ciel999 Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 If I was a guy, I would like my wife to be a homemaker. After all, what's better than coming home to find delicious, home-cooked meals waiting for me at the table? And coming home to a clean and organized house, where all the chores are done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HC8 Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Supermodel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciel999 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Supermodel. Haha. I'm sure a majority of people would like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 My husband eventually wants to be a stay at home dad when my career gets going. That's always been the plan, it's just taken longer to get started on this than we initially expected. He's heavily considering farming as well, since our kids will be quite a bit older than we'd initially planned once I am practicing. They won't need a SAHD much at those ages, so he'll find something he enjoys and pursue that. Farming seems most likely, and I think he's pretty well suited to it. We've considered adopting when the kids are older, and him being home with any potential future kids is an appealing prospect. He really is a wonderful dad, and he'd enjoy being a homemaker far more than I am enjoying it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasiunut Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 If I was a guy, I would like my wife to be a homemaker. After all, what's better than coming home to find delicious, home-cooked meals waiting for me at the table? And coming home to a clean and organized house, where all the chores are done? You don't needs wife for that - just get a maid and your wife won't resent you as much for messing it up five minutes after you get home. That said, I wouldn't care what my spouse did as long as whatever it is makes him happy. I personally wouldn't want him to stay home because I think we both have more respect for one another if we both work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clever Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Primary school teacher would be pretty cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xkittens Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Assuming I'm an MD, I'd want her to be an MD too, of a similar specialty. It wouldn't really be fair otherwise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dentopia11 Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 dentist or physician Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axialpac Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Assuming I'm an MD, I'd want her to be an MD too, of a similar specialty. It wouldn't really be fair otherwise I agree with this. I'd want him to be an MD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I want what makes her happiest. Happy wife = happy life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Assuming I'm an MD, I'd want her to be an MD too, of a similar specialty. It wouldn't really be fair otherwise That's true. It wouldn't be fair for them to sit at home alone wondering when you're coming home or wanting to make plans around your call schedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Equal to higher income, but preferably equal so that there exists no power differential in the relationship. Pick a good partner of good character and you won't have any power differential Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robinre Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I think I want him to be a doctor too because then there's no superiority/inferiority business going on, and we have lots of things in common to talk about. But then I start to wonder about our kids and how often they'll be able to get attention from us if we're both doctors. My mom is a homemaker and my dad is a doctor. It works out really well in our family because I never needed a babysitter or nanny and felt close to my family at all times. I think it's a bit more complicated when the woman is in the high power position than the other way around, since women generally still play the major caregiving role. That's why I think it's important for my husband to be able to support himself and do what he wants with his own money (by getting a good job) as opposed to me working and giving him an allowance all the time. Ideally if we were both doctors (maybe the 9-5 kind) that would work out well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasiunut Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I think I want him to be a doctor too because then there's no superiority/inferiority business going on, and we have lots of things in common to talk about. But then I start to wonder about our kids and how often they'll be able to get attention from us if we're both doctors. My mom is a homemaker and my dad is a doctor. It works out really well in our family because I never needed a babysitter or nanny and felt close to my family at all times. I think it's a bit more complicated when the woman is in the high power position than the other way around, since women generally still play the major caregiving role. That's why I think it's important for my husband to be able to support himself and do what he wants with his own money (by getting a good job) as opposed to me working and giving him an allowance all the time. Ideally if we were both doctors (maybe the 9-5 kind) that would work out well. First of all, I think its sad that you think being a doctor is superior than anything else and that you think everyone else thinks so! I understand wanting both it from a equal hours type thing but being "superior"? How is being a doctor superior to being a great lawyer? Teacher? Entrepreneur? There are many, many professions that are respected and valued. Different jobs meet the communities needs in many ways. Heck, I respect anyone who WORKS for a living, whether they work at McDonalds, a call center, as a secretary or is a partner in a consulting firm. Honestly, the more doctors I meet, the more I realize that they are no different from others in that there are some awesome one, some terrible ones and some real douchebags. Lastly, I think its sad that you would expect your husband to "support himself" because you don't want to have to give him an "allowance"! I found that incredibly demeaning! My mother worked on and off, but mostly was a stay at home mom too, but NEVER, NEVER did she have an "allowance"! How embarrassing to be treated like a child. What kind of marriage would that be?? In my view, marriage is a partnership - there is no boss, no one who is the main decision maker. The money made is shared money. Responsibility is shared. Spending decisions are made together. It doesn't matter who earns more (or all), works more etc. In my family, we work together and we make a "combined family income" that we spend based on what we need as a family. Because I'm only working part time ATM, I'm doing more stuff around the house, cooking etc and my husband spends more time at work. When I was working full time and he was looking for a job, he did most of the house work, cooking etc. We each get our own "blow" money (which is about $150/mo) that we can spend on whatever we want for ourselves that might be considered frivolous. The rest of our income is budgeted for stuff like mortgage, utilities, savings etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasiunut Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Pick a good partner of good character and you won't have any power differential This x 1000! