i can imagine a response... add, the brown scale, hah, that's bs... well confirmation bias and ignorance do tend to make things seem like bs, and im guessing a lot of add's get diagnosed as cyclothymic because of the hyperactivity, when even in the dsm, it states, exclude adhd, must assess over long period and distinguish hyperactivity from hyperkinetic behavior mixed with the whole im going to drop a 100 g and start a business thing, but hell, i've read a few thousand pages on adhd, and even know the dsm's bs so i can just refute you using your own paradigm... then deconstruct axioms, informational overload, and for ****s and giggles go back to the irony that the societally perceived bs disorder add is far more biologically duiagnosable than you're bread and butter 19 diagnoses with 19 different doctors checklist you tried to parlay as equivelant to ms... and if you're still an ass, research methods is a lot of fun, let's talk psychometrics, clinical trial criterions versus broad interpretations of wording used clinically, meaning a population far exceeding that which showed stat sig in clin trials will be treated... but ****, ssri/snris may cause mania... shoot how bout some european epidemiology, and ill throw in some receptor specificity for some antipsychotics and how they cause false positives, because yeah, ok, if you're good you can tell me z-drugs avoid alpha 5 subunit, but how can i induce mania (25 percent of which have psychotic features... ughh oh, schizo, right? maybe, take them off and treat with a mood stabilizer especially if ssri/snri caused the mania) by maintaining long term antidepressent therapy and then adding an antipsychotic, why would mania.. or in those psychotically manic patients, delusions persist for two weaks post anti-psychs... which ones, why... this is harder, sloppy drugs, who cares right, jsut worry bout clinical effects... well like i mentioned earlier... the psychotics have great recovery rates, LOL... we at least owe false positives the dignity of knowing important targets, induced neurobio changes and what that would cause... see, you have to be a mechanic and an engineer... oh yeah, but you have some letters, so what the hell, ruin some peoples lives, but yeah, even though you hate my guts keep smiling around me because i'm not mean to anyone else and your colleagues love me... i am pretty enthused after all, sorry, paternalism and laziness is dead, and even if it isn't, have fun doing it around me... there's a certain point where legally, medically, epidemiological, choose your poison... my unauthorized butt is hard to negate, because well, this isn't overkill, this is more like, you're done, see, because as much as you don't like the way i think, authority stops mattering when there's such a stratification that it takes about 1-3 minutes for it to be quite obvious, that your opinion doesn't matter, because you can't cite hundreds of articles off the top of your head... and maybe that's a good thing, maybe sometimes we have to look at the evidence and check our personal opinions at the door, if it means better care, at least don't do it around me, because you're clin opinion will be negated in 30 seconds of you're done, and i can keep going for another 10 hours, but i really don't want to ruin your reputation... p.s. true story... also, the reason i believe this, is because i've seen the consequences of trying to fit evidence into a social structure coherant with maintain paternalistic power and perceived objectivity and expertise to the public.... 1000 slit wrists is enough... and yeah, while someone may not see the results of being sloppy, ppl live with them every day... so if u want to self deceive yourself into caring more about comming off as authoritive than helping or caring, keep in mind, being authoritive doesn't motivate me at all, because i am, and i could care less, this isn't about my ego, you think i care about protecting title, nope, i don't have to, all i need is a minute to talk, and i can negate all your credentials, but i'll tell you, i can only do that because writing an app to go to amazing conference with an hour left , getting a call that your friend killed themselves, sparing the details, except that it was negligence if u know anything about it, and that ive had this happen five times... and im so used to it that i did the app, got the award in 45 min... well you can guess that there's no way in hell you can outwork me, because this really matters to me, and well, i wouldn't sacrafice ppl's well being, after what i've seen, to protect an impression... and ironically, the fact that i care is what makes me scary, because who else would have the motivation to learn all the stupid crap i do if not for extremely awful consequences i saw as a result of what in my mind, is at times dehumanizing... isn't it funny... 30 years and an impression, and it takes me 30 seconds of wow, there is no way i can't give anything but my all because impression comes second to life. as most peoples safe gov negotiated salary would be a huge loss for me...

