Feeling so done

[premed24/7]

Just needed to rant a little so here it is. 

I have applied three times, first time straight rejected, the second time I had one interview and was waitlisted and this time I got three interviews at Ottawa, Mac and Queens and really thought this was my year, guess that is my fault as nothing is a guarantee but my interviews felt better than last year. I was really thinking I was going to do it this time and all the pain and sacrifice would be worth it.

 

However, I have been waitlisted for all three and I'm devastated 

The last two times I was sad that I didn't get in but was able to pick myself up and focus on the next cycle with some motivation and determination. This time I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me.

I feel like an idiot to think I could get in and makes it worse a bunch of people I know have gotten in. 

 

I didn't think my interviews went badly, Queens I actually thought I did great with the MMI but I guess I blew the panel.  Ottawa I am on the good waitlist but very low down and looking at the other threads it seems that it is unlikely since my time stamp is 7:46. 

 

I just feel like this is it and I need to give up but when I think of that I just feel like my life has no motivation, maybe COVID is making things harder too since I am usually a person who likes to keep busy. Also I promised my parents this would be the last time I would apply at least for a while. So idk don't think anything is going to make me feel better for a while. 

Thanks for listening/reading

[zxcccxz]

Hey, don't lose hope! The fact that you got three interviews  already means you're a very competitive applicant. Plus because there are so many Ontario schools, there's always a lot of waitlist movement and you're on three of them! I'm sure you'll get into at least one school

It also seems that you have been consistently improving and becoming a more competitive applicant every year because you're definitely getting more interviews/waitlists. So if you don't get in this year, I would encourage you to re-apply next year.

[premed24/7]

32 minutes ago, zxcccxz said:

Hey, don't lose hope! The fact that you got three interviews  already means you're a very competitive applicant. Plus because there are so many Ontario schools, there's always a lot of waitlist movement and you're on three of them! I'm sure you'll get into at least one school

It also seems that you have been consistently improving and becoming a more competitive applicant every year because you're definitely getting more interviews/waitlists. So if you don't get in this year, I would encourage you to re-apply next year.

thanks for the encouragement. 

I don't think I'll get in this year sadly though. Mac is up to luck. Ottawa I am so far down the good waitlist it does not seem possible and since I did not do well in Ottawa I doubt I would be able to get in queens. Plus its the smaller program.

It feels worst getting waitlisted for 3 compared to last year when I got waitlisted on one. 

This time I failed 3 times

[Total Gunner]

13 minutes ago, premed24/7 said:

thanks for the encouragement. 

I don't think I'll get in this year sadly though. Mac is up to luck. Ottawa I am so far down the good waitlist it does not seem possible and since I did not do well in Ottawa I doubt I would be able to get in queens. Plus its the smaller program.

It feels worst getting waitlisted for 3 compared to last year when I got waitlisted on one. 

This time I failed 3 times

Bruh...... 

 

You didn't fail three times. You know how hard it is to get to where you are? Keep going, I believe in you. I made it after so many tries, and you will too <3. You better NOT give up. 

 

Always keep applying on the side, never take a break, and keep building your career, not only do you become more competitive, but your backup continues to get better, and best part is, its basically always the same application and all you haVe to do is write a couple essays every time my guy, don't tell me your gonna let that stop you!!!!!!!

 

Your so close to the finish line that it doesn't make sense to stop now!!

 

And like already mentioned, I trust you might get off at least 1 <3

 

You keep at it boiyo!

[deedee908]

I know this feeling as well. I hope you can trust that as with everything in life, after some time goes on the sting will wear off a bit and you will find it in you to push ahead. You're so close, you have a good chance still this cycle and if not, maybe find something to improve this year and try, try again. There's so much luck involved in the whole process that you really can't feel down about yourself personally (you can be frustrated with the process, for sure, but not getting in definitely doesn't reflect your character or whether you are cut out for it or not!). I know this is all so much easier said than done, but with three interviews, it's clear you're a strong candidate and the upward trend tells me it'll be this year or next. Good luck and please be kind to yourself!