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaronjw Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Your talking to kids who mostly have no concept of reality and what being in a relationship is REALLY like. Their biggest relationship worry is 'will he text me?' so to ask that thy extrapolate based on their limited view is not generally possible. It's the same for peeps coming out of high school thinking University will be a breeze - their reality is skewed. I only wish I could be around in 15 years to see how things have really turned out for them professionally and personally First of all, I think its sad that you think being a doctor is superior than anything else and that you think everyone else thinks so! I understand wanting both it from a equal hours type thing but being "superior"? How is being a doctor superior to being a great lawyer? Teacher? Entrepreneur? There are many, many professions that are respected and valued. Different jobs meet the communities needs in many ways. Heck, I respect anyone who WORKS for a living, whether they work at McDonalds, a call center, as a secretary or is a partner in a consulting firm. Honestly, the more doctors I meet, the more I realize that they are no different from others in that there are some awesome one, some terrible ones and some real douchebags. Lastly, I think its sad that you would expect your husband to "support himself" because you don't want to have to give him an "allowance"! I found that incredibly demeaning! My mother worked on and off, but mostly was a stay at home mom too, but NEVER, NEVER did she have an "allowance"! How embarrassing to be treated like a child. What kind of marriage would that be?? In my view, marriage is a partnership - there is no boss, no one who is the main decision maker. The money made is shared money. Responsibility is shared. Spending decisions are made together. It doesn't matter who earns more (or all), works more etc. In my family, we work together and we make a "combined family income" that we spend based on what we need as a family. Because I'm only working part time ATM, I'm doing more stuff around the house, cooking etc and my husband spends more time at work. When I was working full time and he was looking for a job, he did most of the house work, cooking etc. We each get our own "blow" money (which is about $150/mo) that we can spend on whatever we want for ourselves that might be considered frivolous. The rest of our income is budgeted for stuff like mortgage, utilities, savings etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 First of all, I think its sad that you think being a doctor is superior than anything else and that you think everyone else thinks so! I understand wanting both it from a equal hours type thing but being "superior"? How is being a doctor superior to being a great lawyer? Teacher? Entrepreneur? There are many, many professions that are respected and valued. Different jobs meet the communities needs in many ways. Heck, I respect anyone who WORKS for a living, whether they work at McDonalds, a call center, as a secretary or is a partner in a consulting firm. Honestly, the more doctors I meet, the more I realize that they are no different from others in that there are some awesome one, some terrible ones and some real douchebags. Lastly, I think its sad that you would expect your husband to "support himself" because you don't want to have to give him an "allowance"! I found that incredibly demeaning! My mother worked on and off, but mostly was a stay at home mom too, but NEVER, NEVER did she have an "allowance"! How embarrassing to be treated like a child. What kind of marriage would that be?? In my view, marriage is a partnership - there is no boss, no one who is the main decision maker. The money made is shared money. Responsibility is shared. Spending decisions are made together. It doesn't matter who earns more (or all), works more etc. In my family, we work together and we make a "combined family income" that we spend based on what we need as a family. Because I'm only working part time ATM, I'm doing more stuff around the house, cooking etc and my husband spends more time at work. When I was working full time and he was looking for a job, he did most of the house work, cooking etc. We each get our own "blow" money (which is about $150/mo) that we can spend on whatever we want for ourselves that might be considered frivolous. The rest of our income is budgeted for stuff like mortgage, utilities, savings etc. I completely agree with you. My husband does not give me an 'allowance' - we have money for bills, money for savings, and anything left, we discuss the use of. Sometimes it is frivelled away on stuff he wants, sometimes on stuff I want, most often on stuff for the kids, but it is 'our' money, not his or my money. There have been times I was the higher earner, and times he was, and times where each of us has had no income (currently me.) We're a partnership, we support each other for the benefit of the family as a whole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasiunut Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Your talking to kids who mostly have no concept of reality and what being in a relationship is REALLY like. Their biggest relationship worry is 'will he text me?' so to ask that thy extrapolate based on their limited view is not generally possible. It's the same for peeps coming out of high school thinking University will be a breeze - their reality is skewed. I only wish I could be around in 15 years to see how things have really turned out for them professionally and personally I know, I know...sometimes I forget and can't believe the things that people write. I wonder, was I really that naive back then? And to be honest, I really can't remember... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I know, I know...sometimes I forget and can't believe the things that people write. I wonder, was I really that naive back then? And to be honest, I really can't remember... I like to think I wasn't, lol. I was 19 when we got married (sixth anniversary in two weeks. Woot!), and I think I had a far better idea of what marriage was about than many of these kids seem to. Premarital counseling helped, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looktoabove Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 May I ask where most people have met their significant others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 May I ask where most people have met their significant others? We worked together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sprinkles Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I like to think I wasn't, lol. I was 19 when we got married (sixth anniversary in two weeks. Woot!), and I think I had a far better idea of what marriage was about than many of these kids seem to. Premarital counseling helped, I suppose. I dont think its so much about age but maturity. You were very mature for your age at 19 and now have kids at a 'young' age that you are responsible for (and are happy about!) But not everyone can be judged on the same scale. Take my sister and I for example. She is 6 years older than me but EVERYONE always thinks that I am the 'eldest' just because I act more mature. Its been like this since I was about 15. People thought I was in 20s haha. Now that I am 21 and she is 27 people always think I'm the older one because its *me* thats constantly giving my older sister life advice and telling her to be more 'adult'. If I were to get married right now and have a kid (it would be highly inconvenient ) I have no doubt that even though it would be difficult I could do it. My sister on the other hand.....at 27 would have a hard time taking care of herself let alone a husband and child. I think being able to make such decisions is never tied to age but to maturity. To be CAPABLE of respecting your partner, listening to your partner, and making decisions together etc. For some it may seem as basic as 1+1=2 but its not like that for everyone...it takes others a LOT more time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasiunut Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I dont think its so much about age but maturity. You were very mature for your age at 19 and now have kids at a 'young' age that you are responsible for (and are happy about!) But not everyone can be judged on the same scale. Take my sister and I for example. She is 6 years older than me but EVERYONE always thinks that I am the 'eldest' just because I act more mature. Its been like this since I was about 15. People thought I was in 20s haha. Now that I am 21 and she is 27 people always think I'm the older one because its *me* thats constantly giving my older sister life advice and telling her to be more 'adult'. If I were to get married right now and have a kid (it would be highly inconvenient ) I have no doubt that even though it would be difficult I could do it. My sister on the other hand.....at 27 would have a hard time taking care of herself let alone a husband and child. I think being able to make such decisions is never tied to age but to maturity. To be CAPABLE of respecting your partner, listening to your partner, and making decisions together etc. For some it may seem as basic as 1+1=2 but its not like that for everyone...it takes others a LOT more time Yes, but maturity comes with experience, which usually comes with age. You have the time to work in the real world (i.e. aren't living in a bubble where you parents pay for and worry about finances, it now becomes your responsibility), see how hard it can be, make mistakes and learn from them, make decisions and live with the consequences...you get to meet different types of people and see different perspectives on things (again, not just what your parents think is best) and the opportunity to see for yourself. However, I too was always considered very mature (my BF once said she thinks I was born an adult). I got engaged at 21, married at 22 and had my son at 23. My sister is now the age I was when I got married and she is no where NEAR being ready for that kind of commitment yet, so I agree that age isn't everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdy Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I dont think its so much about age but maturity. You were very mature for your age at 19 and now have kids at a 'young' age that you are responsible for (and are happy about!) But not everyone can be judged on the same scale. Take my sister and I for example. She is 6 years older than me but EVERYONE always thinks that I am the 'eldest' just because I act more mature. Its been like this since I was about 15. People thought I was in 20s haha. Now that I am 21 and she is 27 people always think I'm the older one because its *me* thats constantly giving my older sister life advice and telling her to be more 'adult'. If I were to get married right now and have a kid (it would be highly inconvenient ) I have no doubt that even though it would be difficult I could do it. My sister on the other hand.....at 27 would have a hard time taking care of herself let alone a husband and child. I think being able to make such decisions is never tied to age but to maturity. To be CAPABLE of respecting your partner, listening to your partner, and making decisions together etc. For some it may seem as basic as 1+1=2 but its not like that for everyone...it takes others a LOT more time I agree that it's a maturity thing, but also an upbringing thing. In my family, maturity and independence were expectations, and we were expected to be able to handle our own lives at 18, period. My parents were a bit old fashioned in how they raised us, but I think that ultimately was a big benefit. My siblings were also more mature at a younger age than their peers, so I do attribute much of my (relative) maturity to the fact that it was insisted upon by my parents, whereas for others (like you and Kasiunut) it may be more of a personality thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sprinkles Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 I agree that it's a maturity thing, but also an upbringing thing. In my family, maturity and independence were expectations, and we were expected to be able to handle our own lives at 18, period. My parents were a bit old fashioned in how they raised us, but I think that ultimately was a big benefit. My siblings were also more mature at a younger age than their peers, so I do attribute much of my (relative) maturity to the fact that it was insisted upon by my parents, whereas for others (like you and Kasiunut) it may be more of a personality thing. interesting point Birdy! I was actually thinking that my ''maturity" (it feels weird to refer to yourself like that ) might be from my parents. They too raised us to be 'independent'....if we wanted something we had to get it ourselves. You want an ipod? Get a job and pay for it. You want a cellphone? You pay for it. etc etc.... haha it sucked when I was younger where anything I wanted I had to provide for myself while classmates got them for free(of course dont get me wrong anything I NEEDED was always provided ...tenfold even - but anything I WANTED I had to get myself). But now I appreciate it SO much more. And I really think that it pushed me to reach for higher things vs. other friends who were spoiled. I think that contributed to the whole 'maturity' thing...but at same time the same tough love was dished out to my sister and it never took (to the dismay of my parents ) lol so who knows what causes it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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