 

so there's why i'm so well, annoyed by not falliability, but arrogance, and the unwillingness to say i dont know and look something up, id rather someone who can be open with me, who may not know everything, but will never say nothing is wrong to save face, and who is willing to learn, to set their own ego aside to do what's best for a patient... which could be your gf, your grandma, best friend... because you can appreciate how severely something can effect them, you know them, not knowing the consequences of your actions doesn't mean there are none, and for me, it's so ingrained that i can't not think of the consequences... it just seems not only unprofessional, but cruel, to dismiss someone in a time of extrememe suffering, saying nothing is wrong... but it's not about that, if it happens to one, i can extrapolate that more than a few times saving face has trumped humility which would have, just in my case, relieved 3 years of awful suffering. and you know, it's going to look pretty bad, because with this person (not the other person who didn't like me because i guess im supposed to be quiet and listen... and i love to do that, when i feel like those speaking are doing more than talking to hear themselves speak, and moreso, scarily unknowledgeable... if you're cocky and good, im all ears, if you're kind and good, same, if you're willing to learn something knew, great... if we can learn from each other, fantastic... i love most instructors i have and love to learn, so maybe me embarassing previous person is a function of being threatened... well, yeah, but personally, i'd feel more ashamed than threatened, since i could care less if people think im an idiot, my obligation is primarily to those in care, i'd rather say i have no idea and be able to help someone than be unable to admit i don't know... and it's so silly, your job is to get results, whether you have to look up and interpret new research or have it tattooed to your skull, in the end, if ppl are doing the same job, who cares that one has a greater intrinsic knowledge base, thats one possible means to the final ends, and to use your ends as a path to means, and with the second well... let's just say, in addition to not treating a condition out of arrogance, invalidating something so self evident as to cause 24/7 distress because you don't know, or are afraid to admit you have to look something up, and the consequences that had, well yeah... it looks bad when you're wrong, looks worse when you're wrong and the patient solves the final piece of the condition after 30 years... and in the end, it wasn't about him at all, it's about the board where ppl with the condition post, where likely 20 percent are suicidal, and who are repeatedly told nothing is wrong with them... well, ****, maybe i should not only send it to the 2 ppl who really study this, but aggregate the 70 articles into a 1000 page pdf... and then thousands of other people can have their life back too... because not everyone is privelaged enough to have a chance at an education, or be given the skills to find solutions... and well, if i deserved to get my life back they all do too... so yeah, i was laughing at the other thread... money or a's doesn't give you this kind of motivation... the most intense motivation you can find is doing something meaningful to you, and while money can be a means to satisfying certain emotional ends... bmw's get old after awhile, but well, knowing that a bunch of people who went through the same thing you did, have a lot better chance at a complete recovery... lol, it's not as good as the i wouldn't have still been alive if you hadn't gone out of your way that one day... yeah, time number ten and you still feel almost humbled someones thanking you... but that's pretty potent... if it wasn't, why wud i try so hard, lol... why not just do drug patents with terms that are as mercurial as there are turns of the page, in the sense that singular definitions which encompass numerous compounds which superficially, seem no more than phonetically different, but the first of a plethora of hairline thin legal tricks that allude most readers because of the magic of subspecialization, all 6 experts will get bits, but the whole is elusive... but yeah, **** u dont need to take a pharmacology class to borrow notes from 4 400 level pharmacology classes, read them yourself, learn english starting from esl vocabulary builders... oh ****, i'll stop, wouldn't want any undergrads to realize that after a point, you can learn most non-physical (book stuff, debate, public speaking, etc.) skills on your own... i've never taken a pharmacology class in my life, but i've quite a few textbooks and god knows how many articles... blasphemy eh... fantasizing about that 4.0 only got me as far as second year uni, lol, then it's like this is ****ing retarded... i'm doing something i want... i know most post decartes philosophy, mostly because i was interested in the nature of reality and what not... cool eh, me and school don't seem to work well, no wonder i failed half of high school, something about post modernist fiction didn't seem to appealing when the altern was having fun... and yeah, i still hate fiction... 1 fiction book in 8 yrs... **** yeah, and i only did enough of that to write my english essays, lol... oh ****, how the **** did i learn to write then, cause apparently people like to pay me a lot to write, iuno, just winged it, im sure there's a degree for that too, just like a degree in how to score goals like messi... apparently its like 10 classes and you're off fight for the footballer of the year award... def sounds like a cool degree

 

That's quite impressive, just being curious, what education do you have?