[acacna]

I can completely relate OP. This year was my 4th cycle of applying medical school, no success yet. I've had a total of 9 pre- & post- interview rejections, no waitlist, in the last 5 years. Somehow landed into 1 waitlist this year.

After my 3rd cycle of rejections back in 2017, I stopped applying because of the negative impact the rejections had on me. I felt done at so many instances. I've blamed myself so much for my failures. For not being able to achieve the dreams I longed for. For not being good enough. I've grown to know that this self-talk is very detrimental for my well-being. So I decided to give it a break for a couple of years. It definitely helped to take my mind off pursuing medicine and focus on other work. There were caveats to taking a break, but it has been beneficial. 

It is hard to cope with the rejections and waiting. However, there's few things I'm always reminding myself. That I should not attach my self-worth to my accomplishments/failures. That I should accept whatever fate I am given. That I should work hard to make the best out of the situation I'm in.  

Like others have said, don't take this as a failure and do not punish yourself. You haven't been rejected yet. And even if you are, it doesn't mean or say much about you as a person. Take a break if needed, figure out alternative plans for next year, and keep trying.  

[PequalsMD]

43 minutes ago, premed24/7 said:

thanks for the encouragement. 

I don't think I'll get in this year sadly though. Mac is up to luck. Ottawa I am so far down the good waitlist it does not seem possible and since I did not do well in Ottawa I doubt I would be able to get in queens. Plus its the smaller program.

It feels worst getting waitlisted for 3 compared to last year when I got waitlisted on one. 

This time I failed 3 times

This is my 4th cycle so I can relate. Last year I spoke to a 1st year at Queens med who was 29! He applied countless times and honestly seeing that level of dedication shows that eventually you will get in if you can get an interview. Think about it, being preselected for interviews means on paper the schools want you. WL means no red flags. Maybe ottawa is a bit of a stretch this time, but you have a shot at both Mac and Queens, probably even a decent shot at Queens seeing as your MMI went well and you made it to the panel. It's a little early to tell trust me I'm stressing out too, and you had THREE TIMES as many interviews. And definitely I agree, it's a consequence of COVID on our mental health. Not being productive and getting bored makes you fall prey to the brutality of med school competition and the self-defeat that comes along with the culture. 

Maybe start planning for your worst case scenario of not securing a spot this year. What would you do for a plan b? Would you apply again while working on something else for the next cycle? (Masters, MCAT? DAT??). Maybe take a little break from the med mindset and work a completely unrelated job FT and then come back to it (a good and compelling story for your path to medicine as it is not always a linear path). And I'd say 3 interviews is a veeeery good sign that you're a competitive applicant and might just need to brush up on interviewing. Don't rush the process. In the end it will all work out.

[DNM]

That hit close to home! I've had the exact same interview & wl breakdown over my three application cycles. Fortunately one of my waitlists ended up coming through. Don't lose hope. it's still early in the cycle. I wouldn't worry about next steps or reapplying until at least mid june.   

[askingforforgiveness]

it seems like you progressively improved your application!

[Jessletmein]

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure comes about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell just how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit—
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

-John Greenleaf Whittier

[Anon-e-mous]

I feel you. After several years of applying I'm running out of hope.

Does anyone have advice for talking to your verifiers year after year? I get defeated at thought of emailing them all again, telling them I didn't get in again, asking them to be a verifiers for another cycle. How did you word it for them to not lose hope too?

 

[DrOtter]

2 hours ago, ruralmed said:

I feel you. This was technically my 3rd cycle and now 4th post-interview rejection. Running out of hope.

Does anyone have advice for talking to your verifiers year after year? I get defeated at thought of emailing them all again, telling them I didn't get in again, asking them to be a verifiers for another cycle. How did you word it for them to not lose hope too?

 

I'm so sorry to hear. I think your referee is a much harder conversation to have since they have to do the actual heavy lifting of sending in your LORs. I just casually let my verifiers know that I may need the verification. I truly hope they'll understand how competitive med admission is and how much I sincerely appreciate their help. They might not even get contacted and mine aren't exactly personally invested in my application like my referees.

I have only gone through 2 cycles with just one interview and was lucky enough to get in. So I can only imagine the feeling of defeat that was dealt to you. But I did spend the longest time preparing myself for the worst and it did take almost all the mental space in my head and the time between the 2 cycles for me was one of the worst. The amount of self-doubt and despair is unlike anything I'd experienced before. All I can say to you is that on paper, you're a much stronger candidate than me (and many many others) with multiple interviews. I don't know how you might have prepared for your interviews this time around and if the online formats might have done anything to thwart that. But seeking help and guidance in prep will definitely be useful. 

Those interview invitations meant something. Don't forget that. They meant that you're a stellar applicant that multiple schools want to consider you for an offer. They're a validation of your achievements and indication that you are on the right track. You've already cleared so many hurdles compared to others. Please keep at it because you clearly have it in you, and the only other thing you need is to translate your story and fitness for the profession to the interview setting. The vast majority of candidates can't possibly say as much. 

I wish you all the strength and tenacity in the world. And feel free to reach out if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to. 

[Borat Sagdiyev]

I feel the exact same way. This was my second application cycle, received 4 interviews and was waitlisted at all. I am so baffled as to what went wrong. I "checked all the boxes", did diverse ECs, A LOT of research, prepped for months for interviews. Last year I told myself that it was my interviewing that I needed to work on (whatever to get me through applying again), but this year I did an absurd amount of prep and I honestly don't think there was much I could do to improve. I'm sorry that I need to vent and I don't think I'm God's gift to this world but I know the amount of hard work I put in, the consistency, the intensity, and I am just so utterly confused and angry. ESPECIALLY seeing individuals close to me get in and feeling left behind for whatever reason. It just makes no sense at all.

[hijkl]

7 minutes ago, Borat Sagdiyev said:

I feel the exact same way. This was my second application cycle, received 4 interviews and was waitlisted at all. I am so baffled as to what went wrong. I "checked all the boxes", did diverse ECs, A LOT of research, prepped for months for interviews. Last year I told myself that it was my interviewing that I needed to work on (whatever to get me through applying again), but this year I did an absurd amount of prep and I honestly don't think there was much I could do to improve. I'm sorry that I need to vent and I don't think I'm God's gift to this world but I know the amount of hard work I put in, the consistency, the intensity, and I am just so utterly confused and angry. ESPECIALLY seeing individuals close to me get in and feeling left behind for whatever reason. It just makes no sense at all.

sending hugs to you all. the system is saturated with good applicants, and thus is unfair & somewhat random. i cannot imagine how you are feeling but i am sending strength to anyone in this position.

[theevilsloth]

19 hours ago, premed24/7 said:

Just needed to rant a little so here it is. 

I have applied three times, first time straight rejected, the second time I had one interview and was waitlisted and this time I got three interviews at Ottawa, Mac and Queens and really thought this was my year, guess that is my fault as nothing is a guarantee but my interviews felt better than last year. I was really thinking I was going to do it this time and all the pain and sacrifice would be worth it.

 

However, I have been waitlisted for all three and I'm devastated 

The last two times I was sad that I didn't get in but was able to pick myself up and focus on the next cycle with some motivation and determination. This time I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me.

I feel like an idiot to think I could get in and makes it worse a bunch of people I know have gotten in. 

 

I didn't think my interviews went badly, Queens I actually thought I did great with the MMI but I guess I blew the panel.  Ottawa I am on the good waitlist but very low down and looking at the other threads it seems that it is unlikely since my time stamp is 7:46. 

 

I just feel like this is it and I need to give up but when I think of that I just feel like my life has no motivation, maybe COVID is making things harder too since I am usually a person who likes to keep busy. Also I promised my parents this would be the last time I would apply at least for a while. So idk don't think anything is going to make me feel better for a while. 