It's hard for doctors to be efficient when they don't have enough time resources, I feel like they're forced to make decisions based on the probability of a certain disease to occur more than on the patient's perception of their own condition.

[edelweiss*]

3 summers research + 1 thesis project

 

= 0 publications

 

FML

 

If you had to restart all the process, what would you change, your supervisor, your thesis or your program?

[NeuroPreMed]

Jesus Muse you weren't kidding about the long posts. You should see what that looks like on my phone haha.

[edelweiss*]

honestly, it's just persistence, persistence, i got the treatment lit quick, but the compiling of everything into a coherent picture has taken over a couple years. i have a bsc in psych, but 75 percent of what i know is self learned, but i've seen a lot of things that make a lot of what i learn relevant to me, people i know, things i'm passionate about. i can't really explain it, i know people with add have this insane tenacity naturally, but i've also seen extremely traumatic stuff... which is a cocktail for extreme hyper-resiliency, other people never let their guard down by avoiding the world, or failing to make personal investments where they fear a loss (people who have borderline personalities have a typical pattern of seeking validation and then repudiating dependency due to various reasons i could go on for about hours) many people with ptsd turn to substance abuse, or become paralyzed and develop other co-morbitities, but in aproximately 8 percent of people you develop what's called hyper-resiliency... since i've seen so many people in my life be victimized by clandesteine expertise which was either malignantly used to fullfill desires for power (welfare people treating my grade 6 educated dad like crap, blaming him for things beyond his control by asking rhetorical questions where the answer establishes a clear power differential, and where there is implicit coercion because of the dependents inability to self advocate)... i've seen this, and well, imagine some of the worst things you could see happen to people, so in a way, the hypervigilance is a similar defense mechanism to a borderline patient refusing to fully trust and love another for fear of invalidation or rejection (which is extremely bothersome because of the typical characteristic life events which lead to these set of traits)... in my case, i cannot stand people who bully or intimidate others based on socially recognized positions of power... many low ses people, mentally ill, homeless, etc. are taught to schematically ascertain power and knowledge hierarchies by proxy of societal "role", and at times people take advantage of that because no one will call their bluff, other times, more rarely, you get people who feed off others dependence... i'm not suggesting this is the norm, but i've been exposed to it because of my ses, fam background, etc. more than others. so while the borderline person may not commit to anything, i'm impossible to bully, and don't think about bullying people who can't defend themselves... because it's not a problem for me to spend 150 hours on some legal work and leave someone asking themselves wow, how is student just taking our legal team to lunch, costing us money, and potentially gaining grounds for corporate criminal charges... fido is this example in particular, but lot's of companies have been left wondering why their bar approved lawyers got taken to lunch, well... i spend 4 hours a day discussing intellectual topics, i write everyday, while i may lack the coursework, in law msot cases can be done with algorithims, rinse and repeat, but i like to find nuance... and content is the only advantage a llb would have on me, im linguistically superior in almost all cases, and i dont mind sitting down and reading 20 books... and yeah, the devil's in the details, so i'm sorry, you do this to hundreds of people a day, and i look like a normal person, so why would you expect me to read an entire act 3 times over... it's statistically unlikely, but many people curserly get by on generalities, and what many people don't realize is that you don't need say a law degree to just anihilate someone legally... then again, with all the cases i've just done myself, god knows how much time that adds up to, prob 3 hrs a day for a year and a half of my life, and i know an llb means you're really only very competent in a few areas... essentially yeah, the point is, i can't explain it, but if you mistreat people, you'll get away with it a lot, but you cannot outwork me period, because my intrinsic motivation stems from extreme things i've seen as a result of similar actions which had worse consequences, throw in the whole need for autonomy you ubiquitously see in add, and well, yeah, i know how to do research like you, even keel, and guess what, rote criterion, with specific definitions "infidelity" don't interest me... so you better be able to transform generalized criterion into the rediculously nebulous framework i'm capable of doing, because unlike most people you scare, i know whwere to access resources, and unlike you, this is personal for me, i don't do billable hours, have external obligations, and can likely destroy you... and you know what, you don't even have to win, sometimes just tiring someone out or costing them too much money makes them quit... cause i can run your bills 6 figures... lol, and i know what agencies would love to use me for publicity in exchange for legal funding... i got a laugh when my bank violated their own loan contract... oops, yeah, slip up guys... funny thing is one line in 200 page document is all it takes, and general algorithms (standard divorce procedure one profits from from doing high volume doesn't apply).