Thanks for listening/reading

Same situation here. Last year, interviewed and rejected from 1 school. This year, interviewed and rejected from 3 schools. All we can do is keep moving forward! We are both getting stronger with each application cycle, you got 3 WLs which means you are almost there. Don't give up! Take a year off from applying if you feel you have to to stay mentally healthy, then come back to it.

[convertedlurker]

24 minutes ago, theevilsloth said:

Same situation here. Last year, interviewed and rejected from 1 school. This year, interviewed and rejected from 3 schools. All we can do is keep moving forward! We are both getting stronger with each application cycle, you got 3 WLs which means you are almost there. Don't give up! Take a year off from applying if you feel you have to to stay mentally healthy, then come back to it.

I did exactly that after my first application cycle. I felt super defeated and thought maybe I wasn't cut out for med so I started working in sales/marketing at a software company. I realized I really missed the healthcare industry and took time off to rewrite my MCAT and get my certification in personal training (which gives me a lot of the gratifications I seek in medicine). Taking a cycle off to figure out a temporary life course for myself really helped me realize that I truly want to pursue medicine  and helped me find something I love doing while I keep applying. Now I'm sitting on Western's waitlist feeling defeated again but I have a career/passion in fitness/personal training to keep me focused and motivated in case I need to apply again next year. Taking a year off applying to focus on other areas of your life can really help in the long haul. 

3 WLs is a great sign. I'd keep my hopes up for this cycle still but otherwise, you have a big support system here on PM101 in the same boat as you to lean on. We're in this together

[premed24/7]

Wow I havn't been on the website so I am so shocked by all the wonderful messages. 

I am still feeling pretty sad and hopeless about this cycle but thank you for the nice messages. Not sure if I will try again or not but I guess ill see what happens this cycle and decide if I have enough energy for another cycle. 

[MedSchoolHope101]

On 5/25/2020 at 9:29 PM, premed24/7 said:

Not sure if I will try again or not but I guess ill see what happens this cycle and decide if I have enough energy for another cycle. 

I just wanted to chime in and let you know what worked for me when I was feeling like that in the past: I found an alternative to medicine and focused on it while I continued to apply to med school. Even though I knew that it wasn't my dream goal/occupation, it fulfilled me and excited me enough to make me enjoy life in the meantime. Once I had completed my OMSAS application, I just focused on what I was doing at the time and gave it my all. This really helped me see that you don't have to put your life on hold until you get into med school.

I suggest that you first take some time to relax and be kind on yourself. Then, consider if you want to continue working towards a career in medicine and, if you do, see how you can improve your application for the next cycle. After that, find something that you see yourself really enjoying outside of medicine and put your energy towards that the rest of the year. I hope this helped, wish you all the best!

[theevilsloth]

39 minutes ago, MedSchoolHope101 said:

After that, find something that you see yourself really enjoying outside of medicine and put your energy towards that the rest of the year. I hope this helped, wish you all the best!

What are some options here? I feel like a lot of premeds get a BSc. and then get stuck in the gap year struggle of trying to find meaningful employment with a BSc - at least this is my situation.

[MedSchoolHope101]

@theevilsloth In my case, I chose to pursue something that I could see myself doing if it wasn't for medicine. This made me feel like I wasn't just wasting my time; I was working towards something that was potentially going to be my career.

Regardless of your major, ask yourself what you like in life. Do you enjoy working with animals, children, the elderly? Do you see yourself teaching abroad? Do you love doing research and working in a lab? How do you feel about a masters in public health? Are you interested in doing another professional degree like law? If you are, then start out with an experience (e.g. a certificate or working in a law office) that can help you figure it. Obviously you have to take finances into account and figure out the logistics of everything, but the first step is to figure out what would make you happy.

The idea is to really contemplate what else you could possibly enjoy in life and put your energy in that instead of being focused on the one and only goal of getting into med school. 

[theevilsloth]

56 minutes ago, MedSchoolHope101 said:

Do you enjoy working with animals, children, the elderly? Do you see yourself teaching abroad? Do you love doing research and working in a lab? How do you feel about a masters in public health? Are you interested in doing another professional degree like law?