 

basically, it's like, i'm sorry, i feel you have an obligation to know basic neuroscience... but not only was i right, i solved the condition... the concept of power without ever resorting to traditional forms of dominance

 

(violence you'll see barstars get into, i'd just let them hit me, sue them, and press charges... why would i hit back... hmmm, i'd get in trouble, ruin my own life, and miss out on monetary gain, plus crim record isn't fun)

 

i only ever do this to people who are malignant to others though, it's a scary taste of what they do, except worse, since i have no formal training, and i tend to absolutely destroy you, it's not live and let be, it's we're doing this on 24 year old students terms, unless you'd like me report irregularity x, violation of your contract on 3 occassions, yeah i did read the 250 page act, 3 times... still think u remember it more at this point, cause you likely use the same techniques over and over, i can pick you a part with every bit of minutia there.

 

in all honesty, i hate conflict, but it's like, people are human beings, and if you in some way think you can derive some gratification, or take advantage of others because you know more about the system, i'm going to show you exactly how that feels, because i know more than you, and if i don't, i will in a week, and i hope you're cross disciplinary too, because besides math, engineering and those fields, i have extreme breath, and depth... so i can use tricks from fields you know nothing about.... but yeah... ptsd... not everyone has panic attacks... some people just let you know that im a piece of paper away from taking your job, or your bosses job, and really, i already could, except for the whole credentialism thing, so think about that next time u sell of someones margined stock while theyre in the hospital for tripl bypass, losing your life saving ain't fun, then again, it ain't fun when i can cost you six figures either eh? at least it's not your money, maybe your job... but u know, hopefully the person treats ppl nicer in the future

 

Other than education and experience, you obviously got talents (one results in another and vice versa, whatever). You like challenges, you like winning and the way you explain all this (enjoying being intellectually or linguistically superior etc.) makes me think that there's a need to affirm yourself (no offence, I'm half kidding). It's like you're bullying them too, in a superior, sophisticated manner. But bullies are miserable, winning on them makes them even more miserable, since they have a huuge need in self affirmation. But ignoring them makes others miserable. And there's no real way to break the circles. Now you said you don't like conflict. Of course, violence is destructive. But conflicts, from my experience, are actually productive. Challenging, opposing situations make people evolve and become better and stronger. I don't justify bullies, though.

[edelweiss*]

yup, i was never mad for missing the diagnosis, but i was mad that when i brought in tons of peer reviewed lit there was a refusal to even check the internet... no one expects you to know everything, but when i say this med u just prescribed will make my condition worse in 2 days because it effects recepts x,y,z in this specific brain region... to now where it's gotten to the point where, if u still live in a fantasy world of living in a self aggrandizing bubble that shields others from fathoming... and your actions effect people, i'm sorry, i can more or less tear you apart, not match, destroy, and im years away from any certification... i sound awful, but i have to reiterate i only do this very rarely, to people who really have a negative effect on [peoples lives, and who seem laissez faire about the scope of their actions... 100 times works, but run into me, and forget clinical approaches at times, thats grade 1, i'll go into hardcore cellular phys, ask u y drug x does z, because i don't read 1 page ads, i enjoy the 100 page patents... and then u realize that as esteemed as u feel, u can't lose touch with the fact that people's state of existence, happiness, everything, can rest in your hands, and as jaded as you get, it's no excuse to half ass things and say well i'm an md, so i know enough... it's like people get so jaded at the system they don't realize what it's like to be a patient, unsure, helpless, with an entire families future resting on you... even if you're a gp... just because you have the liberty of not having to know the valvular defect u missed eventually killed someone doesn't mean that you're competent... of course, it's hard to trace it back... but i think u still have a human responsibility...

 

 

hell, public health care has to develop more private pay structures... i don't care that you saw 30 patients, or that you mostly see people for antibiotics and anti-depressents, i should never have to point out bad liver enzyme competitive interactions, because most people don't have the benefit of being able to catch that... so even if i never see you again, and you cause a permanent problem, you still did it, despite the fact that you may never hear of it...

 

if we had more meritocratic reward systems, well, protectionism would fall apart... i'm honestly getting tired of psych but i would have no motivation to defend a trade union style monopology which claims have a royal college designation means that my ability to handle borderline sexual assault victims who use passive aggressive manipulation, and have boundary issues... a patient most people won't touch let alone have any hope of helping... that needs a little more than beck cbt... and who knows, if you don't pick up on the attention seeking, and fear of abandonement, sexual assault history, rapid environmentally dependent mood swings which are more to gain an ends... relief from an extremely uncomfortable possible situation and emotional consequence, you may label them bipolar, and go with the whole over empathy thing, eventually get frustrated, snap, and cause suicide... when it's obvious from the start the person is suffering but capable of being very manipulative, and that radical emotional changes and perceptions of self worth, you, the whole love you, hate you, conflict between wanting trust, but fearing betrayal, really calls for a totally different approach... but have fun with that, there's no who algorithim for it, plus hearing about sexual assault bothers some people, you know, it's not pleasant, but being "doctor-like" and having an anti-psychotic dejour for your paranoid schizophrenic populations is win win, theyre not expected to recover greatly, and there is an objective agreed upon algorithim... cool beans, keep managing those people and calling people who deal with inextricable complexity which is scary because it can't be standardized... however outcomes measures have huge variablity, as in, you don't even wanna touch this kind of person, and i can get 65 percent success... having no sure answers is hard... there's only outcomes to guage skill... and that's a bit scary, how do you learn to deal with dissociative personality, you can't read it in a book, contra to your last 8 years of education... so how valuable do you become, i can follow those algorithims too, plus spot a lot of false positives, so i don't need a book to justify my skill, the roenbaum experiment, objectivization and expansion of diagnostic minutia which in an effort to take humanity out of diagnostics (thomas kuhn and science papers, ever wonder why the experimenter is never mentioned, it removes implicit impression of human interpretation or error... see philosophy and soc and everything are interconnected), left criteria which were so generalizable as to lose all inter rater reliability... and to a discerning critic it's patently silly. i remember a psych who compared diagnosing bipolar to ms... since they were both syndromes... well you mean constellation of symptoms with no consistent, if any known etiology, but which responds to empirical based treatment algorithims... well of course, because i'm sure grandiosity and tremmors will have a fantastically similar inter-rater reliability, and that in 5 years bipolar will develop multi modal testing combining imaging, genetic testing, electrode probes, to at least develop greater diagnostic validity via high similarity in multiple fuzzy measures, which can combine to give us greater diagnostic accuracy... well ****, i doubt it, but did u know neuropsych assesment with a Qeeg is insanely diagnostic... i can imagine a response... add, the brown scale, hah, that's bs... well confirmation bias and ignorance do tend to make things seem like bs, and im guessing a lot of add's get diagnosed as cyclothymic because of the hyperactivity, when even in the dsm, it states, exclude adhd, must assess over long period and distinguish hyperactivity from hyperkinetic behavior mixed with the whole im going to drop a 100 g and start a business thing, but hell, i've read a few thousand pages on adhd, and even know the dsm's bs so i can just refute you using your own paradigm... then deconstruct axioms, informational