Yes to many of the above. There are definitely other professions that I would be happy working in for the rest of my life, but medicine is my #1 goal. Unfortunately, most of these options would require me taking 1+ cycles off of applying for med, and I feel like this is just prolonging my wait in limbo.

[MedSchoolHope101]

1 minute ago, theevilsloth said:

Yes to many of the above. There are definitely other professions that I would be happy working in for the rest of my life, but medicine is my #1 goal. Unfortunately,  

This is all good! It means that you know what you want, get into med school, and you have many options of things that you could do in the meantime that will fulfill you. Don't lose hope. Work for it, but don't make your life revolve around it. You will have plenty of time in between applying and interviewing to do and enjoy other things  

[InterestingFacts]

On 5/18/2020 at 8:51 PM, premed24/7 said:

Just needed to rant a little so here it is. 

I have applied three times, first time straight rejected, the second time I had one interview and was waitlisted and this time I got three interviews at Ottawa, Mac and Queens and really thought this was my year, guess that is my fault as nothing is a guarantee but my interviews felt better than last year. I was really thinking I was going to do it this time and all the pain and sacrifice would be worth it.

 

However, I have been waitlisted for all three and I'm devastated 

The last two times I was sad that I didn't get in but was able to pick myself up and focus on the next cycle with some motivation and determination. This time I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me.

I feel like an idiot to think I could get in and makes it worse a bunch of people I know have gotten in. 

 

I didn't think my interviews went badly, Queens I actually thought I did great with the MMI but I guess I blew the panel.  Ottawa I am on the good waitlist but very low down and looking at the other threads it seems that it is unlikely since my time stamp is 7:46. 

 

I just feel like this is it and I need to give up but when I think of that I just feel like my life has no motivation, maybe COVID is making things harder too since I am usually a person who likes to keep busy. Also I promised my parents this would be the last time I would apply at least for a while. So idk don't think anything is going to make me feel better for a while. 

Thanks for listening/reading

Don't get discouraged. If medicine is your true love its worth it. Ontario professional schools are more challenging to get in than any other Canadian schools and we all know it's not a fair game so don't think that you are a "failure" by any means if you didn't get in. No one is considered a failure when the game is not set up equally. Keep up with the good work and you will get in somewhere. Most ppl I know who want to do medicine ended up doing it. Good luck

[anonymouspls]

On 5/18/2020 at 8:51 PM, premed24/7 said:

Just needed to rant a little so here it is. 

I have applied three times, first time straight rejected, the second time I had one interview and was waitlisted and this time I got three interviews at Ottawa, Mac and Queens and really thought this was my year, guess that is my fault as nothing is a guarantee but my interviews felt better than last year. I was really thinking I was going to do it this time and all the pain and sacrifice would be worth it.

 

However, I have been waitlisted for all three and I'm devastated 

The last two times I was sad that I didn't get in but was able to pick myself up and focus on the next cycle with some motivation and determination. This time I feel like my soul has been sucked out of me.

I feel like an idiot to think I could get in and makes it worse a bunch of people I know have gotten in. 

 

I didn't think my interviews went badly, Queens I actually thought I did great with the MMI but I guess I blew the panel.  Ottawa I am on the good waitlist but very low down and looking at the other threads it seems that it is unlikely since my time stamp is 7:46. 

 

I just feel like this is it and I need to give up but when I think of that I just feel like my life has no motivation, maybe COVID is making things harder too since I am usually a person who likes to keep busy. Also I promised my parents this would be the last time I would apply at least for a while. So idk don't think anything is going to make me feel better for a while. 

Thanks for listening/reading

I know what it feels like to be lost, I got rejected the firs time I applied as well, but ultimately don't give up if this is what you want. You're so close. It doesn't matter what you told your parents / other people.

Always remember Med school admissions are a game. Your ability to get into medical school has very little to do with how qualified you are to practice medicine or how good of a doctor you'll be.