overload, and for ****s and giggles go back to the irony that the societally perceived bs disorder add is far more biologically duiagnosable than you're bread and butter 19 diagnoses with 19 different doctors checklist you tried to parlay as equivelant to ms... and if you're still an ass, research methods is a lot of fun, let's talk psychometrics, clinical trial criterions versus broad interpretations of wording used clinically, meaning a population far exceeding that which showed stat sig in clin trials will be treated... but ****, ssri/snris may cause mania... shoot how bout some european epidemiology, and ill throw in some receptor specificity for some antipsychotics and how they cause false positives, because yeah, ok, if you're good you can tell me z-drugs avoid alpha 5 subunit, but how can i induce mania (25 percent of which have psychotic features... ughh oh, schizo, right? maybe, take them off and treat with a mood stabilizer especially if ssri/snri caused the mania) by maintaining long term antidepressent therapy and then adding an antipsychotic, why would mania.. or in those psychotically manic patients, delusions persist for two weaks post anti-psychs... which ones, why... this is harder, sloppy drugs, who cares right, jsut worry bout clinical effects... well like i mentioned earlier... the psychotics have great recovery rates, LOL... we at least owe false positives the dignity of knowing important targets, induced neurobio changes and what that would cause... see, you have to be a mechanic and an engineer... oh yeah, but you have some letters, so what the hell, ruin some peoples lives, but yeah, even though you hate my guts keep smiling around me because i'm not mean to anyone else and your colleagues love me... i am pretty enthused after all, sorry, paternalism and laziness is dead, and even if it isn't, have fun doing it around me... there's a certain point where legally, medically, epidemiological, choose your poison... my unauthorized butt is hard to negate, because well, this isn't overkill, this is more like, you're done, see, because as much as you don't like the way i think, authority stops mattering when there's such a stratification that it takes about 1-3 minutes for it to be quite obvious, that your opinion doesn't matter, because you can't cite hundreds of articles off the top of your head... and maybe that's a good thing, maybe sometimes we have to look at the evidence and check our personal opinions at the door, if it means better care, at least don't do it around me, because you're clin opinion will be negated in 30 seconds of you're done, and i can keep going for another 10 hours, but i really don't want to ruin your reputation... p.s. true story... also, the reason i believe this, is because i've seen the consequences of trying to fit evidence into a social structure coherant with maintain paternalistic power and perceived objectivity and expertise to the public.... 1000 slit wrists is enough... and yeah, while someone may not see the results of being sloppy, ppl live with them every day... so if u want to self deceive yourself into caring more about comming off as authoritive than helping or caring, keep in mind, being authoritive doesn't motivate me at all, because i am, and i could care less, this isn't about my ego, you think i care about protecting title, nope, i don't have to, all i need is a minute to talk, and i can negate all your credentials, but i'll tell you, i can only do that because writing an app to go to amazing conference with an hour left , getting a call that your friend killed themselves, sparing the details, except that it was negligence if u know anything about it, and that ive had this happen five times... and im so used to it that i did the app, got the award in 45 min... well you can guess that there's no way in hell you can outwork me, because this really matters to me, and well, i wouldn't sacrafice ppl's well being, after what i've seen, to protect an impression... and ironically, the fact that i care is what makes me scary, because who else would have the motivation to learn all the stupid crap i do if not for extremely awful consequences i saw as a result of what in my mind, is at times dehumanizing... isn't it funny... 30 years and an impression, and it takes me 30 seconds of wow, there is no way i can't give anything but my all because impression comes second to life. as most peoples safe gov negotiated salary would be a huge loss for me...

 

so there's why i'm so well, annoyed by not falliability, but arrogance, and the unwillingness to say i dont know and look something up, id rather someone who can be open with me, who may not know everything, but will never say nothing is wrong to save face, and who is willing to learn, to set their own ego aside to do what's best for a patient... which could be your gf, your grandma, best friend... because you can appreciate how severely something can effect them, you know them, not knowing the consequences of your actions doesn't mean there are none, and for me, it's so ingrained that i can't not think of the consequences... it just seems not only unprofessional, but cruel, to dismiss someone in a time of extrememe suffering, saying nothing is wrong... but it's not about that, if it happens to one, i can extrapolate that more than a few times saving face has trumped humility which would have, just in my case, relieved 3 years of awful suffering. and you know, it's going to look pretty bad, because with this person (not the other person who didn't like me because i guess im supposed to be quiet and listen... and i love to do that, when i feel like those speaking are doing more than talking to hear themselves speak, and moreso, scarily unknowledgeable... if you're cocky and good, im all ears, if you're kind and good, same, if you're willing to learn something knew, great... if we can learn from each other, fantastic... i love most instructors i have and love to learn, so maybe me embarassing previous person is a function of being threatened... well, yeah, but personally, i'd feel more ashamed than threatened, since i could care less if people think im an idiot, my obligation is primarily to those in care, i'd rather say i have no idea and be able to help someone than be unable to admit i don't know... and it's so silly, your job is to get results, whether you have to look up and interpret new research or have it tattooed to your skull, in the end, if ppl are doing the same job, who cares that one has a greater intrinsic knowledge base, thats one possible means to the final ends, and to use your ends as a path to means, and with the second well... let's just say, in addition to not treating a condition out of arrogance, invalidating something so self evident as to cause 24/7 distress because you don't know, or are afraid to admit you have to look something up, and the consequences that had, well yeah... it looks bad when you're wrong, looks worse when you're wrong and the patient solves the final piece of the condition after 30 years... and in the end, it wasn't about him at all, it's about the board where ppl with the condition post, where likely 20 percent are suicidal, and who are repeatedly told nothing is wrong with them... well, ****, maybe i should not only send it to the 2 ppl who really study this, but aggregate the 70 articles into a 1000 page pdf... and then thousands of other people can have their life back too... because not everyone is privelaged enough to have a chance at an education, or be given the skills to find solutions... and well, if i deserved to get my life back they all do too... so yeah, i was laughing at the other thread... money or a's doesn't give you this kind of motivation... the most intense motivation you can find is doing something meaningful to you, and while money can be a means to satisfying certain emotional ends... bmw's get old after awhile, but well, knowing that a bunch of people who went through the same thing you did, have a lot better chance at a complete recovery... lol, it's not as good as the i wouldn't have still been alive if you hadn't gone out of your way that one day... yeah, time number ten and you still feel almost humbled someones thanking you... but that's pretty potent... if it wasn't, why wud i try so hard, lol... why not just do drug patents with terms that are as mercurial as there are turns of the page, in the sense that singular definitions which encompass numerous compounds which superficially, seem no more than phonetically different, but the first of a plethora of hairline thin legal tricks that allude most readers because of the magic of subspecialization, all 6 experts will get bits, but the whole is elusive... but yeah, **** u dont need to take a pharmacology class to borrow notes from 4 400 level pharmacology classes, read them yourself, learn english starting from esl vocabulary builders... oh ****, i'll stop, wouldn't want any undergrads to realize that after a point, you can learn most non-physical (book stuff, debate, public speaking, etc.) skills on your own... i've never taken a pharmacology class in my life, but i've quite a few textbooks and god knows how many articles... blasphemy eh... fantasizing about that 4.0 only got me as far as second year uni, lol, then it's like this is ****ing retarded... i'm doing something i want... i know most post decartes philosophy, mostly because i was interested in the nature of reality and what not... cool eh, me and school don't seem to work well, no wonder i failed half of high school, something about post modernist fiction didn't seem to appealing when the altern was having fun... and yeah, i still hate fiction... 1 fiction book in 8 yrs... **** yeah, and i only did enough of that to write my english essays, lol... oh ****, how the **** did i learn to write then, cause apparently people like to pay me a lot to write, iuno, just winged it, im sure there's a degree for that too, just like a degree in how to score goals like messi... apparently its like 10 classes and you're off fight for the footballer of the year award... def sounds like a cool degree

 

Well, nice to meet you.

Is it rational to ask from doctors 100% sacrifice, godlike abilities to know all about medicine and catch up on everyday advances? Maybe somebody, something should help them instead? Creating a huge computer database with all known conditions, symptoms, treatments, making it accessible for everybody would work... in my mind at least.

[medigeek]

My bench press has plateaued at 385 and I only have 3 more months to hit 405.

[Leon]

Omg that's insane! Hope everything is better now and I wish you better luck in the future =D

 

That's friggin brutal, sorry to hear that.

 

 

Wow, sorry to hear that! Keep hanging in there, seriously, if you can take that 2 months you can kick anything in life's butt .

 

Leon that does make me feel better, Godspeed brother

 

Maybe there were just as many good events during these 2 months? In the summer, people usually catch up on many things.

 

Thanks guys!

Actually no, there was very little that went right. I would say 5% good luck and 95% bad luck since May. Things are not much better at the moment but I'm starting to believe in the universal law of attraction so I'm going to keep quiet, lol

 

I'm going to take the view that all this misery will be counteracted by something good in the future. It's the only way to keep my sanity!

[NeuroPreMed]

Thanks guys!

Actually no, there was very little that went right. I would say 5% good luck and 95% bad luck since May. Things are not much better at the moment but I'm starting to believe in the universal law of attraction so I'm going to keep quiet, lol

 

I'm going to take the view that all this misery will be counteracted by something good in the future. It's the only way to keep my sanity!

 

Good call, it can only get better!

[Leon]

Good call, it can only get better!

 

 

"Only" is too strong a word

[NeuroPreMed]

"Only" is too strong a word

 

Trying to be optimistic here

[thehockeykid]

URGH i have midterms, not cool. I am feeling so tired already and it is only 9pm fml

[Larrivee]

I know the feeling bud, hang in there! It's kind of funny but I actually miss midterms now, when only a couple years ago I dreaded them I was just saying to someone on the bus that I wish we had midterms, something to kick my buttocks into gear so I stay caught up. Just today I was reading through a patients files in family practice and saw their blood work. ALP and GGT elevated substantially and mild increases in AST and ALT... I had this stuff down backwards and forwards in GI and now was struggling to come up with explanations for this combination of enzyme elevations other than some time of biliary blockage, and GI only ended 2.5 weeks ago :s so, try to think of your midterms as a blessing (if possible; I would have told someone where to go and how to get there if they told me this during midterms so you can go ahead and do that, haha) and see them as a tool to help you better prepare for finals and get that high GPA, which we all know is king. Good luck, study hard!

[thehockeykid]

^thanks Larrivee, you are like the friend I never had.

 

I feel that I tend to judge people too much. there are a bunch of fanshawee students (one of them being my cousin). It really seems like they are wasting their lives, they say they want all these nice things but they dont act like it, so obviously they dont want it that bad. I am so tired of seeing people that are lazy and complaining. what do you think?

[medigeek]

Can only see my gf once a week due to school work/gym. Sucks.

[toastman]

^thanks Larrivee, you are like the friend I never had.

 

I feel that I tend to judge people too much. there are a bunch of fanshawee students (one of them being my cousin). It really seems like they are wasting their lives, they say they want all these nice things but they dont act like it, so obviously they dont want it that bad. I am so tired of seeing people that are lazy and complaining. what do you think?

 

Fanshawe College? I don't really see what going to Fanshawe has to do with wanting nice things and/or working hard or being lazy. Fanshawe often gets a bad rap, and I absolutely hate the superiority that university students think they have over Fanshawe students. I've worked with Fanshawe grads and most of them are really enjoying their field, their employment, and their life. In terms of jobs and earning potential, and learning something practical, Fanshawe students probably fare much more better than us bachelors or masters folk. Someone very close to me did Resp. Therapy at Fanshawe years ago, and lets just say he is making bank. $100k+ , 5-6 months OFF WORK (not a typo), was in Thailand for a month earlier this year, going to Miami for a few weeks next month. He loves what he's doing and loves life. and this is someone that never finished their university education and went to Fanshawe. His situation is due to his education at Fanshawe ofcourse, but also the job market when he graduated, and most of all how hard working he is.

 

But I feel you about people that are all talk and no action. It's easier to say things than actually do it. But then again, who am I to judge?

[thehockeykid]

^i wasn't implying anything about fanshawe being lazy or whatnot, but nice monologue.